6 months on, still feeling homosexual

[goofyjim]

Emotional health is mental health. We are made as rational beings. Sexual attraction, psychosexual identity is a function of mind and emotions as contained in our physical temples as enfleshed spirits with an immortal soul. It only serves to confuse further by trying segregate the whole person, just as trying to live a chaste existance involves the whole person as a social being. SSA is a symptom of an underlying psychological disturbance/disorder.

Nonsense. SSA by itself hurts noone so there is no pscyhological disturbance.

 

[Exalt]

SSA is a symptom of an underlying psychological disturbance/disorder.

And what would that be?

 

[LilyM]

Nonsense. SSA by itself hurts noone so there is no pscyhological disturbance.

I suppose arguably it hurts the person who suffers from it. After all, God’s plan for them may possibly be heterosexual marriage.

Assuming that the genesis of SSA isn’t genetic (and I tend to think in plenty of cases it actually isn’t) and that it possibly is reversible, but they are taught to think it isn’t, then they are frustrating God’s plan for them and condemning themselves to a life of unnecessary celibacy.

To me that counts as hurt.

 

[CatholicMC]

Nonsense. SSA by itself hurts noone so there is no pscyhological disturbance.

Are you serious? Then how can you account for high rates of depression among those who consider themselves homosexual?

SSA inherently puts the person in a position with dispositions that potentially could cause immense harm to that person. SSA is intrinsically disordered, but at the same time is not condemable. But SSA is not inherently good for the individual, because it put the person in a more likely situation to commit a sin which harms the individual.

People with SSA need to have a person to talk with this about, preferably an understanding priest. Admitting you are suffering from something is the first step to gaining controll of it…

 

[Kevin42]

Are you serious? Then how can you account for high rates of depression among those who consider themselves homosexual?

SSA inherently puts the person in a position with dispositions that potentially could cause immense harm to that person. SSA is intrinsically disordered, but at the same time is not condemable. But SSA is not inherently good for the individual, because it put the person in a more likely situation to commit a sin which harms the individual.

People with SSA need to have a person to talk with this about, preferably an understanding priest. Admitting you are suffering from something is the first step to gaining controll of it…

Not to say you are wrong, because I definately think you are right. However, that is not to say that good cannot come out of this disorder (or whatever it pleases you to call it). I certainly believe that having to live with this can, depending on how the person chooses to live, teach a person many virtuous things such as patience, compassion, and peace.

 

[Contarini]

Isn’t desiring something an act of the will? Like if I desire a Playstation for Christmas, wouldn’t that involve the intellect and will? This would be different from merely finding a Playstation appealing or attractive.

See LilyM’s post. The problem is that the word “desire” is ambiguous. Many kinds of desire are involuntary, and while they may be sinful in the sense that they pull us toward sin, they are only mortally sinful if we choose to give in to them.

If I see an attractive woman I am going to feel desire for her, period. I can’t help that. But I can choose to resist that desire or to give in to it. If I give in to it, even inside my head, that is a serious sin (if she’s not my wife!). Homosexual or other intrinsically disordered desires are no different in that respect.

Edwin

 

[Jenny_Z]

Ayeaiii, I’ll be praying for you. That’s quite a heavy cross to bear. Stay strong in your faith, it’ll hold you up.

 

[holly_potter]

You are very courageous and strong.

I have always believed that God never gives a cross to bear larger than what we can carry…No matter what, God wants us to be happy. He doesn’t want us to be sad. Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn’t we? ~Rose Kennedy.

I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much." - Mother Theresa

Being homosexual in itself isn’t sinful, it’s the giving in to it that is. God must have known you were strong enough to not give in, and look at your strength so far… It’s a long road, like depression, for even depressed people shouldn’t give in to their dark thoughts, though it seems hopeless at times.

You’re like a Hobbit, you’ll be strong enough to see it to the end, stronger, indeed, than most people.

(Okay, I revealed my passion for fantasy stories… )

 

[CatholicMC]

Not to say you are wrong, because I definately think you are right. However, that is not to say that good cannot come out of this disorder (or whatever it pleases you to call it). I certainly believe that having to live with this can, depending on how the person chooses to live, teach a person many virtuous things such as patience, compassion, and peace.

I agree:thumbsup:

 

[setter]

And what would that be?

Quite obviously a disordered psychosexual identity …of course, given the correct understanding on the natural law order of human design and function.

 

[Exalt]

Quite obviously a disordered psychosexual identity …of course, given the correct understanding on the natural law order of human design and function.

“Correct…” heh…

 

[urban-hermit]

**Dear Ayeaiii,

Confusion regarding Gender Identity is one of the factors which have been commonly observed amongst people who have same-sex attractions.**

How does the Lord feel about gender roles, what is an appropriate one for a man?

**While it is true that God is a pure spirit and does not really have gender as we humans do, God has revealed Himself to us as a Father. And of course God, in the form of Our Lord Jesus Christ, is a man. He has drawn a parallel between His love for mankind and the love a man should have for wife and family - to use his strength to protect and provide for his family.

But for me, as a man who does not have a wife and family, and living as I do in a liberal part of the western world which tends to de-emphasize gender roles, establishing a more definite gender identity for myself can be difficult. Because truth be told I always identified with females as a child and this has persisted at some level for me into adulthood.

Basically, I think we all feel the pull toward physical closeness with another person at some times. This is very much tied together with the sex drive, but not always in a simple way - as you said it can be quite complicated. The type of person you are drawn toward and why is an interesting subject that is still being learned about.

But it is safe to say that a commonly observed factor in this attraction is that we are sexually attracted to people we perceive as complementary to our own being. Typically men are sexually attracted to women, and vice versa. But even within homosexual culture, we often see men who wish to give themselves to men who are stronger. Or men who seek to “possess” younger more boyish men. Lesbian culture is quite open about the fact that “butch” women often seek out “femme” women. Again, these are not invariable rules, but rather trends or tendencies that are prevalent enough to be un-ignore-able. Also, they serve as corroboration of the principle that, whether actual or imagined, “opposites attract”.**

 

[fritz]

Ayeaii: Yes, you certainly have been deluged by folks wanting to help. The thread of ‘hope’ is the most important you will pick up from any of us. This thread is amplified by the the most current and also unbiased information that is available and can be found by Googling ‘Catholic Medical Association’ and reading its ‘Homosexuality and Hope’ article.
Then sit back and understand that the overly zealous amongs us have made a mess trying to ease the burden of SSA by making it “perfectly normal” when, of course, it isn’t…not in a fully mature adult human being (which you, at sixteen, have quite a while to go.). This overzealousness is unfortunately reflected in what you tell us about the situation in Great Britain where you live. There reflecting on the known truth is considered a hate crime and so treated by the misbegotten laws, also making their appearance in Canada and being considered as well here in the USA.
Then consider that your “feelings” are indeed very, very common in youngsters and if not acted upon gradually disappear. And of course, there is no sin or real moral issue at this point. Avoid like the plague, acting on the feelings. That is where your prayer life ought to be focused. And insist on hope in your life…and chose only those with great hope to pay attention to! God bless!
You haven’t told us much about your Dad and your feelings toward him and his personality either. Want to? Fritz

 

[Ayeaiii]

Thanks urban hermit, very interesting. You say about people seek complimentary partner. When I imagine my life in the future, it seems best suited to me to have a partner who is the more male role. Though I think this is not how it can be, so I do not much dwell on it. But me, like you, well I feel sometimes more close to women. all my friends are female.

Fritz if you want I will tell you about my dad. He is a bit older than most of my friends dads, he was over 50 when I was born. He is quite quiet and not very much showing his feelings, but that is no problem because I still know he loves me, and that is just his personality. He express his love in some ways like when someone does a bad thing to me, he says that I did not deserve it and such. even though, when he doesn’t express it I still know he love me so I think it is good relationship. He gets more on better with my older brothers in a friend way because similar sense of humour etc, but love us all equally in a father way. I think he is a good dad and we love each other.

Hope that helps. x

 

[setter]

Thanks urban hermit, very interesting. You say about people seek complimentary partner. When I imagine my life in the future, it seems best suited to me to have a partner who is the more male role. Though I think this is not how it can be, so I do not much dwell on it. But me, like you, well I feel sometimes more close to women. all my friends are female.

Fritz if you want I will tell you about my dad. He is a bit older than most of my friends dads, he was over 50 when I was born. He is quite quiet and not very much showing his feelings, but that is no problem because I still know he loves me, and that is just his personality. He express his love in some ways like when someone does a bad thing to me, he says that I did not deserve it and such. even though, when he doesn’t express it I still know he love me so I think it is good relationship. He gets more on better with my older brothers in a friend way because similar sense of humour etc, but love us all equally in a father way. I think he is a good dad and we love each other.

Hope that helps. x

Here is an article excerpt that may merit your consideration:

(3) That for whatever reason, he recalls a painful “mismatch” between what he needed and longed for and what his father offered him. Perhaps most people would agree that his father was distinctly distant and ineffective; maybe it was just that his own needs were unique enough that his father, a decent man, could never quite find the right way to relate to him. Or perhaps his father really disliked and rejected his son’s sensitivity. In any event, the absence of a happy, warm, and intimate closeness with his father led to the boy’s pulling away in disappointment, “defensively detaching” in order to protect himself.

But sadly, this pulling away from his father, and from the “masculine” role model he needed, also left him even less able to relate to his male peers. We may contrast this to the boy whose loving father dies, for instance, but who is less vulnerable to later homosexuality. This is because the commonplace dynamic in the pre-homosexual boy is not merely the absence of a father - literally or psychologically - but the psychological defense of the boy against his repeatedly disappointing father. In fact, a youngster who does not form this defense (perhaps because of early-enough therapy, or because there is another important male figure in his life, or due to temperament) is much less likely to become homosexual.

narth.com/docs/pieces.html

 

[setter]

Not to say you are wrong, because I definately think you are right. However, that is not to say that good cannot come out of this disorder (or whatever it pleases you to call it). I certainly believe that having to live with this can, depending on how the person chooses to live, teach a person many virtuous things such as patience, compassion, and peace.

The Church concurs with you:

1. What, then, are homosexual persons to do who seek to follow the Lord? Fundamentally, they are called to enact the will of God in their life by joining whatever sufferings and difficulties they experience in virtue of their condition to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross. That Cross, for the believer, is a fruitful sacrifice since from that death come life and redemption. While any call to carry the cross or to understand a Christian’s suffering in this way will predictably be met with bitter ridicule by some, it should be remembered that this is the way to eternal life for all who follow Christ.

It is, in effect, none other than the teaching of Paul the Apostle to the Galatians when he says that the Spirit produces in the lives of the faithful “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control” (5:22) and further (v. 24), “You cannot belong to Christ unless you crucify all self-indulgent passions and desires.”

It is easily misunderstood, however, if it is merely seen as a pointless effort at self-denial. The Cross is a denial of self, but in service to the will of God himself who makes life come from death and empowers those who trust in him to practise virtue in place of vice.

To celebrate the Paschal Mystery, it is necessary to let that Mystery become imprinted in the fabric of daily life. To refuse to sacrifice one’s own will in obedience to the will of the Lord is effectively to prevent salvation. Just as the Cross was central to the expression of God’s redemptive love for us in Jesus, so the conformity of the self-denial of homosexual men and women with the sacrifice of the Lord will constitute for them a source of self-giving which will save them from a way of life which constantly threatens to destroy them.

vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_19861001_homosexual-persons_en.html

 

[mikeledes]

Hello Ayeii! I haven’t read all the responses that people have given you, but I just want to give some advice. I’ll take the worst case scenario approach. Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that these feelings that you have will never go away. Is it the end of the world? No! You must create expectations for yourself that are realistic. Let’s say my dream has always been to be a pilot, but I am legally blind. What should I do? Kill myself? Absolutely not. God gave us the gift of life and life is always worth living. I have to create expectations for myself that fit reality.

So lets say you always remain homosexual. You don’t want to act on that desire, but you also don’t want to deceive a woman into marrying you. The only moral option is to live a chaste life. What about loneliness? If you have a strong relationship with God, a strong relationship with good friends and family, and a strong relationship with your faith community, you can overcome it. Remember, priests, monks, and nuns all live chaste lives and many are happy about it. You have to accept whatever cross God has given you and work with what you have. Maybe your vocation in life is not a married life. God has a plan for you, Ayeii. He loves you! Do not despair :console: . Good things come to those who wait. I will keep you in my prayers.

God Bless,
Michael

 

[fritz]

Unfortunately, as is so often the case, our use of words guide or even demand a certain line of thought. For instance, we read of “the lepers”, a shunned, pitied groupf of men and women in the Bible. They were doomed. Fr Damien viewed his colony as human beings suffering from a nasty illness that was eventually fatal. Finally, we learned that a bug caused it and so we started talking about Hansen’s Disease, honoring the person who made this discovery. Then we started curing it. Even better.
I note with distress that we are still talking about “the homosexuals” “homosexual persons” (or even the “gay life style”) when “suffering from” is far more appropriate and accurate. (check Google, as noted). When cure become a possibility, our thinking changes. We then can justify hope which we must.

Ayeaiii, I’m not talking about you. I hope you understand. In your situation I would say we are just looking at a few bumps on the skin. You are absolutely correct, though, in looking at them. Thank you in allowing us to look with you. Fritz

 

[Riley259]

Hello to you all,

I posted here about 6 months ago because I had a problem that I had homosexual feelings, and I received some good advice. i listened to it all and decided on some actions to take, but I fear things have not got better.

Let me reintroduce. I am a 16 year old boy. When I last posted, any attraction of this sort to people I had had was exclusively homosexual. This is how it remains. I had then never ‘done’ anything, never acted on the feelings. This also is how it remains.

I will be really honest with you because I think through complete honesty is the only way I can hope to be helped. I will tell them exactly as they are:
To some degree it is sexual feelings, and desire of that nature. But also, possibley more so, it is not about sex. I, like most people, want to have a loving relationship. But when I imagine this, I imagine it to be with a man. Almost as if I am the woman. Though to clairfiy, I do not want to be a woman.

I have felt this so many years, and it does not go away, so this is what I do:

I have tried to have a good prayer life and in this way build up a strong relationship with our Lord, and the Blessed Virgin Mary. I pray to them, and to Saint Agnes for purity that I can behave always in the right way, and be controlled and chaste.

I try for to have as good spiritual life as possible; I try to do much outreach and be a good person, I volunteer for learning disability charity, and donated to homeless shelter.
I go to Mass and recieve communion regularly, and adoration, and confessional…though, I must say…I have never confessed to this because I am too scared, and I find I can barely even say the words.

But…I still feel exactly as I did. I wonder, what is to happen, if these feelings never go away? What will happen in my life then, what should I do in this case?

Thank you x

Go to NARTH website and take a look at the work of both Nicolosi and Fitzgibbons - both have had alot of success in treating those with same-sex attractions. I’ll pray for you.

 

[Nordar]

First of all if only a third of individuals have changed then the other two thirds have been receiving the wrong therapy. The work of Conrad Baars claims success in the majority of their cases and provides sufficient evidence of an environmental influence wheras the biological influence has provided absolutely no significant evidence whatsoever.

Second of all to beleive in a biological basis for homosexuality is to beleive that God gave it to us.

AP Quinn

You have no way of knowing if homosexuals are born that way or not, or if two thirds of them have recieved the wrong therapy. Nor do you know if God made them that way, you are not God. Perhaps it is their cross that he gave them to bear for whatever his reasons.