Younger siblings

[jennypekny]

I have been wondering why my youngest sister is allowed to behave and dress in manners that were never allowed when I was at home. Now I’m not talking about silly issues here. I’m 29 and my youngest sister is 17. There are several points here.

1 My mother always insisted on modest dress. My sister wears shirts that flaunt certain things and skirts and dresses that are way too short.

2 We were always to go to Mass every Sunday and Holy Days of obligation. She sleeps

3 I was told I had to get a job or I would not be permitted to drive the family car, go out with my friends, etc. She has no job and uses the car whenever she sees fit.

4 She speaks to my parents (or gives the silent treatment) in such ways that my head would roll before I even thought about talking to them that way.

I have asked my parents about these issues and I’ve been told to mind my own business. I have willingly accepted that. I’m not really concerned that I didn’t get to do these things, I’m more concerned that she is not being given limits and what will happen when she’s on her own in a year at college.

Any advice here?

 

[darcee]

I too would be worried about my younger sister. But coming from you it will only sound like a whine fest to your parents.

“How come she gets to do this when I didn’t?”

If it was me I would ONLY concentrate on the things like “I am concerned that you aren’t taking sis to mass.” Forget worrying about the car, job and other things which might appear to be symptoms of jealousy instead of concern for well being.

-D

 

[jc413]

Yup. Believe me, I know that any criticism coming from me regarding younger siblings is not taken positively! My parents are so ridiculously lenient towards my brother and I cannot believe sometimes they are the same parents!! So I just keep my mouth shut, and when the opportunity does come up for me to give my younger siblings advice, I do. Know what I mean? Why not side-step your parents altogether and go right for your sister. Something like, “You know, when you dress modestly I think you look so much better than when you wear things that are too tight-fitting,” etc., etc. And you would also be surprised how leading by example really, really does make an impact on younger siblings. My husband and I are a good deal older than our younger siblings as well, and they readily ask us things (about church, etc.) because they know we walk the walk. My younger brothers look up to my husband a lot.

Now, why do your parents do these things you ask? Probably a mixture of several reasons: she’s the baby. So many parents ease up on “the baby” because they are tired of being “the bad guys.” They maybe think, “Times are changing, so should our expectations.” etc., etc.

 

[newsjag]

Sigh…I know this all to well. But if life was fair, then what fun would that be. I am in a similar situation with my brothers. They seem to get things without earning them, are allowed free reign of house, and treat my parents in a very demeaning manner.

The only thing I know that I can do is to pray for them. Maybe the Holy Spirit will help them to realize how they need to act. I try and talk to my parents about it and also to my brothers. I realize that they are still teens, but I dont think I was like that.
Different times, different rules, that’s life. Just do what you can, talk with your sibilings, and pray. That’s all you can do. You cant control others and getting upset over it is futile. So just do what you can…pray.

 

[Tom]

jennypekny:

I have been wondering why my youngest sister is allowed to behave and dress in manners that were never allowed when I was at home. Now I’m not talking about silly issues here. I’m 29 and my youngest sister is 17.

Hard to tell from the post, but you sound like a first child. We parents tend to go overboard on the first born. Hey we learn too.

jennypekny:

My mother always insisted on modest dress. My sister wears shirts that flaunt certain things and skirts and dresses that are way too short.

Go to the following sites and print out the papers. Read them and discuss them, with your parents. They sound like they’ve gone too far for Catholic teaching. Be careful how you address the issue, try to emphasize that you’re concerned with your sister, NOT trying to correct them.
kensmen.com/catholic/modesty.html
usccb.org/liturgy/current/chapter6.htm

jennypekny:

We were always to go to Mass every Sunday and Holy Days of obligation. She sleeps

They go and don’t bring her?

jennypekny:

I was told I had to get a job or I would not be permitted to drive the family car, go out with my friends, etc. She has no job and uses the car whenever she sees fit.

She deserves it, you didn’t… lol, just kidding… there could be 1,000 reasons for this one.

jennypekny:

She speaks to my parents (or gives the silent treatment) in such ways that my head would roll before I even thought about talking to them that way.

Can’t relate, my youngest just got grounded for giving me the “evil eye”. They know better than to disrespect the parents.

“How come she gets to do this when I didn’t?”

We like her better. Just joking.

If it was me I would ONLY concentrate on the things like “I am concerned that you aren’t taking sis to mass.” Forget worrying about the car, job and other things which might appear to be symptoms of jealousy instead of concern for well being.

Agree.

I cannot believe sometimes they are the same parents!!

How many times have I heard that!!! We are different parents!!! We’ve grown, learned, changed.

So I just keep my mouth shut

No, don’t do that, keep us informed, we get lax too.
Why not side-step your parents altogether and go right for your sister. Something like, “You know, when you dress modestly I think you look so much better than when you wear things that are too tight-fitting,” etc., etc. Now this is where sarcasm comes in handy. Ask her if she charges by the hour or night.
And you would also be surprised how leading by example really, really does make an impact on younger siblings. Amen, amen
Now, why do your parents do these things you ask? Probably a mixture of several reasons: she’s the baby. So many parents ease up on “the baby” because they are tired of being “the bad guys.” They maybe think, “Times are changing, so should our expectations.” etc., etc. Absolutely.

Sigh…I know this all to well. But if life was fair, then what fun would that be. I am in a similar situation with my brothers. They seem to get things without earning them, are allowed free reign of house

Brian, is that you… ??? lol,

 

[Nicole]

Sounds familiar to me too. I am the oldest of six and my parents were nowhere near as strict with the last two. How close are you to your sister? Hoepfully your example will help in the areas of modest dress and attending Mass.

I don’t really have any advice other than to hang in there. They aren’t doing her any favors and maybe things will be harder for her as she grows up and has to be more responsible. Hopefully then your example will be even more important.

God Bless,
Nicole

PS: I see we are neighbors. I live in O’Fallon. Is that where they are too? Maybe you could suggest Catholic youth activities to her, or even offer to take her to something?