“Forced” into impurity

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petitefleur

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Hello, please pray a lot for me; this is very urgent. I have been working as a teacher and writer for many years; 6 months ago I was forced to settle down in a place that has a very repressive regime and lots of extremism, where I cannot have normal communication or discussions with others due to the atmosphere of cowardice, ignorance and fear that pervade this place. In the past, I did my reading and research in order to serve society through my writing and teaching, now I do it to comfort myself and escape from this fearful and repressive world. I start to live in an imaginary world and imagine deep intimacy (not any particular activity, but a feeling of being totally and intimately understood and loved, sometimes involving the sense of touch) and this frightens me. My secular counselor doesn’t mind, the clergy here has never dealt with a writer/activist before and hasn’t been able to help me so far. In the past most writers/activists here ended up exiled or imprisoned, but I grew up abroad and never had to deal with any problems until 6 months ago. I’ve never exposed myself to anything graphic or pornographic, never interfered with myself, but I have a very strong imagination, and it’s bothering me that I’m now living in this imaginary world to find solace. Sometimes when I imagine my thoughts being understood, loved and cares for, I’d have some sort of bodily reaction. Please pray a lot for me. I’m afraid I’m becoming impure and “monstrous”. I’ve always been taught that a girl’s purity, chastity and virginity are her most precious possessions, and have always believed this also, as is consistent with my culture. Lately I haven’t been able to sleep, since the only way I can relax is by imagining a world where I’m loved and understood, and all this creates shame and fear which prevent me from sleeping. I’m so very desperate and feel very impure. Can’t talk about this with others either; this is a Muslim country. Please pray a lot for me and ask your local priests and prayer groups to pray for this intention! It would mean so much for me. Thank you
 
I really don’t see any sin in your situation…

If anything, I would say that this is a great consolation, based on your situation…
 
There is some possible spiritual danger to imagined thoughts, esp. when it is sexual in nature. Perhaps, being a writer, you might put your imagined world on paper by writing a novel or other work of fiction. But of course, you should make sure there is nothing of temptation in that work.

If you think you have sinned, make an act of contrition, and spend time praying the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet. There is nothing wrong with waking up in the night, to spend a little time in prayer, and they going back to sleep. May God have mercy on you, in your difficult circumstances.
 
I in some degree understand you…

A lot of persons live in an imaginary world, and have erotic or love dreams. (including myself) Even if they are not artistics or live in a repressive society and are forced to stop taking a part of it. But the combinaison of three make your problems much bigger.

In some measure degree it is normal to have thoses dreams to be loved, but obviously they began to be too much presents for you.

I think if you can be more active in some way or another, your need of your erotical imaginary world would be reduced.
I don’t know how, because I am not in your particular context. Perhaps writing, even if it cannot be published, or an other legal activity outside of artistic topics.

And personal prayer, prayer in community, and church activity, is possible, and not bring too much danger are very recommanded.
Interacts with others people, be active.

Of course, there is the possibility of the exile, if it is an available option. But It not at anyone here to push you to take this decision. It is a very hard life-changing decision that will have many implication to your future and your offspring. It’s up to you.

You have my prayer. Are you, what we called from our occidental point of view an “Oriental Christian”?
 
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Pouring your heart into writing and praying.
Is there any way you can receive professional help?
Praying for you. God bless.
 
Love, acceptance, understanding is what we all want. It’s what God will ultimately provide, multiplied beyond our imagination. It’s to hunger and thirst for something good and true-for happiness. Your body is part of that, part of y_ou._ I’d think a mate at this point would be a very good call-I’d pray for that.
 
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It was my understanding that you were in this repressive place on a temporary basis and would be leaving again as soon as your visa or whatever was sorted out.

If this is true and you will be leaving again soon, then I’m not seeing any issue with using your imagination to comfort you as long as it doesn’t lead you into some sin like fornication or masturbation. Presumably these thoughts would stop when you got back to living and working in a more normal area. You should also be thinking about ways to leave permanently, since the area apparently has a bad effect on you.
 
Having sexual feelings is not a sin.
At the same time though it might be good to consider whether this “fantasy world” is a healthy or unhealthy form of escapism.

It’s also worth considering that according to the Catholic religion purity and chastity are aspirational for both men and women.

It’s a misguided cultural notion to believe and accept that virginity/chastity/purity are a woman’s most prized possessions but not for men.
What this can create is a society that accepts men sleeping around but views women who do the same as being “sl@ts” or dishonourable.
Naturally then,a woman who feels unwanted sensual feelings could then feel in conflict and feel shame if she prescribes to this cultural “world view”.

The Catholic Churches teachings on purity and chastisty need to be viewed in the right way,and not in an unhealthy or misguided way-(ie:putting women’s virginity on a pedestal).

I’m really sorry for your situation.
Please remember that Jesus loves you and that people on these forums can provide you also with friendship and love too when you are lonely or feel overwhelmed. ❤️
 
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petitefleur said:
I have been working as a teacher and writer for many years; 6 months ago I was forced to settle down in a place that has a very repressive regime and lots of extremism
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Forced? Understanding the context of why you’re there may help me formulate a better response.

I’ve long been critical of repressive cultures because they make human urges go to dark places. I’ve read up a fair amount, for example, on the abuse of children in Afghanistan. U.S. Soldiers Told to Ignore Sexual Abuse of Boys by Afghan Allies - The New York Times

The bottom line is that setting an unrealistically high bar for human conduct, along with noisily proclaiming these moral standards, produces a breeding ground for hypocrisy.

I don’t think this applies to your particular case, however. I take it you are single? It’s very normal to crave the spiritually, emotionally, and physically intimate connection that marriage can provide. I’m sure that the cultural isolation that you’re experiencing is only exacerbating the problem.

This is where understanding why you’re there would help. Will it come down to a choice between fulfilling your career passions and seeking the human connection that you crave . . . in another location? If so, this should be the primary focus of your prayers. Your chief concern: What is God calling you to do?
 
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In the words of Freddie Mercury, “Find me somebody to love”.

I don’t see a problem here that can’t be resolved by finding a mate who does these things for you.

I think your urges are just a sign that God did not bestow upon you the spiritual gift of life-long celibacy.

$0.02
 
I have no advice for you in such a difficult situation … I wish you could move … I will keep you in my prayers.
 
I see a lot of posts of people offering their ‘opinions’

But not many posts offering what Jesus, the Bible, and the Catholic Catechism say on this:

Jesus, the Bible and the Catholic Church clearly state:
People are human beings, and to be human means that impure temptations will sometimes float through one’s thoughts, The temptations are not sins, but are natural to happen, But what a person does with these thoughts is what makes a temptation a sin or not.

The bible says marriage is good. Intimacy in marriage is ‘holy.’ Before marriage it is ‘fornication’ and ‘fornicators will not enter the kingdom of heaven.’
Are your thoughts that of a chaste single person?
‘Blessed are the pure, for they shall see God.’
The deliberately impure minded will not see God for they will not enter Heaven.

Jesus clearly stated that to deliberately think lustful thoughts is the same as having committed those sins.
‘If you look at a woman lustfully you have already committed adultery in your heart.’
In your imagination, in your mind, are you looking lustfully /deliberately and prolongedly at your own imagined images?

In the book of Revelation in the Bible, Jesus says;
‘The carnal minded will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they will be cast into the great fire with the anti christ, with Lucifer and his angels, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
 
Try positive thinking. You’d be amazed with was Hope can do. The capacity to Hope, even in times of turmoil, is a gift from God afforded to all human beings. Hope, trust in God, and expect good things. Indeed, human beings, engaging in Hope, is what the Devil, his dominion, and all oppressive regimes on earth fear most. For in Hope is found much freedom.
 
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YoungCatholicGuy said:
In the book of Revelation in the Bible, Jesus says;
‘The carnal minded will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they will be cast into the great fire with the anti christ, with Lucifer and his angels, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth
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Your “scriptural” quote is quite dubious. Would you be so kind as to cite it specifically with chapter and verse? Otherwise, some might suspect it has been fabricated. Indeed. Others might be quite sure it has.
 
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2 Timothy 2:22

“Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

Romans 13:14

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires

Ephesians 5:1-6:24

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. …

Colossians 3:5

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry
 
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