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GraceDK
Guest
I got the chills when I watched that.
Juliane, I think you should send that link to your son.
The wife of that man must be a saint.
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Juliane, I think you should send that link to your son.
The wife of that man must be a saint.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
She loves him - and she must love God too.
“Just another desperate, broken man.”
Aren’t we all, Nate, aren’t we all…
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
OK, I brought up the topic during dinner tonight. It was not as uncomfortable as I thought it might be. I told my husband what had happened and when. He did not get angry and did not withdraw. He understood my point of view, especially when I told him that porn is illegal under 18 (and of course immoral at any time). He still doesn’t relish talking to our son about it, but he seemed almost resigned that he would need to be the one to do it. He won’t stress the Catholic POV, but really, there are enough strictly practical aspects of this that he shouldn’t even have to. I asked him how he would approach it and he said he would tell our son that:
The women involved in porn are being degraded, and by extension women in general.
It also hurts his future relationships with women and it’s progressive. Just like a drug, he would develop a tolerance to it and would graduate to more and more disgusting things, perhaps even culminating in violence. Of course there are more but I didn’t go down the list, that seemed to be enough to think about.
Hubby did not argue with any of those points. He looked pretty uncomfortable the whole time, but not like “chew off my arm and run away” uncomfortable. Anyway we were eating so he didn’t want to just leave.
And now our son is sitting across from me with the laptop and telling me that he has cleaned everything off of it as well as his phone. He apologized for snapping at me this morning and I told him it’s OK, that 6:30 a.m. is not my best time for that kind of thing either. He says he doesn’t want to do that stuff and that he knows it’s bad. He even says I can check the computer and his phone
whenever I want to. He still doesn’t want the blocking software but if he lets me check his computer randomly, I may agree to that.
They did deal with this in detail at the camp last summer, so he knows the facts and why it’s bad. He really loved the camp leader as well as the head guy. I think he bonded with them and would not want to disappoint them. I hope we can visit the camp this summer.
That’s pretty much of a miracle, isn’t it? Thanks for the prayers, keep them coming! I love all of you, I really do.
- Our son has better things to do with his time than this.
- If he were to get caught looking at porn anywhere else, he’d lose his job, etc. and maybe be in legal trouble.
The women involved in porn are being degraded, and by extension women in general.
It also hurts his future relationships with women and it’s progressive. Just like a drug, he would develop a tolerance to it and would graduate to more and more disgusting things, perhaps even culminating in violence. Of course there are more but I didn’t go down the list, that seemed to be enough to think about.
Hubby did not argue with any of those points. He looked pretty uncomfortable the whole time, but not like “chew off my arm and run away” uncomfortable. Anyway we were eating so he didn’t want to just leave.
And now our son is sitting across from me with the laptop and telling me that he has cleaned everything off of it as well as his phone. He apologized for snapping at me this morning and I told him it’s OK, that 6:30 a.m. is not my best time for that kind of thing either. He says he doesn’t want to do that stuff and that he knows it’s bad. He even says I can check the computer and his phone
whenever I want to. He still doesn’t want the blocking software but if he lets me check his computer randomly, I may agree to that.They did deal with this in detail at the camp last summer, so he knows the facts and why it’s bad. He really loved the camp leader as well as the head guy. I think he bonded with them and would not want to disappoint them. I hope we can visit the camp this summer.
That’s pretty much of a miracle, isn’t it? Thanks for the prayers, keep them coming! I love all of you, I really do.
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redroselover
Guest
all sounds great!!!
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Always_For_Him
Guest
TRJ, I am so happy to hear this. He sounds for real. Stick with it, Stay strong. I am so happy to hear this. Please keep us updated as to how you handle it. What you say. I know that I probably don’t always handle things as well as I could, so it is always nice to hear someone’s approach. I have an almost 15 year-old boy, and I know I have to be diligent. It is not always easy. May God continue to bless you and your family.
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whm
Guest
That Nate is a brave man to put that testimonial with his face and full name on the internet. He will help a lot of people, with this video. He gives a good insight into the nature of this addictive sin. He went to some very dark places indeed.
He always knew it was wrong, wanted to stop, was ashamed of it, but did it anyway. He was defeated, and shamed into not getting the help he needed. Thank God for the sacrament of Reconciliation, I think it can really keep things from ever going to the places Nate’s life went. It took his wife finding out to snap him out of it, he needed his wife to catch him.
Good show Nate and Nate’s wife.
He always knew it was wrong, wanted to stop, was ashamed of it, but did it anyway. He was defeated, and shamed into not getting the help he needed. Thank God for the sacrament of Reconciliation, I think it can really keep things from ever going to the places Nate’s life went. It took his wife finding out to snap him out of it, he needed his wife to catch him.Good show Nate and Nate’s wife.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
He still has not handed his computer over, but I am going to check it later on. Hubby and sons are watching the UEFA final match at the moment. That is one thing they share.
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Fishmin
Guest
I hate to break it to you, but you’re being very naive. Coming from a 20 year old male who has talked to many people online dealing with religious parents like your son, he probably doesn’t care that viewing porn under the age of 18 is illegal, that porn is “immoral,” nor about your religion altogether. You’re putting him in a really tough spot. He wants to respect you because you are his mother, but at the same time he can’t live by your strict, Catholic lifestyle. He most likely pretends to still believe in your god because opposing you anymore is not conducive to an easier life for him. My uncle unfortunately married a strict Catholic, and I have felt sorry for my cousins for years now. The oldest in that family doesn’t even talk to her mother anymore because of her need to control everything to the guidelines of Catholicism. You need to accept the fact that your son is almost an adult that is able to think for himself now.OK, I brought up the topic during dinner tonight. It was not as uncomfortable as I thought it might be. I told my husband what had happened and when. He did not get angry and did not withdraw. He understood my point of view, especially when I told him that porn is illegal under 18 (and of course immoral at any time). He still doesn’t relish talking to our son about it, but he seemed almost resigned that he would need to be the one to do it. He won’t stress the Catholic POV, but really, there are enough strictly practical aspects of this that he shouldn’t even have to. I asked him how he would approach it and he said he would tell our son that:
I told him that in addition to those 2 points:
- Our son has better things to do with his time than this.
- If he were to get caught looking at porn anywhere else, he’d lose his job, etc. and maybe be in legal trouble.
The women involved in porn are being degraded, and by extension women in general.
It also hurts his future relationships with women and it’s progressive. Just like a drug, he would develop a tolerance to it and would graduate to more and more disgusting things, perhaps even culminating in violence. Of course there are more but I didn’t go down the list, that seemed to be enough to think about.
Hubby did not argue with any of those points. He looked pretty uncomfortable the whole time, but not like “chew off my arm and run away” uncomfortable. Anyway we were eating so he didn’t want to just leave.
And now our son is sitting across from me with the laptop and telling me that he has cleaned everything off of it as well as his phone. He apologized for snapping at me this morning and I told him it’s OK, that 6:30 a.m. is not my best time for that kind of thing either. He says he doesn’t want to do that stuff and that he knows it’s bad. He even says I can check the computer and his phone
They did deal with this in detail at the camp last summer, so he knows the facts and why it’s bad. He really loved the camp leader as well as the head guy. I think he bonded with them and would not want to disappoint them. I hope we can visit the camp this summer.
That’s pretty much of a miracle, isn’t it? Thanks for the prayers, keep them coming! I love all of you, I really do.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
Thanks for the viewpoint of a 20 year old atheist. However, you don’t know my son at all. He does care that what he’s doing is illegal, and he does also know that he’s better than looking at porn. Your own viewpoint is not what everyone believes.
If your uncle is some other faith, it is not his wife’s fault that the children are not Catholic, but his. The children usually follow the father’s faith or lack thereof. If he hasn’t held up his promise to help raise the children as Catholics, then the weight is on him.
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Fishmin
Guest
Sorry to have offended you, I just wanted to share my experience with this. I can tell you with 100% confidence, though, that no matter what he tells you, he will NOT stop looking at porn. Trying to force him to stop will just push him away from you.
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Prayerfully
Guest
So, what would you suggest? Just let him keep looking at porn and act likes it no big deal?
Most people, regardless of religious beliefs, or lack of them, find porn offensive and demoralizing. Those who say there is nothing wrong with porn are usually incarcerated for violent crimes against women or children or are on a sex offender registry…
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Cristiano
Guest
So you are saying that immorality and illegality are fine because religious beliefs are too rigorous. Well living without morality and legality makes sense if you do not accept a God. I would do the same. You believe that parents should not educate their children and that makes sense if there is no real basis for morality or illegality. The only problem is that I see a lot of uneducated bunch of losers when the parents do not act as parents and do not teach their kids morality.
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Prayerfully
Guest
But remember, according to all those billboards and bus ads, you don’t have to believe in God to be moral!
So, atheists should be avoiding pornography, too!!
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Fishmin
Guest
What kind of statement is that? If you talked to people outside your bubble of Catholicism you would find there are millions of people that don’t find porn offensive, and they live happy, healthy lives…
What do I suggest? Do absolutely nothing. Unless he’s in his room all day masturbating to porn and it’s adversely affecting everything in his life, it’s completely fine. I have never met one male above the age of 15 that doesn’t look at porn.
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Gordon_Sims
Guest
I hate to say it, but I don’t believe this is accurate. I think many, if not most people (especially younger people), no longer see it as that big of a deal. The bulk of the people I know in my age group (mid 30’s to early 40’s) either own some, view it occasionally or view it and discuss it openly. If you tell them you don’t view/use it, they either think you’re joking or lying. If you get them to believe you, they think there’s something wrong with you. To make that clear, they view the people who don’t use porn as the ones having a problem. These aren’t inmates or sex offenders I’m talking about, but doctors, lawyers, teachers, even an evangelical minister. A good number of them claim to be good, practicing Christians, and a couple of them actually are. Quite a few of them are parents, and every single one I’ve talked to about the subject thinks it’s wrong to try to stop my son from using, downloading or owning pornography in my house (for the record, the bulk of these discussions were prompted by our son choosing to air his dirty laundry in an effort to embarrass us and show us how wrong we are). One (a Catholic school teacher, no less) went so far as to suggest we give him a set time each night when he knows we won’t bother him, and even buy him items that will encourage & facilitate his “activities” (she also threw a fit when we told her we wouldn’t let her give him condoms). So, no, I don’t believe pornography is viewed as wrong or degrading (at least not to a troubling degree) by anywhere near as big a portion of society as you would hope, which is one of the big reasons this is such a difficult struggle, regardless of what role one plays in it.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Gordon Sims;7921651 **One (a Catholic school teacher said:So, no, I don’t believe pornography is viewed as wrong or degrading (at least not to a troubling degree) by anywhere near as big a portion of society as you would hope, which is one of the big reasons this is such a difficult struggle, regardless of what role one plays in it.
Wow, so this Catholic school teacher was saying you should encourage your son to masturbate, and have sex with girls. Yeah, I have been told by friends that they would fill a drawer with condoms and let their sons help themselves.
You are right, Gordon Sims. We live in very libertine and sinful times.
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Gordon_Sims
Guest
Yep. She also said that stopping him from doing “what comes naturally” (including underage drinking) is abuse. She’s a die-hard, active supporter of Planned Parenthood and was annoyed with us for how we acted when we had our miscarriage because, “it’s not like they lost a real baby.” Still, she’s a much better, more knowledgeable Catholic than we are (just ask her), and doesn’t tire of letting us know that. One positive thing about being more technologically savvy than your kids is that you can block them from sending or receiving emails from certain people without them knowing (not to mention redirecting a copy of those emails to your inbox).
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Absolutely sickening. I guess she’s a “Nancy Pelosi” type of Catholic.
Yes, technology in the hands of parents a good thing.
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freethinker83
Guest
Hi Juliane,
I’m not sure if you are aware or not, but most internet browsers now have a “private mode” that doesn’t track cookies, history, etc while it is turned on. I just thought I’d let you know.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Yes, I know. I have Spector Pro installed on that laptop. It creates screen captures every second or so, logs ALL keystrokes, all chat including FB chat, AOL, Meebo, etc. It is extremely stealthy - does not show up in the list of programs or running processes, so it’s hard to find and kill. You can even have the screenshots sent to you remotely. That’s how I knew he was going after porn again. Well, first he tried to get the password to K9, so a notice was sent to my email, and even before that he had used his brother’s iPod to look at a porn website and left the link on it. So I knew something was up.
Spector Pro is a great program, but it only covers one computer. And K9 has to be installed on each computer as well. The router I purchased screens at that level so all wireless devices are covered. And I will refrain from installing Spector Pro provided my son surrenders his computer to me any time I ask for it.
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