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JimG
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When parents are as naïve as teenagers about sex.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
This isn’t new. I’m over 30. All the kids knew about the parents who would rather their kid had sex under their roof than else ware and would have baskets of condoms in the bathrooms. It happeed across the board–public, private, and yes, even some of the more secular homeschool parents.
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Spyridon
Guest
Honestly, if I knew my kid was going to be having sex no matter what I did, I’d provide condoms myself.
I’d rather that than have him come home with a pregnant girlfriend at 16 out of wedlock, or catch an STD.
I’d rather that than have him come home with a pregnant girlfriend at 16 out of wedlock, or catch an STD.
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JimG
Guest
Parents take care to see that their children eat healthy, prepare well for school, are properly clothed, respect the environment, help them acquire good social skills. They do not feed them poison or allow them carte blanche in all other areas of their lives. They try to keep them safe. They look after all aspects of their development, yet neglect their moral development, as if it’s none of their business? It was not so in my day.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
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Unless you were born in the 40’s, I’m not sure you’re right. When these sort of things came up my mom said that the “peace, love, freedom” crowd had similar views in the 70’s with their teens (so kids born mid-late 50’s). They were just also practicing non-monogamous behaviors where for my generation even monogamy practicing parents were open to “teen exploration”. Monogamy, in general, tends to be a religious value so as practicing religious fall, those who think it’s fine for teens to do whatever will rise.
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0Scarlett_nidiyilii
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It was happening in the 70s and 80s too.
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JimG
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Well yes, I’m older than that. Parents had pretty strict expectations of kids in many areas of life but particularly in character and morals. The surprise now is that for decades many still have strict expectations except when it comes to sex. I don’t think the results have been that great.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
Not saying that they have, but at least as far back as the 70’s, and getting more prominent by the 90’s, was the secular idea of parent-approved sex safe zones. The article reads as if it is a modern irresponsibility that the author approves of teenage sex. It’s simply not the case.
And again, it’s the result of the overall loss of religious values in society. The “big 3”–Jews, Christians, and Moslems-- all forbid pre-marital sex. Less religion, more secular values. More people parenting, generationally, with values they choose on a whim.
Some things are good–we recognize, like many native American tribes, that children should have bodily autonomy and that it is bad to beat them into submission–but when it comes to sex this goes too far. One can understand that sex is an adult action but still believe a child should not have corporal punishment. It seems that society hasn’t been able to understand the difference.
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JimG
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I never knew anyone even in the 1950’s who experienced corporal punishment from parents with respect to sex. What was common among both Catholic and non-Catholic parents, was that they had serious expectations of their children with respect to such things as avoiding pre-marital sex, and kids took those expectations seriously.
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Cruciferi
Guest
Assuming I had kids, I would raise them in the faith and make it clear what’s right and what’s wrong. I’d make it clear that promiscuous behavior comes at a price. They’re gonna have to live with the consequences whether it’s a child, a disease, or emotional trauma. It’s the real world and I would refuse to enable stupid behavior. I’ve seen and heard enough crap from my coworkers and friends to know 100% that premarital relations can destroy your life!
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
No, not corporal punishment in regards to sex, but the idea of bodily autonomy has been very good for society as a whole. Today, most parents would not use heavy corporal punishment (belts, etc) even if they choose to use the occasional spank. Parents also recognize that it’s a bad idea to force a young child to kiss, hug or cuddle a relative when they don’t want to…especally one they don’t know well…so long as they are otherwise respectful. This idea of bodily autonomy was non-existant in the 50’s. If creepy Uncle Melvin wanted a hug, you bet your red rear end you were going to give him a hug.
Today, many parents would not force their child to hug anyone. Spanking, if used at all, is for serious issues and is not bruise-raising. While both notions can be taken to the extreme, it’s not a bad idea at all. Socially both these things are incredibly good.
But the same idea of autonomy has been applied to teenagers, which isn’t healthy. Teenagers can decide for themselves, just like young children, to what extent they want to show affection. However, in this many parents carry the idea that they can choose sex. In reality, the two do not correlate. Teen sex is the opposite of having respect for one’s body.
My point is that not everything that leads up to the “it’s not my body” movement is not bad. For the youngest and most vulnerable in society, it’s been good. Why such the logic is twisted and then applied to teen sex is beyond me.
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Spyridon
Guest
It beats going bareback.
A 1 in 100 chance is better than 1 in 5.
A 1 in 100 chance is better than 1 in 5.
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Bruised_Reed
Guest
It’s not this simple but the dissociation of sex and babies is part if it. An act that has the potential to make another person demands more respect. If it can make another person there are probably other things sex does, so do parents and other adults really think young people can handle it, or if they can, should they?
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
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I’m talking about the good movement towards bodily autonomy. I am saying that simply because parents have very poorly applied the idea that bodily autonomy extends to teen sex doesn’t negate the very positive outcomes of teaching children they have a right to their person. Or basically, I approve the ideas of bodily atonomy as they are applied to young children but do not think that it is appropriate to extend these ideas to teen sex because sex is a far more complicated bodily relationship than unwanted hugs or aggressive corporal punishment.
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Bruised_Reed
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I wasn’t disagreeing with you, I whole-heartedly agree. I was replying to the last sentence of your post.
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dallas_r
Guest
I think parents should tell their children that premarital sex is sinful and be tough on them, but allow teens to have a “girlfriend”. There’s a line between having sexual relations with a woman and the girl being a friend that you have feelings for which many parents (like mine) are huge control freaks over. For dating keep your rules strict like no tongue kisses, kisses should be kept no longer than three seconds, no going out without supervision (except dinner or a date of some sort/dances), and more basic stuff. If your a parent PLEASE don’t make sex a weird thing that your child feels uncomfortable talking about because then they will never approach you with their struggles. My parents have to be the worst at this because I haven’t even had “the talk” when I am way past the age that it should be given at. It’s super hard for us teenagers to resist the temptations of the flesh because they are everywhere in media and in advertisements. Both guys and ladies at my age crave sex so bad that they will do it with someone that they don’t even know. I have been offered sex numerous times and it’s so hard to fight hormones and say no. Parents who constantly avoid and make sex appear weird don’t help at all because your child has nowhere to vent. The guardian that feels like they are helping their child by avoiding sex is straight up stupid. I feel demons throwing all sorts of sexual things at youths to the point where it makes you want to explode. Please remember the youth in your prayers and pray that we may overcome temptation. God bless you.
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Le_Cracquere
Guest
Well, my parents were made of considerably sterner stuff than the examples in that article … but if I’d been remotely attractive or socially adept back in the day, I doubt that even they could’ve stopped me. A moot point, however.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
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Got it. I’m sure that the separation between sex & babies has been a big factor. I do think that separation has caused more hurt to men because there still is a prevailing culture of “boys will be boys” where girls still have to be gatekeepers. The author of the article makes the point that the girls are “empowered” to decided what to do, but people would be livid if he told his son the same thing. The idea of shoved off responsibility is simply now being enjoyed by women where it was one solely a men’s benefit.
But you have a point. Parents are likely more willing when there won’t be a grandbaby around the corrner.
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Xantippe
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A related issue is that teens need to understand other people’s bodily autonomy. So if A wants to do XYZ with B, it doesn’t matter what A wants if B does not want to.
A stronger sense of respect for other people’s bodily autonomy is actually helpful for chastity.
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