23 Year Marriage In Jeopardy

[Axios]

Greetings All

I wish that my first post on CAF was a little happier but life sometimes isn’t fair.

My wife of 23 years (together for 28) decided to move out of our home a week ago today. I can’t put into words how much pain I and my two sons ( 21 & 18 ) are in right now.

We had some issues through our marriage like any relationship has. Marriage has its ups and downs. As we always got along well I never thought that I was going to see the day that we would part. As a God fearing Catholic man, separation or divorce wasn’t a part of my vocabulary. I took those vows spoken so long ago very seriously. I guess she didn’t.

I offered that we should attend Retrovaille to somehow sort this mess out but that fell on deaf ears. She is not interested in any kind of councilling at this time. It’s like talking to someone who looks like my wife but the replies are those of an absolute stranger. It’s very disturbing.

There doesn’t appear to be a third party involved at this time as far as I can determine. Of course I might be wrong. I guess that will reveal itself as time moves forward.

I am devastated at this point. My son’s are both sad and angry at her. This situation is an absolute hell on earth.

Please say a prayer for all of us that strength will be found to somehow reconcile this marriage. I refuse to let “the enemy” add this one to his list.

 

[mountee]

Praying for you and your family and marriage. Please hang in there and allow God to take care of you.

Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

 

[tawny]

Greetings All

I wish that my first post on CAF was a little happier but life sometimes isn’t fair.

My wife of 23 years (together for 28) decided to move out of our home a week ago today. I can’t put into words how much pain I and my two sons ( 21 & 18 ) are in right now.

We had some issues through our marriage like any relationship has. Marriage has its ups and downs. As we always got along well I never thought that I was going to see the day that we would part. As a God fearing Catholic man, separation or divorce wasn’t a part of my vocabulary. I took those vows spoken so long ago very seriously. I guess she didn’t.

I offered that we should attend Retrovaille to somehow sort this mess out but that fell on deaf ears. She is not interested in any kind of councilling at this time. It’s like talking to someone who looks like my wife but the replies are those of an absolute stranger. It’s very disturbing.

There doesn’t appear to be a third party involved at this time as far as I can determine. Of course I might be wrong. I guess that will reveal itself as time moves forward.

I am devastated at this point. My son’s are both sad and angry at her. This situation is an absolute hell on earth.

Please say a prayer for all of us that strength will be found to somehow reconcile this marriage. I refuse to let “the enemy” add this one to his list.

Praying for you & your husband & your marriage.

 

[WordHeavy]

Will say a rosary for you

 

[the_phoenix]

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.
Amen.

 

[Axios]

Thank you mountee & tawny for your kind words and prayers.

I don’t think that I would have had the courage to reach out at this time if it wasn’t for God.

The following is a prayer that I have been saying ever since my wife walked out the door. I find it to be very helpful and powerful:

*TRUSTING in the promise that whatever we ask the Father in Jesus’ name He will do, I now approach You Father with confidence in Our Lord’s words and in Your infinite power and love for me and my wife Kxxxn, and with the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of God, the Blessed Apostles Peter and Paul, Blessed Archangel Michael, the guardian angels of myself and Kxxxn, with all the saints and angels of heaven, and Holy in the power of His blessed Name, as ask you Father to send forth Your Spirit to convict Kxxxn and to allow her to see any and all wrongs that she has done and how they offend Your infinite goodness.

Father I ask in sorrow, knowing that You do not intrude upon free will, but that You can give Divine Influence like You did with Hosea’s wife, that You send a hedge of thorns and wall around Kxxxn so that she cannot find the paths that lead her away from me and our marriage, and though she shall pursue her marital separation, she will not engage in sin; though she may seek divorce, she shall not find solace in breaking apart a loving family; that no matter what path or lifestyle she seeks she shall not find satisfaction or happiness until she returns to me, her husband where she may then be taught by Your Holy Spirit the true meaning of marriage and sexuality and to be a good and loving wife, and to know the ways of righteousness and true womanhood.

Father, I am powerless against these spiritual forces and recognize my utter dependance on You and Your power. Look with mercy upon me and upon Kxxxn. Do not look upon our sins, O Lord; rather, look at the sufferings of Your Beloved Son and see the Victom Who’s bitter passion and death has reconciled us to You. By the victory of the cross protect us from evil and rebuke any evil spirits who are attacking or influencing us in any way. Send them back to hell and place a wall of protection around this marriage. Send Your Holy Angels to watch over us and protect us.

Father, all of these things I ask in the most holy name of Jesus Christ, Your Son. Thank you Father for hearing my prayer. I love You, I worship You, I thank You and I trust in You.

Amen*

 

[LFV]

Greetings All

She is not interested in any kind of councilling at this time. It’s like talking to someone who looks like my wife but the replies are those of an absolute stranger. It’s very disturbing.

I know exactly how you feel. This happened to me and unfortunately we divorced after fifteen years of marriage. Praying for you and all who are going through this.

 

[Matthew_Light]

I am so sorry about this.

Marriage is so important. My wife told me she wanted a divorce nine years ago, but we made it through and our marriage is much better now.

I am praying for you, your wife and your children.

 

[Axios]

I know exactly how you feel. This happened to me and unfortunately we divorced after fifteen years of marriage. Praying for you and all who are going through this.

I’m so sorry LFV to hear that. This type of thing sends shockwaves out further than any of us think possible. Separations and divorce, even the ones that are so called “friendly and amicable” are extremely violent things that cut you down to your very soul.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

 

[Axios]

I am so sorry about this.

Marriage is so important. My wife told me she wanted a divorce nine years ago, but we made it through and our marriage is much better now.

I am praying for you, your wife and your children.

Bless you Mathew Light

I hope and pray that I get the same opportunity that you did. It just looks so dark and dismal at this time.

About the only thing I can do right now is place this whole mess in God’s hands. I fear anything further from me would only cause more harm at this point and push her away further.

Have to let the tears dry a bit. This is so hard.

 

[BellsMom]

Did she express the reason she’s so unhappy she wants to leave?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Greetings All

I wish that my first post on CAF was a little happier but life sometimes isn’t fair.

My wife of 23 years (together for 28) decided to move out of our home a week ago today. I can’t put into words how much pain I and my two sons ( 21 & 18 ) are in right now.

We had some issues through our marriage like any relationship has. Marriage has its ups and downs. As we always got along well I never thought that I was going to see the day that we would part. As a God fearing Catholic man, separation or divorce wasn’t a part of my vocabulary. I took those vows spoken so long ago very seriously. I guess she didn’t.

I offered that we should attend Retrovaille to somehow sort this mess out but that fell on deaf ears. She is not interested in any kind of councilling at this time. It’s like talking to someone who looks like my wife but the replies are those of an absolute stranger. It’s very disturbing.

There doesn’t appear to be a third party involved at this time as far as I can determine. Of course I might be wrong. I guess that will reveal itself as time moves forward.

I am devastated at this point. My son’s are both sad and angry at her. This situation is an absolute hell on earth.

Please say a prayer for all of us that strength will be found to somehow reconcile this marriage. I refuse to let “the enemy” add this one to his list.

Praying for your marriage.

I am curious if you contracepted?

Or was there a chastity or fertility issue?

I don’t want to start a war it was just something that hit me.

 

[Axios]

Did she express the reason she’s so unhappy she wants to leave?

Hi Bell(name removed by moderator)

It was the old, infamous “I love you but I’m not in love with you” routine.

She stated that she wanted more out of life at this point and couldn’t see it happening with me.

Maybe a bit of background. She was always gainfully employed throughout our marriage, except for the few years that she was a stay at home mom when the boys were little. She was a rather sucessful hairstylist and did exceptional work.

About 5 years ago she made a drastic career change and decided to join the local fire department as this was a dream of hers since watching “Emergency” on TV as a child. She passed all of the requirements, physically and theory exam-wise, and became a firefighter. The family was so very proud of her and her accomplishment.

She carried on her education to include EMT certification as well as fire investigation and fire inspection. Just before Christmas this year she landed a job as a fire investigator with a department in a city about 25 miles away from the city that we live in. Little did I know that she had plans to make that city her new home away from us to carry on with her new position.

Emergency services of any kind, be it fire, ambulance or police, seem to be rife with marital disasters. In the local department alone there has been a total of 5 divorces and 6 separations…and thats within an 80 person department this last year alone.

I swear that this stuff seems to be contagious.

 

[Axios]

Praying for your marriage.

I am curious if you contracepted?

Or was there a chastity or fertility issue?

I don’t want to start a war it was just something that hit me.

No disrespect taken.

After my youngest was born I had a medical issue that, in the end, rendered me sterile. There was no effect on my libido though. Everything worked as it should and still does. Our desire for marital relations were, until recently of course, very well matched.

 

[ClearWater]

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties in your marriage.

One idea, feel free to take it or leave it. Even if she will not go to counseling, can you go by yourself, in the meantime? Counselors can often provide objectivity, neutrality. Further, they know about community resources and/or ideas you may not have ever considered.

Is your wife Catholic?

I’ll say a prayer for you guys.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[Axios]

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties in your marriage.

One idea, feel free to take it or leave it. Even if she will not go to counseling, can you go by yourself, in the meantime? Counselors can often provide objectivity, neutrality. Further, they know about community resources and/or ideas you may not have ever considered.

Is your wife Catholic?

I’ll say a prayer for you guys.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Thank you ClearWater…

Yes I will be attending individual counseling. I’m not one to hold things inside to fester and a neutral party would be most welcome. Talking with family and friends can sometimes be the worst thing you can do in situations like these.

My youngest brother, who is a priest, has been an absolute Godsend for me and our sons. The comfort that he has provided us through this has been immense. He was just as shocked and surprised as the rest of us were. My wife got along well with everyone in my family which just added to the confusion.

And, to answer your question, yes, my wife is Catholic.

 

[Wbuttrey]

A lot of people are probably disatisfied with life without children i wish more would adopt so that they could get more fulfilment. I TRIED but maybe we need to more than try we perhaps need to start volunteering helping children which could lead to bigger families and restore the growing dynamic a family and parents need. THE biggest change we need is not finding fulfilment in jobs but in building dynamic christian families which ultimately will be the only thing that saves our souls our children our Churches and Culture.

 

[Axios]

A lot of people are probably disatisfied with life without children i wish more would adopt so that they could get more fulfilment. I TRIED but maybe we need to more than try we perhaps need to start volunteering helping children which could lead to bigger families and restore the growing dynamic a family and parents need. THE biggest change we need is not finding fulfilment in jobs but in building dynamic christian families which ultimately will be the only thing that saves our souls our children our Churches and Culture.

I hear you brother…

Our sons have been an absolute joy and we always made a point to attend all of the extended family gatherings that we could, be it weddings, anniversaries or reunions. They loved (and still do) meeting cousins and aunts and uncles. That seems to be getting rarer these days.

And yes, stacking life fulfillment on a job as a priority is so very wrong when it jeopardizes the family and that persons spiritual well being. I think you’re on to something here…

 

[ClearWater]

So, your wife wouldn’t consider a marriage counselor through Catholic Social Services or speaking with your priest?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

No disrespect taken.

After my youngest was born I had a medical issue that, in the end, rendered me sterile. There was no effect on my libido though. Everything worked as it should and still does. Our desire for marital relations were, until recently of course, very well matched.

Thank you for offering that information. From your posts I can tell that you are honest about the situation. I don’t really have much at this time except to tell you that I feel for you brother and you will be in my prayers!