10 year old scared of dying

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Thanks again Andy. I am so proud of her and I am glad she can articulate her fears so well.

Little Mary, I could not look at this child and tell her the cat would not go to heaven. I don’t think many would disagree. she can figure out animals and heaven some other time.

Pira, I agree that this is something that everyone experiences regarding death. The part that has me stumped is her persistance in questioning on a nightly basis despite my reassurances. I know she will work through it and I now have some ideas on how to help her work through it and hopefully, strenghten her faith through it all ie: her rosary and her personal prayer life. I hate to see her experiencing such anxiety at such a tender age.

Thanks everyone. You have helped me so much.
 
pammie said:
Little Mary, I could not look at this child and tell her the cat would not go to heaven. I don’t think many would disagree. she can figure out animals and heaven some other time.

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Bless you! There’s actually a children’t book called Cat Heaven that I bought for MYSELF:rolleyes: once when one of my cats died. It talks about how God lets them sleep on his bed and roam in his garden and jump on the counter when he’s dishing up their fresh fish dinner…it’s really cute. I’m sure your local Books a Million or similar would have it. (There’s one called Dog Heaven too)
 
Little_Mary said:
Bless you! There’s actually a children’t book called Cat Heaven that I bought for MYSELF:rolleyes: once when one of my cats died. It talks about how God lets them sleep on his bed and roam in his garden and jump on the counter when he’s dishing up their fresh fish dinner…it’s really cute. I’m sure your local Books a Million or similar would have it. (There’s one called Dog Heaven too)

That sounds like it would be very confusing to a child - it might give them the impression that animals have some kind of an afterlife.
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jmcrae said:
That sounds like it would be very confusing to a child - it might give them the impression that animals have some kind of an afterlife.
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Well, like it was stated before, they can work out the truth as they grow older and mature. To try and deal with no animal afterlife while she is still dealing with death in general is quite a lot for a small mind to grasp. As they grow older, all will fall into perspective right along with the easter bunny, santa, and all those great fairy tales we all enjoyed. I think it’s harmless at this point.
 
My son also went through this. It was when he was about 8. I made an appointment with our Priest. My son went to Confession and then had a conversation with the Priest. But my son was afraid to die, because he was afaid that he would go to Hell. 😦

He still sometimes gets that way. I try to make sure that he goes to Confession often enough to not feel that way.
 
You are really doing a great job by listening to her fears & helping her through them. I remember my mother being annoyed with me because I worried all the time & would ask her for reassurance! She just got to a point where she stopped listening. I commend you for being there for her & listening to her.

I went through this beginning at age 5. I was so scared my parents were going to die & leave me behind. I was a terribly anxious child. I was held back in kindergarten because I could not focus at school due to anxiety. I was so worried about my mother’s safety 24/7! I remember being afraid I was going to die in my sleep & would stay up late because I was so fearful. The list goes on & on! Mine turned out to be OCD. Im certainly not saying that is what your daughter has, I just wanted to share my story!
 
Kate, I’m sorry you had such a hard time as a small child. I think when a parent is dismissive of a childs problems, it makes it 10 times worse. Thanks for your kind reply. There is a lot of anxiety in our family so I do keep that in mind.
 
There is a good book by a Catholic author titled Travel Guide to Heaven. It is very easy to read and is basically theological speculation.

Also, when talking to her, remind her that this is not really home. Dying is just our going home. Jesus said that if we, who are wicked, can give good gifts, how much more wonderful will His gifts be. And He also says that Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor heart concieved what God has for us in Heaven.

I tell that to my children. My fourth child died in March and the older three have had questions. I assure them that if we, with our fantastic imaginations (Lord of the Rings, Disney world, roller coasters, banana splits, etc) cannot even conceive of it, it must be unbelievably awe inspiring, beautiful, and yes, FUN.

Is death scary? Sure. We haven’t experienced it yet. Ask her how much she thinks you love her. Remind her that God’s love is vastly greater even than yours. She is in His hands.

For those who deny the existence of pets in heaven…When we are resurrected and enjoying the new heaven/earth, why do you think there will be no animals? Jesus says He makes all things new. In Eden God gave man dominion over the animals. Heaven will include animals, trees, flowers, etc. I don’t know if we can say with certainty that the animals we now enjoy as family members won’t also be made new. God says we can’t conceive how wonderful heaven will be. I can’t wait to find out!
 
I am not sure that you will receive this as it has been years since your last post. I have a 10 year old turning 11 and the past year has been much of a hardship as my daughter has a fear of dying. It has lead to anxiety and panic attacks. I was wondering if your child still experiences this and or how you coped with it. I encourage her often to have a relationship with God, and it is very difficult for her to believe as s much happens all around us in this world. If anyone has any advise or a direction, please let me know. We are avoiding as much as possible to take her in for therapy as these occurrences happen mainly and mostly at night and have calmed down. Two of her friends with in the past 6 months lost their fathers to a sudden tragedy so she is really on high alert. I feel alone and afraid and if anyone can help. Pls let me know. Thank you all. Stay blessed.
 
pammie said:
For the last few weeks, my 10 yr old dd has been obsessing about death. She is very scared of dying, leaving us ( parents ), leaving her body, leaving her stuffed animals. She is asking how she will eat and drink in heaven. She is desperately trying to understand what it will be like in heaven and it is causing her much distress. I have spent night after night explaining to her that God loves us and will always take care of us and ultimately wants us to be with him. I have tried to explain faith as believing even though we may not fully understand. We have listened to a beautiful version of Psalm 23 set to music. I have reassured her in everyway I know how but she is so wanting a concrete answer–she is a very gifted, analytical kid.
We currently have a sick cat that will need to be put to sleep next week. Bad timing! She is asking all her classmates to pray for a miracle during prayer time ( Catholic school ) and asking why God would do this to her cat and why he has not answered her prayers to save the cat. She also wants to know if the cat will be in heaven when she gets there.
I feel so overwhelmed by this situation and feel I don’t know what else to do. I was thinking about a visit to our pastor as sometimes kids will hear things from a third person and be more receptive than with mom and dad.
Has anyone had a similar experience? I feel this could be a tremendous opportunity for this child to strengthen her faith if I could only get through to her. Thanks in advance.
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Allow me to approach this from a different perspective:

Western philosophy starts with the DesCartes presumption that “I exist”. Eastern Philosophy begins with the (seemingly morbid) presumption that “one day I will cease to exist”. This is a world of difference in terms of worldly outlook, and caused a lot of problems when the two societies first met!

In Bushido, the culture of the Samurai, meditating on death was considered a GOOD thing, as long as it was coached in the proper perspective, so this might be a good tack for you to take if your daughter can’t seem to shake out of it.

I would start by encouraging the following lines of thought:
  1. Yes, one day we will all die
  2. We cannot know when this will happen
  3. Because we will all die, we have a duty to live rightly, such that when we pass on we leave a legacy of goodness for those we love, rather than a sour memory
  4. God has legions of angels that protect us at every moment
  5. God has a plan
  6. God will not let you die until His plan for you is fulfilled.
  7. So we do not fear death, because physical death is God’s, and our motivation should always be to live WELL with what life we have.
(as the saying goes: “Niether love nor hate thy life, but what thou livest, live well for however long the heavens may permit”)

As to her other questions:
  1. How will we eat or drink in Heaven?
    Eating and drinking implies a need, a desire. In heaven, we will not HAVE needs or desires like that… instead we will always have satisfaction, as though we just ate the BEST meal ever!
  2. Should I be afraid of leaving my body?
    No! God’s plan includes a BODILY resurrection at the end of time. When we die, we do not leave our bodies forever, we just take a “vacation” and will get them back!
  3. Why hasn’t God answered her prayers about her cat?
    God has a plan! Maybe the cat is too old and too sore to live a restful life, or maybe God simply wants the cat back now. Instead of praying that God would change his mind and let a sick and pained cat stick around when it is not His will, tell your daughter to pray to God that “His will be done”, even if it means letting go of the cat.
  4. Will she have her cat again in heaven?
    The church does not have a clear answer on this question, whether regarding heaven or after the bodily resurrection. I happen to believe that while animals do not have immortal souls, that God will provide us with the satisfaction of animal kinship in the bodily resurrection… namely that the pet cat will be made anew (vice resurrected) after the bodily resurrection… meaning that she MAY have the cat back again 🙂
Now, another good idea is to have her talk to the priest about this, and if it persists much longer, take her to a counselor who can help her out…
 
Dvus2679 said:
I am not sure that you will receive this as it has been years since your last post. I have a 10 year old turning 11 and the past year has been much of a hardship as my daughter has a fear of dying. It has lead to anxiety and panic attacks. I was wondering if your child still experiences this and or how you coped with it. I encourage her often to have a relationship with God, and it is very difficult for her to believe as s much happens all around us in this world. If anyone has any advise or a direction, please let me know. We are avoiding as much as possible to take her in for therapy as these occurrences happen mainly and mostly at night and have calmed down. Two of her friends with in the past 6 months lost their fathers to a sudden tragedy so she is really on high alert. I feel alone and afraid and if anyone can help. Pls let me know. Thank you all. Stay blessed.
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Your daughter has very real concerns if she has 2 friends whose fathers have died. I would look for someone who does grief counseling with children. I mean a counselor. Do not be afraid of doing this, just think of it as you would any other medical condition. If she had an infection, would you avoid going to the doctor for treatment? Of course not. If she broke her leg would you avoid going to get it set and have a cast put on? No, of course you would go and see the doctor. She’s been troubled for a year, get her some help. It won’t be long-term, probably only a few sessions will be necessary.

In addition, she needs more grounding in her faith. It’s time to start talking to her seriously about God and what He has told us about what happens after we die. Do not try to baby her on this subject. Take her very seriously. Teach her to pray the Our Father and the Hail Mary when she gets anxious, too. A rosary can be her best friend when she panics. It takes our minds off our anxieties and puts our eyes back onto Jesus, not on the storm.

I assume she is receiving the Eucharist? Remind her that she receives Our Lord every single week, and that Jesus wants us to be strong, not full of fear and worry. Tell her to let Jesus fill her with courage every week. She can visualize Jesus in the Eucharist, chasing away all her doubts and fears as He spreads throughout her body and spirit. “Take my fears away, Jesus, so I can serve You with my whole heart!”
 
Poor baby. 😦 I’ll pray for her. I still sometimes feel that way when I think of death.
 
I used to have an unnatural fear of dying in a fire. We’d had one of those fire safety presentations at school, and it must have freaked me out as a kid. I would lay awake at night and plan how I was going to escape if there was a fire in my house.

I tell my own daughter (age 12) that death is a part of life, that it’s just the beginning of the greater journey, and that it’s ok to be sad when people or pets die. When my inlaws’ pet dog died, we talked about how she was going to be with baby Jesus. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea, but it helps comfort kids, I think. Also, we often talk about the pets that have passed on and things we enjoyed doing with the pets.

I suggest counseling if you notice that your daughter is still obsessing. Perhaps, if you think it would help and only if she could handle it, ask your daughter if she would like to be there when your cat is euthanized, so that she can say a final goodbye. Teach her not to be afraid of death.

Good luck. I know my own fire obsession still flares up now and again, but I am a worrier by nature. :gopray2::gopray2:
 
She may have reached an age where she has become mentally able to comprehend mortality. I know I went through a phase where I could finally comprehend what it meant and it was quite scary to think about. Unfortunately, I don’t have much to offer or suggest because I don’t have kids. Maybe the cat’s death will actually help? Talk about heaven and how God loves and takes care of everything, even after death.
 
As far as I can tell, such a phase is actually quite normal in the development of a child’s consciousness of the world.
 
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