23 and lost

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annie17on12

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It seems like I have been in school forever. I’m 23 and still, I don’t yet have a bachelors degree. I want to go pursue my dream career but it is impractical and would mean being in school until I’m 30. I just want to get on with my life. I hate being in school and I feel like a perpetual child having to be in this situation. I can’t move out of my parents place until I have a job but I can’t get a good enough job until I get a degree. I have prayed about it and it seemed like God was leading me to follow my dream career. But I just don’t know. I feel so lost. Any advice?
 
Have you brought your concerns to the college career office or counseling services? Those would be very good places to start.

Are you able to work while you are in school? Participate in any activities or volunteer work, especially with other people your age?
 
I’ve literally been in school forever.

Started half-hazardly when I was 18 and then life got in the way and I quit.

I went and got a certification instead and joined the military.

Then I started working on my degree again…I got married and had babies and it’s been 4 years since I started knocking out credits…I have 2.5 years left. I’m also 32 and I certainly don’t feel like a perpetual child because it’s taken so long to finish.

It’s not the end of the world if you don’t finish right now. Try not to put all of your eggs in one basket.

Anyway you can talk to your advisor, switch your major, take a break and go work for a little while…whatever you need to do.
 
annie17on12 said:
It seems like I have been in school forever. I’m 23 and still, I don’t yet have a bachelors degree. I want to go pursue my dream career but it is impractical and would mean being in school until I’m 30. I just want to get on with my life. I hate being in school and I feel like a perpetual child having to be in this situation. I can’t move out of my parents place until I have a job but I can’t get a good enough job until I get a degree. I have prayed about it and it seemed like God was leading me to follow my dream career. But I just don’t know. I feel so lost. Any advice?
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Is there a reason you are still in school? Did you start at 18 or were you older?

I think that parents sometimes do a disservice to their children with the “you can be /do whatever you want…” speech, because that simply isn’t true. Sometimes we can’t because we cannot afford it, don’t have the talent, or have other obligations. Most people don’t have a “dream career”. They have a job that pays the bills.

You do not have to have a degree to get a good job, but it certainly can help. Some jobs require a degree. But, if you are living at home I suggest you get a job that is less than your “dream job”, start building savings and a resume through a “regular” job. Work and finish your degree as economically as possible-- perhaps going online through your state university system while working.
 
I have no idea what field you are in, but I would finish the bachelors degree, get a job in the field, and then in the hours after work pursue the advanced degree. If it is something that can’t be done during non traditional hours, I would work a few years and then consider going back later.

The suggestion to see the career counselor at your school is a great one. They can lay out all the options for you.
 
Something that I see a lot with younger undergrads.

No one seems to focus on the Undergrad…everyone only talks about graduate work and beyond…way before they even finish their first semester of college.

You’re putting the cart before the horse.

The degree I’m in isn’t an easy degree to finish. I met a nice, young lady who was trying to double major and had all kinds of dreams and aspirations to get her graduate degree and do something in her dream field.
She was already a transfer student and still had her heart set on this bigger prize that was a decade down the road.

She would ask me what I wanted to do and my answer was always…“finish my BS and start working”.
I don’t have any plans to get a master’s or anything beyond…my focus has always been to finish my bachelor’s degree.

Since then…this young lady has switched her major a third time…in three years.

Focus on one degree first. Anything more then that and you really will be in school forever.
 
Honestly, this is my life right now. I am 21 and will be in school for a really really long time (probably for the next 6 years or so). What helps me: take one day at a time. Don’t focus on the future, focus on the moment and what God wants you to do right now at this moment. I’ve been struggling with this for a really long too. I feel unmotivated and burnt out - and this is natural, I think.

Just take some time to breath, reflect and think about why you are in school. Think about your career prospects, but in a rational and realistic way. Don’t set unrealistic standards for yourself. Do the best you can at this given moment and trust that God has a plan for you–He is with you and will be with you, always. Education is a process, not an outcome. I’ve grown up so much throughout this process of getting a higher ed degree. Can you take a year off and work for a year instead?

We are truly blessed to have the opportunity to be educated. Think about now and what God wants you to do at this moment. Let God take care of the future :console:
 
How do you know your dream career will actually be what you want to do once you start doing it? I’ve known many people who thought they really wanted to do something until they actually started doing it. The reality is lots of people have jobs they don’t really like. And that isn’t a bad thing. There is honor in any real work. And the unpleasant jobs are often the most necessary.

My advice is to be really careful about spending years in school. Each year you are in school you lose out on earning. The cost of school is ridiculous and many people incur huge debts which take years to repay. These debts can really restrict your future options. There are some good paying jobs that don’t require a degree.
 
Be patient with yourself. I’ll be praying for you and wishing you peace of mind, heart, and soul.
 
annie17on12 said:
It seems like I have been in school forever. I’m 23 and still, I don’t yet have a bachelors degree. I want to go pursue my dream career but it is impractical and would mean being in school until I’m 30. I just want to get on with my life. I hate being in school and I feel like a perpetual child having to be in this situation. I can’t move out of my parents place until I have a job but I can’t get a good enough job until I get a degree. I have prayed about it and it seemed like God was leading me to follow my dream career. But I just don’t know. I feel so lost. Any advice?
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When you’re 23, you think you’re old, or at least too old for school. Thirty seems ancient. Well, I’m in my 60’s and I can assure you that these days the 20’s and 30’s are not old at all. My suggestion is to tough it out, get your degree, and then get a job. You’ll be thankful you did it that way later on in life. As far as living at home is concerned, you can still be independent. Independence does not depend on whether you live at home or on your own. Plenty of young people live on their own but are still dependent on their parents for practically everything. So enjoy living with your parents while you can. Do some of the chores at home; help out. That will make both you and your parents feel better. And finish your education.
 
While you are in school, is it possible to get a part-time job in your dream career field? Perhaps an internship? Can you start a small side business in your dream field while going to college?

I understand what you are saying about going to school and feeling like you will never finish. I went to college when I was 18 and then dropped out and 19. Didn’t go back until I was 30 and married. Wound up graduating when I was 35 (worked full time, went to school part-time to get my Associate’s).

Do the best you can every day. Search out opportunities at your school, etc. to see what is available in your dream career. Have you talked to your school counselor about it? You should talk to him/her, as he/she may have some suggestions.
 
What dream career requires you to be in school until your are 30? And how can the be financially responsible?
 
Sometimes, especially when you are in your 20’s, the frustration of far off goals and the daily trials of life can seem over whelming.

Additionally, the education system in the U.S. is a terrible burden on your generation compared to other countries. We were in Europe in September and one of our guides was a French graduate student who said her school is almost totally paid for by the government.

So it is especially tough on U.S. students.

Even though when I went to school it was easier, what got me through in retrospect is to stay connected to the Church, progressively improve my daily work / study habits, and not over load myself.

My field also required a graduate degree. However, I will say that each phase was more pleasant and satisfying than the one before. For example, my wife loved her undergraduate experience, and I did not. I liked graduate school better, but that is a relative term. After graduate school I had to train for 4 years and that was better still. Finishing, and being out in the world was better still. So it does get better. Along the way, the feeling of wanting to quit school was at times very strong; however, since I could think of no reasonable alternative, I persevered, and it was worth it. Just doing the next step to the best of my ability got me to the goal, although for a long time I was not even sure what the goal was.
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I also lived at home for a year and that can also be tough when you are a young adult. What got me through that is just staying busy as I worked while taking classes. It is hard to get on each other’s nerves with parents if you are just home to sleep.

Good luck.
 
annie17on12 said:
It seems like I have been in school forever. I’m 23 and still, I don’t yet have a bachelors degree. I want to go pursue my dream career but it is impractical and would mean being in school until I’m 30. I just want to get on with my life. I hate being in school and I feel like a perpetual child having to be in this situation. I can’t move out of my parents place until I have a job but I can’t get a good enough job until I get a degree. I have prayed about it and it seemed like God was leading me to follow my dream career. But I just don’t know. I feel so lost. Any advice?
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Honestly, get your degree then start saving aggressively for retirement and paying off student loans.

If you have 30k in retirement savings by 35 and it gains 5% interest for 30 years (so 65) that 30k becomes 130k, if it gains 7% interest then it is 228k. Honestly if you really are getting your dream job then I suggest working until you are 70 or 75 as those savings become much bigger for example at 7% interest and retiring at 75 that 30k you started has turned into 449k. Those numbers assume you are putting in zero additional money.
 
It’s not when you get your degree that matters, it’s if. If you want it, then you can do it, so go for it!

FWIW, I got my bachelor’s in my mid-twenties. I paid for my own tuition and worked as I went to school. I am glad I didn’t take out loans. I loved being in college. It’s wonderful to be a student! Work life after that comes a new reality with new responsibilities…

I also got my driver’s licence in my mid-twenties.

I’m just a late-bloomer. Nothing wrong with that.

You’re at an age of self-discovery. Enjoy each day that God blesses you with. Thank Him that you, as a woman, can get an education. Set little goals for yourself, and then set the bigger ones when ready.

Don’t worry, don’t be hard on yourself. You’re doing just fine. You’ll be OK.
 
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