5 year old says he likes someone better than me

Status
Not open for further replies.
My daughter isn’t 5 yet, but I have raised six nieces and nephews from toddlerhood to teens. Middle school and early high school years make our little ones seem so innocent! Even during adolescence, often there just isn’t the communication skills and patience required to truly express what they really mean. It is helpful to remind ourselves during these phases that as mortal beings, we often can’t communicate what it is we want to express to God ourselves. He has unlimited patience with us and His love is overly abundant. We should always strive to be that picture of God to the children in our lives. For many, it is the only example they will ever have.
 
Grandparents don’t have rules. Give him gifts and probably spoil his every whim. The best way to deal with this is to realize that he doesn’t fully understand what he’s saying, he’s 5, and you would probably feel the same if one person had rules and the other was a free for all. Haha.

It will get better and he DOES love you more than his grandparents. He just doesn’t fully understand the world, himself or even emotion yet.
 
You have to laugh this stuff off. Starting with pre-school they are going to coming home and telling you Mrs/Mr. so and so is awesome. She/He said…whatever. You’ll get sick of hearing about it. But you’ll never be replaced in your kiddo’s eyes.

It was a rare occasion when my daughter told me she hated me, but when she did I calmly said “that’s fine, but I’ll always love you”. To this day, she says I’m great at catholic guilting her. LOL
 
Send him over to grandma’s and see what happens when they provide some discipline.
 
We all say horrible things to our parents. Later in life we make it up to them and they don’t pay any mind to it - one day you guys will laugh about it. Xxx
 
Don’t worry. He’ll probably say it again a fair few times so you’ll get the chance to refine your responses. Kids have no filter.
 
Every time my daughter said I hate you, I would respond I love you too. Once I must have been doing something and didn’t respond. She stomped her foot (as every little girl knows how to do) and said, Mommy, what are you supposed to say back.

Next time your son says something like that, try just saying I love you too. if he hasn’t said it yet, you still have I’m not your friend and I don’t love (like) you coming up. They are just temporary verbal meltdowns that you need to not let him think are effective ways to get attention (positive or negative).
 
I appreciate everyone taking the time to read and post. Thank you all very much.

He’s said stuff like that before, and I’ve always been able to just shake it off and chalk it up to kid behavior. I think it was the way it was said yesterday (the tone and body language) that really cut deep. But today was better. He and I did some fun activities together, and I’m feeling less hurt. Thanks again for letting me vent.
 
I heard where the teenage brain is still growing. It doesn’t fully mature until around age 25.
 
Psalm30 said:
I also said it doesn’t matter whether he loves me or not, but it’s a problem if he thinks I don’t love him. I’m second guessing whether that was the right thing to say.
Click to expand...
My child used to say that to me occassionally. I grabbed her and squeezed her really tight and said “Say it again. Say it again”. We both would fall on the floor laughing. Then I would tell her I will always love her even if she feels that way sometimes. No worries. It is what kids do.
 
I loved my grandparents as much as I loved my parents. But I still loved my parents. I was very rebellious, too. I always went my own way. My parents accepted the fact that their five kids all loved their grandparents and the dogs and cats best, and we all loved one another.
 
I’m a grandmother with a great deal of responsibility but not actual custody of my grandson since the age of 5. He sometimes loved me best, sometimes mom or dad. Truth is that all humans feel differently in the moment towards the people we love. Some days we feel a closer affinity to one than the other, and then it switches up. But most of us don’t feel the need to voice this, a young child either may not have that filter or may feel compelled by a variety of reasons to voice their feelings.

Now that he’s nine he has said to me that he hopes it doesn’t hurt my feelings that even though he spends more time with me, he loves his father the best. I said nope, I’m really glad that he has such a great dad and feels so much love for him, and that’s true. Sure it feels nice when he tells me he loves me the best and that I am the best among all the grand and great grandparents, but the bottom line is I know that he loves me, and it’s truly wonderful that he has so many people to love.

Of course there are days he tells me he hates me, and I know that in that moment it’s how he feels, but that we have a relationship that spans far beyond the moment.

I think it’s good that you brought your feelings here. they are normal and valid. Hugs.
 
“Go move your clothespin to red, kid.”
LOL!
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
Last edited:
Is there a significant difference between “lose a privilege” and “punishment”?
 
I have taught 5-7-year-olds a good number of years and I have heard basically all of it when the kids are angry. “You are the nastiest teacher at this school!” and “Teacher N is so much more nicer than you!” I know that if the kids hug me when they are picked up from school then everything is all right and that I am a good teacher and the kids respect me for setting boundaries.

Now is they understand irony when they are some years older then I would throw my hands in the air and shout “Yes! I am going to represent the school and nation in the World Championships for being the nastiest teacher ever!”
 
Well, if anyone is interested, I’m feeling much, much better about this. Because today, my husband is away on business, and my son commented, “Well, it’s actually more fun without Daddy.” Hahahahaha 😉
 
Psalm30 said:
probably responded badly, then, by saying, “It’s not nice to say you like someone more than someone else. Even if you’re thinking it you shouldn’t say it.”
Click to expand...
I am not a parent but I am still a daughter. And I remember most of my childhood. Grandparents were my faves too but I don’t think I ever said anything coz I am introvertite. It is not wrong that you told him, no. It is just too early. I doubt he understood.
Of course when he will understand he may retort “it is not nice but isn’t truth better?”. By that time the question will refer to a situation that no longer includes the two of you.
 
Last edited:
Your reaction is understandable… Just remember that ‘love’ means something different to a 5-year-old. It can be more material, like the grandparents give him more time, gifts, even affection. All kids seem to go through this phase. It’s important not to take it too hard, as it will teach a child to lie. It can also give a child a weapon, a very powerful one!

At five, I wouldn’t put much emphasis on what a child says…it will probably change a few hundred times!

Just do your job, be there for them, and don’t fall into the trap of going to either extreme…listen, and be open to what your child really needs, wants, and is trying to tell you. Granted, I haven’t read all the replies yet…but, it’s familiarity made me feel kind of rushed to answer, as some parents get overly sensitive to such perceived slights.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top