"You just utter one foul word and I'll quit smoking!"

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WesleyF

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I am a Catholic and I have come here to New York to pursue my Master’s degree. I am an Indian and I live with 4 other Indians (non-Catholics (1 hindu, 1 protestant, 2 “near” atheists :)) in a shared apartment. I get along well with these guys.

My roommates normally use foul language . It’s a part of their vocabulary, they use it without even meaning it at times. For eg, statements like “B******, why didn’t you tell me about this man?” and “**** you man” are common, and are used without the intention of insulting the other person. I don’t use any foul language.

Now yesterday, some random topic came up and my friends began discussing as to how I never utter a single foul word despite being around them and listening to their conversations all the time. Then one of them said, “Well, you just say one foul word and he (the guy who is deeply into smoking addiction. Let’s call him “John”) will give up smoking!” And John replied by saying, “Ya, you just utter one foul word and I’ll quit smoking.” I refused. Actually, he was very confident that I would refuse, and so he told the other guys, “I knew he would not do that. That’s why I didn’t mind saying that I would quit smoking, coz I just knew he would not do that.”

And then my friends began to tell me that I am selfish! That I am not willing to compromise to help John get out of the smoking addiction. One fellow added, “If I were you, I would just utter the foul word and then I would compensate for that by attending two or three masses!!”

Give me your suggestions on this, and do pray for me! I do not intend to budge from my position, but pray that God may strengthen me to deal with such challenges.
 
Well…swearing isn’t really a sin, is it? Though in any case, I applaud your morals
 
shondrea said:
Well…swearing isn’t really a sin, is it? Though in any case, I applaud your morals
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Ephesians 4:29. NAB version, as approved by the USCCB:

No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear.

usccb.org/nab/bible/ephesians/ephesians4.htm

His friend is most likely full of it. I sincerely doubt he will quit if our friend here utters a single curse… though I am certain that our friend’s willingness to bend the rules just this once stands good odds of being used against him in the future.
 
You can’t do evil so that good may come about. It doesn’t matter how much good. Catholic moral teaching is absolutely clear on this.

If they get you to sell out morally, what have you gained? What good does it profit a man to gain the whole world… ?
 
That’s kind of silly. 🙂 I think your roommates just wanted an excuse to badger you a little. The fact that you don’t swear probably makes them feel a little weird when they do. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Someone who is very addicted to smoking isn’t going to give it up over something like that–it has to be something he wants, and initiates, and sticks to. Tell him you’re more than willing to help him quit if he’s serious about it–accountability, maybe meds/gum, tell him you’re willing to put up with him being grouchy;).
 
Moscati said:
That’s kind of silly. 🙂 I think your roommates just wanted an excuse to badger you a little. The fact that you don’t swear probably makes them feel a little weird when they do. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Someone who is very addicted to smoking isn’t going to give it up over something like that–it has to be something he wants, and initiates, and sticks to. Tell him you’re more than willing to help him quit if he’s serious about it–accountability, maybe meds/gum, tell him you’re willing to put up with him being grouchy;).
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Exactly.

It would seem that your friends are actually jealous that you have that sort of control over your behavior and they do not.
 
You aren’t responsible for John’s actions; what a ridiculous suggestion. If they threatened to shoot a dog unless you said a foul word, and you refuse, they are still the ones making the decision to shoot the dog.
 
Stick to your guns no matter how much they chide you. They’re just trying to bring you down to their level, so they can feel justified in acting childishly. Your consistent good behavior is stronger than their foolishness, and will ultimately lead them to be more mature. It’s already happening, or they wouldn’t care whether you cursed or not. Years from now, each of them will remember you well, while they will likely have forgotten each other.
 
What kind of a goofy bargain is this ? You do something bad for you and he does something that is good for him. Don’t give in.
 
WesleyF said:
Give me your suggestions on this, and do pray for me! I do not intend to budge from my position, but pray that God may strengthen me to deal with such challenges.
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Tell “John” that if he really wants to quit smoking, he can do it without you compromising your high standards. Your friends are extremely childish.
 
Thank you everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I hope to remain strong in the Lord and not compromise on his teachings.
 
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