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1ke
Guest
No. You don’t. You do not have to tell them anything.
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Trident_H
Guest
I’d move out in the middle of the night.That’s a great idea! Unfortunately they will be home though on the day that I move in… So I’ll have to tell them somehow… Thanks anyway
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therose01
Guest
It’s not safe unfortunately as I have no one to help me… But thanks for the help.
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therose01
Guest
But maybe she will get worried? I already feel really guilty about doing all of this in secret… I’m telling her a few hours before moving, all my stuff is already moved. I tried telling her today that I want to talk to her about something tomorrow face to face. She got confused and asked if I was pregnant, if I was sick. Told her no. She kept asking and asking and I said please respect that I will tell you tomorrow, that nothing bad had happened and that I wasnt sick. Feel horrible now, like a bad daughter. Is this so cold of me? Plus she will be pissed when I don’t tell her the adress. All my mails will go home and she might even punish me by opening them (she does most of the time anyway) and withhold info from me. I could change my adress officially but then it would be easy for her and her boyfriend to just Google my name and my new adress will pop up. Who knows, she might even come to the dorm and ask to see me (when i was abroad and ignored her for a day because I needed peace she called the residency and asked for my roomnumber and then called directly to my Room. Ughh. Don’t know what to do
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1ke
Guest
Long term abuse victims have difficulty seeing manipulation when it is right in front of them.
This is manipulation on her part, ignore it,
Go to the post office ASAP and have a hold put on your mail. Pick it up at the PO, and get a PO Box and then have mail redirected there. Either at the PO of one of those mailbox places. Do not have mail sent to a physical address.
Leave instructions that if X people attempt to gain access they are to be denied and NO personal information is to be given out.Who knows, she might even come to the dorm and ask to see me (when i was abroad and ignored her for a day because I needed peace she called the residency and asked for my roomnumber and then called directly to my Room. Ughh. Don’t know what to do
As an adult you have privacy rights. You must know them and protect them. Instruct the dorms or apartment or whatever regarding your privacy requirements.
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pensmama87
Guest
Christians should know better than to judge, especially without all the facts (which it is not necessary to give.) The staff at the dorm should have some level of training in issues like this, as should the administration of the school. You could ask the resident advisor or director the best way to proceed, as well as the security office. It’s their job to help with this stuff (I was one for several years, and once or twice issues like this did come up in the buildings I worked in.) The titles and exact responsibilities may differ a little bit since I went to college in the US, but I think most residential schools are aware that these situations do happen and prepare for them. It would be an enormous security risk to just let anyone came in who wanted to.
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1ke
Guest
People judge. They judge all sorts of things, every day. My response is, “who cares”.
You don’t know that anyone will judge anything in this case. You are assuming. Stop worrying about what people think.
You go to the professional staff at the university and you tell them you have safety concerns due to estranged family members and you must insist that all information pertaining to your whereabouts and contact information remain private and not be given out to anyone without the your prior approval. And if anyone shows up asking to see you or be let in, they must be refused.
No one is entitled to this information.
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therose01
Guest
Thank you both, pensmama and 1ke. Spoke to the woman in charge and she will fix it. Just had the convo with my mum which went horribly. She first just said she won’t let me, I’m not allowed to move. I said I was an adult and could move if I wanted to. I also reminded her that she tells me often that I am a grownup and that this is a part of growing up. She asked why and I explained… She then tried to as usual make it seem like it was my fault. “I always respected my mother no matter what” she said. Then she started crying and saying this was so selfish of me. She then demanded to know the adress (I had previously just made up an area), and when I didn’t want to give it she became angry and said I was so selfish and disrespectful. Told her I will tell her in a few days, she said she won’t accept this and that I have to tell her the adress immidiately. I told her no which I think shocked her a bit. Anyway, she then said I was wasting my money with the rent etc. I finally just said I have to go, I wish you all the best and I love you. Feeling extremely bad right now but still feel it wouldnt be totally safe to give her the whole adress and the true area…
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Trident_H
Guest
I am so proud of you. I am so incredibly proud. You have done something incredibly hard. And incredibly brave. And you have made a fair stand. And you did it with way more grace and charity than I would’ve handed out.
Way to go. You are in my prayers. And in my heart. Keep going. Stay strong. Never give up!
Peace therose. I’m all in for you here. All the way.
-Trident
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therose01
Guest
Thank you Trident. Grateful for all the supportI am so proud of you. I am so incredibly proud. You have done something incredibly hard. And incredibly brave. And you have made a fair stand. And you did it with way more grace and charity than I would’ve handed out.
Way to go. You are in my prayers. And in my heart. Keep going. Stay strong. Never give up!
Peace therose. I’m all in for you here. All the way.
-Trident
Right now it’s hard because i feel extreme guilt and everyone in my family have anger against me and say I’m so selfish 
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1ke
Guest
This is how abusers attempt to control-- through such tactics.Thank you Trident. Grateful for all the support
It may be difficult at first, but it will get easier. Do NOT tell them where you live or your phone number. Contact must be on your terms. I suggest no contact at all for some time.
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Chantal25
Guest
Oh dear,
How far is a Church near you? Go to Mass as often as you can, but in the mid time start the Rosary.
Your situation may appear that it doesn’t improve but you will have peace in your heart.
I pray for you and hang in there.
I pray for you!
-God Bless!
How far is a Church near you? Go to Mass as often as you can, but in the mid time start the Rosary.
Your situation may appear that it doesn’t improve but you will have peace in your heart.
I pray for you and hang in there.
I pray for you!
-God Bless!
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therose01
Guest
There is one not too far away. I usually go on Sunday’s but I could go during the week too. Thanks for praying for me. Honestly, I feel like my life is cursed.
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Chantal25
Guest
This is great news, please go during the week.
Offer all of your suffering with Jesus on the cross.
Do you know that many don’t seem to realize, is that Jesus is literally fully present in human flesh in the Eucharisty. You will come to a point that you won’t be able to miss a day so much you will miss his physical presence.
I pray for you and your family.
With Jesus in our heart everything seems possible regardless our crazy life.
((((Hugs)))))
p.s. Look into doing adoration too, if you have any church that offer an Holy Hour time with our Lord go for it.
Offer all of your suffering with Jesus on the cross.
Do you know that many don’t seem to realize, is that Jesus is literally fully present in human flesh in the Eucharisty. You will come to a point that you won’t be able to miss a day so much you will miss his physical presence.
I pray for you and your family.
With Jesus in our heart everything seems possible regardless our crazy life.
((((Hugs)))))
p.s. Look into doing adoration too, if you have any church that offer an Holy Hour time with our Lord go for it.
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therose01
Guest
Sorry to keep bumping this thread. But in my new home (a dorm) it’s more complicated than I thought. The rent is quite high and they require a deposition which I knew nothing of before plus a rent a month in advance. They have no wi-fi so I gave to keep buying 3G which is really expensive. Aside from the financial struggles, the girls living here don’t really like me because I’m quiet and not outgoing/fun like them. It’s an Catholic center but the women here don’t seem to like me either. We recently went on a trip but the girls on the way home sat on another side of the train after they saw me sitting down at another one first. I’m considering moving home to mom. We are basically forced to socialize as we have to have all meals together plus sit at night and talk. My home wouldnt be the best environment maybe but I’m even more depressed here plus I would save a lot of money. What do you think??
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therose01
Guest
Can admin please delete this thread? I’m giving up on life now so please delete this!
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Lou2U
Guest
No, no, no. I haven’t read through your thread, but this isn’t the answer. Please, please, if you’re thinking about suicide, call the hotline, or a friend. Someone in real life who can help you. Please don’t give up.
This is the website: crisistextline.org/textline/?gclid=CLi_m9WHuM8CFUsq0wodnlcF4A
Lou
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