17 year old unmarried daughter on the pill

[NFP1Kate]

I guess it depends on what state you live in, but not all schools explain it in health class, mine did not.

Most girls, including myself, had a girl friend whose mother took her to get birth control and then she takes all her friends if their parents wont. It is often (but not always) peer pressure from another girl.

 

[maryray]

I know you must feel deep sadness, dismay and perhaps guilt- how could this happen in ‘our’ catholic family? In fact just what I felt as a catholic mother in a happy marriage and a professional highly public job and also with a large family- when our eldest son and his girlfriend became parents at age 16. I was blessed with a wise priest who was able to counsel me that this was not my sin but my son’s, however he told me that my role was to parent them with all my heart, all my prayers and all my love, and to ask often for Our Lady’s help. I learnt a hard lesson that I could not make my growing son’s choices nor live his life but I believe that God sometimes allows us to experience painful circumstances and in fact may use them for purposes that we don’t understand at the time we are going through them. My advice would be not to lock your daughter in, nor to throw her out but to love her and to pray for her earnestly imploring Our Lady to help you. Let her know you love her, even though you don’t love the choice she is making right now, keep open to talking with her. I learnt to be less judging and more loving- I don’t mean to say to our kids that sin is okay- but our children are humans who make mistakes and need forgiveness just like us. My family story has a happy ending in 2 ways- the wonderful blessing of a grandson- now 6 years old, the marriage of my son and his gf last year and news this week that they are expecting another child. However more spiritually humbling and amazing was a conversation with a neighbour who had just found out her 16yr old daughter was pregnant. I must explain we live in a very small and remote Scottish rural community- anyway on the way home from the doctor this mother told me that she felt so desperately sad, ashamed and angry with her daughter that she just wanted to steer off the road and over the cliff into the sea to end all their lives. Then she said she thought about my family and how she could perhaps talk to me. I believe God put to use a painful experience in my life to teach me how to be there for this woman in her need and to prevent her from carrying out this terrible action. I know it is a hard, humiliating struggle and there’s a temptation to dwell on ‘where did we go wrong in our parenting’- but this may be the beginning of understanding a new phase of parenting (almost) grown-up children. You and your daughter are in my prayers. I will ask Our Lady to send you her wisdom and to wrap you and your family in the edge of her mantle.

 

[lily20]

My prayers are with you and your daughter.

You may want to bring up these issues with your daughter:

1. The pill (they have done studies) actually puts the woman in a constant hormonal state of “attractiveness.” This puts the woman at risk for sending pheromones that will relay attraction constantly, not just when she is ovulating as is normal state for women.
2. Sex whenever with whoever without any consequences, really is a poverty to the woman and not a strength. Now her bf can “use” her without facing up to fatherhood/marriage/etc. And in turn she can “use” him for her pleasure without facing up to motherhood/marriage/etc. The relationship gets stalled, and a friendship which is essential to a lasting relationship gets inhibited. It can be restored but it takes hard work and has it’s own struggles.
3. She may regret not getting pregnant from sex years down the road. She may spend years or a full decade (like me) having sex without ovulating. This is a poverty; it violates her own body: “your body is a temple”
4. If she has to go on the pill to have sex with him, is it because she wants to date him only and not have the responsibility of bearing his children? If that’s the case, she should only date the guys that (oops!) if she did get pregnant from them, she would be willing to bear the responsibility of child-rearing/life-long commitment.
   5.She probably won’t want to listen to you, but please, do not be in doubt. She may come to realize these things on her own, but when she does she can trust that you were giving her mercy.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

My prayers are with you. My younger son and his GF started having sex when she was 17, he was 16. She actually pursued him. She was on the pill, supposedly to regulate her periods…well, we know what THAT encourages. He would not listen to me, although like your daughter, he avoided Mass for a long time, though he would not say it was because of that.

It took a very long year, but they eventually broke up, very painfully. My son was shattered, just in pieces. He didn’t even go to school for 2 days. He learned that I knew what I was talking about. I would not wish that kind of pain upon my worst enemy. He is a tender hearted young man and the breakup really hurt him.

There is no good way forward. Make sure your daughter is aware that even with the pill, she could get pregnant. What is her plan then? That is when a young woman will feel trapped into having an abortion. She didn’t want a baby, she was trying to prevent a baby, but a baby was created. Now what? Have her think over that plan. Give her the stats, it really does happen.

We moms and dads would love to save our kids from all that experience they get themselves into, but there comes a time when we have to stand back and let them feel the pain and learn.

You will be in my prayers.

 

[Cider]

Uhhhh…this may sound “harsh” but tell her either she stops using the pill and having sex or she can find another place to live. Your house your rules. Why have her influencing the other children? (if you have any others)

Time for tough love.

DoT

Are you actually suggesting she kick her minor child out of the house? I don’t think that is legal.

 

[faithfully]

I guess it depends on what state you live in, but not all schools explain it in health class, mine did not.

Most girls, including myself, had a girl friend whose mother took her to get birth control and then she takes all her friends if their parents wont. It is often (but not always) peer pressure from another girl.

Hmmm. Hadn’t thought of that. I went to Catholic school through 8th grade. Public school 9-12. Fully educated on Planned Parenthood 9-12 and all the services they offered.

Given the OP’s lack of comprehension she may be from a state similar to yours. You’d have to live under a rock around here to not know a CHILD can easily get birth control.

Scary…

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Uhhhh…this may sound “harsh” but tell her either she stops using the pill and having sex or she can find another place to live. Your house your rules. Why have her influencing the other children? (if you have any others)

Time for tough love.

DoT

The only thing this approach will accomplish is to guarantee the OP’s daughter will start lying to her parents.

 

[bearkatjen]

Yes, not only can your daughter get birth control, she can get a pap, she can get treated for stds, she can get an abortion. All without consent.

Sadly, the fact that you didn’t know this kinda suggests there haven’t been educated discussions around the house.

This varies state to state.

 

[faithfully]

This varies state to state.

Yes, that was just explained above.

And while this is true, obviously, within the state the OP lives her daughter was able to get BC without parent consent.

I’d recommend parents make themselves aware of state laws that impact their children’s ability to make decisions about and rec. medical treatment.

For example, in the state of CA, your child down to age either 10 or 12 can’t remember which, your child may consent to the HPV vaccine in the nurses office at their school.

GET EDUCATED PARENTS… your children are learning about everything you choose not to talk about out on the streets. You might want to have a little say if you can help it!