6 months on, still feeling homosexual

[goofyjim]

As a person that is in Courage I would like to say that Courage does not promote reparitive therapy of any type. If a person wants to go through reparitive therapy, they can and Courage will point them in the right direction but it does not promote it. Courage recognizes that same-sex attraction varies person to person and over time. A person that feels totally “homosexual” may eventually feel that attraction diminish or they may not. I personally saw my degree of SSA diminish over time but when my SSA was at its worse before I joined Courage I felt I was bi not gay. Now I realize that I just have a degree of a same-sex attraction and that attraction can vary over time, but in me it diminished enough that I could get married. I know several people in Courage that as of now could never even imagine their SSA decreasing enough to get married.

Thank you. I couldn’t have said it better. Now if one was interested in affordable therapy where would one go? I have only a Medicare HMO as my primary insurance and am subsisting off a parttime job and social security disability for a living.

 

[buffalo]

Thank you. I couldn’t have said it better. Now if one was interested in affordable therapy where would one go? I have only a Medicare HMO as my primary insurance and am subsisting off a parttime job and social security disability for a living.

Many HMO’s offer mental health benefits. It’s too bad they took it off the list of disorders. Maybe you could petition them to reevaluate its standing.

 

[buffalo]

I read somewhere that the Catholic view on this is that people are born that way (homosexual, that is). That it comes from the fall of Adam? Or something. Does anyone have any clarification? I have some homosexual friends who are telling me they are starting to doubt any existence in a God and that the Catholic church is overwhelmingly condemning.

No, it is not the Catholic view they are born that way.

However, evil and disorder come from the fall.

The Catholic Church loves the sinner and hates the sin. Homosexuals are upset the Church will not change Christ’s teachings, which she has no authority to do.

 

[Courage_Married]

Thank you. I couldn’t have said it better. Now if one was interested in affordable therapy where would one go? I have only a Medicare HMO as my primary insurance and am subsisting off a parttime job and social security disability for a living.

I personally do not have any experience with the reparitive therapy groups but I know some people that tried. I would go to the Courage main page and contact the Courage main office directly. They may know low cost options. They also have many links on their web page

couragerc.net/RelatedWebsites.html
Especially the section labeled WWW Ex-Gay Links

 

[ocuinn]

Maybe he di give it to some of us to see how we and others would respond. I repeat there is no requirement to do away with same sex attraction and there is no conclusive evidence to rule out a biological cause, just as some men prefer blondes over brunettes.

There is conclusive evidence as I’ve just explained. The work of Baars/Terruwe.

 

[LittleRose]

Hello to you all,
Let me reintroduce. I am a 16 year old boy. When I last posted, any attraction of this sort to people I had had was exclusively homosexual. This is how it remains. I had then never ‘done’ anything, never acted on the feelings. This also is how it remains.
… I go to Mass and recieve communion regularly, and adoration, and confessional…though, I must say…I have never confessed to this because I am too scared, and I find I can barely even say the words.

But…I still feel exactly as I did. I wonder, what is to happen, if these feelings never go away? What will happen in my life then, what should I do in this case?

Thank you x

The good news:
You’re human, and therefore you have something that you may have to struggle with for a lifetime. You are not alone in that, not by any means. Heterosexual people have to deal with ilicit desires and attractions too. (Think about what must happen any time anybody turns on the television these days, for instance) That may not sound like good news, but what it means is that there are other people who have had to struggle with parts of themselves, and who have made it though with the grace of God. That brings me to:

The even better news:
God is there to help you, and you have already been doing everything you know to stay close to him. The sacraments are especially important when it comes to things like this. Confession especially. Even if we have not committed any mortal sin, it can be helpful. It’s ok to be nervous about taking this kind of thing to the confessional. Chances are, the priest won’t bat an eyelash, but if he does, it is not important. He is there to represent Christ, not himself. He may need a moment to think about how to respond to you, but ultimately, that is for your benefit as well, so that he can offer you spiritual counsel that will help you.

The grace that Christ gives us through the sacrament of reconciliation can also help us to be strong in times of temptation, and to have a deeper appreciation of His love for us, even in those moments where we don’t feel terribly loveable, or when we worry that we cannot serve him because of our failures.

If this does turn out to be something you struggle with for life, that does not have to ruin your life, or keep you from being a servant of God. You are already doing good things with your time–think of all of that prayer and volunteer work–that’s wonderful!

 

[Exalt]

Hello to you all,

I posted here about 6 months ago because I had a problem that I had homosexual feelings, and I received some good advice. i listened to it all and decided on some actions to take, but I fear things have not got better.

Let me reintroduce. I am a 16 year old boy. When I last posted, any attraction of this sort to people I had had was exclusively homosexual. This is how it remains. I had then never ‘done’ anything, never acted on the feelings. This also is how it remains.

I will be really honest with you because I think through complete honesty is the only way I can hope to be helped. I will tell them exactly as they are:
To some degree it is sexual feelings, and desire of that nature. But also, possibley more so, it is not about sex. I, like most people, want to have a loving relationship. But when I imagine this, I imagine it to be with a man. Almost as if I am the woman. Though to clairfiy, I do not want to be a woman.

I have felt this so many years, and it does not go away, so this is what I do:

I have tried to have a good prayer life and in this way build up a strong relationship with our Lord, and the Blessed Virgin Mary. I pray to them, and to Saint Agnes for purity that I can behave always in the right way, and be controlled and chaste.

I try for to have as good spiritual life as possible; I try to do much outreach and be a good person, I volunteer for learning disability charity, and donated to homeless shelter.
I go to Mass and recieve communion regularly, and adoration, and confessional…though, I must say…I have never confessed to this because I am too scared, and I find I can barely even say the words.

But…I still feel exactly as I did. I wonder, what is to happen, if these feelings never go away? What will happen in my life then, what should I do in this case?

Thank you x

I’m sorry, man.

I want you to know that I know ***exactly ***how you feel. I spent five years doing what you are doing.

I have some advice for you. It comes from someone who probably had a teenage life just like you.

You don’t need “reparative” therapy. You don’t need support groups. You don’t need the ministry Courage.

Most importantly…

Calm down. Don’t give in to the temptation to think that you’re a bad person because of the way you feel. Don’t give in to the folks who say that you need to change who you are. Just live your teenage life and please, please, please stop worrying!

 

[goofyjim]

There is conclusive evidence as I’ve just explained. The work of Baars/Terruwe.

No. That simply means his patients were successful in turning it around. One cannot conclude that this therapy applies to everyone. For instance I had no defective relation with either my father or mother. Due to my religious convictions I was able to avoid the behavior but no amount of prayer or anything else has ever done away with the attractions.

 

[IanBoyd57]

Here, there is no therapist that is willing to treat homosexuality as an illness to be cured. It would be illegal to give someone such treatment. Here it is most usually thought to be naturally occuring, and certainly not wrong, so no such treatment exists. Chastity is not encouraged for homosexuals.
Otehr views to this are not allowed to be practised by therapists or business of any kind, as it is illegal on the ground of inciting hate.

x

That’s because it’s not an illness anymore than being black is. Objective and rational therapists would never claim it to be evil and wrong because it isn’t in any way, shape, or form outside of a religious context.

 

[ocuinn]

No. That simply means his patients were successful in turning it around. One cannot conclude that this therapy applies to everyone. For instance I had no defective relation with either my father or mother. Due to my religious convictions I was able to avoid the behavior but no amount of prayer or anything else has ever done away with the attractions.

I want to agree to disagree on this one. I wasn’t saying the only explanation for homosexuality is a defective parental relationship. There can be many factors contributing to the overall emotional state.

AP Quinn

 

[goofyjim]

I want to agree to disagree on this one. I wasn’t saying the only explanation for homosexuality is a defective parental relationship. There can be many factors contributing to the overall emotional state.

AP Quinn

Even if one were to put it back on the list of mental disorders, which I don’t think we have to, that doesn’t mean it can be cured. Mental disorders are biological in nature. There is mounting evidnece of this. So why is it so farfetched to believe that ahomosexual orientation is not the same way? I agree that the behavior is wrong but there is too much emphasis on changing something that does not necessarily require a change. Unless, of course, you’re saying that God will give us some sort of test upon our entrance into the Kingdom based on our sexual desires.

 

[ocuinn]

Even if one were to put it back on the list of mental disorders, which I don’t think we have to, that doesn’t mean it can be cured. Mental disorders are biological in nature. There is mounting evidnece of this. So why is it so farfetched to believe that ahomosexual orientation is not the same way? I agree that the behavior is wrong but there is too much emphasis on changing something that does not necessarily require a change. Unless, of course, you’re saying that God will give us some sort of test upon our entrance into the Kingdom based on our sexual desires.

I agree that mental disorders can be biological but I don’t believe for a second that homosexuality is a mental disorder. I believe it is a matter of emotional health and is thoroughly rooted in a dysfunctional emotional life which can be aided in therapy.

AP Quinn

 

[Exalt]

I agree that mental disorders can be biological but I don’t believe for a second that homosexuality is a mental disorder. I believe it is a matter of emotional health and is thoroughly rooted in a dysfunctional emotional life which can be aided in therapy.

AP Quinn

Why? The OP isn’t suffering from homosexuality itself, he’s suffering from the restrictions put on him by the Church. Look at his feelings - he hasn’t broken any of the Church’s rules but he still feels bad about it. For no reason.

I wonder, what about his emotional life is dysfunctional? As a homosexual myself, I’ve heard every explaination. Maybe my father was distant. Maybe he was too hard on me. Maybe my mother was too overbearing. Maybe girls never had crushes on me in high school. Maybe I never felt connected to other boys growing up. And a whole lot of other **** that **never applied to me.**I have a feeling the OP is the same way. We’re just normal people. We’ve lived normal lives. Our parents have been great to us. Our relationships growing up were also just fine.

The obvious conclusion? *There is nothing wrong with us. *

 

[goofyjim]

Why? The OP isn’t suffering from homosexuality itself, he’s suffering from the restrictions put on him by the Church. Look at his feelings - he hasn’t broken any of the Church’s rules but he still feels bad about it. For no reason.

I wonder, what about his emotional life is dysfunctional? As a homosexual myself, I’ve heard every explaination. Maybe my father was distant. Maybe he was too hard on me. Maybe my mother was too overbearing. Maybe girls never had crushes on me in high school. Maybe I never felt connected to other boys growing up. And a whole lot of other **** that **never applied to me.**I have a feeling the OP is the same way. We’re just normal people. We’ve lived normal lives. Our parents have been great to us. Our relationships growing up were also just fine.

The obvious conclusion? There is nothing wrong with us.

I have never replied to your posts before but I’m sure you have read mine. I try to tread the middle ground and get alot of heat from both sides. Anyway here goes. These socalled restrictions were not put on us by the Church but by God Himself. One simply cannot be a believer and not accept that fact. Now, given that, I don’t believe He puts an undue burden on us of having to rid ourselves of same sex attractions. As Jesus embraced his cross in the movie The Passion, we can fully embrace the cross He has given some of us. Carrying it in the Catholic manner gives us a distinction from the rest of the world.

 

[Exalt]

I have never replied to your posts before but I’m sure you have read mine. I try to tread the middle ground and get alot of heat from both sides. Anyway here goes. These socalled restrictions were not put on us by the Church but by God Himself. One simply cannot be a believer and not accept that fact. Now, given that, I don’t believe He puts an undue burden on us of having to rid ourselves of same sex attractions. As Jesus embraced his cross in the movie The Passion, we can fully embrace the cross He has given some of us. Carrying it in the Catholic manner gives us a distinction from the rest of the world.

The OP suffers in vain.

 

[goofyjim]

The OP suffers in vain.

He’ll suffer more if he gives into temptation and contracts some horrible disease. And eternally speaking he is still safe now so how does he suffer in vain. Why does the whole world think you need sex to survive?

 

[AndyF]

Ayeaiii:

Some points that you may want to consider.

1/Are you sure you are saying the Rosary every day sincerely? (see:theholyrosary.org)

2/A dryness is not uncommon and may take up to two years. It differs for everyone. 6 months seems a little short, don’t get discouraged, and don’t get into the habit of seeking events for stimulus. That is the devil casting doubts. Instead form a relationship with Mary and focus on that, it is in effect the same as saying to a friend, “Gosh, I hadn’t realized how much time has passed.” Learn to converse the days events with her. You can be assured she is with you and listening. Lay your troubles with her, but still say the Rosary every day.

3/ You definitely need to go to confession and drop your shield of pride and become humble and experience humility. I think this is the problem. You will be well received by the priest I can assure you. There is nothing that compares with the release that comes with being absolved, and the power that brings you to fight temptation. After doing your penance, you are truly a candidate for heaven.

4/Learn to cut off your delectable thoughts when they start, and change your thinking, and as St. Ignatius suggests, strike your chest with your palm and say “Jesus, I’m sorry”.

5/Keep good company and take control of your life…

6/ Don’t give up. Trust that you will get help, but focus on what you need to do, not what you expect others to do.

M2C

AndyF

 

[Exalt]

He’ll suffer more if he gives into temptation and contracts some horrible disease. And eternally speaking he is still safe now so how does he suffer in vain. Why does the whole world think you need sex to survive?

From the O.P. “To some degree it is sexual feelings, and desire of that nature. But also, possibley more so, it is not about sex. I, like most people, want to have a loving relationship.”

There is one BIG misconception out there about gay people in this forum. I’d make a fair estimate that many in this forum believe that there are two possibilities for gay people, relationship-wise. #1. Complete and total celibacy. #2. Promiscuity and sleeping around.

But that’s simply not true.

But the *truth *is that not all gay people fall under those two categories. On the contrary, most of the gay friends that I have have relationships that basically resemble chastity for heterosexuals. The relationships are NOT all about sex, as is the misconception with many conservatives. They are monogamous and long term.

Edit: I mean to say that we shouldn’t lie to him about the alternatives. The choice isn’t celibacy versus promiscuity. It isn’t a life of suffering righteously versus STD’s. It’s not a black and white issue. Relationships like the OP says he desires are very possible and DO happen. In my experience, among my friends, they are, in fact, the norm.

 

[blessedtoo]

The usual suspects on this thread who are attempting to derail the topic or confuse the OP would do well to remember this is a 16 year old boy seeking Catholic advice on a Catholic forum. If you wish to debate AGAIN about the origin, treatment, sinfulness, etc., ad nauseam of homosexuality, start another thread.

 

[blessedtoo]

You are a brilliant and refreshing breath of fresh air, my young friend. I remember your post from many months ago and I am so pleased to hear that you are still being sustained in sanctity by our loving God.

To some degree it is sexual feelings, and desire of that nature. But also, possibley more so, it is not about sex. I, like most people, want to have a loving relationship. But when I imagine this, I imagine it to be with a man. Almost as if I am the woman. Though to clairfiy, I do not want to be a woman.

I wonder if the hormonal confusion of adolescence is part of your draw towards the same sex. You have sexual feelings, of course. That is perfectly normal for your age. But then you state that the feelings you have for the same sex are not about sex. Perhaps what you yearn for with other boys is a closeness and comaraderie that is becoming entangled with the hormonal rush of young adulthood. Do you have a close relationship with your father, or brothers? Do you have any close male friends with whom you can develop non-sexual connections?

But…I still feel exactly as I did. I wonder, what is to happen, if these feelings never go away? What will happen in my life then, what should I do in this case?

It sounds as though you are doing all the right things with your prayer life, your connection to God, visiting us here. Are you attending Mass? Making a trip to the Blessed Sacrament? Frequent Confession?
Dear friend, six months seems like a very long time when you are struggling but in the big scheme, it is a drop in the bucket. Try not to put too much emphasis on how you are feeling, but rather focus on what you are doing. Great achievements and victories require patience and time. Do not worry about tomorrow or what you might do if you continue to feel this way. God knows how hard you are trying and you will be in His care, whether you feel it or not.

Do they have anything in GB like Catholic Charities here in the USA?

You are on my prayer list, dear friend.