Would West be Better Off with Arranged Marriages?

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Tommy999

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My wife has been watching a Netflix series called Indian Matchmaking. From my perspective, the show in a nutshell is a lady from India runs a service that tries to connect a prospective couple together who are both interested in marriage. In addition to matching them based on mutual interests and other criteria similar to a traditional dating service, each family (parents, siblings, and sometimes close friends of the prospective couple) meet and interview the other person to form an opinion on whether the person would be an appropriate spouse for their loved one. In some cases, the mothers appear to play a large role in the final decision to marry a certain person, as much or more so than the actual couple.

If either side doesn’t think the relationship would work out, they nix it immediately and move on to other possibilities.

Question:
In light of high divorce rates in Western countries like the USA, do you think marriages in Western societies would be more successful under such an arranged marriage format or is such an approach un-Christian and/or doomed to fail in Western society?

Just curious what others think about this.
 
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Didn’t men used to ask a father’s permission to marry his daughter?

There is probably something to be said in favor of a parent’s (name removed by moderator)ut or permission before a marriage. The Catholic Church encourages Catholics to marry other Catholics, so shouldn’t a parent also have some influence in that space?
 
You mean like…

Catholic Yenta?

:grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.cat...mp/news/catholic-dating-gets-a-makeover-53313

Real talk I think this is one of those areas of life that is complex not simple. Western culture got where it is by certain organic processes over time, I think it’ll have to keep adapting organically.

By all means individuals or groups can try to introduce matchmaking services like this Catholic Yenta thing — but I don’t realistically see any top-down imposition of one new ‘way’ for westerners to do anything.

Rather, if certain things aren’t working right now, folks will try new things. Those new things that work will continue, and those that don’t work won’t.

But I don’t think you can suddenly sew a cultural norm from one culture into a totally different culture, and expect that to go smoothly. I’d expect a bunch of fray for a bunch of reasons, unless those corners of the quilt were planned out really meticulously.

And in general I try to figure out the action plan appropriate to any topic worth talking about. In this case: what can I, as an individual, actually do about contemporary dating and romance trends in the west? In reality this will probably be very local and personal and related to how I choose to conduct myself in my own relationships. It’s not as if anyone’s proposing (I hope) to set some government-enforced policy requiring parental intervention or approval in romance.
 
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1Lord1Faith said:
so shouldn’t a parent also have some influence in that space?
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No.

While someone may value a parents advice or opinion, a parent has no right to say who their adult child should or shouldn’t marry. They should trust their parenting that they have taught their children by example who they should or should not marry.
 
Tommy999 said:
do you think marriages in Western societies would be more successful under such an arranged marriage format
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No. How about people who don’t want to get married for whatever reason? should they only because their parents/family want them to? I know an Indian person in just such a situation. It is wrong to coerce people into marriage.
 
I think if instituted it would lead to a lot of invalid marriages
 
It would probably work out about as well as it did in “Fiddler on the Roof”.
As I recall, there was a 1/4 chance of a good long arranged marriage.
 
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Yeah, I didn’t like or approve of the astrological aspect at all (against my faith) but was more curious about family involvement aspect.

It almost reminded me of ‘Meet the Press’ with each family grilling (albeit politely) the prospective spouse of their loved one.

I see positive aspects in that approach from the standpoint that others may see areas of concern that are not seen by their loved one who is seeking marriage, but that is the main positive I saw in it.

In my case (back in the day), after a few dates with my girlfriend who would later become my beloved spouse, we went out to a restaurant and just so happened 😀 to run into a couple of her closest friends who were at the same restaurant. Of course, they came over for a few minutes to chat, which later my wife admitted was to get their opinion on me.

Apparently it worked out fine and I passed. their collective test.

As for my family, they lived 1000 miles away and only got to talk with my girlfriend/fiancé on the phone a few times, and only met her in person the day before the wedding. They trusted my judgement and we just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary.
 
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Wow, I didn’t realize only one-fourth of arranged marriages were successful. I was under the impression that societies that did that had less divorce and (generally) more stable marriages, although the impression I got was that they were more like “business arrangements” rather than based on true love as perceived in Western societies.
 
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Just curious why such a marriage would be invalid, provided it was two Catholics who just happened to meet via a so-called “matchmaker” and used that as a springboard to a mutually consensual relationship and marriage?

Isn’t that kind of what dating services do today, except for a hired personal matchmaker?
 
No no I’m saying if two people were forced to marry and during the ceremony didn’t want to it would be coerced and not valid. That’s why the Church doesn’t recognize shotgun weddings.
 
Oh, Ok. Got it. Makes perfect sense now. Sorry I misunderstood you.
 
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Tommy999 said:
Wow, I didn’t realize only one-fourth of arranged marriages were successful.
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I was referring to Fiddler on the Roof’s outcome, not actual percentages. Of the four couples in Tevye’s immediate family, the only successful arranged marriage is him and his wife.

I am sure that in cultures with arranged marriages, many of them are “successful” in that the couple do not get divorced. This may be because the couple are happy with the marriage (and I have both known, and known of, couples who are), but it may also be that divorce is not considered a viable option in their culture, or because there are not good options for wives who separate from their husbands.
 
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Tommy999 said:
In light of high divorce rates in Western countries like the USA, do you think marriages in Western societies would be more successful under such an arranged marriage format or is such an approach un-Christian and/or doomed to fail in Western society?

Just curious what others think about this.
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I think it’s a terrible custom.
 
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Arranged? No

Asking for the wife-to-be’s parents for their blessing? Yes

Two completely different things. If a woman’s parents don’t bless it, that does not mean that you cannot proceed in marriage.

In a world dominated in views and ideals that would rather allow humanity to do whatever it wants whenever it wants, we must remember to hold firm in our faith. While natural law goes trod under foot, we are a people of union with Christ, who was, is, and always will be perfect. Since he was perfect and suffered at the hands of sinful men, what makes us think the same won’t be our lot? What makes us think that the true Bride of the Lord will not take up her cross and follow her Lord in crucifixion, death, and thus resurrection?
 
Tis_Bearself said:
was referring to Fiddler on the Roof’s outcome, not actual percentages. Of the four couples in Tevye’s immediate family, the only successful arranged marriage is him and his wife.
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Makes sense now. The problem for me is that I never saw ‘Fiddler on the Roof’, although I’m not sure why, because I’ve always liked, ‘If I were a Rich Man’ song which I think came from that.
 
Lol. Yeah, I think some mothers would do better than others, depending on their ability to discern and depending on whose interests (their child’s or their own) they had in mind.
 
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Dan_Defender said:
It is wrong to coerce people into marriage.
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It won’t be a valid Catholic marriage if the people involved are coerced into the marriage.

In Hinduism, marriage is an obligation. In Catholicism, marriage is a choice.
 
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