Would your spouse do this?

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momof3inOR

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I am involved in some charitable events. I told my husband last month that I was going to do a 3 day 80 mile walk for MS. I asked him to join me. He declined. Even though he’s fit and has even do P90x. I told him today that I was going to need to start training. He said training for what? It’s just a walk?!?

Im feeling pretty alone. Am I wrong to feel this way? I guess I just wanted a walking buddy and some support.
 
Awww… I’m sorry… is there a friend you can train with? I’ll be praying for God to soften his heart a little and that he may even want to join you! You’re doing a great thing. There’s such a sweet nun I know that has MS and it’s really hard for her at times. You’re doing a great thing.
 
momof3inOR said:
I am involved in some charitable events. I told my husband last month that I was going to do a 3 day 80 mile walk for MS. I asked him to join me. He declined. Even though he’s fit and has even do P90x. I told him today that I was going to need to start training. He said training for what? It’s just a walk?!?

Im feeling pretty alone. Am I wrong to feel this way? I guess I just wanted a walking buddy and some support.
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ask for support

and tell him how walking 80 miles in 3 days is something you need to train for if your not used to walking a marathon a day… and mention that also walking that distance will burn more than 1 session of your hardest p90x
 
I have… Gently. However, he’s just not game. I suppose I shouldn’t be so surprised.
 
My sisters each did a 3-day breast cancer walk. Their husbands stayed home to take care of the kids. If I were going to do a 3-day charity event, my husband would be staying home to take care of our kids. He prefers other ways to participate in charitable giving. (A 3-day walk would drive him nuts. Absolutely nuts.)

As for training, I believe my sisters trained with their (local) friends who would be walking, or went out on their own. (Their dogs got LOTS of exercise during the training time!!) Honestly, I’ll bet many people wouldn’t think about training, in the first instance. And from your other thread, he’s just not in tune with you on any level. So I can believe his reaction. Why not cheerfully say, “Well, I’m not used to walking 30 miles a day, so I sure do need to train!” and leave it at that. Once in a while, invite him along for a walk. Otherwise, just go about your business with a calm, cheerful confident attitude. Consider this your alone time to talk with God!
 
I have volunteered for different causes in different ways for years. It is very important to me.
When I met my future husband, it was very important that he understands this and respects it, but also that he sometimes at least joins in and has an open mind towards volunteering. Right now we are a little less active because our hours are demanding, but it feels good to know that he is ready to do what he can.
Sometimes his way of helping is even to take over some of my duties so I can be free to help out elsewhere, it is indirect but still it means so much.
(We are actually talking about the best way of approaching our priest to see if he could use some help, at least with our parish web site, he seems a little overwhelmed sometimes and that is something that can be done from home.)
 
It’s one thing to be supportive but you can’t make him do it with you.

I’m in training for 10Ks in a few weeks and a half-marathon in a few months. My husband couldn’t be more supportive of my goals but has no desire to run himself. Even before the baby I’ve always done my training alone. It’s a blessing in disguise really. I push myself pretty hard and I’d get all snarly if any busybody tries to push me harder.

Even when the couple both run…some just don’t like doing the long distance stuff. My friend and her husband both run. In fact he was the one that got her into it. But he’s never joined her in half-marathon training. He prefers the short, fast races over the long, slow ones. He’s very fit and a very good runner…he just has no desire to do anything longer than an 8K. It’s not his cup of tea.

There are more ways to show support than doing it with you. Not trivializing the effort is a start. But if he can’t do even that, try not to let it drag you down. You have your goal to work towards. 🙂
 
Well his response is pretty typical for his behavior. I asked him nicely about it this morning. His work has a day at the race track locally and his only response to me is “well I guess that means that you aren’t going to come to the day at the races, huh?”. I said no, remember this walk I commited to …2 months ago. He said “yeah, I forgot”.

Then I told him he had the wrong weekend anyway. So I suggested that he might take a day off to come cheer me on and care for the kids. He said he can’t take more than a day off of work (since he already took time off to go on my business trip that he insisted on going to).

I said ok… Well just take the Friday of the race again. That would be perfect. He said he was saving it to go on vacation later in the year.

So the nanny will watch the kids. He will work. And I will walk/train alone.
 
momof3inOR said:
I said ok… Well just take the Friday of the race again. That would be perfect. He said he was saving it to go on vacation later in the year.
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Well…it’s good that he’s working, right? 🙂
Vacation? Add that to the list of topics to bring up, from your other thread!
 
momof3inOR said:
Well his response is pretty typical for his behavior. I asked him nicely about it this morning. His work has a day at the race track locally and his only response to me is “well I guess that means that you aren’t going to come to the day at the races, huh?”. I said no, remember this walk I commited to …2 months ago. He said “yeah, I forgot”.

Then I told him he had the wrong weekend anyway. So I suggested that he might take a day off to come cheer me on and care for the kids. He said he can’t take more than a day off of work (since he already took time off to go on my business trip that he insisted on going to).

I said ok… Well just take the Friday of the race again. That would be perfect. He said he was saving it to go on vacation later in the year.

So the nanny will watch the kids. He will work. And I will walk/train alone.
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Sounds like the two of you are just going to have to work this one out. 🤷
I wouldn’t want to take off a day of work (and waste vacation days) for a charity walk… and it wouldn’t be a matter of lacking fitness level or lack of interest in the charity… I’m just not interested in spending 3 full days WALKING when I have so many other things going on in my life. So really it’s just a personal preference thing.

I would caution you not to guilt-trip him about not wanting to participate. YOU were the one interested in signing up in the first place, not him. Forcing him to do something he’s not interested in doing won’t do anyone any good. Go enjoy it with your friends, but don’t make it an issue of marital strife! :rolleyes:
 
Oh I hear ya. Its actually over a weekend, but starts on a Friday. My boss AND his boss both offered to give it to us as a comp day, since it’s for charity. He wouldn’t have to take any vacation days. It’s just his excuse.

Oh well. Just stinks that I need the nanny since he won’t help.

As for the “vacation” I need to go home (out of state) for my grandfather’s birthday. He is turning 99. I was just going to go to save money… But my husband is insisting that he attend with the kids too. I think it’s a waste of 1500 in combined airfare.
 
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