Young widow and pilgrimage

[twinmom319]

Hi all- I was widowed about 6 months ago. My amazing husband was diagnosed with cancer at 38 and 2 months later was called home. I am left with three wonderful children and an incredibly supportive faith community. I have been clinging to my faith but I’m sure you all can imagine the darkness I am fighting. My pastor is leading a pilgrimage next Lent to Israel. I feel called to go on this journey- but I hesitate- not because of financial reasons - I believe that if I am meant to go, the financial will work out- but because of the kids. I am concerned that going on this pilgrimage - while it might be incredible and healing- would be selfish and irresponsible as I should not leave the kids for the 10 days.

I would appreciate any wisdom. I have been praying but I am grieving and often find it difficult to focus or discern.
Peace to all.

 

[lax16]

Hi all- I was widowed about 6 months ago. My amazing husband was diagnosed with cancer at 38 and 2 months later was called home. I am left with three wonderful children and an incredibly supportive faith community. I have been clinging to my faith but I’m sure you all can imagine the darkness I am fighting. My pastor is leading a pilgrimage next Lent to Israel. I feel called to go on this journey- but I hesitate- not because of financial reasons - I believe that if I am meant to go, the financial will work out- but because of the kids. I am concerned that going on this pilgrimage - while it might be incredible and healing- would be selfish and irresponsible as I should not leave the kids for the 10 days.

I would appreciate any wisdom. I have been praying but I am grieving and often find it difficult to focus or discern.
Peace to all.

So sorry to hear of your loss.

I have become much more cautious as I have gotten older and tend to make more conservative decisions about such things. If it were me, I would put it off.

I have such a desire to go to Israel. I can understand wanting to go.

It will be interesting to hear the advice of others.

 

[tawny]

Hi all- I was widowed about 6 months ago. My amazing husband was diagnosed with cancer at 38 and 2 months later was called home. I am left with three wonderful children and an incredibly supportive faith community. I have been clinging to my faith but I’m sure you all can imagine the darkness I am fighting. My pastor is leading a pilgrimage next Lent to Israel. I feel called to go on this journey- but I hesitate- not because of financial reasons - I believe that if I am meant to go, the financial will work out- but because of the kids. I am concerned that going on this pilgrimage - while it might be incredible and healing- would be selfish and irresponsible as I should not leave the kids for the 10 days.

I would appreciate any wisdom. I have been praying but I am grieving and often find it difficult to focus or discern.
Peace to all.

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength & fortitude in your time of need. Praying for the intentions of you & your children.

 

[smallcat]

You haven’t mentioned how old your children are- I think that would make a big difference. Is there any way they can accompany you? If not, who would be staying with them during your absence?

 

[twinmom319]

The kids will be 11, 11, and 6 at the time of the pilgrimage. If I could bring them, there is no question, we would go. However, the pilgrimage seems very oriented to adults, and the cost for all 4 of us is trending towards ridiculous. I have family and friends who have offered to stay with them, and they have a regular babysitter while I work who would be able to do some of the time.

So, the logistics are not what I’m worried about, I just am trying to discern what is Gods will- and if leaving the kids for so long is really Gods call or just being indulgent…

 

[EasterJoy]

I am so sorry for your loss.

No, it would not be selfish, per se. The goal is a good one, and as a mother of multiples you know how vital it is to care for yourself as well. It will have been over a year since your children lost their father by then, too. They also did not lose him suddenly, as in an accident, which would have made them far more anxious about letting you out of their sight. They will all be old enough to understand how long 10 days is, as well. That is a separation that they can manage, particularly if you bring a laptop so that you can talk to them via Skype a few times.

A month before his diagnosis, you and your husband might have assumed you have an entire lifetime to make trips like this. You know now that there are no such guarantees. If anything happens to you, I think it will have been good for your children to have a close relationship with whomever you have selected to care for them. This is an opportunity for them to learn to love and trust those persons in a sort of a holiday atmosphere. I would try to have that person or family to take them in while you are gone–that is, whoever it is that you have in your will to be their guardians if you die prematurely, too–but do NOT tell the children or those caring for them that this is your reason for selecting the party you select! When you get home, interview the children about how it went.

 

[smallcat]

At those ages, and staying with family/friends with whom they’re comfortable and feel safe, I think it would be fine to go- assuming, of course, that none of the kids is particularly anxious about your departure. If any of them have very strong feelings about you NOT going, I would take that into strong consideration though and respect that as part of their grieving process.

 

[Xantippe]

Amy Welborn, the Catholic writer and blogger, lost her husband very suddenly when she had at least two little kids at home (she has five kids total, I believe).

amywelborn.wordpress.com/

Since then, she’s done amazing international trips with her little boys (Italy, Mexico, etc.). You might not have the same resources available to do family trips, but I would encourage you to look at her blog archives for inspiration. She also has just a travel blog (although I can’t seem to get it to load). It sounds like the Mexico trips have been reasonably affordable.

Maybe a smaller trip for yourself (maybe just a weekend away?) to an old friend now, and then do a bigger trip with the three kids when you can? Or do the Israel trip a little later? One year is still pretty fresh, and 10 days is a long time for the six-year-old. I personally would hesitate to take such a long trip away from children, even without there having been a tragic loss. If the kids were staying with a beloved relative and had lots of amusements and distractions, it might be different, though.

Our kids’ grandparents have been wanting to take our big kids (11 and 9) to Europe for a while (which would probably be a trip of at least the size you are thinking of), and I think the kids are very close to being able to do the trip. The main thing is that the kids be able to walk for miles without whining, which we’re still working on–I’m thinking two miles at a go is a good goal.

Best wishes!