5 year old says he likes someone better than me

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Psalm30

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My 5 year old son just told me, in a huffy tone, that he likes his grandparents better than me. I responded by calmly asking why and he said they are more fun than me and appear to love him more than I do.

I realize this is normal kid behavior and I need to be the mature adult and deal with it without getting angry or lashing out at him.

But I can’t help feeling very stung and hurt right now, and I need to get it out in the open to someone. Any advice for dealing with this kind of thing?
 
I have dwarfism.

When my son was 5 he told me “I don’t want a little mommy anymore. I want (insert name of family friend) to be my mommy now.”

Yep, it stung but it is not unusual for a 5 year old to want to replace mom.
 
The grandparents always have gifts for him, aren’t responsible to keep him in line, what would you expect.

When I was like 5 years old, my mum went into the hospital for an operation and me and my brother were sent out to stay with the grandparents for a week. It was interesting as they lived on a small farm, but I was glad to go back home after having to listen to them.
 
Roseeurekacross said:
It’s normal kid behaviour, wait till they tell you that you aren’t the boss of them

I would just respond by saying we all love you.
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I probably responded badly, then, by saying, “It’s not nice to say you like someone more than someone else. Even if you’re thinking it you shouldn’t say it.”
 
I teach kindergarten so I know quite a bit about 5 year olds. They are very in the moment beings. Whatever is on their mind at the moment is what flies out of their mouth. They don’t have the thinking skills to determine the truth of their words and thoughts, and they have no way of really measuring the message they are sending. They don’t have the full copacity to reason yet. Their sense of self preservation wins out way ahead of anything else. That is why we start seeing an increase in “story telling” to avoid consequences and seeking pleasure above work. It is a normal developmental stage. The fact that your 5 year old trusts that you love him enough that he is willing to state that to you shows that you are doing your job correctly. And the fact that his grandparents are “the fun ones” shows that they are also doing their job correctly. Give your son a couple of years and he will begin to make sense of the way the world works and also the nature of relationships. This will become one of those days you laugh at together later in life.
 
I don’t think that was wrong, especially if done in a calm and controlled manner. Children need to hear that words hold power and must be controlled at times.
 
I was a brat of a kid. I probably told my parents God was the only boss of me. And was a pita as a teenager.
 
My mother used to say if someone didn’t tell her she hated them at least once a week, she probably wasn’t doing a very good job of parenting.
 
He will “like you better” again the next time you are the one handing him candy or a toy, or when he gets scared in the night and wants his mommy.
He would definitely miss you if you went away.
He also doesn’t realize yet that expressing an unfiltered thought like that might hurt someone’s feelings. Your response was appropriate in letting him know that “I like A better than you, B” isn’t good etiquette to say out loud.
 
I also said it doesn’t matter whether he loves me or not, but it’s a problem if he thinks I don’t love him. I’m second guessing whether that was the right thing to say.
 
My 17 year old loves our CAT more than he loves me. Lol. I guess I don’t have the expectation that he’ll love me more than anyone else. This was the same when he was 5. We didn’t have our cat back then, but he’s always loved my parents more. I loved my grandparents more than my parents, too.
 
He doesn’t think you don’t love him.
He may also have been trying to get his way.

Does he ever say. Grandma let’s me do it, or would get me that.

They try childish rhetoric on us 😀
 
That’s getting awfully deep for a 5-year-old to understand.
You’d be better off just making a face at him and saying, “Oh yeah? Well, I still love you, no matter what!”
 
Oh, those comments cut me deep. I feel for you. The first time it happened I was already just barely hanging on and I actually burst out crying, which terrified the kid who said it but at least it got across how much it hurt.

I handle it better now but I do still let them know that trying to hurt someone is wrong, and help them rephrase their anger once they are calm and willing to try again.
 
No need to second guess. Parenting isn’t a one shot deal even if we only have one child. He knows you love him or he wouldn’t have trusted you enough to say that. My only concern is you may have introduced a new sort of manipulation into his little brain. He got a rise out of you and now he will attempt to use that to his advantage. It happens. Just don’t let him get a reaction from you if it happens again. Easier said than done. Just rest in the fact that parenting is ongoing. Even multiple “mistakes” or “mishaps” don’t ruin a child. Believe in yourself as a parent and keep on going.
 
I sometimes think having my kids observe me try to fix my mistakes is more valuable than just “doing it right the first time.” 🤔
 
At 5, kids don’t really even have the vocabulary to articulate their feelings. His comment likely meant no more than “You’re asking me to do something unpleasant (or stop doing something pleasant), and it makes me feel upset. Grandma and Grandpa don’t make me feel that way.” That would be because, of course, grandparents aren’t the disciplinarians.

I understand why it stung. Our kids do that to us sometimes. But I would very much doubt he meant it in the way an adult would mean it if they said the same thing.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
That’s getting awfully deep for a 5-year-old to understand.
You’d be better off just making a face at him and saying, “Oh yeah? Well, I still love you, no matter what!”
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Bear beat me to it. This is what I was going to post.

I wouldn’t second-guess yourself now and get too worked up. I know those comments hurt in the moment, but I also know he’s not really thinking it through.

Grandparents are fun, but when push comes to shove and he’s sick or scared, it’s his Mommy that he wants. Of course he loves you…but he’s 5, so he’s just thoughtless with what he says.

Next time do what Bear said and don’t make it a big deal. I think he probably just needs to be reassured of your unconditional love. So later today sometime, scoop him up in a big bear hug and just tell him how much you love him, no matter what.
 
My deep thoughts

In a way, we do this to God all the time.

How often have we decided that we like someone/something better than God and moved away from him?

Each time, he waits and continues to love us.

Not so deep thoughts

From experiences as a primary school teacher and friends’ children, kids can be total PITA who know exactly how to cut you to the quick. They don’t mean it and would soon be homesick for you if they go away somewhere.

Grow a thick skin and don’t let them get you down. You still have teenage years yet!
 
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