3rd miscarriage

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aggie1344

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My wife and I just went through our 3rd miscarriage in about 1.5 years. The first miscarriage occurred after around 2-3 weeks of pregnancy. The second occurred after about 2.5 months. The most recent and most trying occurred a couple days ago. My wife was 4 months pregnant. We went to the ob/gyn because she was spotting. Ob/gyn discovered no heart beat and scheduled a dnc to remove the fetus a couple days later. This was extremely sad news that we haven’t fully recovered from yet but we’re working on it. When we got home, though, my wife’s body decided it did not want the baby inside anymore and ejected the fetus. Needless to say, we were both horrified to have to see our dead child in that kind of state. We both know it’s nothing more than tissue at this point but it definitely scarred us (obviously my wife more than me as I am able to talk about it - she has not been able to much yet). We are now thinking this might be a sign from God that we are done having children and should stop trying. We already have an amazing 5 year old daughter. My wife is going to be 39 later this year. We want to have more children but are wondering if we should give up on trying and look into adoption. If possible, this could take years because we are not sure that we want to adopt somebody older than our 5 year old daughter. So, I guess my question is if we decide to continue to try to have another child on our own, are we committing some kind of sin because we keep having miscarriages. At what point do you consider it a sign from God (there’s a loaded question - sorry)? Also, if there’s anybody out there that has gone through something similar and knows anything about adoption, I’d really appreciate it as well. Thank you and God Bless.
 
I’ll be praying for you and your wife.

God bless you

jesus g
 
aggie1344 said:
. So, I guess my question is if we decide to continue to try to have another child on our own, are we committing some kind of sin because we keep having miscarriages. At what point do you consider it a sign from God (there’s a loaded question - sorry)? Also, if there’s anybody out there that has gone through something similar and knows anything about adoption, I’d really appreciate it as well. Thank you and God Bless.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Three m/c’s in a row is devestating… sadly, I’ve been there, done that. My heart aches for your wife, and you too.

There is no sin in being open to life. The next pregnancy may “work” - God only knows. I assume your doctor has done testing to determine if there are homone supplements she should take? Sometimes that helps.

Adoption is a wonderful thing… perhaps you can persue that and in the meantime be open to another pregnancy? If your wife said no more - enough is enough - I totally get that too. A heart can only take so much.

I’ll pray for you. Again, so sorry for your loss. 😦
 
Never give up. This is a really hard time for the two of you, and I think right now there are doubts that flood your mind. A lot of prayer, a lot of crying out to the Lord. Pray for clarity whether you should adopt or not. Prayer is the only answer from God.

I’ll be praying for you. I’m so sorry for your losses.
 
We have been trying to conceive for 3 years, and nothing. On the other hand, you’ve had 3 miscarriages. Talk about being in opposite poles. This must be a very hard and trying time for you and your wife. I will keep you in my prayers.
You can still try to have more babies, I don’t think a miscarriage is a sign from God to stop having more. But then again, only if your wife wants to.

I’m praying for you and for your angels in heaven.
God bless!
 
I am so sorry for your losses. I have already prayed for you both to receive the light you ask for and to receive the emotional healing you need.
 
aggie1344 said:
My wife and I just went through our 3rd miscarriage in about 1.5 years. The first miscarriage occurred after around 2-3 weeks of pregnancy. The second occurred after about 2.5 months. The most recent and most trying occurred a couple days ago. My wife was 4 months pregnant. We went to the ob/gyn because she was spotting. Ob/gyn discovered no heart beat and scheduled a dnc to remove the fetus a couple days later. This was extremely sad news that we haven’t fully recovered from yet but we’re working on it. When we got home, though, my wife’s body decided it did not want the baby inside anymore and ejected the fetus. Needless to say, we were both horrified to have to see our dead child in that kind of state. We both know it’s nothing more than tissue at this point but it definitely scarred us (obviously my wife more than me as I am able to talk about it - she has not been able to much yet). We are now thinking this might be a sign from God that we are done having children and should stop trying. We already have an amazing 5 year old daughter. My wife is going to be 39 later this year. We want to have more children but are wondering if we should give up on trying and look into adoption. If possible, this could take years because we are not sure that we want to adopt somebody older than our 5 year old daughter. So, I guess my question is if we decide to continue to try to have another child on our own, are we committing some kind of sin because we keep having miscarriages. At what point do you consider it a sign from God (there’s a loaded question - sorry)? Also, if there’s anybody out there that has gone through something similar and knows anything about adoption, I’d really appreciate it as well. Thank you and God Bless.
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I don’t think it would be a sin. But whether or not it’s prudent, what it means, etc., is a conversation to have with a priest or other spiritual adviser that you trust. I’ll say some prayers that you and your wife recover from your terrible losses. 😦
 
Praying for your family.

We lost a little one this past August as 14 weeks and it was pretty traumatic (I was by myself when I delivered our little one and I can definitely say it was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through…). Just based on what I experienced I’d try not to make any future plans right now, when the grief is still so intense. Try to take it day by day, allow yourself to grieve, pray and be there for each other (for me I would say emotionally the hardest part was actually a few months after the loss… at first I was just sort of in survival mode). Try to make decisions as you go along. It may well be that your family is complete, or that God has other plans for you, either in the form of adoption or a surprise when you’re least expecting it.

Prayers. I’m so, so, so, sorry for your loss.
 
That is really horrible, you and your wife are in my prayers. I lost one at 10 weeks, and it was tough, but I can’t imagine losing three in a row. How heart wrenching. 😦 So sorry for your loss.
 
You and your wife are in my prayers. I too have had 3 miscarriages in a row. It is a painful experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. However by the grace of God we had a little Rainbow at the end of the storm! She is almost 20mths old and is one of the most precious blessings ever! If you haven’t been to a specialist already I urge you to go. Although I was 29 when I had the 3 losses I went to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I had them do a lot of blood work on me and my husband (nothing immoral) and they found out that I have 2 blood clotting disorders. Long story short, I was on blood thinners and special folic acid with my youngest DD. Unfortunately I had my 4th loss a few months ago. I was on the blood thinners and everything from the start too but they think it was a genetic abnormality. Good luck with your decision! I will say that I prayed to St. Gianna every day during (and even before) my last full term pregnancy and I honestly believed that she interceded for me! Because of that my daughter’s middle name is Gianna 🙂
 
Thank you all for the prayers and advice. We finally told our 5 year old and she seems to be ok with it. It seems much easier on her than us. I wish I could be 5 again 🙂
We prayed more than ever for this child. We prayed to Saint Gerard and Saint Ann a lot (as far as Saints go - did not know about Saint Gianni - thanks :). I don’t understand what went wrong. We thought we were in the clear after the first trimester only to be disappointed one month later. I don’t understand the Lord’s plan for us and I probably won’t until my day comes (hopefully).
My wife and I are talking about adoption, though, because we want our daughter to have a brother/sister. We are pondering trying again though. We need to speak with somebody from the church beforehand, though, and then our OB. Although we love him, I don’t think our OB specializes in high risk pregnancies so we may have to look elsewhere. We see him in a couple weeks though.
Thanks again for the prayers!
 
It’s definitely time to speak with someone well versed in high risk pregnancies. There are any number of things that could be going on - not enough progesterone to maintain a pregnancy is just one. Our daughter has been on progesterone from very early in this pregnancy, following a miscarriage and determination that her levels were low.

God bless you; I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
Aggie,

We had three in a row also. It was very devastating for my wife and I. My wife grieved a long time for our last one, Felix.

We were told we would never conceive again as my wife has many health conditions … on Feb 26 of this year God sent us our miraculous Anthony. Our miracle is more than 4 months old, and the most wonderful gift of God.

Here is what we did (or really what the Holy Spirit inspired us to do):
  1. Prayed a Novena to St. Anthony … we begged him for a lost child!
  2. Pray through the intercession of St. Gerard, Ann, Raymond Nonnatus, and Joseph
  3. Put a St. Gerard statue in our bedroom
  4. Pray a novena of Memorares every day
  5. Pray the following prayer every day, “Mary, Mother of Jesus, keep our baby safe” I said it three times every morning.
  6. Had as many convents, monasteries and religious as we could pray for our intentions.
I hope this helps, and may God send you as many lost children as He wills!
 
Dear brother,
I’m very sorry for your loss.
A comment though - you say, “it’s nothing more than tissue at that point.” I certainly don’t want to make your loss any harder, but your child is definitely more than just tissue. He or she is a human being in an early stage. He now exists, and will continue to exist eternally with God.

I don’t think anyone would say it’s a sin to keep trying. Please check with a good high risk MD, there may be something that can be addressed. My stepdaughter couldn’t conceive until her new MD started her on high doses of vitamin D – it could be something simple like that.

We adopted 2 children who were foster kids. This is a very loving thing to do, as there are many children of all ages in need of adoption, and it costs nothing if you go through the foster system. But it’s important to be aware that the older a child is, the more issues he or she will have. A child older than about 2 is considered an “older” child, as they may come with so much emotional baggage. Our son, for example, who we got at 28 months, had already been in 4 placements, and had a lot of emotional pain to deal with. So you have to know what you’re getting into.

You might continue to try to conceive, and also work on adoption, possibly considering a younger child. Many parents have conceived as soon as their adopted child was placed.
God bless.
 
Prayers for you and your family. That is so traumatic.

I also have had three miscarriages, including one in my second trimester. 😦

After having three miscarriages, my DH and I adopted. After that, I was able to carry another baby to term.

Praying that you will know God’s will as you go forward.
 
I am so sorry for your losses. It must have been a terrible shock to see your baby’s body unexpectedly like that. Please do not hesitate to talk to your priest and also to get grief counseling if you feel you need to talk to someone about your pain. Your wife may shut down her emotions rather than to feel her pain and get through it. Please watch that neither of you does this. It is self-protective at a difficult time but can lead to numbness and lack of caring about other things. Watch for depression too. You will both be in my prayers.
 
aggie1344 said:
My wife and I just went through our 3rd miscarriage in about 1.5 years. The first miscarriage occurred after around 2-3 weeks of pregnancy. The second occurred after about 2.5 months. The most recent and most trying occurred a couple days ago. My wife was 4 months pregnant. We went to the ob/gyn because she was spotting. Ob/gyn discovered no heart beat and scheduled a dnc to remove the fetus a couple days later. This was extremely sad news that we haven’t fully recovered from yet but we’re working on it. When we got home, though, my wife’s body decided it did not want the baby inside anymore and ejected the fetus. Needless to say, we were both horrified to have to see our dead child in that kind of state. We both know it’s nothing more than tissue at this point but it definitely scarred us (obviously my wife more than me as I am able to talk about it - she has not been able to much yet). We are now thinking this might be a sign from God that we are done having children and should stop trying. We already have an amazing 5 year old daughter. My wife is going to be 39 later this year. We want to have more children but are wondering if we should give up on trying and look into adoption. If possible, this could take years because we are not sure that we want to adopt somebody older than our 5 year old daughter. So, I guess my question is if we decide to continue to try to have another child on our own, are we committing some kind of sin because we keep having miscarriages. At what point do you consider it a sign from God (there’s a loaded question - sorry)? Also, if there’s anybody out there that has gone through something similar and knows anything about adoption, I’d really appreciate it as well. Thank you and God Bless.
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I think regardless of age, you guys just need time right now. One person mentioned getting hormone levels checked. It may be as “simple” as that. (of course, I don’t know what simple means in this case).

For now, just pull way back on what you expect in this area. You both need healing and lots of TLC. Since you are able to talk about it, I recommend a counselor. A counselor might be able to help you help your wife. Maybe even a support group.

My heart hurts for you two today. Just take one step at a time.
 
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