Would You Adopt In This Country Given Recent News

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In watching the news lately I have witnessed a senario played out I am sure lots and lots of times in this country… Two married people adopt a baby, raise and love them for 2 or more years, only to have the court system tear the baby from their arms and their hearts from their chest taking the baby, returning it to biological parents or just one parent… How do you feel? It drives me nuts.
 
I saw that Ghost…Really sad.
I don’t know. It certainly makes me think twice…
 
I certainly would not attempt adoption without the services of an attorney experienced in this area, and would only go through a reputable agency. Most of these cases are private adoptions with no oversight and the results are predictable.
 
We went to China twice with this in mind. We adopted right after baby Jessica & baby Richard were taken from their families. My daughters are 5 and 2, I can’t imagine them being taken from me or what it would do to them. I don’t remember where baby Jessica was from but both baby Richard and this baby were adopted in Illinois (where I live). These are just the stories that actually make the news though. I’m sure many adoptions go through without a hitch, but me personally. . . I knew I couldn’t handle it if I wasn’t one of the “lucky” ones.
 
wisdom 3:5:
We went to China twice with this in mind. We adopted right after baby Jessica & baby Richard were taken from their families. My daughters are 5 and 2, I can’t imagine them being taken from me or what it would do to them. I don’t remember where baby Jessica was from but both baby Richard and this baby were adopted in Illinois (where I live). These are just the stories that actually make the news though. I’m sure many adoptions go through without a hitch, but me personally. . . I knew I couldn’t handle it if I wasn’t one of the “lucky” ones.
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i have 7 brothers and sisters… my baby sister returned from China just over a year ago with a precious baby… i couldn’t imagine someone trying to take this baby now… she said the major reason she adopted overseas was to minimize the chance of suffering a broken heart…
 
I find this and similar cases in the news so painful I cannot even watch them. The selfishness of some of the adults involved and ineptitude of the social service agencies and legal system to protect children from this kind of trauma is shameful.

I do believe that these sensational cases represent a fraction of the adoptions in this country. I think they underscore the importance of assuring that parental righs of both biological parents are fully and legally severed withing a very clearly set and limited time frame. It is also one of the reasons I much prefer the adoption procedures followed by Cathoic Charities, for example, which typically does not involve “open” adoptions and contact betwen the biological and adoptive families does not occur after the adoption except through the vehicle of the agency and consent of all parties.
 
Island Oak:
I do believe that these sensational cases represent a fraction of the adoptions in this country. I think they underscore the importance of assuring that parental righs of both biological parents are fully and legally severed withing a very clearly set and limited time frame. It is also one of the reasons I much prefer the adoption procedures followed by Cathoic Charities, for example, which typically does not involve “open” adoptions and contact betwen the biological and adoptive families does not occur after the adoption except through the vehicle of the agency and consent of all parties.
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I think you are right that it is a fraction of the total adoptions, but if you are adopting, you have to decide if you can handle even the small risk. Because if it happens to you, then 100% of your experience is horrendous, regardless of how often it happens overall.

We adopted internationally and were told many times, by people who have no intention of ever adopting, that if they did adopt, they would do it here because there are so many kids that need homes. Well, yes there are, but it is not an easy process, here or internationally and everyone has to do what is best for their family and accept the risks that they personally can live with.

I know our adoption ended up being a two year ordeal and very, very emotionally trying on our whole family. You always hope yours will be one of the smooth cases, one of the faster cases, one with no glitches, but you have to go into it knowing that it may not be.

Blessings,
Nicole
 
I feel that the same answer could be asked “Knowing that you could concieve a child with Down’s Syndrome and them not be on earth very long, would you still take that chance and get pregnant?” I don’t see why the answer would be any different as to adopting a child with the chance of them being removed from your family. It’s about the love - do you want to share it?

I would absolutely want to adopt in this country if my husband would let me! I would love to adopt older children (not teens, but not babies). I can’t imagine going through life without a family, a mom and dad, siblings… If I was to adopt and the biological parent was to come back in their life for some odd reason, I would only hope to put up a good fight for my “legal child”, and only let the courts take them away from me if the parent was able to give them as much love that I could. If they still were to leave me, I would just be glad that I was able to give them what I did have, and hope that I made an imprint on their life. Whether it’s an adoption ripped apart, or losing your own baby to a disease, the pain will be the same. But I would never regret that child coming into my life.
 
I think these cases make the news precicely because they are rare and sensational. I know many people who are looking to adopt are doing so because they cannot have children themselves for various reasons. My heart goes out to them and I really understand why, after all the pain they have already experienced, they want to avoid the risk of more pain.

However, what are the real chances of this happening? Is it greater than the chance that the child will become ill and die or of SIDS or of accidental death? Babies adopted from overseas often have incomplete medical histories and unknown quality of prenatal care. This carries risk too. We can’t protect ourselves nor our families from every possible bad outcome.

Each of these babies in the US has a biological mother that carried that baby and gave birth before giving it up inspite of family, societal and medical pressures to chose other options, including killing the baby before it was born. We always say “adoption, not abortion”. This has to apply to mothers here as well as abroad.

And AirForceMama, I too am working on my husband to agree to adoption of an older child. Good luck!
 
Yes, I would adopt. I would foster parent for awhile first though.
 
The other side of the coin is, the biological mother or father changes their mind early into the adoption. The courts take so long to decide these things it causes heart ache. In the latest case, from what I read, I can be wrong, the father did not know about this child and wanted his child.
The courts took this long to decide who should get the child.
 
I have several family member that have adopted, and the key is to use a lawyer and do everything by the book. You can’t overlook the father, EVER! All the papers need to be signed.
 

You can’t overlook the father, EVER! All the papers need to be signed.​

Exactly. Even though these fathers have been questionable people, they do have a right to their own flesh and blood.
I know this sounds mean as heck but once the adoptive parents KNOW a bio parent is going to fight for the child, why don’t they give the child back to the bio parents???
In the baby Richard case, the father came forward about 3 months after the child was placed with the adoptive parents.
As for the people who abandon their children and then come forwards that’s another case, but the ones who don’t know they have a child~
 
Three months is too long to allow for someone to change their mind. If the father didn’t know the woman was pregnant, that means he didn’t have contact with her for the previous nine months. Unless he was stationed out of the country or on a space mission, how much could he really care about the woman and their child? Please do not tell me some bleeding heart story about some guy who has a one night stand and then the woman never tells him she was pregnant. Welcome to the consequences of immoral behavior.

I agree with others who have said they would use an adoption lawyer or an agency. In my area, Catholic Charities places the infant in a “foster home” while the legal rights of the parents are ironed out. That allows for the mother to change her mind, the father to make his claim, and protects the adoptive parents and child from terrible heartache.

Those who have never walked in the shoes of those of us who long for a child but are not blessed to bear our own can not know the sorrow of our hearts.
 
Would I adopt? I did/we did, and also right after the baby Jessica/baby Richard cases.

What our adoption attorney told us is that in these cases the adoptive families find out relatively soon that there is a problem and choose to keep the child. He recommended to us that if something came up, the best thing to do is surrender the baby immediately because the adoptive parents ALWAYS lose.

I don’t want to come across as unsympathetic to the adoptive parents or child. My own opinion is that the child should stay with the people he or she knows as mom and dad. However, current public sentiment says it’s better to abort your baby than place him or her for adoption. Sad for so many couples.

Cathy
 

What our adoption attorney told us is that in these cases the adoptive families find out relatively soon that there is a problem and choose to keep the child​

Exactly.​

lease do not tell me some bleeding heart story about some guy who has a one night stand and then the woman never tells him she was pregnant. Welcome to the consequences of immoral behavior.
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Whether you like the couple’s behavior or not, is not the point.
The fact that the child is the man’s, biologically, means the father has a right to his child.
 
yeah he has a right. about 3 weeks of an advertisement in a newspaper is about as long as it should be. Most states have some laws about how long it has to be to attempt to find the father. But the moral to the story for adoptive parents is get a good agency or lawyer and follow the law.
 
I absolutely agree with AirForceMama. C.S. Lewis says to love anything is to run the risk of having your heart broken.
Our two foster children were legal risk babies – their mothers had every chance to get their lives together and get their children again, but were unable to, although they tried hard. (They were both very young). Foster adoption is the best thing we’ve ever done.
I know it’s easy to say because our stories turned out well. But I know a couple who adopted a terminally ill child so she would have a family in which to die. That takes courage, but I’m sure they are not sorry for their compassion.
Whenever I look at my children I’m so glad they’re with us and not still in the foster system, shuffled from home to home.We should not avoid giving love to children because it involves a risk on our parts.
 

yeah he has a right. about 3 weeks of an advertisement in a newspaper is about as long as it should be. Most states have some laws about how long it has to be to attempt to find the fathe​

Clearly in two cases there was not that notification. I know it’s upsetting that babies are made in ways you don’t approve of however the father has a right to his child.​

Viki, you are a lovely human being. Bless you.
 
Babies are made the same way as for as I can remember from human reproduction. Yes, I do not approve of the actions of the people involved in conceiving a baby out of wedlock, because it is immoral. How sad for the innocent babies.

But the up side is that if that young child was attached to his “adoptive parents” then he will be able to attach to his new “mom.”

The “father” can try for visitation and the “mother” can get child support. They can work together to make a decent life for “their” child. But will they or was this just a case of “it’s mine and I want it.”
 
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