Would you date someone with sexual past?

[Dolphin]

I’ve posted a few different questions on related topics but it’s something that has really been on my heart recently and something I’ve discussed with people including a Priest somewhat.

When in adoration and daily mass the past few weeks I’ve had the thoughts come to me that no practicing Catholic woman would want to date me and be with me once they find out about my sexual past.

I’ve never had actual sex but I’ve done all other sexual acts countless times over the course of 4 months with the same woman. I’ve confessed these countless times as well and then fell back to them and confessed again.

If I ended up dating this woman which might happen, then my past won’t be an issue but if I end up dating other people, why would a practicing pure Catholic woman want me?

Oftentimes I hear and read from those who are virgins and remained pure how they want someone just like that and as good as I may seem with my faith and all my Catholic stuff I’m involved in which is many on a daily basis, I still have this past.

I know numerous woman who want someone just like me but I’m afraid if they knew of my sexual past they would realize I’m not good enough for them or something.

Like I said, I’ve discussed this with multiple people including a priest, so I’m looking for some advice here. Would you date someone with a sexual past if you yourself had remained pure and waited to find the special person?

 

[Fauken]

Would you date someone with a sexual past if you yourself had remained pure and waited to find the special person?

I can only guess, since it’s a hypothetical. I’d like to think I would. I’ve done things I’m sure he’d dislike and that I regret. But I’m not who I was however many years ago those things happened. I’d like to think I’m different. I’m sorry I had to learn those lessons the way I did, but I also like to think I took them to heart and sincerely regret my past actions. I’d imagine I’d view his previous sexual past the same way. So long as he regretted it and took steps to stop it, then there’s no issue.

 

[IdaCatholic]

Obviously it matters what the past was and what dating is
In my 20s I dated promiscuous women for fun. I never would have married them. If God forbid, I had to date in my 50s on, I would expect a sexual history.
I would date someone who had a “normal” sex life but not someone who was a porn star or a prostitute or experimented with weird stuff.

 

[Dolphin]

Part of me feels like I don’t feel as sorry as I should feel and I think that’s because I might end up dating this person and be with her, which I’d very much like, just taking a step back from the sexual stuff.

But if I end up being with others, I feel like I will be ashamed. A year ago I never would of even considered I’d have done these things and now I’ve done them so much it’s like I’m dreaming and this isn’t reality.

I just feel like the people who would be attracted to me are probably very active Catholics who I see at daily mass and ministry events and such, much like this woman. But those people aside from this woman, probably wouldn’t want a guy who has done the things I have.

 

[TheLittleLady]

If I were magically unmarried, I would seek out friendships and relationships with faithful Catholics. I would not judge their past sins, God does that. Now, I have deal breakers, I could not include someone who had vastly different ideas about money or politics, I would not be involved with a smoker.

For others, that deal breaker might include past relationships.

To each his/her own.

 

[NeedANap]

I’m married, so no longer dating, but it would not have been a deal breaker for me. It might be for some people though. It’s just going to depend on the person.

 

[TheLittleLady]

If someone leads you to sin, don’t hang out with them.

Just stop. Change your phone number, block them on social media.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

If I ended up dating this woman which might happen, then my past won’t be an issue but if I end up dating other people, why would a practicing pure Catholic woman want me?

This may come as a shock to you, but a whole lot of people on earth are not that concerned with what somebody did in their past relationships as long as they are acting right and not cheating in the current one they are in. Especially when the past behavior took place when someone was young and fumbling around trying to make the right choices in life.

I personally was a lot more concerned with whether I got along with somebody, whether he was nice, fun, reliable, responsible, mature, financially solvent, shared some interests with me, didn’t hassle me, had decent grooming, and wasn’t pressuring me to do things I didn’t want to do, than whether he’d had 0, 2, or 25 girlfriends before me and what exactly he did or didn’t do in the sack with each one. Now if he’d been previously married, that probably would have been a deal breaker because I didn’t want to deal with annulment hassle or with somebody’s kids from a past relationship. Someone else might not mind that.

 

[Dolphin]

It’s not an issue anymore

 

[1ke]

Keep getting counseling until you are no longer imagining all these worst case scenarios.

First of all, most women won’t care. Secondly, I wouldn’t really call fooling around with one girl a “sexual past”.

Please get some perspective.

 

[bassmansteiny]

If you truly care about each other then the past really shouldn’t matter because that is what it is…the past. You seeked forgiveness and received it. Move forward with your life and don’t stress about what someone thinks about your past sins. If you are a different person today than what you were yesterday then it doesn’t matter. I am not saying don’t be honest in a relationship, however unless you are asked I don’t see why you need to even discuss it. If you want to discuss it, then do it after you get to know each other well enough to know that it could end up being a serious relationship leading to marriage.

 

[Dolphin]

@1ke I am confused if you don’t consider sexual acts to be a sexual past then what is a sexual past

 

[goout]

My wife married a man (me) who was a fornicator, child aborter, indulger in pornography and other licentious acts. On top of that I had an out of wedlock child with another woman 29 years ago when my wife and I met. She married me anyway. That daughter is now 31 and a successful professional.
My wife was not previously married but had an adulterous affair with a married man.
We were the poster children for the sad 70’s.

After being married for 30 years, I promise you, Christ can make all things new. You have to trust that. In Christ

your innocence can be restored like the eagle.

In Christ the sting of sin can be wiped away. It takes a lot of hard work, but it is so worth it to have a Godly relationship.

You have to step out of prison into the light of day. You are free in Christ. Accepting that freedom and living it responsibly is our task.
It is so restorative and liberating. Words fail me.

 

[Cruciferi]

I’ve posted a few different questions

You have received appropriate advice “several” times concerning this issue.

I’ve discussed with people including a Priest somewhat.

Then there’s no need to continuously post about this issue.

so I’m looking for some advice here.

No, you should be discussing this with your Priest or Counselor.

Would you date someone with a sexual past if you yourself had remained pure and waited to find the special person?

It doesn’t matter what I think. For some this will be an issue and for others it won’t be.

As @TheLittleLady said:

To each his/her own.

 

[goout]

I’m reminded of the scene in Les Miserables when the bishop mercifully helps the thief and the thief doesn’t quite know how to respond.
Sometimes we just can’t fathom that we are forgivable, and that Christ has in fact already accomplished our “jailbreak”. Sometime we hunker down in that prison because the darkness is what we know, and stepping out into the light is terrifying.

Beginning anew is terrifying because it opens up responsibility.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Good, then as Christ said “go and sin no more”. Don’t wallow around in the mud of your past sins.

 

[goout]

How do we answer the question “Who am I?”

Some possibilities:
I am a fornicator.
I am a pornographer.
I am an adulterer.
I am a bad person unworthy of love and unable to love.

How about
I am completely forgiven in Christ.
I am given a mission and vocation by God.
I am free to choose forgiveness.
I am free to love others.
I am a beloved child of God.

The restoration is ongoing. There are days when I have to explicitly remind myself that I am no longer in prison. Other days God’s love permeates every part of me.
Begin again every day and trust Christ.

 

[DeniseNY]

Like I said, I’ve discussed this with multiple people including a priest, so I’m looking for some advice here. Would you date someone with a sexual past if you yourself had remained pure and waited to find the special person?

If no one has been able to get through to you, I would recommend a psychologist

 

[rosejmj]

I think you are overthinking it. You have committed some sexual acts with a woman but you haven’t even had sex. Probably other Catholics have done the same and they aren’t going to be expecting a that a guy they date has never committed sexual sins. Maybe if you had done lots of crazy stuff, been promiscuous it might be harder for a woman to accept but honestly I don’t think what you have done is a deal breaker for most Catholic women

 

[mrsdizzyd]

In this hypothetical, I would want to have some assurance that he has changed before I would date him. If we are talking about activity that is well and truly in the past, I could likely get past it. If, however, he was still being unchaste when I met him and hadn’t actually overcome that impulse I’d be very cautious.

In short, you have some work to do, and it starts with ending this unchaste relationship you have found yourself in.