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mom2boyz
Guest
No need for doctor’s bill this time. The injury wasn’t that serious. But should it come to that I would do that too.
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kage_ar
Guest
What about calling the parents and arranging a meeting. That is what parents used to do, in the “olden” days - if a kid was being obnoxious to another kid and refused to stop, dad of kid one would call dad of kid b - (if it was girls, the mom’s called each other). Parents dealt with it.
Has your husband called this boy’s dad?
Has your husband called this boy’s dad?
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whatevergirl
Guest
agree…bullying comes in both physical and verbal forms…just like abuse.:sad_yes:I entirely disagree that bullying is only physical in nature.
It’s like saying abuse is only physical, which I hope we all know is no the case at all.:tsktsk:
For every time a kid is physically hurt in school he has probably been taunted, teased and name called 50 times.
The verbal intimidation comes first, then when the victim is beat down mentally and emotionally they go for the kill.
Anyone hear of the parents who caused their neighbor’s daughter to kill herself over a fake myspace page they created under fake identities explicitly for the purpose of making fun of this girl, harassing her, baiting other kids in her school against her by spreading lies etc., all while they acted like the perfect neighbors IRL?
Nothing physical involved at all there, that is until the victim hung herself in her bedroom closet.:sad_yes:
Tell me that isn’t bullying?
mom2boyz, I have BTDT with my DD in Catholic school and had much the same experience. Sadly Catholic schools are not what they ought to be, and I won’t hijack your thread about that, but the school authorities rarely will get involved in this type of thing.You might do a search of the forums as there have been numerous other threads about this.
I ended up dealing directly with the parents, and got pretty much the response I expected; they didn’t care much.
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whatevergirl
Guest
Aw–you have such a nice son, mom2boyz. I hope that the bully stops once and for all. I’m also saddened for the bully, myself…that somewhere along the lines, he learned this behavior. I wonder if he sees violence or verbal abuse, etc at home?
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mom2boyz
Guest
I wish my husband could deal with this issue, but he isn’t able to right now. I don’t feel comfortable calling the dad. Now the dad has to deal with his son. He has been given notice by the school. Besides I want it on the record in case anything else happens. Kids are sneaky and I want others at school keeping an eye out when I can’t. If this kid keeps needling my son and my son eventually looses his patience and something happens, I want it known to the school that this boy has done things to my son in the past. If we handle it as parents, then there is no record of this. Plus I sincerely believe something is happening with boys in the 4th grade. I don’t want other people’s children to have to put up with this. Maybe God dropped this in my lap because he knew I wouldn’t tolerate it. Maybe this is the age these boys need to learn to deal with their aggression before puberty really kicks in. Maybe the school needed to be put on notice so they can act now instead of later when something really terrible happens.
As for the olden days, things like that worked because most people had the same values. This is not true of the new days, even in Catholic schools. This is what make parenting particularly difficult these days. It requires a vigilance that is unprecedant except for maybe when you had to worry about the dinosaur eating your young. Sex, drugs, and Rock’n Roll were pretty much thing most parents of the olden days didn’t want there kids involve in. These days you never know if the parents are going to be inviting your child to participate in these things in their home. Yes even Catholic parents.
As for the olden days, things like that worked because most people had the same values. This is not true of the new days, even in Catholic schools. This is what make parenting particularly difficult these days. It requires a vigilance that is unprecedant except for maybe when you had to worry about the dinosaur eating your young. Sex, drugs, and Rock’n Roll were pretty much thing most parents of the olden days didn’t want there kids involve in. These days you never know if the parents are going to be inviting your child to participate in these things in their home. Yes even Catholic parents.
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Norseman82
Guest
I think a major difference is that in the “olden days”, one could defend his or her self without getting into trouble.
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farmbabe1
Guest
aggiecatholic05,
Wow…didn’t think I needed to have what I thought was a supportive response to the OP in APA format with documented references. But here goes…
Of course they didn’t use double blind clinical trials with bullying. There’s a little thing called ethics that would have prevented that. And I disagree that that would have been the only way to obtain “real proof”. The studies that I have read have mostly used naturalistic observations with standardized data coded by independent evaluators pre- and post-implementation of intervention models. You asked for sources…Take your pick:
Hawkins, D.L., Pepler, D.J., Craig, W.M. (2001). Naturalistic observations of peer interventions in bullying. Social Development, 10, 512 - 527.
Craig, W.M., Pepler, D.J., Atlas, R. (2001). Observations of bullying in the playground and in the classroom. School Psychology International, 21, 22-36.
Pepler, D.J., Craig, W.M., Ziegler, S., Charach, A. (1994). An evaluation of an anti-bullying intervention in Toronto schools. Canadian Journal of Community Mental Health, 13, 95-110.
Rigby, K., Johnson, B. (2006). Expressed readiness of Australian schoolchildren to act as bystanders in support of children who are being bullied. Educational Psychology, 26(3), 425-440.
And here’s a link to research results for the Steps to Respect bullying prevention program:
cfchildren.org/programs/str/research/
BTW, I am not at all interested in hijacking this thread to debate this intervention model with you. My response to the OP was in the spirit of being supportive and giving information from my POV.
Hope this helps you understand my previous post.
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rayne89
Guest
When I was growing up my mom told me if someone hits you hit back twice as hard. Yes it was against the school rules but it didn’t matter. I only had to do it once in middle school and the girl backed down. The school didn’t act because no teachers witnessed it. She slapped me because I told her to mind her own business, I punched her and she said “You wanna fight?” I said “Right now.” She backed down saying I wasn’t worth getting suspended over, and her regular taunting stopped. If I would have gotten in trouble my parents would have supported me. Self defense is legal in the adult world I don’t see why children have to take physical abuse.
I don’t if it’s still the same as it was when I was in school but if you parents took care of it for you it made things worse.
I had a taunting thing going with a kid in grade school where he kept making fun of me because I had pacemaker. I don’t think the kid even understood what one was. I made the mistake of mentioning it to my parents. My dad wanted to call the school principle and I flipped out. I begged him not to and he said he wouldn’t but he did anyway. I was so angry, when I got called down to the principles office I wouldn’t tell him anything. The kid still got called in to the office and was talked to because my dad called, and now I was a cry baby, tattle tale. I learned not to tell my parents anything that happened at school after that.
All this pc nonsense makes me so annoyed. I’m a woman, I can’t imagine as a boy growing up how much more difficult it would be to told you can’t defend yourself.
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aggiecatholic05
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i think it will. i hope you didnt take my post wrong, i wasnt trying to be harsh, just very curious as to how they got those numbers. in science a double blind trial is the gold standard, i didnt know how things outside of science, like phsycology did stuff.
personally i think the data you posted is valuable to the op and should be used when confronting school officials. it is a lot harder for them to ignore proof than it is a mad mom.
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mlchance
Guest
It isn’t your son’s job to help the bully feel better. In fact, it is quite likely the bully feels just fine. Most bullies do not suffer from low self-esteem; the opposite is true.
Also, ignoring a bully won’t work. Bullying – whether physical or emotional – is about aggression. Bullies must be subjected to appropriate discipline and the school must create an environment in which bullies are ostracized by their peers.
– Mark L. Chance.
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udoc89
Guest
I am a fifth grade teacher. If it were my son, I would tell him to defend himself physically(if the other child gets physical first.) Tell him that he has your explicit permission to do so. If you (the parent) get a call from the school, you can take care of the rest for him. Your son’s well-being comes first–if the school isn’t handling the problem, whether it is physical or verbal, you will have to stand in. This is, of course, how it should be. If the school will not back you up–there is always the option to home-school. I did this for my son. There was a terrible bully in his 7th grade class. My child was the new kid. (We were also new Catholics.) The nuns felt sorry for the other kid because he was fatherless–his dad had died of cancer eight years before. This brat got away with everything–including hinting that my child was a homosexual because he was small and not good at sports. I informed the school, and my husband and I told our son he had permission to hit back–forcefully. This took care of the physical bullying but not the verbal. We took our son out of the school and homeschooled him for the next three years.
As I said, I teach fifth grade. I do not tolerate any kind of bullying in my class. All the kids have to do is make me aware of it.
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Ruthie
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I’m still for creating an atmosphere in school where the bullies are ostracized by their peers, and those peers are taught to stand up for the underdog.
My mother and the principal got together, called the bullies in, and told them to be nice to me or else. That worked great. I thought they had decided they liked me. I was happy - for a while.
Then, right after the last day of school let out, one of the ringleaders told me, “We don’t *have *to be nice to you any more. Mr [principal]'s not here to make us.”
That was an utter betrayal. I still (at 56) have trouble making friends, and, especially, keeping them. Essentially, it boils down to not making an effort because of fear of rejection.
Yes, I have a few close friends, and especially my DH. But I’m an extrovert who acts like an introvert. There are more reasons than just the above, but it still ranks as the worst betrayal of my life. Including the boyfriend who cheated on me.
God bless us all, including the bullies.
Ruthie
My mother and the principal got together, called the bullies in, and told them to be nice to me or else. That worked great. I thought they had decided they liked me. I was happy - for a while.
Then, right after the last day of school let out, one of the ringleaders told me, “We don’t *have *to be nice to you any more. Mr [principal]'s not here to make us.”
That was an utter betrayal. I still (at 56) have trouble making friends, and, especially, keeping them. Essentially, it boils down to not making an effort because of fear of rejection.
Yes, I have a few close friends, and especially my DH. But I’m an extrovert who acts like an introvert. There are more reasons than just the above, but it still ranks as the worst betrayal of my life. Including the boyfriend who cheated on me.
God bless us all, including the bullies.
Ruthie
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IrishAm
Guest
Back when, I stopped an issue in one of my daughter’s elementary schools by scheduling an appointment with the principal – and advising her in advance if she felt the school needed legal representation present during the conversation to please arrange to have them there. At the meeting, I informed the principal that it was not a life skill to “deal with” someone inflicting physical abuse or emotional harrassment. That was what the authorities were for. And, if the school leaders (principal, teachers) did not step up to their role as authorities in this case – and deal effectively with the child who was bullying others – I would take it to other authorities, like the police, the press, child protective services, Catholic diocesan departments, etc. etc. etc.
I was not loud, I was not threatening, and I clearly meant every word. The child – who was a sad case with his own issues – was dealt with in a manner that was a blessing for all concerned.
Some times you have to insist.
I was not loud, I was not threatening, and I clearly meant every word. The child – who was a sad case with his own issues – was dealt with in a manner that was a blessing for all concerned.
Some times you have to insist.
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mom2boyz
Guest
So far I think the school has responded appropriately. But I will call the police if my child is physically harmed. I don’t care what they do at the school at that point.
Now I just have to deal with the nonschool functions like tomorrow’s soccer game. This is how it started with the boy telling my son how he wasn’t that good. My son isn’t the best player on the team and he may be the weakest, but he isn’t terrible. He would tell my son it was his fault if the team lost. At the time I would explain to my son that it was a team and not one person was responsible for the loss. It wasn’t as if my son made a bad play and the team lost. I thought the boy was just angry and was venting and my son was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Now I just have to deal with the nonschool functions like tomorrow’s soccer game. This is how it started with the boy telling my son how he wasn’t that good. My son isn’t the best player on the team and he may be the weakest, but he isn’t terrible. He would tell my son it was his fault if the team lost. At the time I would explain to my son that it was a team and not one person was responsible for the loss. It wasn’t as if my son made a bad play and the team lost. I thought the boy was just angry and was venting and my son was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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kage_ar
Guest
The coach should be handling this. Was it brought to his attention?
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slackernerd
Guest
Another point to consider is this: Bullying behavior that schools tolerate will, a few years down the road, land people in prison. For example, I attended jury selection( I was not chosen to serve) for an 18 year old who was facing a strikeable(under CA’s 3 strikes) felony robbery charge because he allegedly pushed his coworker to the floor and stole his cellphone. Behaving this way at school probably earned him few or no consequences.
Physical and emotional abuse is never good - not for the bullies, noth for the victims.
Physical and emotional abuse is never good - not for the bullies, noth for the victims.
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