1 Cor 7 & vasectomies

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First of all, let me thank you all for your advice. I am introspective by nature, so this has not been an issue that I’ve considered lightly. I appreciate your help as the issue progresses.

I’d like to respond to a couple points mentioned above and then ask for maybe a little more help from you all, but first I have a little house-cleaning to do. . .

Dear “former Catholic” - First, of course God can do anything, and of course vasectomies are not 100% effective. But no other contraception is 100% effective, either. That doesn’t mean ABC is OK because God can alway make a miracle happen if he wants. Also, nothing was said in my post about pregnancy causing health problems for my wife. On our last child, we had a doctor’s appointment and reservations for supper afterwards. At the doctor’s appointment he tells her to go get checked into the hospital because she’s having the baby. Labor was less than 1 hr. No anesthesia, as there was not time for it. After delivery, her comment was, “That’s it?” I’m sorry you have had difficulties in pregnancy, and I assume you left the Church after some priest told you it was wrong to protect your life. I am heartbroken for you. However. . .
You are overwhelmingly concerned with exactly how holy your holy genitalia is.
You are in fact so overwhelmingly preoccupied with trying to figure out the holiness of your own genitalia on your own little stairway to heaven, that you don’t even have sufficient faith in God to realize that you, mere mortal man, DO NOT HAVE THE POWER TO LIMIT GOD IN ANY WAY.
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This is not helpful. Please go away. Your post has been reported to the moderator.

Everyone else: thanks for sticking with me. Again, I appreciate your help as I try to navigate this issue.

ChosenAndCalled - Your analogy of the thief has passed through my mind previously. It is very much how I feel. There has been a crime committed, and we are continuing to benefit from the crime. I think a better solution could have been arrived at if my wife and I were of one mind with the issue. However, communication on the topic is never easy, so little progress is made together. Also, thank you for recognizing that I am trying to be the spiritual leader in my family. Being a husband and father is much easier if you don’t care about leading. Thanks for your insight.

Testers - I am sorry for the problems you are facing. I agree with the others that the priest was out of line and you should talk with someone else - maybe contact the diocesan offices. I will pray for you.

StJoan - You are absolutely right that I pulled the rug out from under my wife. I’ve tried to bring it up before, but not in recent months, so she was surely caught completely off guard. Offering up the regret and sufferering is how I’ve handled it the past 2-1/2 years. While I’m thinking maybe I should have just gone ahead and kept suffering silently, now the cat is out of the bag.

Belmontmac - You are right that I do love her. Thank you for your support.

All - Hopefully my wife and I can discuss more this evening. After my original post we talked (almost calmly and rationally) for about 20 minutes. There are signs of light, but I’m not out of the woods, yet. I have inadvertenlty painted my wife into a corner, and at this point, I am struggling with seeing a solution where she doesn’t feel like I gave in because “I had to.” Since I can’t go back and undo what I said, how could I assure her that I lover her and that I’m not regretting and sufferering any time that we are intimate?

Thank you.
 
Around here, any woman over the age of 30 is considered a high risk pregnancy by the medical profession.
The closer she is to 40, she is considered an extremely high risk pregnancy by the medical profession.

When a woman feels so extremely threatened by the idea of undergoing another pregnancy that she threatens to divorce her husband if he reverses a vasectomy
that she* threatens to have a tubal ligation *
that she *screams or complains that the children she already has are overwhelming for her, *
she would be considered medically to be at very high risk for complications of pregnancy at any age whatsoever.

The 4 children I delivered prior to my last one went exactly like your wife’s last childbirth.
Good luck with reassuring your wife that you love her.
 
There are quite a few similar questions on the “ask an apologist” board. You can use the search feature to look at some of the past questions.

Here is a quote from Fr. Vincent in reference to a tubal litigation: “Evidently the priest you consulted gave you poor advice. If you have repented and received absolution, your sin is forgiven. The Church does not require you to attempt to reverse the proceedure. Pray for the faith to recognize the Lord’s forgiveness. This experience dramatizes well how gratuitous God’s forgiveness is for every sin.”

Testers1551, the answer that your priest gave you sounds very strange. I would strongly advise consulting another priest. With the given information, his claim that your marriage was invalid sounds unreasonable. In addition, even assuming that you were even involved in your husband’s decision to get a vasectomy, I don’t see any reason why your priest should have refused to give you absolution if you are truly repentant. There are also questions on the “ask an apologist” board that are related to this.

Here is a relevant quote from Michelle Arnold, “Sterility is not an impediment to marriage. It is the permanent inability to consummate a marriage by either the man or the woman that is an impediment. So, yes, such a man can be married in the Church, but he should reveal his sterilization to his fiancee and to the priest or deacon who is preparing him and his fiancee for marriage. If either he or the fiancee see marriage to each other as a means to be married without being open to life, then that could impede sacramental consent and invalidate the marriage.”
 
Thank you again everyone for your help. My wife and I were reconcilled last night in a near-miraculous way. Although the topic is sensitive and we each have strong and differing opinions, we discussed it as freely and easily as you might discuss what you’re having for supper.

I could go on about all the lessons I’ve learned from this, but I think I’ll just stop here. Thanks again & praise be to God.
 
Hooray! Communication is key.

You can get through anything if you turn to each other, and not on each other!
 
You can’t have it fixed yet, I haven’t posted! 😃

Everybody sees the lives of others through their OWN lens. You have to take the advice you’re given and sort between that which IS applicable to your relationship and that which isn’t. Wow, that’s hard…

I think you are on to something by reading that chapter of Corinthians. But read the whole thing! It’s your job to love your wife into heaven. What Christ do? Died for us so that we could live.

But you can’t do it dogmatically. If you want your witness to your wife to be effective, you need to get supernaturally loving. Once she sees the difference your faith makes in your life, maybe THEN she’ll be more receptive to the aspects that make up that faith. Look up e5men.org

Feel free to offer up SOME sort of penance for the sin of your vasectomy. But for now, don’t make it one that requires sacrifice on your wife’s behalf. Just pray for her and show her Jesus.
 
jwashu said:
Stop trying to undo the past. As the Priest said it’s done, repented and forgiven.

Unlike our parents or most other humans, forgiven from God’s standpoint is forgotten. Washed clean 🙂

The Church doesn’t require people to have a vasectomies reversed for this reason. Be with an love your wife, let this go and focus on how you guys can serve the Lord by taking care of the blessings you have been given by raising them in a good loving and happy Catholic home.

Joe
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ABSOLUTELY!!! We are a Church of sinners, not saints. Accept the gift of forgiveness gracefully. Your persistence in refusing this gift is now causing problems in your marriage. Take heed, move on and attend to the here and now, not the past.
 
Anonymous123 said:
Thank you again everyone for your help. My wife and I were reconcilled last night in a near-miraculous way. Although the topic is sensitive and we each have strong and differing opinions, we discussed it as freely and easily as you might discuss what you’re having for supper.

I could go on about all the lessons I’ve learned from this, but I think I’ll just stop here. Thanks again & praise be to God.
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:extrahappy::extrahappy::extrahappy:
:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:
 
I was listening to Catholic radio this morning and a question was raised as to what an individual should do when they have gone to confession but continue to feel guilt despite absolution. The recommendation from the priest was to recognize confession “wipes the slate clean” no matter what the offense and instead of dwelling - pray “God please grant me peace.”
 
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