29 yr old woman studying a Degree vs preparing for Marriage

[Norseman82]

The only thing I would add is that with the way the world is, just because a person has the vocation of marriage does not necessarily mean he/she will find a suitable spouse, so I would advise to continue your education so you can support yourself in case you don’t find a spouse.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I don’t agree.

Your diploma will become obsolete before your husband die.

My diploma didn’t. My friend’s diploma (she’s the widowed nurse raising the three kids) didn’t either.

I think those of us who have actually been widowed, including Allegra’s grandma, know a bit more about this than you do just quoting statistics.

 

[Lara]

Consider that you may use the knowledge gained from the degree to be a better mother.

Also, look inside yourself for more answers. For instance, if you believe you can get and keep most jobs due to personal strength and financial savvy, it may be wiser to not get the degree. Then you could save on tuition, and earn money in the next three years that could help you buy something such as a trailer or a small downpayment on a house.

One other consideration. You may find that all your education makes you less appealing to conservative men. Universities feed you all sort of liberal, left-wing ideology which may prove detrimental to marrying a plumber with a secure job.

Finally, consider your looks. In my opinion, this will be the number one characteristic that will land you a wealthier man. Watch Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, whose character says: “You can fall in love with a rich man just as well as you can with a poor one.”

 

[Allegra]

While having work experience is definately preferable than not in the job market, having a college degree opens up a lot more options, even if they aren’t in a specific area you are looking in. Also, you have no idea when your husband will die. Of course we all hope our loved ones will live a long life, but my grandma was widowed with three young children. My sister was widowed after only being married 5 years. She had never intended to work full time, but she had no choice. Fortunately, she did have a degree that helped her get started. My aunt’s husband passed away when their children were 5 and 2. She is a lawyer, and has been able to provide for her children easily. I have a friend who’s husband died in an accident not 18 months after they were married. She didn’t have any children at that point, but my point is that you don’t know if your husband will live for three years or not, even if it was true that a degree was worthless after three years, and I don’t think it is.

 

[Allegra]

Wow. Are you serious? Please tell me you are not serious. First of all, if you marry a “rich man” who only cares that you are pretty and uneducated, what is going to happen when you age and are no longer as pretty as the equally dumb bimbo down the street? Then you are just old, uneducated, and divorced. Also, ew! Why would you encourage anyone to dumb themselves down in order to appeal to a man who is primarily interested in their appearance. Gross!

 

[Allegra]

I’m a teacher. While I do often have work to do in the evening such as grading papers, I am able to get it done after my children are in bed. I almost never work on weekends and I have all major holidays, two weeks in Christmas, a week in the spring, and 9 weeks in the summer. My contract protects me from being forced into meetings “late in the evening”. There are occasional school events like concerts, reading nights, service projects, etc, but they are occasional. For the most part, I’d say that a teachers schedule is as close to ideal as one can get for a working mother. I also have some experience with nursing, which can vary significantly depending on a nurses position. My SIL is a nurse and typically works three 12 hour shifts a week. This generally amounts to two days a week where her daughter is staying with her MIL for a few hours after school. The rest of the week, she and her husband are able to care for her. The nursing schedule can be difficult, because it doesn’t coincide with the typical 9-5 schedule the rest of the world uses. However, it can also be quite flexible to a family’s needs. A hospital is open 24 hours, so there is often flexibility regarding whether a nurse works days, nights, holidays, etc. My SIL has also spent time as a “floater”, which means that she selects shifts from a website and completely makes up her own schedule, although she is not guaranteed any specific hours. I have a friend who is a CNA and her employer has been very flexible with her when her family was going through hard times. I don’t know if all places are as flexible though.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

Consider that you may use the knowledge gained from the degree to be a better mother.

Also, look inside yourself for more answers. For instance, if you believe you can get and keep most jobs due to personal strength and financial savvy, it may be wiser to not get the degree. Then you could save on tuition, and earn money in the next three years that could help you buy something such as a trailer or a small downpayment on a house.

One other consideration. You may find that all your education makes you less appealing to conservative men. Universities feed you all sort of liberal, left-wing ideology which may prove detrimental to marrying a plumber with a secure job.

Finally, consider your looks. In my opinion, this will be the number one characteristic that will land you a wealthier man. Watch Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, whose character says: “You can fall in love with a rich man just as well as you can with a poor one.”

I’m a more or less conservative man and I love that my wife is highly educated. She’s very attractive, too, but I wouldn’t want to be married to someone I couldn’t have an intelligent conversation with.

Also, you can’t get and keep most jobs that would otherwise require a degree using your “personal strength and financial savvy.”

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

Wow. Are you serious? Please tell me you are not serious. First of all, if you marry a “rich man” who only cares that you are pretty and uneducated, what is going to happen when you age and are no longer as pretty as the equally dumb bimbo down the street? Then you are just old, uneducated, and divorced.

Exactly. If you marry primarily because your spouse is hot, great. What are you going to do when age and gravity take their toll? If you’re the kind of guy who married primarily because the woman looked great in a bikini, the answer is probably “trade her in for a newer model.”

 

[Allegra]

I think it is always healthy to question the validity of anything that is as huge a time commitment and financial burden as university is. Doing anything without question is foolish, in my opinion, and several generations of middle class people signing up for college without question has contributed significantly the issues the American higher education system has today. What is obvious is that young people need to train for the life they want to live. So one has to question all the aspects of the available training courses. Questions the OP should ask are, Can she see herself being a teacher? If necessary, would teaching be a reasonable career to continue when she has children? Is it flexible enough to fit in around her main life goal of being a wife and parent? Then she needs to look at the programs available to her as well as the financial resources available. As a teaching career isn’t her primary life goal, it is ill-advised to get into significant debt. I think the OP is right in questioning how this degree plan fits in with her life goals, but I don’t agree with the notion that a woman who wants to be a wife and mother doesn’t need education or to be prepared to take on a job if the family requires it.

 

[F_Marturana]

Marilyn Monroe was married three times and died of an overdose.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is a work of fiction.

Looks fade. Wealth can disappear. Really wealthy people don’t marry beneath them, and often want prenuptial agreements.

 

[Lara]

Quote: I’m a more or less conservative man and I love that my wife is highly educated. She’s very attractive, too, but I wouldn’t want to be married to someone I couldn’t have an intelligent conversation with.

Also, you can’t get and keep most jobs that would otherwise require a degree using your “personal strength and financial savvy.”
[/quote]

But that’s not what I meant. I mean if you have great personal strength and financial savvy, you can do better than or equivalent to a person with a degree. Don’t forget there is a great cost to the degree. In my case, it was $60,000. If I had bought a house with that money, I’d be far further ahead financially today.

Are you assuming that a person can’t have a good conversation with a woman if she doesn’t possess a degree? Good conversation has more to do with listening than anything else.

 

[Lara]

Wow. Are you serious? Please tell me you are not serious. First of all, if you marry a “rich man” who only cares that you are pretty and uneducated, what is going to happen when you age and are no longer as pretty as the equally dumb bimbo down the street? Then you are just old, uneducated, and divorced. Also, ew! Why would you encourage anyone to dumb themselves down in order to appeal to a man who is primarily interested in their appearance. Gross!

I am perfectly serious. If you spend money on your appearance (clothing, makeup, the car you drive, hair), you will have a better chance with men. It’s naive to think otherwise. Of course, once you start dating, compatibility will be the issue, and of course, you will pick somebody who loves you.

By rich, I mean that the OP wants to be a stay at home mom. The guy she marries has to earn enough to support that lifestyle.

All men are primarily interested in your appearance at first. You can be the brightest, most interesting cookie, but if you look butch for instance, you will not get the dates. Or even if you look unhealthy, you will not get dates.

For your daughters, invest in good looks and sportive, healthy bodies. It makes a huge difference. Even teachers respond better to good-looking kids.

You are not “dumbing yourself down” if you choose not to be indoctrinated by leftist professors who want essays on the narrowest of topics.

OP: However, if you do go to university, it’s good to aim for an MRS. degree by hanging out with students from the right departments. Stay away from the music department, for instance. Aim for the doctors, engineers etc…

 

[TC3033]

And do they get just one 15 minute break around 9 a.m., and one half-hour break around noon, and the rest of the time until 3:30, 4:00, or even later, work work work without stopping except for an occasional quick pottie break, taking phone calls (and being courteous ove rthe phone) while trying to do the work that the people are calling about?

My wife doesn’t get any breaks through the workday. She gets about 20 min for lunch, but is usually helping students as well as eating.

Are they on their feet during much of that time, or seated bent over a desk and finding it hard to stand up straight after a long stretch of desk work?

Um…ya.

And frankly, I do not believe that most teachers are “making up exams and quizzes” and “preparing lessons,” and if they are… well… I think they are using lessons, worksheets, exams, and quizzes that have been prepared by professional educators (probably used by home-school organizations).

This is exceptionally false.

So…do the teachers get up at 5:00 a.m. on weekends, both Saturdays and Sundays, to be at work by 6:00 a.m.?

No, but during the pandemic working from noonish to midnight was definitely a thing.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

All men are primarily interested in your appearance at first. You can be the brightest, most interesting cookie, but if you look butch for instance, you will not get the dates. Or even if you look unhealthy, you will not get dates.

You’re setting up a false dilemma. No one is saying that women should neglect their appearances or that looks don’t matter. Obviously, physical attraction matters in the dating world. But a woman can take care of her appearance and have a brain. It’s not like gaining a marketable skill and having your own opinions necessitates “looking butch.”

Again, attraction matters. But if the only thing you bring to the table is “teehee, I’m hot.” then you’re going to attract guys motivated primarily by the fact that you’re a hot 23 year old with a firm body. What’s going to happen when age, gravity and kids have taken their toll? And what he dies suddenly? Do you have any skills or certifications to fall back on or is it just “well, I used to be really hot…someone marry me and take care of me, please?”

 

[Allegra]

It doesn’t sound like the OP wants “dates”. She wants to meet a man who she wants to have a long, happy, faithful life with. What people are attracted to is not what they stay with. If you invest everything into looks (and a car???) you are going to attract men who are primarily interested in looks. (and…cars.) No matter how much money you spend on your appearance, you will get to a point where young girls can fall out of bed, throw on some shorts, forget to brush their teeth, and STILL be hotter than you. There’s a lot more to being successful as a one-income family than having a high income, including being willing to sacrifice for the better of the family. Going out with fake hair and fake God knows what else and a wastefully expensive car is probably not going to bait “that guy”. And the conservative guy who thinks that all higher education is liberal brainwashing and the little ladies should just stay home and dye their hair is probably not that guy either. Most men of any means at all, or even just a normal-family sustaining income, are going to be college graduates. There are some exceptions in the case of people who are skilled workers such as carpenters, or more successful farmers (although many of them are college graduates as well), but for the most part a living wage means further education.

 

[Lara]

First of all, nobody said looks could ever be the only thing a woman brings to the table. Every woman comes from a family and has life experiences. In terms of becoming a Stay at Home mother, that’s already a big step towards the goal.

Factor in marrying a Catholic, which is the presumption in this case, and actually making sure you both love each other and understand what marriage is, you don’t have to worry that the guy is going to leave you for a younger model.

Also, of course a woman can take care of her appearance and gain marketable skills. I’m saying skills don’t count for much when the goal is to marry well. I know this from personal experience.

It’s more beneficial to put money into your appearance and health than into a university degree if your goal is to be a stay at home mother.

Everybody on this post is obsessed with the possibility of a husband dying. It’s highly unlikely. I’m sure some women wish it were more likely. It’s never happened in my entire big family circle.

Plus people buy something called life insurance when their kids are young for this unlikely event.

 

[PaulinVA]

It’s more beneficial to put money into your appearance and health than into a university degree if your goal is to be a stay at home mother.

OOF! Wow.

Do you not think that being well read and educated makes a woman attractive? Now, I’m not in favor of women going college just to get their Mrs degree, but since people tend to pair up with people like them…

Also, education is important. If you have the money and the wherewithal, you should go. Women have to support themselves before marriage, sometimes during marriage, sometimes if a bad thing happens.

If education is part of a woman realizing her potential, well, she should do it.

(Disclosure: My wife and I met in college and she stayed at home after we started having children. She is a lifelong learner and reader and thinker and my kids and I are better people for it.)

 

[Lara]

As somebody who is well-read and educated, I can say, no, education does not make a woman more attractive, particularly if it leaves her with debt.

A woman should definitely spend money on top-quality clothing, dentistry, make-up, fitness, hair, nails, good food, and beauty products. In fact, if she is working, her appearance will be the number one determiner of whether she advances, all things being equal. Good-looking, fit people get jobs more easily and advance more quickly.

It does not follow that a woman who has to support herself before or during marriage needs to have a lot of education. In fact, I earned my lifetime highest annual income several years before I went to university. I probably got that job due to my youth, which is a form of beauty.

You can be a learner, reader, and thinker without going to university. Your wife’s curiosity for learning is what the children are benefiting from.

People are rating college education very highly here. We must remember university mostly attracts people who are good students to begin with. And if you study the humanities or something not directly attached to a career, you’re no further ahead than if you pulled a book off the library shelf and read it by yourself.

In fact, a woman would be better off not going to university and instead learning how to use a computer well through a few private lessons, and learning how to do marketing with social media.

 

[F_Marturana]

Darn, that Kardashian show is worse than I thought!

Ladies, make yourselves pretty! Take selfies! Don’t forget to contour!

Maybe you too can land a sugar daddy!

 

[Anicette]

As somebody who is well-read and educated, I can say, no, education does not make a woman more attractive, particularly if it leaves her with debt.

I think this is the key.
The situation with debt will determine if the OP can be a stay at home mother in the future. Debt can decide for you and your family.

For the rest, even if it has some true that good looking people will get more easily and bad looking people would have difficulties, this worldview were people priotirize apparence is depressing. And not very Christian. In ideal we should stand by virtue not by our body.