10 things the bible doesn't say

  • Thread starter Thread starter Muze
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Muze

Guest
“The test of true religion is that you forcibly take money from others and give it to the poor, the orphan and the widow.”

“Judge not unless ye be tolerant.”

“For I was hungry and you sent me to the government, I was thirsty and you sent me to the government, I was a stranger and you sent me to government housing, I was naked and you sent me to the government, I was sick and you sent me to the government, I was in prison and you sent me a government social worker.”

“Go and sin only when you can find an excuse for it.”

“Love does not reject wrongdoing, but rejoices with tolerance.”

“I am not the only way, nor the only truth, nor the only life.”

“Be fruitful and multiply, unless it is inconvenient. Then thou shalt kill.”

“Therefore a man or woman shall leave his/her father and his/her mother and hold fast to either his/her man or woman, and they shall become one flesh.”

“Thou shalt send thy father and they mother to a government bureaucrat to see whether they shall receive health care or die, so that your days may be long without them burdening you.”

“Thou shalt not bear false witness except when trying to put down those rascally republicans.”
 
How about (for number 11):

And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. But feel free to start 30,000 other churches teaching contradictory doctrines if you don’t like mine.
😉
 
Muze, you have some good ones, but you have your political leanings too:
  • “forcibly take money” – a code word for anti-tax politics.
  • “For I was hungry and you sent me to the government” – pro-charity or anti-welfare?
  • “Thou shalt send thy father and they mother to a government bureaucrat” – as above
  • “Thou shalt not bear false witness except when trying to put down those rascally republicans” – Got plank?
 
Beryllos said:
Muze, you have some good ones, but you have your political leanings too:
Click to expand...
I don’t think the OP was trying to hide that. Actually, you know, it’s not necessary to be politically neutral in order to post joke, even if that joke has serious aspects.

Another thing the Bible doesn’t say, for the list:

“The end justifies the means. So as long as your point is to be kind to some people, it doesn’t matter how unkind you are to others.”

–Jen
 
Hahahaha too good, I love the one go and sin when you can find an excuse for it lol
 
PietroPaolo said:
How about (for number 11):

And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. But feel free to start 30,000 other churches teaching contradictory doctrines if you don’t like mine.
😉
Click to expand...
and I love this one too. You guys should create a meme with this and post it on Facebook lol
 
revert_jen said:
I don’t think the OP was trying to hide that. Actually, you know, it’s not necessary to be politically neutral in order to post joke, even if that joke has serious aspects.

Another thing the Bible doesn’t say, for the list:

“The end justifies the means. So as long as your point is to be kind to some people, it doesn’t matter how unkind you are to others.”

–Jen
Click to expand...
The Bible also doesn’t say “You must be a republican and support the traditional values of the American right.” 😉
 
Number 12:

“For God so loved the world that He sent a committee”

Number 13:

“The Word was made into a book”
 
PietroPaolo said:
How about (for number 11):

And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. But feel free to start 30,000 other churches teaching contradictory doctrines if you don’t like mine.
😉
Click to expand...
Oh come on, if I wrote something contrary like,“Bible Rule #1 The Church is always right,and Bible Rule #2 , When She is wrong refer to Rule #1”,I would be ruled being in contempt for the Church but not your statement. So my statement is only hypothetical, and I am not really stating it. Do like the origianl 10.Thanks
 
pocohombre said:
Oh come on, if I wrote something contrary like,“Bible Rule #1 The Church is always right,and Bible Rule #2 , When She is wrong refer to Rule #1”,I would be ruled being in contempt for the Church but not your statement. So my statement is only hypothetical, and I am not really stating it. Do like the origianl 10.Thanks
Click to expand...
It was a joke, my friend. Chill out.
 
pocohombre said:
Oh come on, if I wrote something contrary like,“Bible Rule #1 The Church is always right,and Bible Rule #2 , When She is wrong refer to Rule #1”,I would be ruled being in contempt for the Church but not your statement. So my statement is only hypothetical, and I am not really stating it. Do like the origianl 10.Thanks
Click to expand...
On the contrary, the Bible makes the Church’s authority clear:

“You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it.”

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you, and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age.”
 
“and they shall become one flesh… until they no longer feel like it anymore. Then feel free to split apart and take half of the other half’s stuff.”
 
Beryllos said:
Muze, you have some good ones, but you have your political leanings too:
  • “forcibly take money” – a code word for anti-tax politics.
  • “For I was hungry and you sent me to the government” – pro-charity or anti-welfare?
  • “Thou shalt send thy father and they mother to a government bureaucrat” – as above
Click to expand...
The point of these is that Jesus commanded US to do these things with our own resources, not to vote to have someone else’s money taken so that some government bureaucrat can do it poorly.
 
DarkLight said:
The Bible also doesn’t say “You must be a republican and support the traditional values of the American right.” 😉
Click to expand...
Correct. Disagreement is certainly a part of democratic politics. But so are principles and integrity.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top