Worn Out

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rayne89

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Ok, I hope this doesn’t come across as whiny but right now I’m just plain worn out. The pain from the Crohns since I returned to work this week is really awful. I have a Dr. appt next week and I have feeling I’m going to be off of work again because I don’t know I can go on working like this.

Between the pain and the heart issues I’m tired all the time.
Dishes are piled in the sink, the house is cluttered. Hubby helps when he can but right now he has the flu and it’s bad enough dragging his butt to work when he’s sick.

I used to be so much more involved in my daughter extra curricula activities. I don’t want to commit to things knowing I may be sick that day, and truthfully the energy is just not there. We used to go to the park, bike around the neighborhood, go to the nature center. Even a walk around the mall knocks me out now. I’m constantly saying "I can’t, I don’t feel good."or “I can’t I’m too tired.” My daughter’s childhood memories are going be of a mom is was either on the couch or in bed most days.

It’s frustating because it’s like my body has betrayed me. My mind wants to do so much, but physically I just can’t.

I’m sorry I’m having my little pity party. I’m just sitting here looking at my messy house and feeling so frustrated. Thanks for letting me vent. :o
 
That’s OK. You’re entitled. You certainly have posted enough positive inspiring things on here. I’ll remember you in my prayers, Rayne.
 
Rayne, have you considered contacting your parish and asking for help with things like cleaning and cooking? You are sick right now and being Supermom/wife is not a healthy expectation to have for yourself–it’s only adding anxiety.

The Women’s Organization in various parishes I’ve belonged to have all had women who volunteer to come in and help in situations where someone is simply sick and having a tough time. You aren’t supposed to be running around right now and cooking, cleaning and de-cluttering–you need to rest your body. Maybe try calling your parish and just see if they have a ministry to help in these difficult situations?

As for your daughter…she is not going to suddenly erase the memories of the last ten years in which you spent most of your free time riding bikes, going to the park, reading stories, visiting the library, etc. 🙂 You are sick and right now you are teaching her how to be compassionate and how to care for you in the small ways we must all care for one another. This lesson is just as important as learning how to enjoy life and all the fun things we have available to us.

I’m so sorry you feel so sick and worn out. We are all praying for you and I know that God is going to provide for your needs, whether it’s the heart situation, the Crohn’s or the finances/disability. All of it is taken care of already, the plan just isn’t revealed to you yet. 🙂
 
rayne89–

You don’t sound complainy at all. I was just sitting here complaining to a friend that my daughter missed her bus and her clarinet is broken. Now, THAT"S being a complainer.

I’m so sorry for your troubles. I agree with Abby in that your daughter has so many good memories of your being active and playing with her, that this time of illness won’t overshadow her “fun” memories. I also agree that she is learning a good lesson in compassion. I’ll bet she is helping you and making snacks, and cleaning the house, etc. She probably is happy to do it. I know my kids enjoy helping me when I’m down. It makes them feel good.

I’ll pray for you and your family. I hope that you find the help and support that you need.
 
You can only do, what you can do. No need to be overly anxious or stressed out about it. Or else it’ll only make your health matters worse.

Health problems are often frustrating, espcially when you don’t know when they will flair up. I’ll keep you in my prayers, and most definatly I have my own problems too, so hopefully you’ll keep me in your prayers too.
 
Thankyou all for your prayers! I’m feeling considerably better this morning. I think I was stressing out cause the pain was so bad yesteday that even the pain meds weren’t helping. I worked again yesterday and I had to leave early. When you’re in alot of pain you can easily lose your perspective.

Right now the pain is barely there so your prayers must be working because when I worked Monday the next day I felt like I got ran over by a truck. I actually slept good last night. And it’s a beautiful sunny morning and we have not seen sunshine in weeks.

I have dear friends that have helped before with cleaning when I was sick, and recently have brought over groceries. They ask all the time let them know if I need anything but I guess my pride gets in the way of asking. So instead I come hear and whine:rolleyes: . Hopefully hubby will be feeling better soon and by the end of the weekend we can get this place in semi-decent order. He doesn’t work today because they work 10 hours a day so when there’s no overtime he has a 3 day weekend.

My daughter is in that 'tween stage where sometimes she wants to be very helpful and sometimes she’s an eyerolling, dramatic preteen. Truthfully I know she worries about me because I’m sick alot and I don’t want to keep reminder her “mommy is sick and needs help”, I’m trying to keep her childhood as normal as possible under the circumstances.

Last weekend hubby and I (and daughter helped) made some meals and froze them so we have some easy dinners on hand. I have one of the cook once a month cook books.

Thankyou all for your kind words of encouragement and prayers, I will keep you all in my prayers as well. God Bless.
 
Hi Rayne,

I am so sorry to hear that your Crohns is acting up. After your reading your post, I can totally relate to the house not being clean or errands being done due to being in extreme pain. Have you tried a heating pad or one of those thermacare wraps for the back and then just moving the heating disks to your abdomen. I’ve worn them several times even at bedtime and it helped.

Since my stroke, I only do what I can and the other stuff can wait. I don’t do my entire house like I use to. I will take 1 room a day so I don’t overdo it. When my DH had his part-time watch business at home, I was the office manager as well as taking care of the house and my 4-legged child w/fur. (Ike, my basset)How I loved keeping busy. Now that he only works full time & closed up the watch business to take care of me, all I have is my volunteer work and taking care of him,the hound, & house. Guess it’s God’s way of telling me to slow down.

So don’t worry if things don’t get done. Your well being is more important. Rest if you have to. It’s your body’s way of telling you that you need to take care of you.

:blessyou:

you are in my prayers,
Lisa
 
hi rayne,

I was thinking about you this weekend while at church. I hope you are feeling well.

Could you and anyone else please pray for me this week. I have an MRV this week to see if the blood clot on my brain is getting smaller, then I see the neurosurgeon right after and then in the afternoon I am consulting with an attorney regading my disability b/c the case worker was very unprofessional towards me a few wks. ago and is refusing to go by the book…long story. DH lost his father the week before Thanksgiving so that was very emotional/stressful and then when she called it was the icing on the cake.

I just want to regain my health w/o being treated like dirt.

Thank you all in advance.

:blessyou:

Lisa
 
Prayers for the both of you, and all the folks who have the very real and hard to detect Chron’s.
 
Absolutely I will be praying for you. I’m sorry you’re going through such stress right now.

I had a good day on Saturday which gave me some encouragement. But woke up early Sunday morning with very strong abodominal pain. It hasn’t subsided, it gets a little better for a couple hours and then it gets bad again. My Dr. appt is tomorrow and I have afeeling I won’t be returning to work for a while.

My condolences on the loss of your father in law. I will pray for your health and a good outcome for your medical tests and disability claim. God Bless.
 
Rayne, honey, please let us know how your doctor’s appointment turns out.

I’m so sorry that you are feeling cruddy. If I lived near you, I’d be there like a shot to help you out!
 
Mom of one:
Rayne, honey, please let us know how your doctor’s appointment turns out.

I’m so sorry that you are feeling cruddy. If I lived near you, I’d be there like a shot to help you out!
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Thanks so much, that’s very sweet.

I just do what I can and what I can’t do will have to wait. Hubby’s been helping some - he did the dishes before leaving for work today-yeah! (every little bit helps 🙂 ).

I’ll keep ya’ll updated on how things are going. That’s so much for your concern. God Bless!
 
Rayne… my brother was diagnosed almost 15 years ago with Ulcerative Colitis, which is very similar to what you have. He spent many miserable days, and years, was on steroids… went through major depression.

So, first, what you are experiencing emotionally and physically is normal when your body is in a diseased state. You should not push yourself with all sorts of expectations on what you “should” be doing. I’ve learned this lesson well over the last five months as a newlywed with a broken ankle… patience is not easily won.

But, also, I’d like to point you to the website www.scdiet.org. I ran across this book that the website is based around and bought it, and this has helped my brother 100%. Today he’s very productive and controls his symptoms without any medication. Honestly, it changed his life-- he was so depressed and miserable on the steroids.

His doctors were very skeptical-- they did not subscribe to any sort of “diet” making a difference-- they just wanted to pump him up with drugs. So be wary of doctors when it comes to this family of diseases.

Do your homework, and do your own research.
 
rayne,

You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck with your MD appt. I hope the pain has lessened for you by now.

If you have to be off of work, just concentrate (easier said than done I know) on youself getting better and dont’ worry about the dust bunnies, dishes, or house cleaning.

God Bless,
Lisa
 
Well I went to the Dr. He changed me to a different drug and he said he thought going on disability was a good idea. I was going to try to go in to work today and the just tell them to leave me off the schedule (indefinitely) from this point on. But laying in bed this morning I just couldn’t do another day of being in major pain for 5 hours. So I called off. My manager sounded crabby but he’s usually very understanding so he may just be having a bad day. They really have been trying to work with me, I feel bad.

I also feel guilty because I know we need the money. I talked to my husband this morning and he said sure we need the money but he’d rather not have the money then see me in pain all the time. I pray that overtime resumes at my hubby’s work soon. That would be such a huge relief. But either way I know God will provide. Now I need to get moving on the disabilty thing.

Thank you all for prayers! God Bless!
 
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1ke:
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But, also, I’d like to point you to the website www.scdiet.org. I ran across this book that the website is based around and bought it, and this has helped my brother 100%. Today he’s very productive and controls his symptoms without any medication. Honestly, it changed his life-- he was so depressed and miserable on the steroids.
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The website looks very interesting, I will look into it further. Thankyou very much!
 
hi rayne,

just wanted to see how you are doing.

I got the results of my scan, the clot hasn’t gotten any smaller, no change really. The neurosurgeon told me that all I can do for now is exercise and take care of myself since I can’t be on blood thinners.

Then I hired an attorney for my disability and was informed that if I volunteer for CCFA ( I do PR–faxing releases, typing PSAs, phone calls etc.)it will hurt my case big time b/c then the judge will say that I can work. The only thing I can do is go to their meetings for support but that’s it. I can’t even run my ostomy group meetings!! I thrive on helping ppl and I can’t even do that until this nightmare is over with. The system stinks so be prepared for a fight. Oh, and they will try to get you going so you’ll want to quit and give up. My advice is DON’T GIVE UP and don’t give in. Stick with it and make sure (this can’t be stressed enough) copy everything you send to SSDBL. You will need in for future reference.

God Bless,
Lisa
 
Thank you Lisa. I will continue to pray for you health. It must be scary to know you have a blood clot in your brain. I am on blood thinners for my heart because I have episodes of atrial fibrilation.

I feel considerably better since I haven’t been going to work. The pain is much better. I just can’t stand or walk for extensive periods. I have to go up to my work and talk to my manager. I’m hoping maybe to get a medical leave of absence. It’s scary for me not to have a job. My husband’s shop just announced a wage freeze. Both companies I’ve worked for that have had wage freezes went under. The job market is so bad here right now. My biggest concern is health insurance. Last time when my husband was laid off our cobra payment was over $700 a month. I can not let our insurance lag even a day or the insurance company can deny covering me for a pre-exhisting condition.

I plan to put up a fight even though I don’t have much energy physically or mentally for it. There aren’t other options except my husband getting a second job (if he could find one). And I would absolutely hate that. Being together as a family is so important to me. We would never see him and he would be exhausted.

Thankyou for encouragement and information. You are in my prayers. God Bless!
 
hi rayne,

I just wanted to share this with you. I just bought a book on the CCFA site Know Your Right: A Handbook for Patients with Chronic Illness Special Edition for ppl with CD and UC written by j. Caff Equ. This attorney has CD and is selling the book on the CCFA site to help those dealing with disability. There are sample letters for each state, and lots more.

It’s cheaper to buy if you are a member of a local chapter.
So when you have to apply, this can help you. She has an address, phone, and email where you can contact her on the back of the book if you have questions.

I hope you have a pain free day back to work and know that a “crohnie’s gotta do what a crohnie’s gotta do”.
You are in my prayers.

:blessyou:

Lisa
 
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