"You always hurt the ones you love"

[Guitarist4]

Hi everybody, I have a question regarding arguments with family members. Specifically, parents. When you get into an argument with your mother or father (or child), I’m talking a bitter argument with cursing and shouting, is this sinful? If so, mortal or venial? Thanks.

 

[Paganus]

Hi everybody, I have a question regarding arguments with family members. Specifically, parents. When you get into an argument with your mother or father (or child), I’m talking a bitter argument with cursing and shouting, is this sinful? If so, mortal or venial? Thanks.

If you are shouting and cursing at your mother and father, are you “honoring” them? Failing to honor your father and mother is a sin of omission.

Also, this seems to be imply that you are angry, which is a deadly sin.

If you are starting these fights, stop.

If you are being baited into these fights, google “emotional abuse” - there are some good sites out there with resources that you may find helpful.

Either way, it would be appropriate to mention these to your confessor.

 

[Guitarist4]

Good reply, thanks. I wasn’t asking about any form of long term problem - but I know sometimes families get into heated arguments and I wasn’t exactly sure what the correct way to view it was (obviously sinful, but I wasn’t sure if it was a grave matter or not - this indicates to me that it most likely is).

 

[Redwood]

Hello,

I don’t have a good answer as to whether it is grave or not, because for this type of thing, it is probably very dependent on the unique situation.

However, I can say that, after the fact, the holiest thing to for the child would be to apologize to the parents-- even if you really don’t want to, or you feel they did hurt you. Apologize to them, and then try to act normally, being peaceful and friendly. The next time another occasion arises when you feel like yelling at them, try your best to hold back!!! Have a “game plan” on how you can maturely and lovingly react. Try to talk it over with them rather then let your emotions rage through. From these past arguments, you have gained self-knowledge. You probably know what triggers you. Self-knowledge, when used in humility and wise application, will help you avoid repeating behaviors.

I know the kind of arguments you are talking about. When I was a teenager, I had my bouts of yelling in outrage at my mother, due to lack of control of my emotions. My mother actually always did an excellent, fair, and worthy job as a parent. I just didn’t see it.