4th grade bullying

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Does bullying among 4th grade boys suddenly get worse?

I’ve seen an increase in bullying among boys in my son’s 4th grade class. He has even started to be bullied some. I’ve talked to him about handling this at school in a nonviolent way at school. Does ignoring the bully really work? This was the advice of the school counselor. She said he shouldn’t even react when the bully says something to him. But why would the Catholic school allow the bully to continue to say mean things? Why not make him quit too?

I am very angry with the parents of these kids. I feel like they have done a terrible job of teaching their children how to behave in a Christian manner. I see so many weak parents and these are the ones whose kids are tyrants. Some of these parents are involved in the school, but their kids behave terribly. I am not sure the principal will believe that these kids are involved in this kind of behavior.
 
mom2boyz said:
Does bullying among 4th grade boys suddenly get worse?

I’ve seen an increase in bullying among boys in my son’s 4th grade class. He has even started to be bullied some. I’ve talked to him about handling this at school in a nonviolent way at school. Does ignoring the bully really work? This was the advice of the school counselor. She said he shouldn’t even react when the bully says something to him. But why would the Catholic school allow the bully to continue to say mean things? Why not make him quit too?

I am very angry with the parents of these kids. I feel like they have done a terrible job of teaching their children how to behave in a Christian manner. I see so many weak parents and these are the ones whose kids are tyrants. Some of these parents are involved in the school, but their kids behave terribly. I am not sure the principal will believe that these kids are involved in this kind of behavior.
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Ignoring bullies can work, but the school should be looking into this, and STOPPING the bullying, before it gets worse. Schools have a responsibility to supply a safe environment for kids. And when they shrug off bullying, as if it’s harmless play – I don’t think they are doing all they can do to prevent it. Bullying can take a toll if repetitive…and it needs to stop. I’d talk to the principal and see if they would be open to starting an anti bullying group. My kids have these at their schools, and bullying is all but non existent. Playful teasing and joking is healthy–bullying and constant ridiculing of kids is not healthy or fun.

I have always thought that kid bullies, have parents who exhibit similiar behavior. Not necessarily bullying, but bad social skills in some way is coming across to their kids.

4th grade is young to be bullying, and they are learning it from somewhere. I would discuss this with your principal…if it continues and gets worse. God bless & good luck with this.
 
Yep it gets bad as they start puberty, have testosterone rushes and don’t know what to do with it.

As the mom of 2 boys (men) I can tell you the only thing that worked for us was to stand up to the bully (ies) and they usually backed down being cowards at heart.

We had one particularly bad bully in my ds2’s class. My ds2 didn’t want to cause trouble so he tried to ignore him. In the end the bully was beating on my son and my son just lost it and whaled on him… that night I got calls from every parent in that class thanking my son for finally showing him he wasn’t the boss. And… funny thing… the school never even contacted me nor did my son get in trouble… this kid was WELL known for his bullying.
 
mom2boyz said:
Does bullying among 4th grade boys suddenly get worse?

I’ve seen an increase in bullying among boys in my son’s 4th grade class. He has even started to be bullied some. I’ve talked to him about handling this at school in a nonviolent way at school. Does ignoring the bully really work? This was the advice of the school counselor. She said he shouldn’t even react when the bully says something to him. But why would the Catholic school allow the bully to continue to say mean things? Why not make him quit too?

I am very angry with the parents of these kids. I feel like they have done a terrible job of teaching their children how to behave in a Christian manner. I see so many weak parents and these are the ones whose kids are tyrants. Some of these parents are involved in the school, but their kids behave terribly. I am not sure the principal will believe that these kids are involved in this kind of behavior.
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I wouldn’t be too quick to judge the parents of these boys, sometimes kids just won’t do right.

I’ve been around boys and young men all my life from coaching boys football and being in the fire dept. Bullies are usually big shots till someone stands up to them, and they move on to easier targets.

I know I’m gonna get flamed LOL but I’d tell the school if they don’t handle it then don’t call me down here when my son jacks him up with a book upside his head, that will end his bully problem. LOL…

Even if the school does handle it, might not solve the problem. I use to tell my son there is good and bad in this world, and sometimes you have no choice, just pick and choose your battles wisely.
 
I KNOW this is not PC, but, in my time - a bully is someone who is physically violent or threatens physical violence. If it is name calling, it is an annoying, rude thing but it is not being a bully.

I agree with the counselor - ignore it. Another idea is to turn it around, make it a joke - disarm the annoying rude kid by finding humour in the teasing.
 
i think kage and bama together got it right. most of what is called bullying these days really isnt, and bullys never can take it as well as they dish it out. nonviolence may be best but if it doesnt work a real fight will do the trick.
 
Where did OP say it was non-violent… am I missing something? I thought bullying was always physical… otherwise isn’t it just picking?
 
mom2boyz said:
Does ignoring the bully really work? This was the advice of the school counselor. She said he shouldn’t even react when the bully says something to him. But why would the Catholic school allow the bully to continue to say mean things? Why not make him quit too?
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Guess it is these words that led me to think that the incidents are verbal…
 
kage_ar said:
Guess it is these words that led me to think that the incidents are verbal…
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Ohhhhhh… now I see… sorry… you are right… I really don’t consider it bullying if it isn’t physical.
 
Bullying may be physical to some, but verbal bullying can quickly leave marks, even if they aren’t bruises. He’s in 4th grade, so it may not be very mean- but I remember in 6th grade the assumption that I was a lesbian lost me all my friends. Mainly since they spread the rumor and it was all over my Catholic middle school really quick.
 
Pro-Life_Teen said:
Bullying may be physical to some, but verbal bullying can quickly leave marks, even if they aren’t bruises. He’s in 4th grade, so it may not be very mean- but I remember in 6th grade the assumption that I was a lesbian lost me all my friends. Mainly since they spread the rumor and it was all over my Catholic middle school really quick.
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rumors are mean and can be very hurtful. it sucks that you had to endure that, but it doesnt seem to make your point for you.

i’d suggest getting the boy some boxing lessons at the y or somewhere. he doesnt need a big fight, just the ability to throw one good punch.

nonviolence has a place but there may come a day when he has to defend someone he cares about or even a stranger in need. everyone should learn self defence.
 
I know the situation with this child and I dare say these are parents who are more concerned with the material aspects of life than their children. Now a days there are more parents who are like this. I do know parents who are trying their best and despite that it isn’t taking with the kids. But I know more parents who just aren’t parenting.

It is physical. The boy is pushing and trying to hurt my son. It is also verbal taunts and threats which are much more than teasing. IMO even verbal abuse of other children shouldn’t be tolerated in a Catholic school. Isn’t that why children are sent to Catholic schools? So they learn how to actually live the faith? Exactly how is letting a child taunt, tease and verbally abuse another child teaching the mean child to live the Catholic faith?

Frankly I very much like to tell my son to defend himself, BUT these day this is not allowed in school. If he defends himself, he could get suspended or worse. Remember this is the post -Columbine era.

My son is taking Karate. Luckily he was able to use it to protect himself at a nonschool function. I guess the bully learned to not grab ahold of my son so now he is just body blocking and running into him.

I called the counselor to get it on the record with the school. The incident at the nonschool function doesn’t count for the school. Anything more and I will speak to the principal.
 
I entirely disagree that bullying is only physical in nature.

It’s like saying abuse is only physical, which I hope we all know is no the case at all.:tsktsk:

For every time a kid is physically hurt in school he has probably been taunted, teased and name called 50 times.

The verbal intimidation comes first, then when the victim is beat down mentally and emotionally they go for the kill.

Anyone hear of the parents who caused their neighbor’s daughter to kill herself over a fake myspace page they created under fake identities explicitly for the purpose of making fun of this girl, harassing her, baiting other kids in her school against her by spreading lies etc., all while they acted like the perfect neighbors IRL?

Nothing physical involved at all there, that is until the victim hung herself in her bedroom closet.:sad_yes: :signofcross:

Tell me that isn’t bullying?

mom2boyz, I have BTDT with my DD in Catholic school and had much the same experience. Sadly Catholic schools are not what they ought to be, and I won’t hijack your thread about that, but the school authorities rarely will get involved in this type of thing.😦 You might do a search of the forums as there have been numerous other threads about this.

I ended up dealing directly with the parents, and got pretty much the response I expected; they didn’t care much.
 
It’s not about behaving in a Christian manner; it’s about behaving in an appropriate and respectful manner.

Bullying definitely gets worse. It’s all on the parents, if not, the children themselves. 😦

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
 
shannyk said:
I entirely disagree that bullying is only physical in nature.

It’s like saying abuse is only physical, which I hope we all know is no the case at all.:tsktsk:

For every time a kid is physically hurt in school he has probably been taunted, teased and name called 50 times.

The verbal intimidation comes first, then when the victim is beat down mentally and emotionally they go for the kill.

Anyone hear of the parents who caused their neighbor’s daughter to kill herself over a fake myspace page they created under fake identities explicitly for the purpose of making fun of this girl, harassing her, baiting other kids in her school against her by spreading lies etc., all while they acted like the perfect neighbors IRL?

Nothing physical involved at all there, that is until the victim hung herself in her bedroom closet.:sad_yes: :signofcross:

Tell me that isn’t bullying?

mom2boyz, I have BTDT with my DD in Catholic school and had much the same experience. Sadly Catholic schools are not what they ought to be, and I won’t hijack your thread about that, but the school authorities rarely will get involved in this type of thing.😦 You might do a search of the forums as there have been numerous other threads about this.

I ended up dealing directly with the parents, and got pretty much the response I expected; they didn’t care much.
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I agree with Shanny - although we are quick to label a behavior as bullying (some are normal things children do that needs to be changed - not allowed to go on or it can turn into bullying). One does not need physical violence for an action to be bullying - taunting comes to mind and this is where ignoring it might work and is a good first step but adults need to be more observant then so it doesn’t move into violence because the taunter is being ignored!

I have to tell you that if you all think that Catholic schools are not as good today with bullying then I want you to think again - I was the taunted one and no teacher who even observed it (as in was standing right there when it happened) stopped it, a lesson on how we talk with and about others would have been in order but never was. This all stopped when I moved and my classmates changed. Violence woudl have been dealt with immediately though as it would I am sure be today.

Brenda V.
 
I agree with others who said that bullying is not just physical. It can be verbal, emotional (rolling eyes, shunning, excluding, etc.) and sexual as well (harrassment). The anti-bullying lessons that have previously been taught at schools don’t work. The bullies just become smarter and sneakier and do their bullying where the schools have no power to do anything. The direction that anti-bullying programs are going now, and that I teach in my school, is bystander intervention instruction. 95% of bullying happens when there are witnesses. That’s how the bullies get their power is from their audience. When a bystander intervenes on behalf of the bully, the bullying incident decreases from an average of 45 seconds to only 10 seconds, thereby reducing the impact on the victim, knocking the wind out of the bullies sails, and showing support to the victim. Of course, along with this is knowing when to intervene to protect your own safety. A lot of kids (and adults, too) are also confused about when to report an incident…lots of kids are taught not to tattletale, so I teach the difference between reporting (getting a kid out of trouble) versus tattletaling (getting a kid into trouble). Read Barbara Coloroso’s book “The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander”. Gives great information. Hope this helps.

Sara
 
farmbabe1 said:
When a bystander intervenes on behalf of the bully, the bullying incident decreases from an average of 45 seconds to only 10 seconds, thereby reducing the impact on the victim
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im sorry but how did they figure this out. was a double blind clinical trial preformed? was it a random sample? an expirement? or roleplaying? i ask because only one of those is real proof, and as i enjoy research and dry data i was curious. so do you have a source for this, i would be interested in reviewing it.
 
FarmBabe, that’s excellent. I wish someone had stood up for me.

Yes, non-violent bullying can leave scars - lifelong ones. I won’t go into detail. One positive aspect is it left me being someone who stands up for the underdog.

Teach your kids to stand up for the underdog! Whether you’re a parent, a teacher, a principal - whoever. Teach them this!

A note to parents. My mother kept me in that school for 4 years, *knowing *this was going on. It was a great school which gave me an excellent education. She could have switched me to another school, less academically excellent but still good, but she left me there in spite of my coming home crying day after day… Don’t do this! don’t put academic excellence ahead of your child’s psychological well-being!

Passionately,

Ruthie
 
Okay today I called the principal. The bully pushed my son down at a school sponsored function. My son had a minor injury to his wrist. The next day at school the bully laughs when he finds out he has injured my son. I only found out about that this morning on the way to school. So this morning I called the principal. Later I found out the bully got a detention and an infraction. Turns out the bully tried to get another child in trouble also.

So I had this conversation with my son. He can physically defend himself any where but school or school functions. There he is to report it to me or another adult. His response was “This is stupid that I can’t physically defend myself.” “Sorry son, those are the rules at school and school functions.”

He had compassion for the bully since he got into trouble. He even tried to help the bully feel better. Hopefully this kid learned his lesson. The one I learned is to stand up for my kids.
 
mom2boyz said:
Okay today I called the principal. The bully pushed my son down at a school sponsored function. My son had a minor injury to his wrist. The next day at school the bully laughs when he finds out he has injured my son. I only found out about that this morning on the way to school. So this morning I called the principal. Later I found out the bully got a detention and an infraction. Turns out the bully tried to get another child in trouble also.

So I had this conversation with my son. He can physically defend himself any where but school or school functions. There he is to report it to me or another adult. His response was “This is stupid that I can’t physically defend myself.” “Sorry son, those are the rules at school and school functions.”

He had compassion for the bully since he got into trouble. He even tried to help the bully feel better. Hopefully this kid learned his lesson. The one I learned is to stand up for my kids.
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Sue the parents for the doctor’s bills?
 
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