25th anniversary of my abortion - there is no grave to visit

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Having an abortion changes you…forever. Maybe you don’t realize it at first, maybe not for a long, long time. Some women don’t bring it up until they are on their death beds. Perhaps you sense a change but you don’t acknowledge it or you find ways to cover it up, ignore it, hide it, but you always know the change is present. The truth of the matter is - you have lost a child. Despite any or all of the circumstances that may or may not have surrounded the loss - your child was killed. I don’t like using that word because it sends shivers up and down my spine, but that is the truth of what happened.

25 years ago, on this day, my daughter was killed. Slowly, tortuously, methodically taken from my womb and deposited somewhere else.

I know that may be hard for some to hear, it’s hard for me to say, or type. Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever said those words out loud. The keyboard is safer. But that’s the hard truth. If there is any point to this blog, and I’ve learned in the year or so I’ve been writing it that it has way more purpose than I could have ever dreamed of, it’s to tell the story of my abortion in the hopes that some day there will be no more abortions, no more killing. Some may stop by to read my story because they have been there themselves, or maybe they need to help someone who has been through the same, but I hope more and more stop by and read my story and then turn the feelings they have after into action to do whatever they can to stop it from happening to someone else.

Like I said, having an abortion changes you forever. After all the work I’ve done to battle my demons and put to rest the wrongness of my thinking about it, in spite of all the healing work I’ve done and all the work He has done in me… the grief remains, the sorrow remains, the regret remains, the doubt remains. You learn to manage it in healthy ways like anyone who has lost someone they love, but it remains forever.

I feel I can never say “I’m sorry” enough to my Lord and Savior and to Grace. I know I’ve been forgiven. I know that His mercy has saved me, but I remain sorry and sometimes the sorrow is crippling. It can color every other aspect of your life, no matter how good it is. But, with help and healing and Him, I’ve learned to live with my sorrow much better than I had been, but work remains. There is no grave to visit, but the space in my heart that’s for her.
Code: 
I'm sorry Grace for what happened to you on this day, 25 years ago.  I didn't know what to do when I realized that He had sent you to me. I didn't realize you were a gift.  I was told what to do with you.  I wonder if my Mom is thinking of you today.  I'm sorry I didn't even try to find another way.  I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone else about you for that may have saved your life.  I'm sorry that I didn't turn around on that bridge that morning and come home with you.  I'm sorry I didn't protect you.  I'm sorry it took me so long to acknowledge you at all.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry. 

I know where you are now and that you are happy because what else could you be in the light of Heaven?  I know you don't want me to be sad and mournful and withdrawn, especially for you sisters' sake.  I will try to keep the sadness reigned in today and I'll turn my despair into little prayers of thanksgiving for you having been with me for the short time that you were.  Look at all you've taught me!  I have you to thank for my growth in faith, for the rediscovery of His Church that I love so much, for the people that have come into my life as a result of my grief over your lost life. 

I will pray for you today Grace and ask Our Lady to comfort and keep you until I am there with you.  Please seek Him out today ask, again, for mercy for me and for my Mom.  I love you.
www.postabortionwalk.blogspot.com
 
This is beautiful and very moving. I appreciate it very much. One thing I have noticed over the years, it least it seems to me, is that even people who are pro-life, don’t really understand how precious a child in the womb is. I have had eight miscarriages and even with some of the people closest to me it seems they don’t understand I have actually lost a child, just a “pregnancy”. The things they say to me, they would never say to someone who lost a child that had already been born. It is nice to hear from someone else who understands the precious life lost. Thank you
 
Indeed, having an abortion changes your for ever. 66 years ago my mother, at my grandmother’s urging aborted my twin brother and sister, my father never knew about these babies. The secret and sorrow over-shadowed my mom’s life to her dying day.

I, in turn, miscarried my twins, and was devastated by the loss.

May you, brave poster, be filled with peace as you continue to come to terms with, and talk about your precious ‘lost’ baby.
 
Thank you for your moving words.

Your voice so needs to be heard and if its to be heard through the words you write instead of the words you speak outloud then so be it.

Perhaps your writing will lead to a book or magaizine articles and then you will be able to speak outloud to end abortion. Your voice is more powerful than you realize; Pray to God to send His Holy Spirit with the gift of Courage.

God has forgiven you. But, it sounds though like you haven’t forgiven yourself, which I pray that you will allow your heart to completely heal. Remember its the devil who will try and prevent you from knowing complete joy in Our Lord and Savior and make you feel guilty. Your weapon against Spiritual Warfare is prayer.

Dear Heavenly Father,

We pray Lord that you will cover our sister in Christ, ForGood, with the Precious Blood of Jesus and may you send Your Holy Spirit so she will truly know that she is forgiven and that she knows that You love her more than anything else in this world and may she know that her precious child, Grace, has been well taken care of and waits for the joyful reunion with her earth mother, ForGood. We ask all this in Jesus’ Holy Name. Amen.
 
Thank you for posting this, may God bless you with a permanent peace in your heart.
 
Thank you for your testamony of repentance. I hope you can take inspiration from St. Paul and the way Christ redeemed him in spite of his complicity in the murder of St. Stephen and made him into perhaps the greatest evangelist of all times.

You’ve had to confront something we really all need to: we’re guilty and deserve the consequences of our guilt. That’s why Jesus died - we killed him. The sins of man hardened us to the point that when God came among us the inevitable result was his murder. You are not significantly different or more in need of Grace and forgiveness than the rest of us from God’s perspective. We’re all guilty, the secret is to realize that it doesn’t stop there. We’re also offered forgiveness and redemption. That changes you forever too. It changes you from a murderer knocked off his horse into the mud and into a saint capable of changing the world. Never forget that. The only real difference between Judas and Paul was that Judas despaired and Paul accepted redemption. Accept redemption!
 
ForGood said:
Having an abortion changes you…forever. Maybe you don’t realize it at first, maybe not for a long, long time. Some women don’t bring it up until they are on their death beds. Perhaps you sense a change but you don’t acknowledge it or you find ways to cover it up, ignore it, hide it, but you always know the change is present. The truth of the matter is - you have lost a child. Despite any or all of the circumstances that may or may not have surrounded the loss - your child was killed. I don’t like using that word because it sends shivers up and down my spine, but that is the truth of what happened.

25 years ago, on this day, my daughter was killed. Slowly, tortuously, methodically taken from my womb and deposited somewhere else.

I know that may be hard for some to hear, it’s hard for me to say, or type. Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever said those words out loud. The keyboard is safer. But that’s the hard truth. If there is any point to this blog, and I’ve learned in the year or so I’ve been writing it that it has way more purpose than I could have ever dreamed of, it’s to tell the story of my abortion in the hopes that some day there will be no more abortions, no more killing. Some may stop by to read my story because they have been there themselves, or maybe they need to help someone who has been through the same, but I hope more and more stop by and read my story and then turn the feelings they have after into action to do whatever they can to stop it from happening to someone else.

Like I said, having an abortion changes you forever. After all the work I’ve done to battle my demons and put to rest the wrongness of my thinking about it, in spite of all the healing work I’ve done and all the work He has done in me… the grief remains, the sorrow remains, the regret remains, the doubt remains. You learn to manage it in healthy ways like anyone who has lost someone they love, but it remains forever.

I feel I can never say “I’m sorry” enough to my Lord and Savior and to Grace. I know I’ve been forgiven. I know that His mercy has saved me, but I remain sorry and sometimes the sorrow is crippling. It can color every other aspect of your life, no matter how good it is. But, with help and healing and Him, I’ve learned to live with my sorrow much better than I had been, but work remains. There is no grave to visit, but the space in my heart that’s for her.
Code: 
I'm sorry Grace for what happened to you on this day, 25 years ago.  I didn't know what to do when I realized that He had sent you to me. I didn't realize you were a gift.  I was told what to do with you.  I wonder if my Mom is thinking of you today.  I'm sorry I didn't even try to find another way.  I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone else about you for that may have saved your life.  I'm sorry that I didn't turn around on that bridge that morning and come home with you.  I'm sorry I didn't protect you.  I'm sorry it took me so long to acknowledge you at all.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry. 

I know where you are now and that you are happy because what else could you be in the light of Heaven?  I know you don't want me to be sad and mournful and withdrawn, especially for you sisters' sake.  I will try to keep the sadness reigned in today and I'll turn my despair into little prayers of thanksgiving for you having been with me for the short time that you were.  Look at all you've taught me!  I have you to thank for my growth in faith, for the rediscovery of His Church that I love so much, for the people that have come into my life as a result of my grief over your lost life. 

I will pray for you today Grace and ask Our Lady to comfort and keep you until I am there with you.  Please seek Him out today ask, again, for mercy for me and for my Mom.  I love you.
www.postabortionwalk.blogspot.com
Click to expand...
:console::console::hug3::hug3::blessyou:
 
Thank you so much for posting your story, that takes a lot of courage. This is a story that must be told about the true affects of abortion. I am sure that God is already using your story for good, and to help other women in the same position you were in.

May God fill you with His Mercy, Peace, and Grace. You are in my prayers.
 
Both you and your daughter will be in my prayer’s tonight. Thank you for posting this, as another said, it takes courage. We are all sinners, we have all made mistakes. Hopefully your story will help others. I have my own story and have seen it help others. The only way I can make sense out of my childhood is to know that what I experienced and went through and was able to come out of without winding up in jail or dead is that those experiences give me the opportunity to understand certain people’s suffering on a personal level and gives me the ability to help them given my own suffering.

I will also pray that you find strength to continue to share your story with others so that you may be able to be of greater service to God and Jesus Christ as you continue to live your life on this earth, providing others the opportunity to learn from your pain and suffering so that they may be able to avoid it.

Peace be with you my friend. Your daughter is in Heaven, in paradise with God. I will pray that you find comfort in knowing that, and that by continuing to show courage in sharing your story with others you will make this world a better place for us all to live in.
Peace
 
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