1st post - MIL issues & new baby

[Musician]

Many daughter-in-law/mother-in-law relationships are strained. In fact from what I see (with my own friends and family) a totally positive relationship is usually the exception. Your differing opinions about religion will be I suspect one of many more to come… and by many… I mean a lifetime full of them ;-).

Some women deal with this issue by standing their ground very vocally. You sound a bit more like me and are perhaps resistant to starting conflict. I’ve tried both ways and at the end of the day I had to stay true to my personality. When issues come up I 99% of the time let the comments slide off my back and try to change the subject. If she persists I stand my ground in a manner I’m comfortable with (I don’t like to yell or debate but I do state my opinion). If she continues to persist I just remove myself as maturely as possible.

My suggestion, find some other common ground with her (cooking, gardening, reading, WHATEVER…ANYTHING but religion and child-rearing) and discuss those issues with her ALL the time. Maybe email or mail her interesting news clipping on these safe subjects. Do attempt to build a relationship with her somehow. Trust me your husband will adore you for it. Soon enough she’ll back off…possibly out of exhaustion b/c she’ll see that at the end of the day no matter how hard she’s nagged she hasn’t changed anything. Be warned though this process can take years…remain steadfast!

In the mean time immerse yourself in your faith. Seek out other faith-filled women (mom’s group at church, bible study etc) who can guide you. You’ll need all the support you can get! Best of luck.

This is the best advice you could have possibly have gotten. It has been extremely rocky with my in-laws over the beginning of our marriage. I gritted my teeth and bore it. I did do most of the things in the above post. I NEVER restricted access to my children. Please do not do that. Be direct and upfront if you are insulted or offended but in a kind way.
Long story short, after 25 years of marriage, my very evangelical MIL is my biggest fan. She just loves me. Maintaining relationships is very very hard but very worth it!

 

[sixofseven]

Ahh…I see yeah it’s the prodo (protestant) thing. (“let them choose for themselves”) Ugh irresponsible leaving decisions to child especially salvation issues…

I know - my husband hasn’t even been baptised for this very reason and I know my in-laws were doing what they thought best, and as his parents they have that right, but I can’t help but think them irresponsible also. DH’s beliefs about baptism are so distorted now and it’s only delaying him getting a good wash!

As Christian parents, we have the DUTY to ensure our children are given the opportunity to be in Christ, Baptism is a GIFT we give them to start them on that wonderful journey. Sure they might reject it and will take responsibility for that at their judgement, but I will feel better knowing that I did the right thing as a parent by having them baptised as little bubs.

 

[Irishmom2]

Have her emails go in a junk folder so you don’t see them.

Best advice for the emails!

 

[msumissa]

I disagree with the comment about not restricting access to the grandchild. If my MIL can not respect me enough not to spread lies about me to other family members there is NO WAY she has unrestricted access to my child. What happens when said child is a rebellious teenager and knows they have an ally in Grandma??? NO WAY. No alone time with Grandma until grandma PROVES through her actions and words that she can be trusted.

Stand firm, you will get through. Having a new baby around causes even the most normal grandparents to sometimes lose their minds! The ones that are already crazy just go for a longer ride on the crazy train.