Would this be a sin?

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Vivat_Christus

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Forgive me if this is in the wrong area of the forum, but I need some help. I’ve been dealing with same-sex attraction, and my priest wants me to read a book he has on reparative/conversion therapy. I don’t have my license yet and my mom doesn’t know I’ve been dealing with this, so he couldn’t really give it to me in confession w/o her seeing it. At my last confession, for my penance he told me to pray a rosary, but as I was leaving he told me if there was an opportunity for me to get the book w/o my mom there to let him know. I believe it was after absolution.

This Wednesday my mom will be dropping me off for Mass and an apologetics class my parish offers, so I could get it from him and hide it in my folder I use for notes. However, a few confessions ago my priest gave me a book about patience to read, and I cleared the Imitation of Christ with him for my penance. I haven’t read a whole lot of it yet. Also: reparative therapy seems… controversial. I’m not denying that it works for some people, but if it’s something I would want to pursue its not really anything I could do at this age anyway.

My question: would it be a sin for me not to get the book from him? I feel like it would be disrespecting/disobeying my priest if I weren’t to tell him I could get the book from him. I’m not asking if it’s a sin not to do your penance: if he were to explicitly perscribe it to me, I would read it, he tried to give it to me another confession but I told him my mom doesn’t know, I can’t drive, etc., and he said that it’s fine and he doesn’t want to make it hard on me. But I think he wants me to read the book for my own good. Thoughts? I apologize if I’m being scrupulous. Thanks everyone 🙂
 
If you don’t want the book, tell your confessor that you don’t want it and why you don’t want it.
 
Vivat_Christus said:
Forgive me if this is in the wrong area of the forum, but I need some help. I’ve been dealing with same-sex attraction, and my priest wants me to read a book he has on reparative/conversion therapy. I don’t have my license yet and my mom doesn’t know I’ve been dealing with this, so he couldn’t really give it to me in confession w/o her seeing it. At my last confession, for my penance he told me to pray a rosary, but as I was leaving he told me if there was an opportunity for me to get the book w/o my mom there to let him know. I believe it was after absolution.

This Wednesday my mom will be dropping me off for Mass and an apologetics class my parish offers, so I could get it from him and hide it in my folder I use for notes. However, a few confessions ago my priest gave me a book about patience to read, and I cleared the Imitation of Christ with him for my penance. I haven’t read a whole lot of it yet. Also: reparative therapy seems… controversial. I’m not denying that it works for some people, but if it’s something I would want to pursue its not really anything I could do at this age anyway.

My question: would it be a sin for me not to get the book from him? I feel like it would be disrespecting/disobeying my priest if I weren’t to tell him I could get the book from him. I’m not asking if it’s a sin not to do your penance: if he were to explicitly perscribe it to me, I would read it, he tried to give it to me another confession but I told him my mom doesn’t know, I can’t drive, etc., and he said that it’s fine and he doesn’t want to make it hard on me. But I think he wants me to read the book for my own good. Thoughts? I apologize if I’m being scrupulous. Thanks everyone 🙂
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Sounds like it was a suggestion. It doesn’t look like a sin if you don’t get the book.
 
The Catholic Church doesn’t necessitate conversion therapy in response to homosexuality. I’m pretty sure in most cases it either doesn’t have an opinion or advises against it entirely. Someone quote me if I’m wrong, but in any case the Church neither asks nor requires SSA Catholics to “become straight.” Trust me when I say there are a lot of Catholics on here who struggle with SSA, it’s not as if you’re alone here, though it can frequently feel like it.

If anything, I would explain that, currently at least, conversion therapy isn’t really an avenue you can look into. I am pretty sure the Church doesn’t forbid it either, but it is essential that if it’s something you decide to go through, it must be your own choice. I consider it irresponsible and immoral to force it upon someone.

Also, if you don’t even have your license, I wouldn’t worry so much about this. I get not wanting your mom to know about what’s going on. If it’s that much of a concern, I would politely explain that you’re unable to accept the book at this time and ask that the priest keep you in his prayers for now. You’re still developing physiologically, mentally, and emotionally. Obviously don’t give into any temptations, but don’t beat yourself up over this.
 
Thanks Confiteor and Robert. I can get really scrupulous, so I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut 👍
 
Kurisu35712 said:
The Catholic Church doesn’t necessitate conversion therapy in response to homosexuality. I’m pretty sure in most cases it either doesn’t have an opinion or advises against it entirely. Someone quote me if I’m wrong, but in any case the Church neither asks nor requires SSA Catholics to “become straight.” Trust me when I say there are a lot of Catholics on here who struggle with SSA, it’s not as if you’re alone here, though it can frequently feel like it.

If anything, I would explain that, currently at least, conversion therapy isn’t really an avenue you can look into. I am pretty sure the Church doesn’t forbid it either, but it is essential that if it’s something you decide to go through, it must be your own choice. I consider it irresponsible and immoral to force it upon someone.

Also, if you don’t even have your license, I wouldn’t worry so much about this. I get not wanting your mom to know about what’s going on. If it’s that much of a concern, I would politely explain that you’re unable to accept the book at this time and ask that the priest keep you in his prayers for now. You’re still developing physiologically, mentally, and emotionally. Obviously don’t give into any temptations, but don’t beat yourself up over this.
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To clarify, I’m not saying that this priest is forcing conversion therapy on you or anything like that. I’m just emphasizing that such a decision needs to be made carefully and without coercion. From what it sounds like, right now is an inopportune time for such a book since you’re so worried about your mom finding it. I would tell him something to that effect if accepting the book is difficult.
 
Don’t let scrupulosity take over. It is a real curse and very hard to shake. You are young and are trying to come to terms with an attraction that you feel you need kept from your family. We are all to blame for this fear as we treat these feelings as a disease that can be cured, prayed over etc. Many young people go through this issue and come out with some sexual clarity at the end. The gay lobby does no one any good in politicizing it and demanding ‘rights’ etc.

Pray, do the penance your priest has given you and consider having a chat to your parents. We all, in our time, believed that they would be outraged, never accept that you are having a problem, condemn you and every horror under the sun. This is something you must discern for yourself, as you know your parents. However, if you had them on side with you, it would be easier to discuss and bring the issue to the daylight.

None of this helps a young man beset with scruples. Catholics tend to be a tad judgmental in this issue. You do no wrong if you don’t read a book. You could probably learn as much on the web, but it is a murky research tool.
Don’t overthink emotions. Live your life to the full and have fun. I would put these feelings in the same basket as a man attracted to another’s wife. If you don’t act on the attraction, no harm done. If we stopped judging the thoughts of others and concentrated on our own we would all be happier. Pray and give God a go.
 
You have already been given some wonderful advice but I’d like to add that you sound like an amazing young man reaching out to the Church for assistance and also making sure your mom does not see this before you’d like to discuss things with her.

I agree wholehearetedly that to speak honestly with your priest is good advice. That you don’t want your mother to see the book and/or that’s not the avenue you’d like to take, reparative therapy.

May God bless you abundantly and may you find courage and strength in our Lord Jesus Christ

Feel not alone, we all struggle with something and you are not alone as noted with your SSA issues.

Mary.
 
Thank you so much to everyone. I’ve been helped a lot by the people of CAF with scrupulosity, SSA and other things. Prayers are appreciated, as I’m praying for all of you.
 
I commend you for caring about what your priest says. So many people couldn’t care less. But you do, and I’m sure it’s because you love Jesus enough to listen to his representative.

It seems that the priest is offering you a suggestion for what might be helpful to you. It’s not something that’s really a command of sorts to obey or not. Therefore, it would not be sinful to refrain from following his advice, so long as you are doing so with the right intentions—i.e., we could not avoid doing something that we knew would make it extremely difficult to continue committing a cherished sin. It’s not as if reading this book will solve all of your problems, but you want to keep your problems and so you refuse to read it. You’re just not sure, it would appear, how helpful this book will be. Moreover, there’s this issue of your mother. You’re making a judgment call based on what you think is a wise choice.

Now, I’m just thinking out loud here, but why is it that your mother shouldn’t know about this? Is there some reason to believe that her knowing would be incredibly damaging?

I don’t know anything about how priests handle these situations, and maybe it’s common practice, and perfectly moral, to keep things like this hidden. But it seems a bit like lying, no? Do the parents really have no right to this information? I’d be interested in your thoughts.
 
AttendeDomine said:
I commend you for caring about what your priest says. So many people couldn’t care less. But you do, and I’m sure it’s because you love Jesus enough to listen to his representative.

It seems that the priest is offering you a suggestion for what might be helpful to you. It’s not something that’s really a command of sorts to obey or not. Therefore, it would not be sinful to refrain from following his advice, so long as you are doing so with the right intentions—i.e., we could not avoid doing something that we knew would make it extremely difficult to continue committing a cherished sin. It’s not as if reading this book will solve all of your problems, but you want to keep your problems and so you refuse to read it. You’re just not sure, it would appear, how helpful this book will be. Moreover, there’s this issue of your mother. You’re making a judgment call based on what you think is a wise choice.

Now, I’m just thinking out loud here, but why is it that your mother shouldn’t know about this? Is there some reason to believe that her knowing would be incredibly damaging?

I don’t know anything about how priests handle these situations, and maybe it’s common practice, and perfectly moral, to keep things like this hidden. But it seems a bit like lying, no? Do the parents really have no right to this information? I’d be interested in your thoughts.
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Thanks, Attende. I don’t believe not telling my mom is lying… my confessor didn’t say that it’s a lie/a sin to keep it from my parents when I mentioned to him that they don’t know. Plus, I don’t really think it’s necessary to tell my parents about sexual sins I’m struggling with :rolleyes:
 
… Now I’m wondering: am I sinning by not telling parents? Of course they’ve never asked me, “Are you dealing with same-sex attraction?” so it’s not like I’ve lied to their faces about it. But is there anything wrong with wanting me to keep it between me, my confessor and God?
 
Vivat_Christus said:
… Now I’m wondering: am I sinning by not telling parents? Of course they’ve never asked me, “Are you dealing with same-sex attraction?” so it’s not like I’ve lied to their faces about it. But is there anything wrong with wanting me to keep it between me, my confessor and God?
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Slap around the head! No sin. Keep this between you and God through your confessor for as long as you feel comfortable. If you believe you could raise the issue without World War 111 then do so at the appropriate time. But there is nothing wrong with working out your sexuality on your own terms and in your own time. Pray to God as He sees everything you are and loves you. We build a lot of guilt into our relationship with God, but I believe it is very one sided. This is the very point our Pontiff is trying to get across to the Church. God loves, understands, forgives and saves His creation. Do not let scruples cloud your sonship with God. Get out and enjoy life otherwise you will start walking inside the cracks on the pavement and obsessions will take over.
 
I was really praying and thinking about it last night and I couldn’t really see why or how it would be a sin. Thanks, Petaro 👍
 
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