Worried about my mom...

[Heather07]

I just got off the phone with my mom and we got into this convorsation that kind of blew in the wrong direction…ok heres the problem…my mom is a Catholic who got married in the Church and then had me and then her and my dad got divorced for whatever reason and then she got remarried in a Protestant church and refused to get an annullment for her first marriage because she did not want me to be considered a “bastard” illegitimate child…now she is a fallen away Catholic and seems to think she is a Baptist now though she claims that she believes everything the Church teaches, she prefers Protestantism and that her relationship with God is very personal…I am currently in the RCIA process and I learned that a Catholic who remarries without getting an annullment is committing adultery…I told her I was worried about her but she says she is ok because God knows her heart and that she is not “attentionally” committing adultery…as if to justify her situation…she told me that she refused to put it down on paper that she had me out of holy wedlock when she really didn’t…she thinks that getting an anullment would be telling a lie and she doesn’t like the fact that the Church is backing her into a corner this way…if she annulls then its like saying she had me outside of marriage which is a sin and if she doesn’t, then shes committing adultery which is also a sin. She doesn’t know what to do and I have a strong feeling thats why she left the Church…if anyone has any advice on what I can tell her please help…I am very worried about her but she doesn’t seem to understand…since she is a Catholic and claims to understand all of the Church’s teachings, what she is doing doesn’t make much sense to me…any advice? She told me she would reconsider her Faith if she could figure out some way around this issue that she believes is impossible…Thank you!

Heather

 

[mercygate]

Heather07:

I just got off the phone with my mom and we got into this convorsation that kind of blew in the wrong direction…ok heres the problem…my mom is a Catholic who got married in the Church and then had me and then her and my dad got divorced for whatever reason and then she got remarried in a Protestant church and refused to get an annullment for her first marriage because she did not want me to be considered a “bastard” illegitimate child…now she is a fallen away Catholic and seems to think she is a Baptist now though she claims that she believes everything the Church teaches, she prefers Protestantism and that her relationship with God is very personal…I am currently in the RCIA process and I learned that a Catholic who remarries without getting an annullment is committing adultery…I told her I was worried about her but she says she is ok because God knows her heart and that she is not “attentionally” committing adultery…as if to justify her situation…she told me that she refused to put it down on paper that she had me out of holy wedlock when she really didn’t…she thinks that getting an anullment would be telling a lie and she doesn’t like the fact that the Church is backing her into a corner this way…if she annulls then its like saying she had me outside of marriage which is a sin and if she doesn’t, then shes committing adultery which is also a sin. She doesn’t know what to do and I have a strong feeling thats why she left the Church…if anyone has any advice on what I can tell her please help…I am very worried about her but she doesn’t seem to understand…since she is a Catholic and claims to understand all of the Church’s teachings, what she is doing doesn’t make much sense to me…any advice? She told me she would reconsider her Faith if she could figure out some way around this issue that she believes is impossible…Thank you!

Heather

An annulment does NOT mean you were conceived out of wedlock! Check this with a priest. It is one of the most common misconceptions people have.

However, even if your Mom comes to understand this, I would not be optimistic that she will seek an annulment or take steps to regularize the marriage. To do so would require returning to the practice of the Catholic Faith. Doesn’t sound like she’s quite there at this point.

 

[rayne89]

***QUESTION: ****Will my children be illegitimate if my marriage is annulled? **** Answer: NO! This is a grave misconception. The marital status of the parents does not affect the status of the children. All children are created in God’s image and have equal status in the church. Neither civil law nor church law considers the children of an annulled marriage illegitimate. Nor does the annulment imply that the children were not the fruit of a genuine human love. Annulment is simply a decision on the circumstances surrounding a marriage that could prevent that marriage from being a sacramental marriage. *stdanielclarkston.org/annulmnt.htm

A Catholic Annulment should not be confused with a legal “annulment”. A Catholic Annulment deals with the Sacramental character of the marriage and is sanctioned by the Marriage Tribunal of the Archdiocese. A legal “annulment” deals with fraud, deception or misrepresentation by one of the individuals in the marriage and the union of both is invalidated by a petition in a civil court. Also important to note, a* Catholic Annulment does not say there was never a marriage or that children born of the union are illegitimate.** If an Annulment is granted, the individual would be free to marry within the Catholic Church.*

nearhome.com/ct/easthaven/churches/stclare/annul.html

 

[byHisGrace]

Heather07:

I just got off the phone with my mom and we got into this convorsation that kind of blew in the wrong direction…ok heres the problem…my mom is a Catholic who got married in the Church and then had me and then her and my dad got divorced for whatever reason and then she got remarried in a Protestant church and refused to get an annullment for her first marriage because she did not want me to be considered a “bastard” illegitimate child…now she is a fallen away Catholic and seems to think she is a Baptist now though she claims that she believes everything the Church teaches, she prefers Protestantism and that her relationship with God is very personal…I am currently in the RCIA process and I learned that a Catholic who remarries without getting an annullment is committing adultery…I told her I was worried about her but she says she is ok because God knows her heart and that she is not “attentionally” committing adultery…as if to justify her situation…she told me that she refused to put it down on paper that she had me out of holy wedlock when she really didn’t…she thinks that getting an anullment would be telling a lie and she doesn’t like the fact that the Church is backing her into a corner this way…if she annulls then its like saying she had me outside of marriage which is a sin and if she doesn’t, then shes committing adultery which is also a sin. She doesn’t know what to do and I have a strong feeling thats why she left the Church…if anyone has any advice on what I can tell her please help…I am very worried about her but she doesn’t seem to understand…since she is a Catholic and claims to understand all of the Church’s teachings, what she is doing doesn’t make much sense to me…any advice? She told me she would reconsider her Faith if she could figure out some way around this issue that she believes is impossible…Thank you!

Heather

Heather, first of all, congratulations on RCIA! I was much like your mom, in my misunderstanding of what an annulment actually was. In my case, I spent years wandering lost in sin because of the “rules” of the Church. I was wrong, very wrong. But, by God’s grace, and the prayers of those around me, I was led back to the Church and fell in love with what it really taught. Your mom probably carries a lot of hurt and pain, and speaking from experience, its easy to lash out, or to redefine for yourself what you want to believe to avoid what the Church teaches. I agree with the earlier responses to you on this and would ask you to see this as a wonderful opportunity. If your mom comes back to the Church it will be because of God’s grace and your love for her. Be Jesus to her in every encounter, and through your witness and example, and God’s love, she’ll be able to find a way. Don’t give up! It took me years to be reunited with my Lord in the Eucharist. God WILL answer your prayers!
May you be blessed!

 

[Mom_of_5]

Heather,

I suggest you get material on annulments that explains it in detail. there is quite a lot on the internet and even at Catholic Answers. Have her read this if she will, then invite her to talk to a priest. Your mom is afraid of confession. She is making all kinds of excuses in her mind not to be Catholic. Help her if you can. It will be her decision.

Love and peace

Mom of 5