40 and pregnant with child #5

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onestepatatime

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I just took a pregnancy test and it came out positive!! We use NFP and d planned to not have more children (we have 4 already). I am scared because I am now forty and I worry about the baby’s health. I also worry if we will be able to support our family. I am very scared of the reaction the people that surround us and that they will judge us for using NFP and still having more children. How will we respond when I’m asked weren’t you using prevention methods. We are oddballs for using NFP and not anticonceptions. I am in great need of advice and encouragement:(
 
:hug3:

As your username suggests, take it one step at a time.

Sit down, take a deep breath. It will take you a few days or weeks to get used to this new situation. Make a plan with your husband on what you can do in the following months in terms of getting some extra help if possible. Don’t think about the whole big thing at this moment but break it down to smaller bits: early pregnancy, late pregnancy, baby is born, etc.

Please don’t worry about what other people will think. I’m sure there are those who already think you have too many children. People always think something about other peoples’ business. Who cares! If it comes to such rude questions and comments just have a response ready and change the topic. You can say, regardless of their question: “We are happy. It’s how it should be.” Or something along those lines. But you don’t have to tell anyone yet. Give yourself some time to adjust to the new circumstances before you tell people. Don’t feel bad if you are not super happy at this point. Sometimes it takes a while to accept it and be happy. One step at the time, OK?

Praying for you.
 
Sincere congratulations. However, it is early times yet to be announcing a pregnancy. The recommendation is to wait 3 months. So you need not let anyone know yet.
Later on, if anyone expresses concern or negative thoughts, you could say, “Yes, we are expecting. Isn’t it wonderful?”
Because it is – a baby is always a blessing. I raised 5 kids, and wish I could have had more. Each one is unique and wonderful, even the problematic ones. And we adopted my youngest when I was 52. Next year she will be 17 and I’ll be 70.
Miss Manners says she does not require us to cooperate with nosy strangers. A good reply to someone’s comment about your birth control method is, “Excuse me?”
 
A true blessing ! Congratulations. If you accept this as Gods will you will find the beauty in it. Give yourself time to contemplate this, I can certainly understand your feelings at this moment. When you do share this fact and do it in a positive way, others will share your joy.

God bless you, I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Congratulations!

It is the Lord who looks after His children.

Do not worry about what other people think of you, worry only what God thinks of you.

He surely is smiling upon you right now.

God bless you!

ps: A good book to read: Your vocation of Love, by Agnes M. Penny.
 
Firstly… Congratulations… Secondly, just blurt out the truth, while he was mowing the lawn ,he thought he would have a break with coffee and cake… Before you knew it…
Bingo… Number 5 on the way… And with a grin you say… What a man !
 
Congratulations!!! What a blessing!

How can there be too many children? it would be like saying there are too many flowers. :)–
St Theresa of Calcutta
 
onestepatatime said:
I just took a pregnancy test and it came out positive!! We use NFP and d planned to not have more children (we have 4 already). I am scared because I am now forty and I worry about the baby’s health. I also worry if we will be able to support our family. I am very scared of the reaction the people that surround us and that they will judge us for using NFP and still having more children. How will we respond when I’m asked weren’t you using prevention methods. We are oddballs for using NFP and not anticonceptions. I am in great need of advice and encouragement:(
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Congratulations!!! 👍 A child is a gift always. God apparently decided like this. That is exactly what the Church teaches: each and every marriage act must remain open to the transmission of life.
This child will probably be the greatest joy of his/her parents. Maybe he/she will become a saint or invent a revolutionary cure for cancer. You never know.
Of course, it is normal that you’re scared. Pray and ask people to pray for you. God will not let you down, ever.
Be assured of my prayers.
 
My wife had 2 kids in her 40’s. Both are perfectly healthy. Don’t let those medical counselors scare you with their statistics.
 
“I just took a pregnancy test and it came out positive!! We use NFP and d planned to not have more children (we have 4 already). I am scared because I am now forty and I worry about the baby’s health.”

This will be tougher on you health-wise, but your odds of a healthy baby are pretty good:

php.med.unsw.edu.au/embryology/index.php?title=Genetic_risk_maternal_age

At 40, the risk of chromosonal abnormalities are 1 in 66, but that means that 65 out of 66 do not have chromosonal abnormalities. Those are much worse odds than when you were in your 20s, but if you were at the race track, it would almost be a sure thing. Lots of women these days start having babies at 40. Also, the really bad rates for chromosonal abnormalities start a couple years later (by 46, it’s 1 in 16).

The biggest risk that you face right now is miscarriage. That risk also shoots up with age. I was just reading here that 90% of eggs are abnormal OVER 40 (which accounts for the huge drop-off in fertility around then), and there is a 33% risk of miscarriage AT 40.

socalfertility.com/age-and-fertility/

I would encourage you to take one day at a time and to cautiously embrace this pregnancy, knowing that at your age, miscarriage is not unlikely.

“I also worry if we will be able to support our family. I am very scared of the reaction the people that surround us and that they will judge us for using NFP and still having more children.”

Practice smiling and saying, such-and-such an actress just had a baby, and she’s 43! The People magazine in your OB’s office will have lots of examples. (Ignoring the fact that she probably did so with lots of technological assistance.)

“How will we respond when I’m asked weren’t you using prevention methods. We are oddballs for using NFP and not anticonceptions. I am in great need of advice and encouragement.”

It’s not any of their business unless you have been appealing to them for financial help.
 
I’ve also had 2 children in my 40’s. Please don’t be scared of the numbers people throw at you. If your other 4 children were healthy, you have a greater chance of having a healthy newborn at forty.

congratulations!!!
 
We were married almost seven years before our first child was born. My wife had miscarried once, so we knew that pregnancy was possible. Then we had more kids, two years apart, a total of two boys and two girls. This seemed like a nice family size.

Five years went by and my wife did not get pregnant again. Then when she was 37 we got a surprise. I was 39 and had cancer, but I survived.

OK, we had our surprise for middle age. Three more years went by, and we got another surprise, so now we have four daughters and are glad we have them all.

I thank God each day for each of my children.

Yes, we have had some rough times, but most of the kids are grown, and two are married, and I turn 60 in two weeks.

Some things may be hard for you. I still have a lot of problems to deal with and can feel myself wearing out. Some days I feel 60 already. 😉

Just love your family and do your best for them.
 
onestepatatime said:
I just took a pregnancy test and it came out positive!! We use NFP and d planned to not have more children (we have 4 already). I am scared because I am now forty and I worry about the baby’s health. I also worry if we will be able to support our family. I am very scared of the reaction the people that surround us and that they will judge us for using NFP and still having more children. How will we respond when I’m asked weren’t you using prevention methods. We are oddballs for using NFP and not anticonceptions. I am in great need of advice and encouragement:(
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Congratulations!!!

We had our 5th baby when I was 46… almost 47!

You will be able to support your family… you know that… you’re just nervous…

Your baby’s health will be great. You are not an oddball for using NFP. (There are lots of families who have babies that they were not expecting and they were using contraception.)

We had two kids in college when our 5th child was born. One son was at a state college taking a Biology Class. The (poorly educated) teacher told the class that women go through menopause at age 40. My son was happy to raise his hand and say, “My Mom is 46 and she’s pregnant!”

Don’t worry about what people say… Smile and tell them how happy you are.

One friend asked me “How did that happen?” I laughed and said “You’re a nurse - you know how it happens!” Be happy when you share your news. You are a blessed family to have one more child.

I happily tell people all the time the age span of our children AND the ages of us - the parents, and the ages of our two grandchildren. Our youngest son was an uncle at age 2.

When I was pregnant at age 46, I had many people tell me that it gave them hope that maybe they could still have a baby or another baby at their age.

Congratulations!!!
 
My mom had me a month before she turned 39. From a child’s perspective I LOVED having an older mom. She was much more relaxed and patient than my friends’ moms. She knew what battles to pick and what to drop. She had a ton of awesome life experience and wisdom, and she exposed me to a lot of things that were before my friends’ parents’ time, which made me look smart and cool to the other kids.

As for health concerns, many of those studies are based on very old, pre-modern medicine data and assumptions. While there is a small increase in risk to your baby’s health it is not as bad as many people believe.
 
RoseMary131 said:
Congratulations!!!

We had our 5th baby when I was 46… almost 47!

You will be able to support your family… you know that… you’re just nervous…

Your baby’s health will be great. You are not an oddball for using NFP. (There are lots of families who have babies that they were not expecting and they were using contraception.)

We had two kids in college when our 5th child was born. One son was at a state college taking a Biology Class. The (poorly educated) teacher told the class that women go through menopause at age 40. My son was happy to raise his hand and say, "My Mom is 46 and she’s pregnant!"

Don’t worry about what people say… Smile and tell them how happy you are.

One friend asked me “How did that happen?” I laughed and said “You’re a nurse - you know how it happens!” Be happy when you share your news. You are a blessed family to have one more child.

I happily tell people all the time the age span of our children AND the ages of us - the parents, and the ages of our two grandchildren. Our youngest son was an uncle at age 2.

When I was pregnant at age 46, I had many people tell me that it gave them hope that maybe they could still have a baby or another baby at their age.

Congratulations!!!
Click to expand...
hahaha!! My son had to correct a sociology teacher about large families. The poorly informed teacher told the class that only poor, uneducated families had large broods. My son then went on to correct him by giving our education background, and work situation of his dad and that of many of the friends he had from large families! :rolleyes: Our kids make wonderful witnesses to faith and God’s plans! 👍
 
It is incredible how God speaks to us! I am sitting here teary eyed with a heart full of joy and love because of all of your kind words. I can not thank you all enough!!!

🙂
 
It is incredible how God speaks to us! I am sitting here teary eyed with a heart full of joy and love because of all of your kind words. I can not thank you all enough!!!

🙂
 
It is incredible how God speaks to us! I am sitting here teary eyed with a heart full of joy and love because of all of your kind words. I can not thank you all enough!!!

🙂
 
Congratulations!

While I am not a mother- (I’m an 18-year-old single girl)- my mother had my little sister when she was 43.

God utilized the natural fecundity of your marriage to bring into the world a new life, a soul destined to be happy with Him forever. He suffered and died on the wood of the Holy Cross to give him or her the right to Heaven, if he or she remains faithful to Him. On that Cross, He gave us His own ever-virgin Mother, our Immaculate Queen, and she is the mother of your unborn child and loves him/her as such. You have just about the greatest privilege a mere mortal can possess- that of being the tabernacle of a soul for nine months, and then the awe-inspiring responsibility to raise up that child in the way he or she should go.

Trust in Him and pray to your Mother in Heaven for guidance. She always aids those who call upon her. Meditate on the mysteries of the Rosary, especially the Joyful and Sorrowful in your case. Pray the Rosary as often as you can in your station of life.

Memorare

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help or sought thy intercession,
was left unaided.

Inspired with this confidence,
I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother;
to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.

O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

I will pray to our Immaculate Queen and her mother St. Anne for you.
 
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