Work function on Friday during Lent

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losh14

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I’m posting in “Evangelization” because my primary concern has to do with how I witness my Catholic faith to my coworkers.

We’ve had a successful sales launch and our sales manager would like to take our work team out to lunch next Friday to celebrate. He chose a barbecue place that literally doesn’t have anything on the menu without meat in it (okay, there’s sides but I have celiac disease so I avoid those from this restaurant because they contain gluten). I suggested he move the lunch to another day and he said he’s only available then, so there it remains. My options:

(1) Go, but don’t eat anything. When people ask why, tell them “As a spiritual discipline, I don’t eat meat on Fridays.”
(2) Don’t go, protesting the sales manager’s insensitivity.
(3) Don’t go and just make up an excuse. I’ve been told by my boss that the sales manager would be offended if I didn’t show up because I’d look ungrateful and not like a team player.
(4) Go, eat the sides only, spend the weekend sick.
(5) Ask for a dispensation from my priest to take Saturday as a day of abstention (or even the entire week leading up to Friday), and if one of the other Catholic team members asks “Why are you eating meat?” I can explain the dispensation.

It’s ironic that this place actually advertises being gluten-free (their rubs and sauces are, their sides they buy from a third party and I’ve had problems with their fries before). I’m really not keen to be sick all weekend, and I don’t want to fast in an obvious way - there are evangelicals on the team who like to point out that talking about fasting takes away its merit.

What would be the best way to evangelize? I’m leaning towards just taking a vacation day to avoid the whole mess.
 
(1) Go, but don’t eat anything. When people ask why, tell them “As a spiritual discipline, I don’t eat meat on Fridays.”*

This is a good idea. You’d be fasting while others ate, helping you to remember Christ’s fast in the desert as well as witness to others. If you think you can handle and want to answer questions truthfully, it might be the best idea.

(2) Don’t go, protesting the sales manager’s insensitivity.

Modify this. Ask if he’d consider a change of venue and offer your reasons why honestly and respectfully.

(3) Don’t go and just make up an excuse. I’ve been told by my boss that the sales manager would be offended if I didn’t show up because I’d look ungrateful and not like a team player.

Do not do this. You’d be lying, and you aren’t saving anyone from death or torture in the doing, so it’s not remotely justifiable.

(4) Go, eat the sides only, spend the weekend sick.

Don’t do this either. God doesn’t want you sick. Gluten sucks, I know 😉

(5) Ask for a dispensation from my priest to take Saturday as a day of abstention (or even the entire week leading up to Friday), and if one of the other Catholic team members asks “Why are you eating meat?” I can explain the dispensation.

If there are other Catholic team members, get them to join you in asking for a venue change. Minimally, you should talk with them and see if you can all agree on either fasting through the meal and witnessing to the discipline or asking for a different restaurant.

My 2c.
 
leoncaruthers said:
If there are other Catholic team members, get them to join you in asking for a venue change. Minimally, you should talk with them and see if you can all agree on either fasting through the meal and witnessing to the discipline or asking for a different restaurant.

You could also include any vegetarians in requesting a change of venue.

You could also make noises about a lack of diversity. I work in a very PC environment where diversity is highly valued. So accusing someone of not accepting your aspect of diversity would carry a lot of weight. That may not be true for the OP.
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In any response to the situation, I think it remains critical to be gracious. This is someone offering a gift. What you are responding with should feel less like a “you’re being inconsiderate” and more like “thank you but I cannot accept this because…”.
 
I’d speak with your priest and ask for advice. Otherwise, I agree with leoncaruthers. I think you should go, because to do otherwise would be disrespectful and maybe a bit antagonistic.

I might call the restaurant ahead of time and ask if they have a gluten-free, meatless alternative available–some places may have such an option/substitution that is not always listed on the general menu. Perhaps you could find something acceptable; how about a salad, maybe even a chef salad or similar, from which you could remove any meat? Keep in mind that bacon drippings or dressings with bits of meat are allowed over lettuce (if you cannot order them without for some reason), and meat-based broth, gravies, and sauces may be allowed, as well, if there is no alternative. Of course, if the place offers an acceptable fish, reptile, amphibian, or vegetarian option, even better!

However, if there are no acceptable options, you cannot get the venue changed, and your boss or sales manager would be offended if you didn’t eat anything, don’t be surprised if your priest advises you to go and eat something with meat. If he does so, I would suggest ordering something you will eat, but don’t like as well (it doesn’t need to be something you hate)–in other words, still make it a bit of a sacrifice, but don’t make it obvious. That’s not the point of Lenten abstinence. 😉

I have often heard that there is an exemption for guests in your circumstances, though I cannot find a reliable source, so I don’t know whether it is accurate.
 
Thanks for the thoughts. I’ll consider them prayerfully. I want to offer a few notes.

I know that dispensation has been given in special circumstances - for instance, friends of ours were married during Lent and, with the rehearsal dinner being on a Friday, the priest gave the dispensation so guests could enjoy dinner. It may have helped that the priest was the bride’s uncle, but I’d think that if a priest would give a dispensation (or other canonical allowance) for a wedding during Lent he’d be open to other dispensations as well.

The fish, reptile, amphibian suggestion isn’t too far off - they used to serve gator, but don’t anymore (and that’s not a bad thing at all). Maybe some BBQ shrimp.

This was mentioned - how much of the animal product is allowed? If I order a wilted spinach salad and there’s bacon fat in the dressing, for example, is that problematic? I’d think not - the point of the abstinence is to be a discipline, not to go vegan for the day. We’ll see, things may come up anyway.

Last thing … do any of you know a good gluten-free fish batter? I CANNOT get one to work that will stay on during the frying.
 
I’ll second the recommendation to consult a priest, that’s almost never a bad idea in these circumstances.

I haven’t had any luck with fry batter sans gluten, sadly. I’'m planning to try a salmon loaf this evening made with coconut flour. I’ll post the recipe if it turns out well 🙂
 
This is a celebratory lunch for the good work your team has done. I would definitely go. Perhaps you can call the restaurant ahead of time and tell them your situation. I’m sure they can whip something up for you on the day of the luncheon. Restaurants can be very accommodating during Lent. Yes…please attend. Good Luck! 🙂
 
What ever you do, DON’T eat the sides. This should never be an option.
 
For myself, I would eat some food before the lunch (maybe while in the office, or a snack in the car on the way over), and then abstain from eating anything at the restaurant. People will definitely be wondering why you aren’t eating, and will probably ask. So have an answer ready, something like “I cannot eat anything with gluten, and Catholics have a discipline of abstaining from meat on Fridays of Lent in memory of the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross, so I am unable to eat at this restaurant. But I didn’t want to be left out of the celebration, so I decided to come anyway!” If they worry about your hunger, you could reassure them that you are not being denied the ability to eat any lunch at all, and that you have already made other arrangements for eating your lunch. I think it is best to be honest and straightforward, without worrying about it too much. Once they hear what you say, I bet they will be okay with it, and everyone will just go back to socializing.
 
Could you bring a gluten and meat free lunch and just say it’s a gluten and meat free lunch because of “dietary restrictions?”

At one time it would have been considered impolite to being one’s food, but it happens more and more with regard to disorders, diets, and yes, even fasting. Just try not to bring attention to it.
 
=losh14;11866015]I’m posting in “Evangelization” because my primary concern has to do with how I witness my Catholic faith to my coworkers.
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We’ve had a successful sales launch and our sales manager would like to take our work team out to lunch next Friday to celebrate. He chose a barbecue place that literally doesn’t have anything on the menu without meat in it (okay, there’s sides but I have celiac disease so I avoid those from this restaurant because they contain gluten). I suggested he move the lunch to another day and he said he’s only available then, so there it remains. My options:
Click to expand...
(1) Go, but don’t eat anything. When people ask why, tell them “As a spiritual discipline, I don’t eat meat on Fridays.”
(2) Don’t go, protesting the sales manager’s insensitivity.
(3) Don’t go and just make up an excuse. I’ve been told by my boss that the sales manager would be offended if I didn’t show up because I’d look ungrateful and not like a team player.
(4) Go, eat the sides only, spend the weekend sick.
(5) Ask for a dispensation from my priest to take Saturday as a day of abstention (or even the entire week leading up to Friday), and if one of the other Catholic team members asks “Why are you eating meat?” I can explain the dispensation.
Click to expand...
It’s ironic that this place actually advertises being gluten-free (their rubs and sauces are, their sides they buy from a third party and I’ve had problems with their fries before). I’m really not keen to be sick all weekend, and I don’t want to fast in an obvious way - there are evangelicals on the team who like to point out that talking about fasting takes away its merit.
Click to expand...
What would be the best way to evangelize? I’m leaning towards just taking a vacation day to avoid the whole mess.
Click to expand...
Option #5 is the best listed IMO:)

What about just eating a Salad?🤷

Don’t make TOO big of a deal out of it. BUT do expalin i**f asked **that Fridays in Lent are days when we Catholics give up someting in Gratitude for ALL that God does for us.👍

God Bless you!
Patrick
 
I would go to the luncheon…

I personally would not be angry at your boss for not changing the date or location (there is a lot of people involved and it’s hard to get everyone on the same day etc)

Call the restaurant to see if there is any options for you there…

If there is order that if not then I would have a bite to eat prior to going and just hang out and enjoy everyone’s company. If someone asks just say it lent and I don’t eat meat on Fridays. For the most part when I tell people this they already know… They should understand…

Heck, you can even bring your own lunch to eat with them if you are daring… I know my dh has done this before because we don’t have the funds to go out to lunch with his co workers but they still want his company…
 
losh14 said:
I’m posting in “Evangelization” because my primary concern has to do with how I witness my Catholic faith to my coworkers.

We’ve had a successful sales launch and our sales manager would like to take our work team out to lunch next Friday to celebrate. He chose a barbecue place that literally doesn’t have anything on the menu without meat in it (okay, there’s sides but I have celiac disease so I avoid those from this restaurant because they contain gluten). I suggested he move the lunch to another day and he said he’s only available then, so there it remains. My options:

(1) Go, but don’t eat anything. When people ask why, tell them “As a spiritual discipline, I don’t eat meat on Fridays.”
(2) Don’t go, protesting the sales manager’s insensitivity.
(3) Don’t go and just make up an excuse. I’ve been told by my boss that the sales manager would be offended if I didn’t show up because I’d look ungrateful and not like a team player.
(4) Go, eat the sides only, spend the weekend sick.
(5) Ask for a dispensation from my priest to take Saturday as a day of abstention (or even the entire week leading up to Friday), and if one of the other Catholic team members asks “Why are you eating meat?” I can explain the dispensation.

It’s ironic that this place actually advertises being gluten-free (their rubs and sauces are, their sides they buy from a third party and I’ve had problems with their fries before). I’m really not keen to be sick all weekend, and I don’t want to fast in an obvious way - there are evangelicals on the team who like to point out that talking about fasting takes away its merit.

What would be the best way to evangelize? I’m leaning towards just taking a vacation day to avoid the whole mess.
Click to expand...
Can you bring your own food and tell them you have celiac disease and are on a special diet?
 
Hi losh,

If you know where you are supposed to be going for lunch, is it possible for you to look up the restaurant’s menu on-line? Many restaurants now post their menus on-line. This way, you can take a look ahead of time to see what they are offering on their menus. Maybe you might see something that you will be able to eat?

Some restaurants are now offering gluten-free items on their menus.

As others have suggested, maybe you can order a nice salad? I have seen some really nice salads that are meant to be complete lunch meals, on some lunch menus.

I hope that you will be able to find something to eat and that you will be able to enjoy the luncheon. 🙂
 
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