10 year old asking tough questions

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This afternoon my 10 year old son mentioned to me that many of his friends are Baptist. He said, “they believe basically the same things we do, right?” I told him that they are Christians but they don’t have full revelation of Jesus because they don’t have the sacraments. I told him that don’t believe the same things we do about Mary (perpetual virginity, immaculate conception), don’t believe in reconciliation and they do honor civil marriages. He’s a smart kid and understood those things.

However, when I told him that they do not believe that the Eucharist really does become the body and blood, he said “Well, that makes sense. I mean it is just a cracker that was made in a factory and a guy just raises it up. There is nothing special about that.” I explained to him that Jesus was even questioned about it and reassured us that it IS the literal body and blood, but he just kind of shrugged it off.

Has anyone had a similar experience with their preteens/teens, and if so how did you handle it? As I mentioned, he is a smart kid and has years of faith formation. I was his teacher for many of those years and I know he as a much better understanding than the other kids in the classes seemed to. I’m kind of at a loss. I don’t want to tell him to believe because I said so, and I want his faith to be his own. What has worked for you all, and are there any good resources I could point him to?
 
Seems like he simply doesn’t grasp the deep meaning of the Eucharist. I don’t think that’s uncommon; I was very well cathechized and still didn’t really “get it”. Maybe make a point to talk about it more? Read some theology? Read the Last Supper accounts in the Gospels?
Also explain that if he doesn’t believe in the Real Presence, he’s a Protestant. Just kidding. But sort of not.
 
Abundant said:
This afternoon my 10 year old son mentioned to me that many of his friends are Baptist. He said, “they believe basically the same things we do, right?” I told him that they are Christians but they don’t have full revelation of Jesus because they don’t have the sacraments. I told him that don’t believe the same things we do about Mary (perpetual virginity, immaculate conception), don’t believe in reconciliation and they do honor civil marriages. He’s a smart kid and understood those things.

However, when I told him that they do not believe that the Eucharist really does become the body and blood, he said “Well, that makes sense. I mean it is just a cracker that was made in a factory and a guy just raises it up. There is nothing special about that.” I explained to him that Jesus was even questioned about it and reassured us that it IS the literal body and blood, but he just kind of shrugged it off.

Has anyone had a similar experience with their preteens/teens, and if so how did you handle it? As I mentioned, he is a smart kid and has years of faith formation. I was his teacher for many of those years and I know he as a much better understanding than the other kids in the classes seemed to. I’m kind of at a loss. I don’t want to tell him to believe because I said so, and I want his faith to be his own. What has worked for you all, and are there any good resources I could point him to?
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This is actually pretty serious, and you should have him talk with a priest about this. He shouldn’t be receiving the Eucharist unless he believes that it IS in fact Jesus’ body, blood, soul and divinity. Chatechists won’t allow students, even if they are Catholic, to receive their first holy communion if they don’t truly believe.

Don’t let your son simply “shrug it off.” You can’t force him to believe. He needs to be allowed that freedom - Faith is a gift, not something put on us by force. But, you do need to let him know that he can’t receive the Eucharist any more at Mass if he doesn’t believe in the true presence. You don’t have to be harsh or anything or make him feel like he’s done anything wrong. It’s normal for adults and children alike to have doubts at times. But, by you taking this matter seriously, it might provoke him into thinking more about it. It’s not something flippant we do on Sundays. Receiving the Eucharist is THE most powerful grace we can receive in our lives.

Again, I would have your son talk with a really good priest asap. Try to find one that’s good with kids, who is really understanding and compassionate.
 
“Yes, when a Baptist minister raises it up, nothing happens. That’s what is so wonderful about the Catholic priesthood - they have a special authority from God to bring about the Sacrament of the Eucharist, which the Church has always taught from the time of the Apostles is truly Jesus present. The Baptists and other Protestants cut themselves off from the Apostolic Succession, so there’s no guarantee that what they believe will be right. But since the Catholic Church has maintained a line of bishops and Popes who gave and received teaching authority all the way back to the Apostles, we know that we are receiving the truth that Jesus promised would be given by the Holy Spirit to the Apostles.”
 
Did he really say the word “cracker”? And he referred to the priest as “a guy”?

I think the problem here is that he has no grasp of the Sacrifice of the Mass, no sense of the divine, no understanding that this “guy” is a priest acting in the person of Christ.

I suggest buying an age-appropriate book explaining the Mass and reading it together. And ask his PSR teacher to review the concepts of sacrament and the meaning of the Eucharist. And sign him up to be an altar server.
 
One of my sons has a hard time believing as well. He is 9. He had never mentioned to me he has a hard time believing until after he talked to the priest in the confessional about it. After confession he told me what he told the priest. I was floored and so very sad. I homeschool so I just KNEW it was my fault. How could I have done something so wrong as not teach him this! I also go to Eucharistic Adoration every week for at least an hour. I receive so much comfort sitting with Jesus, looking upon the monstrance. I asked my son what the priest told him, even though I was sure he told him I was a terrible teacher. Father told him to go to Adoration with me and to ask Jesus to help him believe. Well, I’m thinking it helped because now my son asks each week to tag along with my husband and I when we head to Adoration. I also overheard him telling his younger siblings about the Eucharist looking like bread and wine but really it is Jesus. I pray that at least one of my kids has a devotion to the Eucharist like their father and I do, and I think that maybe it might end up being him! I’ll pray your son’s heart is opened to this beautiful gift from God. But remember that many adults also struggle with this, including many priests and religious. Corpus Christi, one of my favorite celebrations each year, was the result of a miracle given to ease a priest’s doubts of the True Presence.
 
Abundant said:
However, when I told him that they do not believe that the Eucharist really does become the body and blood, he said “Well, that makes sense. I mean it is just a cracker that was made in a factory and a guy just raises it up. There is nothing special about that.” I explained to him that Jesus was even questioned about it and reassured us that it IS the literal body and blood, but he just kind of shrugged it off.
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My mother is a life-long (but semi-lapsed) Catholic. We usually went to mass because my mom got paid to play the organ. But she’s sort of flighty and I went through catechism a year or so later than the rest of the kids. When I was planning my wedding my mother mentioned that did you know that Catholics believe that the Eucharist is* literally* the body and blood of Christ? I paused a moment and answered, “Yeah, Mom. It’s called transubstantiation. It’s one of the basic tenants of our faith.” She also just kind of shrugged it off like no big deal. She was 45 years old.
 
jpjd said:
Did he really say the word “cracker”? And he referred to the priest as “a guy”?.
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This jumped out at me too. It is very disrespectful.

@Abundent, It doesn’t sound like your son has nearly the understanding of the church that you think he has. At ten, he should never refer to a priest as “that guy” or speak of the host as a cracker.

First things first, make sure your son knows he is to have the utmost respect for things sacred. Then, I would start talking to him on a regular basis about the Catholic church and all of our beautiful beliefs and teachings.
 
This made a difference to me personally. I don’t know if it would mean anything to your son.

To me, it made a big difference to understand how the Jewish Passover meal and the Jewish sacrifices prefigured the Eucharist. When the Jewish people “remembered” the Passover they were not just mentally thinking about it and imitating it. They understood it to be a kind of supernatural meeting of past and present as if everyone was there with Moses at the first Passover.

If a yearly Jewish Passover meal was much more than people meeting to share matzoh and wine, how much more is the Eucharist instituted by a Jesus something more than people meeting to pray and share a memorial meal of crackers and wine!
 
Maybe you could show him some relavent bible verses. I would also suggest telling him that it’s a supernatural event, a mystery, and that it’s not necessary to understand how it happens. After all, Jesus said, “Take, eat,” not, “Take, understand.” JHMO.
 
Maybe he’s having doubts about his faith. At any age, this is normal.
 
You could say all these millions of people over centuries believed this and among them
are some of the most intelligent, wisest and most learned people in the world.
 
You might read John 6 to him. Those people were not upset about “crackers” that don’t mean anything. He didn’t have disciples desert him over “crackers.” They deserted him because he was teaching something about himself that was too hard for them to believe.

At the very end, read this: Jesus then said to the Twelve, “Do you also want to leave?” Simon Peter answered him, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.” John 6:67-69

So ask him: Is he going to stay with Peter and the Twelve, or is he going to go away because he won’t believe what the Lord taught, as many of the others did?

He can also look at this, which St. Paul wrote:
“For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus, on the night he was handed over, took bread, and, after he had given thanks, broke it and said, “This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until he comes. Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord.” 1 Cor. 11:23-27

Then you can tell him that it is not ours to judge that anyone else is not doing their best in what they believe, it is not a sin to have doubts, but among us who know better, we must do better. We must put our trust in what was handed down to us from the Apostles. We cannot weaken what we know in order to fit in with those who seem not to know it. No, we need to stick up for what is true.
 
Abundant said:
This afternoon my 10 year old son mentioned to me that many of his friends are Baptist. He said, “they believe basically the same things we do, right?” I told him that they are Christians but they don’t have full revelation of Jesus because they don’t have the sacraments. I told him that don’t believe the same things we do about Mary (perpetual virginity, immaculate conception), don’t believe in reconciliation and they do honor civil marriages. He’s a smart kid and understood those things.

**However, when I told him that they do not believe that the Eucharist really does become the body and blood, he said “Well, that makes sense. I mean it is just a cracker that was made in a factory and a guy just raises it up. There is nothing special about that.” I explained to him that Jesus was even questioned about it and reassured us that it IS the literal body and blood, but he just kind of shrugged it off.
**
Has anyone had a similar experience with their preteens/teens, and if so how did you handle it? As I mentioned, he is a smart kid and has years of faith formation. I was his teacher for many of those years and I know he as a much better understanding than the other kids in the classes seemed to. I’m kind of at a loss. I don’t want to tell him to believe because I said so, and I want his faith to be his own. What has worked for you all, and are there any good resources I could point him to?
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You don’t think he possibly meant that TO THE BAPTISTS, the Host is “just a cracker made in a factory and a guy just raises it up?” Like, he is saying that from their perspective, they see nothing changed in the Host and that is why they don’t believe in transubstantiation?

Just wondering. If not, if he really said something that banal and yet disrespectful about our sacrament and priests…Time for some intervention with the priest.

By the way, is he going to a public school, or a Baptist school, and why isn’t he in Catholic school?
 
Thanks for all of your answers. You all gave me quite a bit to think about and discuss with him. When he said “the cracker” he wasn’t trying to be disrespectful at all. As the last poster said, I think he meant that is how it would ‘seem’ to an outsider, especially in our uber-scientific society. After talking to him about it again, I really think that he was looking for the words that he could give to his friends and/or to defend his faith…just as many of us are on this site to learn more and understand better. He 'knows" that the Eucharist is the body and blood, and I think he’s now at the age where his faith is meeting reason and he’s having to reconcile the two. As other respondents said, that’s something most of us struggle with.

I, for one, am glad that we have those conversations in our house and that he wants to talk about the why of his faith. I believe that as parents, we can give them the head knowledge(teach them, set a good example, require reverance, etc.),but it is up to them and God to make that faith personal and turn the head knowledge into heart knowledge.

(As for why he’s not in Catholic school, there are a lot of reasons. First, he is our oldest and we had him within a year of getting married. We were young and broke. Catholic schools in our area cost upward of $8k per year with assistance only going to those who are classified as at or below poverty level. Second, he is in gifted and talented and a lot of programs are offered in our public school that are not available in our area Catholic schools.

My daughter, however, who came along 6 years later when we were in a much better position to afford it, is in Catholic school full-time. We hope to send my son to Catholic Highschool,but the $13-22k tuition along with transportation concerns (we both work full time) may prove to make it impossible. So, we shall see…)
 
Hmmmmm…I can’t see how you justify sending your daughter to Catholic school but not your son. You can afford her tuition but not his? Most Catholic schools give a discount for more than one student.

I would really urge caution at this point. I think your son may be in some amount of spiritual danger in public school. You’re going to have to work pretty hard to keep him centered in his faith.
 
Abundant said:
Thanks for all of your answers. You all gave me quite a bit to think about and discuss with him. When he said “the cracker” he wasn’t trying to be disrespectful at all. As the last poster said, I think he meant that is how it would ‘seem’ to an outsider, especially in our uber-scientific society. After talking to him about it again, I really think that he was looking for the words that he could give to his friends and/or to defend his faith…just as many of us are on this site to learn more and understand better. He 'knows" that the Eucharist is the body and blood, and I think he’s now at the age where his faith is meeting reason and he’s having to reconcile the two. As other respondents said, that’s something most of us struggle with.

I, for one, am glad that we have those conversations in our house and that he wants to talk about the why of his faith. I believe that as parents, we can give them the head knowledge(teach them, set a good example, require reverance, etc.),but it is up to them and God to make that faith personal and turn the head knowledge into heart knowledge.

(As for why he’s not in Catholic school, there are a lot of reasons. First, he is our oldest and we had him within a year of getting married. We were young and broke. Catholic schools in our area cost upward of $8k per year with assistance only going to those who are classified as at or below poverty level. Second, he is in gifted and talented and a lot of programs are offered in our public school that are not available in our area Catholic schools.

My daughter, however, who came along 6 years later when we were in a much better position to afford it, is in Catholic school full-time. We hope to send my son to Catholic Highschool,but the $13-22k tuition along with transportation concerns (we both work full time) may prove to make it impossible. So, we shall see…)
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Catholic Answers has tracts in the literature section about how to explain the Eucharist to Protestants. That might help you out. His friends are undoubtedly very interested in the Bible, and luckily we still have the original understanding in our rites as the Apostles had. Likewise, his friends will reinforce the idea that having a Scriptural backing does count.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Hmmmmm…I can’t see how you justify sending your daughter to Catholic school but not your son. You can afford her tuition but not his? Most Catholic schools give a discount for more than one student.
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Yeah, I’m sure they have an extra $6,000 in their couch cushions. Who doesn’t, amirite? 😛
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
Yeah, I’m sure they have an extra $6,000 in their couch cushions. Who doesn’t, amirite? 😛
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Is it just strange to put one child in Catholic school and leave the other one in public school though? I can’t understand the rationale that was given. Maybe it’s that they don’t want to change the older son out of schools he’s been in all this time. That would make more sense. Or maybe they think that a girl is in more danger in public schools. I just can’t understand why the younger child gets to have the Catholic education but the older one is out of luck.

Edit: I see the OP mentioned gifted and talented education. I guess that’s the rationale - but what if the son is influenced away from the Church? Was it worth that risk? I think G&T classes are over-rated. That’s JMO. Anyway that’s a side discussion. I’d be concerned if my son were surrounded by Baptists and had no support for his faith.
 
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