Worried about my son's choice in a girlfriend

[patb56]

My son is 21 and his girlfriend 20. They met on the internet dating. When they started to date she had no job and was living with a girlfriend. She lied about being kick out of her parents house. Moved in with my son after only 6 weeks. Still no job and living off my son. My sons friends didn’t like her but put up with her. A lot of lieing from my son to defend her. She is a drama queen and manipulative. Her parents confirmed this to us. When I confronted her about her intentions she had herself engaged to him within 2 weeks. My son has lost his best friend over this relationship. They have been living together for 4 months now and planning a wedding in August. I think it’s all her planning and pushing and he is just going along with it. She does know that we don’t Love her but we are trying to be supportive of my son and her to see what it is he likes in her. So far it’s not clear. She has a large medical bill and has been in the hospital 3 times since he has known her for asthma. I’m hoping that someday he will get tired of supporting her. His credit is going down because he is late on bills. We have the bill collectors calling here. I could go on an on. What do we do as parents.

 

[Lifeisamazing]

Is your son Catholic? Girlfriend Catholic? If so, planning to get married in the Catholic Church? I am guessing no to atleast the last question. (If yes, then pre-marriage counseling that is mandatory may help.)

As a parent to a now adult child, I would say you have a balancing act to strike. You do not have to fake any support for something you see as irresponsible, but it is simply not your decision to make.

Ask him when a good time to come by for dinner alone would be, and have one private sit down (mom, dad, and son). Tell him calmly, and with emotions in check, that you will need him to quietly listen. I would say something like, "I want you to know that we love you very much. Getting married is your decision to make. We have seen some things we are concerned about regarding your upcoming marriage, and we would like to express those concerns clearly and only once. You do not have to explain yourself or her to us, we are just asking you to listen and that is all. As your parents, we just need to know that you are going into this aware. Okay?

If he says no to listening to you, well, that is his choice Let it go.

 

[kage_ar]

Steve Wood and his Faith and Family is a great resource.

Yesterday’s program was 13 Big Mistakes To Avoid In Preparing Your Children For Marriage, for a few days it will be available online familylifecenter.net/faithfamilyradio.asp

He also has some good books that you and your son may appreciate.

 

[Ame]

Ask him when a good time to come by for dinner alone would be, and have one private sit down (mom, dad, and son). Tell him calmly, and with emotions in check, that you will need him to quietly listen. I would say something like, "I want you to know that we love you very much. Getting married is your decision to make. We have seen some things we are concerned about regarding your upcoming marriage, and we would like to express those concerns clearly and only once. You do not have to explain yourself or her to us, we are just asking you to listen and that is all. As your parents, we just need to know that you are going into this aware. Okay?

If he says no to listening to you, well, that is his choice Let it go.

The advice quoted above is EXCELLENT!! It is so important that you approach your son in a calm and loving way. While they are dating, you have every right to lovingly voice you concerns at the right time (not infront of other people). If they do get married, remember that she will be your DAUGHTER-in-law. At that point, you must do all you can to help her. My mother-in-law refuses to help my sister-in-law. All she wants to do is talk about her behind her back and turn everyone in the family against her. Now that this woman is her DAUGHTER-in-law, it is time for her to reach out to her and help her. My mother-in-law NEVER voiced her concerns to her son before he married this woman. Please, let your son know how you feel. Once they are married, let HER know how you feel and pray, pray, pray for God to give you the words for these conversations. Do not sit by and expect the situation to go away.