4yo with weird and destructive habit

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Allegra

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My 4yo has over the past two weeks been demonstrating a really strange behavior. She is randomly throwing objects. I don’t mean throwing something at someone in anger or in frustration. She’s never done that. I don’t mean throwing trash on the floor instead of in the trash can. I mean, she will be completely calm, playing with a toy, taking off a shoe, or reading a book and she will randomly chuck it across the room as hard as she can, or more often than not, flip it backward over her shoulder. It’s almost as if she just wants to do something outrageous to see what happens. I’m not sure what has brought this on, though she just finished seven weeks in a preschool program. There was only one other girl in the class and the environment was a little…physical? But then again, it could be completely unrelated to that.
So far, she has had consistent consequences. (at least on my watch, I’m not sure what went on at school) She has lost the toy, lost a privilege, been made to sit in time out, been made to go home early, been spoken to sternly and even been shouted at. Her reaction is a mixture of expressing that she knew it was wrong but just forgot but sometimes acts as though she thought it was funny until she hears what her punishment will be.
Does anyone have any pointers? Obviously, there’s not a lot of premeditation going on here. I have caught her on a couple occasions raising an object suspiciously and stopped her in her tracks with a “don’t you dare!”, but generally it’s completely spontaneous and without warning. She usually doesn’t even bother to look behind her to see what she’ll hit. But that makes it all the more dangerous, because she could potentially hurt someone or break something important. She already hit a stranger in the playroom at the history museum with a toy. She’s also hit our light fixture. So far, no injuries or breaking, but if we don’t put a stop to it, it’s only a matter of time.
 
Sounds like you have a “thrower” on your hands. Just maintain the discipline and this stage will pass.
 
Try a star chart. A day without throwing, a star. A week of stars, a gift.
 
I don’t think it’s that odd. My 4 and a half year old grandson will throw things randomly also. It’s not that often, and sometimes it’s clearly that he’s taking off his socks or shoes for a bath and just tosses them.
Maybe being in a classroom full of boys has led her to think it’s okay behavior. I think boys tend to do this more than girls.
I would not yell at her. I would ask her calmly to pick up whatever it is and put it where it belongs. Repeat ad infinitum.
 
She is testing you big time. She is trying to see what she can get away with. If I were in your shoes. If she throws something calmly ask her to pick up what she has thrown, if she doen’t pick it up. Go get the item and take it away don’t make a big deal out of it just put it somewhere she can’t get to it. And anything she asks you say “Do we throw things?” If she says “no” you tell her to put the item away and then you can get her what she wants. If she says yes you tell her "I’d like to help you but I had to pick up X and if you want I’ll give it to you and you can put it away .
PS. It’s not that weird
 
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Little Betty, we don’t throw our things. Go pick it up.

Little Betty, we don’t throw our things. Go pick it up.

Little Betty, we don’t throw our things. Go pick it up.

Little Betty, we don’t throw our things. Go pick it up.

Repeat

Loss of the toy she threw for 1 day is appropriate.

This is simply normal toddler/preschooler stuff. Make sure the discipline is consistent, changing it up works for teens, not for 4 year olds.
 
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I agree that it’s not that weird or unusual. When my brother and I were that age, our parents caught us taking my mom’s ceramic owl collection and throwing them against the wall “just because.”

Just keep up with the reminders and the consequences.
 
Frankly, no. I don’t think she’s doing it for attention though. She’s done it when I’m not even in the room.
 
You wouldn’t forsee it if you knew the overwhelming hatred I feel toward sitting out in the sweltering heat watching a game with a score of 27 to 32, all of which were walk ins because neither team has a decent pitcher. (and the game started and hour late because the prior game ended with a score of 73 to 81 for the same reason. Did I mention that I hate children’s softball? If my kids want to do a sport, it’s going to have to be basketballs. It’s indoors, timed, and relatively inexpensive. They’ll probably be pretty tall. Or they can do Irish dancing. That’s fine too.
 
At the age of four!?! Yikes! I guess I should be thankful. She’s not intentionally trying to break things, she’s just criminally indifferent as to what she hits! Today has been better though. (Knock on wood.) We only had one incident with a stick she’d picked up. At least that was outdoors and she looked where she was throwing first.
 
Give her something she can aim for outside and let her throw and throw at the target.

Maybe something like an empty milk jug?

I feel my son used to do things like that when he was little.

I get mommy amnesia after a while, maybe it was my daughter.
 
We’ve been spending a lot of time outside and I’ve encouraged her to shoot baskets and play the ball toss game. I have discouraged her from throwing sticks and rocks into the neighbor’s yard, which she seems to prefer. We also had to have a discussion about the multiple reasons the birds on our electrical wire are not appropriate targets. On the plus side, now she’s interested in circuits. We’re third in line for a circuit exploration lab at the public library.
 
I’m glad to hear that this behavior isn’t “weird” in general. It does seem pretty out-of-character for her though. Most of her misbehavior is far more calculated.
 
She likely picked it up from somebody at preschool, thinks it’s funny and doesn’t realize she could hurt somebody.

I can see myself at age 4 thinking this would just be the most amusing thing in the world.

Little Lady had the right idea. The kid will grow out of it and if she realizes some punishment will definitely happen, she will grow out of it faster.
 
Four year olds can be very silly.
Just continue with the consistent consequences and this too will pass.
 
Well, there are no bad ideas, but I think I’ll give it a few more weeks before pursuing that route!
 
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