WWYD re: baptism for lapsed Catholics

[maryalene]

I have a good friend who has been struggling with her faith for quite some time. Her DH was raised Catholic, and she converted when they married. As I understand it, they have not been to church in many years except for the ocassional Mass. They have also been attending, on ocassion, services at non-Catholic churches.

Their youngest will be 2 soon, and they have arranged to have her baptized at the local Catholic parish. They are not registered, but apparently, the priest said that since their other children are baptized, it is ok that they are not registered and there is no need for classes.

In talking to my friend, she has expressed concern about being asked at the baptism whether they would raise their daughter in the faith because she is not sure if she will. I wasn’t sure what to say to that.

On the one hand, I think it is serious matter to have a child baptized with no intention of raising them in the faith. On the other hand, I believe that baptism is essential to salvation and it would be in her daughter’s best interest to be baptized regardless.

What would you do in this situation? Would you encourage your friend to have her daughter baptized or suggest that she wait until she feels ready?

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I have a good friend who has been struggling with her faith for quite some time. Her DH was raised Catholic, and she converted when they married. As I understand it, they have not been to church in many years except for the ocassional Mass. They have also been attending, on ocassion, services at non-Catholic churches.

Their youngest will be 2 soon, and they have arranged to have her baptized at the local Catholic parish. They are not registered, but apparently, the priest said that since their other children are baptized, it is ok that they are not registered and there is no need for classes.

In talking to my friend, she has expressed concern about being asked at the baptism whether they would raise their daughter in the faith because she is not sure if she will. I wasn’t sure what to say to that.

On the one hand, I think it is serious matter to have a child baptized with no intention of raising them in the faith. On the other hand, I believe that baptism is essential to salvation and it would be in her daughter’s best interest to be baptized regardless.

What would you do in this situation? Would you encourage your friend to have her daughter baptized or suggest that she wait until she feels ready?

Canon Law says that if there is not a reasonable chance that the child will be raised in the Catholic faith the Baptism should be delayed.

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

As necessary as baptism is, you also need to think about what happens to a child who receives Christian obligations through baptism only to be taught to and then choose to neglect those obligations. Outside of danger of death, it really is best to wait.

 

[palmas85]

I have a good friend who has been struggling with her faith for quite some time. Her DH was raised Catholic, and she converted when they married. As I understand it, they have not been to church in many years except for the ocassional Mass. They have also been attending, on ocassion, services at non-Catholic churches.

Their youngest will be 2 soon, and they have arranged to have her baptized at the local Catholic parish. They are not registered, but apparently, the priest said that since their other children are baptized, it is ok that they are not registered and there is no need for classes.

In talking to my friend, she has expressed concern about being asked at the baptism whether they would raise their daughter in the faith because she is not sure if she will. I wasn’t sure what to say to that.

On the one hand, I think it is serious matter to have a child baptized with no intention of raising them in the faith. On the other hand, I believe that baptism is essential to salvation and it would be in her daughter’s best interest to be baptized regardless.

What would you do in this situation? Would you encourage your friend to have her daughter baptized or suggest that she wait until she feels ready?

If she is not sure that she will raise the child in the faith, then she probably doesn’t believe in the faith. Not really. If she did believe there would be no question at all. If she doesn’t believe in the faith, why would she have the Child baptized into it?

If all she is interested in is a baptism, most Protestants will baptize any one who shows up.

Baptism into the Catholic Church is a serious commitment and not just a meaningless ceremony and an excuse for a party as many seem to believe.

 

[TimOliv]

If she is not sure that she will raise the child in the faith, then she probably doesn’t believe in the faith. Not really. If she did believe there would be no question at all. If she doesn’t believe in the faith, why would she have the Child baptized into it?

If all she is interested in is a baptism, most Protestants will baptize any one who shows up.

Baptism into the Catholic Church is a serious commitment and not just a meaningless ceremony and an excuse for a party as many seem to believe.

Seeing as how it is the same baptism, your advice confuses me.

Were I in this situation, however, I would take a long hard look at why I’m even having the child baptized?

I would try, instead of convincing the person to either baptize now or later, to perhaps try to get this person to establish a Catholic household. Albeit slowly, these things can work themselves in, especially if one or (preferably) both parents feel it would be in the best interests of the children.

 

[palmas85]

Seeing as how it is the same baptism, your advice confuses me.

Were I in this situation, however, I would take a long hard look at why I’m even having the child baptized?

I would try, instead of convincing the person to either baptize now or later, to perhaps try to get this person to establish a Catholic household. Albeit slowly, these things can work themselves in, especially if one or (preferably) both parents feel it would be in the best interests of the children.

Why would it confuse you? If she is not sure about raising a child in the Catholic faith but still wants a baptism for the child, she can go to almost any Protestant Church and she can have the child baptized with no preparation, problems or requirements of any kind. Then if she decides at a later date to raise the child Catholic, the Church will accept the childs Christian baptism as legitimate as long as it was done in the Trinitarian formula.

Easy solution:thumbsup:

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

Seeing as how it is the same baptism, your advice confuses me.

Were I in this situation, however, I would take a long hard look at why I’m even having the child baptized?

I would try, instead of convincing the person to either baptize now or later, to perhaps try to get this person to establish a Catholic household. Albeit slowly, these things can work themselves in, especially if one or (preferably) both parents feel it would be in the best interests of the children.

There is a difference between being baptized and being baptized in(to) the Catholic Church. The baptism of heretics is still valid, but does not subject the recipient to the obligations of a member of the Catholic Church - consider disciplines re: marriage, Sunday obligation, yearly reception of Eucharist (and concomitant confession), etc.

 

[TimOliv]

Why would it confuse you? If she is not sure about raising a child in the Catholic faith but still wants a baptism for the child, she can go to almost any Protestant Church and she can have the child baptized with no preparation, problems or requirements of any kind. Then if she decides at a later date to raise the child Catholic, the Church will accept the childs Christian baptism as legitimate as long as it was done in the Trinitarian formula.

Easy solution:thumbsup:

I’m pretty sure we’re not just supposed to tell people to go to schismatic churches and come back later…generally they end up staying there.

 

[4HisChurch]

You have a good point, Tim. I would think the first option would be, as another poster suggested, to encourage them to establish a Catholic household.

 

[johnnykins]

Canon Law says that if there is not a reasonable chance that the child will be raised in the Catholic faith the Baptism should be delayed.

This is precisely when “pastoral” considerations apply. The pastor must be concerned both with the child and family as well as the potential for abuse of the sacrament by its administration to those who may not really be serious with the obligations and affirmations they are making.

Here you have nominally Catholic parents that retain some connection to the parish and Church, but clearly have issues as well. I don’t know that there is much of any real option but to hope that the pastor has prayerfully and honestly considered the predicament, has counseled the parents and applied canon law in this situation in an appropriate and orthodox manner best designed to effect the salvation of all concerned. The law clearly leaves “wiggle room” here precisely to allow for appropriate individual action within the guidelines.

The unstated concern here is that the priest may be hiding under the rubric of “pastoral concern” to make a clearly erroneous decision and possibly sacrilegious action. This is why priests must be orthodox. It’s why so many of us have concerns - because we’ve seen so much heterodoxy among the clergy that the benefit of the doubt toward their decisions is no longer automatic - or even unchallenged.

 

[maryalene]

Thank you all for your responses. I don’t think my friend had any sort of serious religious upbringing apart from the ocassional holiday church service. We discuss religion fairly often, and I think my friend knows that something is missing from her life. But I think she is really struggling to fill that hole and has fallen into the trap of thinking that all denominations are created equal and God doesn’t really care if we attend church services every week. I am a bit concerned since she moved late last year, and her new neighbors are an older baptist minister and his wife. They sound like very kind people, but I worry about them leading my friend elsewhere. However, I did notice a crucifix at my friend’s when I visited last week that I don’t recall seeing before. So maybe that is a sign of good things to come. Again, I really appreciate everyone’s replies. They truly help me understand how to proceed in this situation.