2 weeks from first RCIA rites and still no sponsor, having some anxiety

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de_Tocqueville

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In reading the many threads and posts on people’s RCIA experiences, I have come to see it can run the gamut, some are very involved and fruitful, some are disappointing. And although the priest that meets with myself and another each week for RCIA is a good and knowledgable priest, I do feel like I’m missing a lot on the social side. There is zero involvement in the RCIA by anyone else in the parish other than the priest. No one else has ever attended a meeting in the many months we’ve been doing it. And finding a sponsor was left completely up to me. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to him that I hadn’t found a sponsor yet and thought I would need someone from the parish, a religious sister or someone maybe, to take me on as my sponsor. Finding someone myself has been tough because this parish is half asleep and relationships have been difficult to foster. But he hasn’t followed up yet. I have a couple of people in mind at the parish I guess I’m going to have to ask, but my relationships with them are based on only a few conversations after mass. I don’t feel completely comfortable about it. There are actually a couple of people there I know a little bit better but they’re kind of wacky.
So to get to the heart of the matter, it seems to me that this type of thing is what the church is there for! Yet I’m being left to figure all of this out myself because no one in the parish is much interested in being involved, and I need somebody by the Call to Continuing Conversion on the 1st Sunday of Lent. Sorry to rant, but it’s very frustrating. Any prayers that things will come together in the next couple of weeks would be greatly appreciated. Not to sound like I’m some great saint or anything, but I’m starting to think that maybe God wants to use me to reinsert some young orthodox energy and life into this parish, and I should focus more on offering myself in humility. It’s tough though right now. I’ve been going through this process virtually alone, (with only the priest helping me along.)
 
So sorry for your troubles.
de_Tocqueville said:
Not to sound like I’m some great saint or anything, but I’m starting to think that maybe God wants to use me to reinsert some young orthodox energy and life into this parish, and I should focus more on offering myself in humility. It’s tough though right now. I’ve been going through this process virtually alone, (with only the priest helping me along.)
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It sounds to me like you are reading it about right. Congrats!!
 
de_Tocqueville said:
In reading the many threads and posts on people’s RCIA experiences, I have come to see it can run the gamut, some are very involved and fruitful, some are disappointing. And although the priest that meets with myself and another each week for RCIA is a good and knowledgable priest, I do feel like I’m missing a lot on the social side. There is zero involvement in the RCIA by anyone else in the parish other than the priest. No one else has ever attended a meeting in the many months we’ve been doing it. And finding a sponsor was left completely up to me. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to him that I hadn’t found a sponsor yet and thought I would need someone from the parish, a religious sister or someone maybe, to take me on as my sponsor. Finding someone myself has been tough because this parish is half asleep and relationships have been difficult to foster. But he hasn’t followed up yet. I have a couple of people in mind at the parish I guess I’m going to have to ask, but my relationships with them are based on only a few conversations after mass. I don’t feel completely comfortable about it. There are actually a couple of people there I know a little bit better but they’re kind of wacky.
So to get to the heart of the matter, it seems to me that this type of thing is what the church is there for! Yet I’m being left to figure all of this out myself because no one in the parish is much interested in being involved, and I need somebody by the Call to Continuing Conversion on the 1st Sunday of Lent. Sorry to rant, but it’s very frustrating. Any prayers that things will come together in the next couple of weeks would be greatly appreciated. Not to sound like I’m some great saint or anything, but I’m starting to think that maybe God wants to use me to reinsert some young orthodox energy and life into this parish, and I should focus more on offering myself in humility. It’s tough though right now. I’ve been going through this process virtually alone, (with only the priest helping me along.)
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I sure can’t do much from here (other than pray), I am sorry that your church is half-asleep as you say! I can pray for you, though, and I will. You don’t have to think of yourself as a saint in order to wake that parish up - and I wish you the best in that endeavor! Sometimes a convert with a zeal for the Lord can accomplish amazing things! Converts challenge the faith of cradle Catholics, to our great benefit! But you may encounter some resistance from sleepers who wish to keep sleeping. I hope you have the support of your priest, you will know soon enough if you do or not. I hate to hear that candidates don’t have a community around them supporting their journey…it pains my heart. May God continue to bless you, I will add you to my prayers during Lent.
 
Mu daughter has a Yaqui Indian woman from the Yaqui village parish close to us for her Godmother which is a blessing, My wife found a sponsor in the RCIA class whose husband is in RCIA. Everyone who is at the RCIA that’s not in it is teaching/sponsoring someone already. I know like ONE Catholic man at work from another parish pretty far away, and I’m a little embarrassed to admit I’ve not found anyone in my own parish as a sponsor. Social hour after the 9am mass is over by the time we get out of RCIA, and the times we’ve gone after that have been polite, but superficial and haven’t resulted in any kind of relationship or even continued conversations. It’s getting close and I have to admit I’m a little concerned that I won’t meet anyone to sponsor me. Praying about it, but not seeing much in the way of possibility. I suppose I can go back to the soup kitchen and try there, but we’re so busy there I don’t know how a conversation could actually happen.

It’s not as if folks aren’t aware of my family and I in the parish, we’ve been going for almost a year, but for some reason, no one seems willing to get to know us, even when we went out of our way for a while to talk with people over coffee after mass. We’re a reasonably attractive family, and I can’t think of anything remarkably obnoxious about us. 😉

I worked at the soup kitchen a bit, but it was so busy there was little opportunity to get to talk about much besides where does this go, and what can I do to help, where do you need me, what do I do with this stuff? I suppose it’s really up to me to strike up some kind of actual relationship, but I’m honestly kind of sad about the apparent degree of insularity or distance among folks at the parish. It’s a small, beautiful Franciscan minor Basilica, downtown, and very diverse, pretty large, but it’s still oddly hard to get related to folks. It’s odd. Maybe I’m odd. Maybe that’s it. 😉 Maybe more daily masses, more night prayers, more everything…it’s not like I don’t want to be there.

I have noticed that people are beginning to notice that I’m apparently Catholic at the gas station, around town, and in other ways…maybe just waiting on the Lord to make it happen is all that’s needed. Back to the soup kitchen, off to more functions and such, I suppose. It’s tough because I’m also in college to become a math teacher, and have a lot of demands from that.

I’ve been asked to consider joining the RCIA team or the teen RE teaching team when I’m at that point, but even at that, I’m still feeling like an outsider beyond the walls of RCIA. It’s weird. Maybe it’s me. I look like kind of a semi-reformed biker. We meet for the first time with our pastor Friday…maybe that will begin to get something moving. I’d really like for it to happen organically and from a space of really knowing someone rather than forcing the issue on someone…
 
[QUOT]E=de Tocqueville;7597602]In reading the many threads and posts on people’s RCIA experiences, I have come to see it can run the gamut, some are very involved and fruitful, some are disappointing. And although the priest that meets with myself and another each week for RCIA is a good and knowledgable priest, I do feel like I’m missing a lot on the social side. There is zero involvement in the RCIA by anyone else in the parish other than the priest. No one else has ever attended a meeting in the many months we’ve been doing it. And finding a sponsor was left completely up to me. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to him that I hadn’t found a sponsor yet and thought I would need someone from the parish, a religious sister or someone maybe, to take me on as my sponsor. Finding someone myself has been tough because this parish is half asleep and relationships have been difficult to foster. But he hasn’t followed up yet. I have a couple of people in mind at the parish I guess I’m going to have to ask, but my relationships with them are based on only a few conversations after mass. I don’t feel completely comfortable about it. There are actually a couple of people there I know a little bit better but they’re kind of wacky.

So to get to the heart of the matter, it seems to me that this type of thing is what the church is there for! Yet I’m being left to figure all of this out myself because no one in the parish is much interested in being involved, and I need somebody by the Call to Continuing Conversion on the 1st Sunday of Lent. Sorry to rant, but it’s very frustrating. Any prayers that things will come together in the next couple of weeks would be greatly appreciated. Not to sound like I’m some great saint or anything, but I’m starting to think that maybe God wants to use me to reinsert some young orthodox energy and life into this parish, and I should focus more on offering myself in humility. It’s tough though right now. I’ve been going through this process virtually alone, (with only the priest helping me along.)

Because this is a MANDATE of the RCC, it’s not opptional. While there is stil some time call your Parsih office and make an appointment with your Pastor; BUT FIRST, spak to who ever is running your RCIA Program to ee if they can assist you.

Canon Law:
CHAPTER IV. SPONSORS

**Can. 892 *Insofar as possible, there is to be a sponsor for the person to be confirmed; the sponsor is to take care that the confirmed person behaves as a true witness of Christ and faithfully fulfills the obligations inherent in this sacrament.
  • “Insifar as possible” speaks to lands and places where there is ligitment difficulties; such as a low Catholic Population; a Church under seige and persecution; nd the like. It is NOT an excuse here in America; where Sponsers OUGHT to b available; even if the Pastor has to get involved…PJM
God Bless,
Pat Miron

WELCOME HOME MY FRIEND

Can. 893 §1. To perform the function of sponsor, a person must fulfill the conditions mentioned in ⇒ can. 874.

§2. It is desirable to choose as sponsor the one who undertook the same function in baptism. [If they are Informed; PRACTICING CATHOLICS NOW! PJM]

Can. 874 §1. To be permitted to take on the function of sponsor a person must:

**1/ **be designated by the one to be baptized, by the parents or the person who takes their place, or in their absence by the pastor or minister and have the aptitude and intention of fulfilling this function;

2/ have completed the sixteenth year of age, unless the diocesan bishop has established another age, or the pastor or minister has granted an exception for a just cause;

**3/ **be a Catholic who has been confirmed and has already received the most holy sacrament of the Eucharist and who leads a life of faith in keeping with the function to be taken on;

4/ not be bound by any canonical penalty legitimately imposed or declared;

5/ not be the father or mother of the one to be baptized.

§2. A baptized person who belongs to a non-Catholic ecclesial community is not to participate except together with a Catholic sponsor and then only as a witness of the baptism.
 
I don’t know if this will help.

Parishes differ a lot, and in a lot of ways. Sometimes it’s easy to judge them without really knowing them. They’re neighborhood things, and people in them differ.

I do know this much. Twice I have been asked out of the absolute blue to be someone’s sponsor. Frankly, I was thrilled on both occasions. (Though I couldn’t help thinking they surely could have picked someone better.) I wouldn’t hesitate to ask.

Now, I think I can pretty much guarantee that if your parish has a Knights of Columbus chapter, you can ask the priest who the Grand Knight is, then call that person and ask if he can help you get a sponsor. If that happened in my parish, one would absolutely, positively, step forward, and quickly. No question about it at all.

Wish you the best. Sounds like maybe you will be a positive force in your parish.
 
At our RCIA our RCIA leader acted as a sponsor for one of our catechumens. Maybe it is possible for you to ask yours to do that. We also had volunteers that came to our RCIA leader as well as our RCIA leader ask for volunteers. Hate to see you have any bad experiences since bad impressions are hard to clean up later on.
 
Thank you for all the comments and help. But PJM, you suggest speaking to “whoever is running the RCIA program” and others have made allusions to that, and I thank you for the suggestion, but this is kind of the problem. There isn’t an RCIA program as such. The RCIA program is myself, the parish priest, and another candidate who has missed about half of the sessions and I’ve only ever seen at mass once or twice I think. And last year I don’t think they had any candidates or catechumens, other than kids, which go through a separate education program. So I guess people have just gotten used to the idea of there not really being an RCIA program here. But to be honest, there are a couple people I’ve come to know well enough at the parish to ask to sponsor me. However, not to be all ‘holier than thou,’ but I’m not sure they’re the type of people I should have as a sponsor. One is a rather excentric “former” priest with an “interesting” personality and rather questionable reputation as I understand it who left the priesthood over “theological” questions, and the others, to be blunt are too liberal for my comfort. I don’t know how I can take much inspiration from someone who treats the Church like a cafeteria.
Anyway, I trust something will turn up. Honestly, there are some good people I could ask that I have in mind. It’s just a matter of seeing them at mass in the next week and having an opportunity to talk. I take encouragement from your words, Ridgerunner, that asking someone to sponsor me may not be as big a deal as I’m feeling it is. I guess I’m just not sure how someone I don’t know all that well would react to being asked. I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable about it, and I don’t want to inconvenience them by forcing them to come to my rites ceremonies! That’s actually a big part of all this. But thank you all. I know God hasn’t led me this far to be hung up on something like this. I will post an update in the coming weeks, and hopefully all will be going well.

And Saul, I will pray for you as well. I can understand what you’re going through. We have to trust in God that things will work out for his glory and our good. Although I wish you weren’t experiencing your difficulties, it is comforting in a sense to know that others are going through the same thing. God bless you and ask the saints to intercede for you.
 
My husband came into RCIA a little late and didn’t know anyone at our parish. He didn’t have a sponsor until his RCIA director set him up with the parish appointed sponsor. Does your parish have that option?
 
=de Tocqueville;7609193]Thank you for all the comments and help. But PJM, you suggest speaking to “whoever is running the RCIA program” and others have made allusions to that, and I thank you for the suggestion, but this is kind of the problem. There isn’t an RCIA program as such. The RCIA program is myself, the parish priest, and another candidate who has missed about half of the sessions and I’ve only ever seen at mass once or twice I think. And last year I don’t think they had any candidates or catechumens, other than kids, which go through a separate education program. So I guess people have just gotten used to the idea of there not really being an RCIA program here. But to be honest, there are a couple people I’ve come to know well enough at the parish to ask to sponsor me. However, not to be all ‘holier than thou,’ but I’m not sure they’re the type of people I should have as a sponsor. One is a rather excentric “former” priest with an “interesting” personality and rather questionable reputation as I understand it who left the priesthood over “theological” questions, and the others, to be blunt are too liberal for my comfort. I don’t know how I can take much inspiration from someone who treats the Church like a cafeteria.
Anyway, I trust something will turn up. Honestly, there are some good people I could ask that I have in mind. It’s just a matter of seeing them at mass in the next week and having an opportunity to talk. I take encouragement from your words, Ridgerunner, that asking someone to sponsor me may not be as big a deal as I’m feeling it is. I guess I’m just not sure how someone I don’t know all that well would react to being asked. I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable about it, and I don’t want to inconvenience them by forcing them to come to my rites ceremonies! That’s actually a big part of all this. But thank you all. I know God hasn’t led me this far to be hung up on something like this. I will post an update in the coming weeks, and hopefully all will be going well.
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And Saul, I will pray for you as well. I can understand what you’re going through. We have to trust in God that things will work out for his glory and our good. Although I wish you weren’t experiencing your difficulties, it is comforting in a sense to know that others are going through the same thing. God bless you and ask the saints to intercede for you.
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Thanks fo the clairification by ALL means ask your priest to assit you in this VERY important choice. The one chosen is Obligated to assit you with your Faith growth.

God Bless,
Pat
 
de_Tocqueville said:
Thank you for all the comments and help. But PJM, you suggest speaking to “whoever is running the RCIA program” and others have made allusions to that, and I thank you for the suggestion, but this is kind of the problem. There isn’t an RCIA program as such. The RCIA program is myself, the parish priest, and another candidate who has missed about half of the sessions and I’ve only ever seen at mass once or twice I think. And last year I don’t think they had any candidates or catechumens, other than kids, which go through a separate education program. So I guess people have just gotten used to the idea of there not really being an RCIA program here. But to be honest, there are a couple people I’ve come to know well enough at the parish to ask to sponsor me. However, not to be all ‘holier than thou,’ but I’m not sure they’re the type of people I should have as a sponsor. One is a rather excentric “former” priest with an “interesting” personality and rather questionable reputation as I understand it who left the priesthood over “theological” questions, and the others, to be blunt are too liberal for my comfort. I don’t know how I can take much inspiration from someone who treats the Church like a cafeteria.
Anyway, I trust something will turn up. Honestly, there are some good people I could ask that I have in mind. It’s just a matter of seeing them at mass in the next week and having an opportunity to talk. I take encouragement from your words, Ridgerunner, that asking someone to sponsor me may not be as big a deal as I’m feeling it is. I guess I’m just not sure how someone I don’t know all that well would react to being asked. I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable about it, and I don’t want to inconvenience them by forcing them to come to my rites ceremonies! That’s actually a big part of all this. But thank you all. I know God hasn’t led me this far to be hung up on something like this. I will post an update in the coming weeks, and hopefully all will be going well.

And Saul, I will pray for you as well. I can understand what you’re going through. We have to trust in God that things will work out for his glory and our good. Although I wish you weren’t experiencing your difficulties, it is comforting in a sense to know that others are going through the same thing. God bless you and ask the saints to intercede for you.
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One thing you may optionally do is have an alternate sponsor. That means the person that is your sponsor on the day of baptism is taking the place of someone else of your choosing which is not present at the Baptism. This makes it possible for any good Catholic to be your sponsor in another city or country. If you have a relative or a good Catholic friend somewhere, then they could be your real sponsor.

In addition if there is any other organization in your parish no matter how small, contact them and I’m sure they would be thrilled to fill in. Could be even the rossary league, or altar society, or men’s club. I feel certain any of them would be more than happy to be an alternate or a real sponsor.

You might also consider the idea of knocking on the rectory door of another parish and asking for assistance. The beautiful thing about being a Catholic, it is one big connected same church all over the world. Talk to the parish priest and inlist his help, for sacraments are their mission in life. That church may also have some group that you can follow up when you are baptised. I’m confident that the Holy Spirit will help you. Just tell the Holy Spirit not to play any more tricks on you and just get busy and send someone.
He also needs a gentle reminder too once in a while. You may quote me. I’ve been in trouble with Him before and knows me well.

May He be with you in your walk.​

“…love everyone, especially the brethern.” Paul, murderer and convert.
 
fred_conty said:
One thing you may optionally do is have an alternate sponsor. That means the person that is your sponsor on the day of baptism is taking the place of someone else of your choosing which is not present at the Baptism. This makes it possible for any good Catholic to be your sponsor in another city or country. If you have a relative or a good Catholic friend somewhere, then they could be your real sponsor.
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This is what I’m doing. I have “proxy-sponsor” that stands with me when we’re doing Rites and my father in law is unable to attend, but he’ll be at my side come Easter. As for questions that I might have about the catechism, tradition, or the like, there are resources available that can explain better and much deeper than my father in law…
 
Thanks everyone. I finally asked someone and do now have a “sponsor” that will be with me for the “call to continuing conversion” tomorrow, the first rite of initiation I guess. He’s a man I know from the church and I think it will work out fine tomorrow. There is still some ambiguity going forward though. I’m not so sure about him being my permanent sponsor. We just kind of talked about having him there for me tomorrow, so we’ll see. And for different reasons, I’m not so sure he’d be the best person to have as an actual sponsor. He’s a nice and very interesting guy and we’ve had some good talks, but I can tell there are definitely things we don’t see eye-to-eye on. For lack of a better description, he’s quite ‘liberal’ and I’m rather ‘conservative.’ I don’t really like using these terms because they’re not that accurate, but you get the point. I pray everything will work out though and I believe it will. Thank you all!
 
de_Tocqueville said:
Thanks everyone. I finally asked someone and do now have a “sponsor” that will be with me for the “call to continuing conversion” tomorrow, the first rite of initiation I guess. He’s a man I know from the church and I think it will work out fine tomorrow. There is still some ambiguity going forward though. I’m not so sure about him being my permanent sponsor. We just kind of talked about having him there for me tomorrow, so we’ll see. And for different reasons, I’m not so sure he’d be the best person to have as an actual sponsor. He’s a nice and very interesting guy and we’ve had some good talks, but I can tell there are definitely things we don’t see eye-to-eye on. For lack of a better description, he’s quite ‘liberal’ and I’m rather ‘conservative.’ I don’t really like using these terms because they’re not that accurate, but you get the point. I pray everything will work out though and I believe it will. Thank you all!
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Don’t leave us hanging. How did it go?
 
It was really great! Thank you. There were something like 300 people gathered at the Cathedral, all the Catechumens and Candidates from all over the diocese. It was amazing to see so many people preparing to enter the Church. The Bishop was there, greeting each one of us. It was quite a moving experience. Still not sure about my whole sponsor situation going forward though. He’s a good man and was there for me on Sunday, which I’m very thankful for, but still not sure if it’s the right fit. But I do know that the Lord will see me into his Church, no matter what. Thank you!
 
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