Would you take a stand or not?

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steph410

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I am Catholic and recently attended my husband’s brother’s wedding. I brought along all of my children- I have 5 who range in age from 4 months to 7 years old.

Anyways, during the ceremony the officiant (it was more like a civil ceremony even though his brother claims to be Christian I think) discussed the right of all people regardless of their sexual orientation to get married and that they stand in solidarity with them.

I had no idea beforehand that they would mention something like that and honestly if I had known, I would have removed my children from the ceremony as I do not agree and don’t want them to be raised in an environment that normalizes same sex marriage (as much as possible).

If you had known ahead of time, what would you have done (if anything)?

edited to add: I think my kids are sort of too young to even understand right now, not to mention they were not really listening and paying attention, but at some point they will, so I am concerned…especially about future family get togethers 😦
 
If I had known ahead of time that this was not a wedding but a sermon on same sex equality, I would not have gone. I would have sent a nice note to the couple (and a gift) and come up with a conflict. However, once you’re there and it’s thrust on you like that, I’m not sure what can be done.

I have taken a stand. I did not go to my niece’s “wedding” in Massachussetts (you can guess what kind of “wedding” it was) nor did I go to the reception that they had in Texas because I do not recognize her “marriage.” I’ve always treated her and her partner with respect and love when I’ve seen them at family events, but that wasn’t enough and I’ve been shut out of her life (along with other members of the family). Thankfully there seems to be some thawing on her side and she’s at least acknowledging when I wish her happy birthday, et cetera; and I’m hopeful that eventually our family will be complete again but that’s up to her.
 
Obviously, your children were too young to understand the message behind the sermon; I doubt that they were even listening since I know I wouldn’t have been at that age.

However, it is my opinion that keeping your children from the knowledge that people hold differing views from yours does them a great disservice. When we use it as an opportunity to explain, in an age-appropriate way, why we believe differently, we can give them a foundation for forming their beliefs. They are going to hear these things when they are older, and we are not around, and they are less likely to be swayed into believing things we do not if they have a firm understanding of what it is we believe what we do and why.
 
At those ages, had I known the wedding was to be used as a soapbox, I’d have taken them out since they were “too wiggly” for that part/the rest of the wedding (depending how intrusive it’d be to go back in).
 
If I had known that is what the homily would be about, I would not have attended the ceremony. But since I’ve never had a bride, groom, or officiant clear the content of the wedding ceremony with me prior to the ceremony, I don’t know what anyone could do in such a situation. I’m not sure I’d even feel comfortable complaining about it at a later date because for all you know, the officiant may have gone off on this tangent without having discussed it with the couple beforehand.
 
If I had known ahead of time I would not have attended. The problem as I see it is our children are getting indoctrinated at a younger and younger age so at some point they may be telling us we’re intolerant so we need to share our beliefs when they are younger now.

It’s time to make a statement; same sex marriage is not marriage nor is it God Given.
It’s non possible to naturally share a marital embrace nor procreate.

Mary.
 
yes, i would have still gone and yes I’d have kept the kids in.
 
First off, I have not kids but I wouldn’t have attended myself. My conscious does not allow me to encourage those speeches.

I would be very upfront the next time that person invites me somewhere. I would say ‘As much as I love your company, there are certain topics that make me uncomfortable and if these things are going to be discussed, I would not be able to go’.

It is sad that the world has come to this

Angie
 
At that age, the kids really aren’t going to “get it” or “remember” anything about the homily.

I probably wouldn’t have taken a stand.

I have a friend who got married in gay-friendly church and one of her readers was openly gay.
Admittedly, I felt uncomfortable and didn’t appreciate the subtext of the event. However, it was her event, not mine.

I think it’s a good teachable moment for the kiddos. If they have questions, answer them. If they don’t, just let it go.
 
I guess because it was a family member, I would have wanted to keep the peace and as you did not know, or never know what will be said, explained to the kids afterwards what the faith teaches, or even before.

I’ve attended a unitarian universalist wedding and it was bizarre but it was for a family member so I did not say anything. Sometimes with family it’s a fine line, and I am sure we will see more and more of this as society goes further down this road.

My sibling is getting married by an anti-Catholic minister and half our family is Catholic so I am just hoping nothing offensive is said, but like I said before, you can’t predict what happens at such gatherings.
 
I find it appalling that either the couple or officiant would use a wedding to engage in political posturing.
 
As others have said, there’s no way you’d know beforehand what the celebrant would say so you can’t really do much about it. Once you are there and they go of on this sort of tangent, I don’t think it’s the time or place to make a fuss about it. It’s someone else’s wedding day and not the time for such debates; nor of course the time for a celebrant to make it their personal soap box either.

As parents we will all face these sorts of issues with our kids and it is hard to judge how best to handle it. Up to a certain age I think it’s good to shield them as much as possible, so certain sins aren’t normalised, but there comes an age where they have to be exposed to these issues and for parents to address such topics. To be frank, I have no idea myself how best to handle this. I was watching the news the other night and the issue of abortion was mentioned. My 8 year old daughter asked what that is…I had no idea how to answer that to an 8 year old and pretended not to hear her until the next article distracted her and she was asking about other things. I just don’t think an 8 year old girl should be troubled with such horrors, but I know I will have to address it at some stage. It’s a difficult challenge we all face as parents.
 
steph410 said:
I am Catholic and recently attended my husband’s brother’s wedding. I brought along all of my children- I have 5 who range in age from 4 months to 7 years old.

Anyways, during the ceremony the officiant (it was more like a civil ceremony even though his brother claims to be Christian I think) discussed the right of all people regardless of their sexual orientation to get married and that they stand in solidarity with them.

I had no idea beforehand that they would mention something like that and honestly if I had known, I would have removed my children from the ceremony as I do not agree and don’t want them to be raised in an environment that normalizes same sex marriage (as much as possible).

If you had known ahead of time, what would you have done (if anything)?

edited to add: I think my kids are sort of too young to even understand right now, not to mention they were not really listening and paying attention, but at some point they will, so I am concerned…especially about future family get togethers 😦
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Wow. That is a tough one. I have attended several non-Catholic weddings and have never run into this situation. All of the non-Catholic weddings and funerals that I have attended have been reverent and focused on either the wedding vows of the couple or the family of the deceased in the case of funerals. I would suspect that this was a “one off” situation. If it was someone in my family that got married then I would ask the couple that got married if they were expecting the political extras. Imagine how they would feel if they did not expect it and it was their wedding day. Thank you for sharing. I sent an Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be to you and your family. 🙂
 
I just came back to read all of these responses.

thank you for your ideas and prayers. It is so hard that this world is not what we would like our young ones to grow up in.
 
I tend to avoid rush actions because I know I can’t fully trust my judgement of their propriety, but I also tend to make my disagreement in such situations quite visible. For starters, I don’t look like a normal well-receiving member of the audience. On the contrary, even, I shake my head no or adopt a facial expression that’s obvious without being on the rude side. The speaker then knows he’s not preaching to his approving choir any more, he can take it further from there or drop the issue.
 
I think being there with your large flock was an obvious though nonverbal rebuttal to that message. Despite the “perceived” or wished for equality, only traditional marriages can lead to the love that you have and were showing off. 👍
 
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