3 years, and...I did it

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Valley_Lily

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May I share something very personal with you all?

For 3 years now, I’ve had a problem. Ok, actually, let me correct; I’ve had a problem for 3 years. Only a month ago did I realize it was a problem. In high school, I started writing and publishing online short stories. These were mostly harmless, fun stories, cute fluffy ones, sad, tragic ones. And then I discovered erotica. And my stories took a highly, and I mean HIGHLY pornographic turn. I really don’t want to share many of the things I’ve written about; I’m sure most of it would be things that would shock you, a girl my age knowing.

In any case, only recently have I learned the Catholic Churches teachings on pornography. No one had ever told me, and I didn’t know what a grave matter I was performing. Not only on myself, but to all the people who read and praised my stories online.

I couldn’t believe myself. I had had so much fun writing these, enjoyed it so much, only to realize how much harm I was causing myself.

Over the next month, I read much into the church and pornography, and a Bible bit I had never heard before, about those chained to the world cannot know Heaven. I wondered about this for a long time, and finally found peace with the answer I found. That the world is a beautiful place, with many WONDERFUL things for us to enjoy, but we must be able to enjoy it in temperance, and be able to give it up in a moment’s notice for God!

Needless to say, what I have been doing is NOT one of the wonderful things God put in this world for us to enjoy, yet even still, I struggled, looking at my pages and pages of stories. See, I loved the attention I got. I was a popular author, had many subscribers. I loved the praise I got online, which I’d never gotten elsewhere. But what did I love more; worthless attention over sin, or Jesus?

Um, DUH?

Tonight, I deleted them. All of them. Took me twenty minutes. I listened to my favorite song on repeat over and over while doing so. I didn’t feel much while I was doing it, but afterwards, I burst out crying. I’m not sure why; I didn’t feel much for deleting these stories; I had to do this. And I did.

I’m going back to my writing roots. I use to write beautiful stories, about sweet romance and childhood antics and heart-string tugging sad stories. God gave me a gift with words, and I want to go back to using that gift in the way i should be. I hope you will keep me in your prayers as I learn to enjoy the GOOD of the world, while knowing I can “delete” it all when i need to.
 
That was wonderfully brave of you to delete all those stories. Whatever we’ve written, even if it’s bad, is somehow dear to us. What a grace you were given to detach yourself from them.

I hope you’ve had a chance to go to Confession and receive God’s forgiveness and the grace to go on writing things that glorify Him.

Betsy
 
With pornographic stories, I am not sure if much of the praise was sincere or directed to you. They liked what was in the writing but not necessarily the writing itself. A lot of the praise was simply guys that wanted more so they could self-gratify themselves. I highly doubt that any of the people that praised the work really appreciated or respected your gift for writing.

I admire that, on account of Christ, you changed your ways and stopped putting others in the near occasion of sin. If it was me, I would have trouble giving it up out of the shame I would feel for putting others souls in jeopardy and because of the addictive nature that these things have. I had trouble as it is giving up reading such stories. Im not sure what I would do if I posted them and had people egging me on to write me. The peer pressure makes stopping bad habits even more difficult.

Keep up the good fight! May God be with you!
 
I praise you Lily for making a brave stand. I’m a budding writer and currently am working on my first book. The work of a writer is truly inspiring and since you have got the talent, now you can channel your energies and write more Godly stuff. Will be praying with you!
 
Congratulations, you did the right thing.
Do use your wonderful gift for God, I’m sure He’s smiling down on you. So go ahead and write as many beautiful stories as you can.
 
Well done, Valley Lily :). God bless you.

If you have not gone to Confession about this, you should. But you have taken the most crucial step. This sin was both attachment to the flesh (porn) and to pride, but deleting all those stories was a great step toward recovery. Don’t go anywhere near the sites where you might be tempted to start it again.

And do go to Confession, that this might be fully behind you as you restart your work.

I am so glad you are following God’s Spirit faithfully now. What a wonderful time to make such an offering, also? This is the beginning of Lent, the time of sacrifice for the sake of God’s Kingdom. There is no better time, spiritually, to act as you did :).
 
I realized that, after a while. My stories may have been popular, but it wasn’t because of the writing, but just because I knew what they wanted and how to give ti to them. This made it easier to take the first step.

I have not yet been to confession due to not being anywhere remotely near a church at the present, but I have full and complete intent to go to confession at the first opportunity.

Thank you all!
 
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