6 months on, still feeling homosexual

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Concerning a few posts above, I would like to say that I do agree that there is no moral obligation to seek healing in the area of homosexuality; only to avoid sexual sin. However, homosexuality does not exist in a vacuum; it is a symptom of genuine, unmet, and even originally good needs that God wants to meet but which we have been unable to let him care for. Being moral will inevitably lead one closer to God, the one person who will soften our hearts and care for our needs. However, going through an issue-specific process of healing recognizes the impediments that have come between us and God and helps to remove them. In other words, the original sin, circumstances, and wounds that lead to homosexuality are areas which God wants to come into, heal, and satisfy anyways, so admitting brokeness emotionally psychologically, and spiritually and then submitting oneself to the care of the ultimate healer Jesus Christ is probably something which God wants us to do. I would also like to add something on this point which I did not say but should have said in my previous post; the goal of anybody seeking help from these ministries, and I have no doubt they will say the same thing, must be to have a deeper relationship with God. God gave me hope when he brought me to the realization that he might have a purpose for me in marriage and does at least have a purpose for me outside of homosexuality. However, we must not expect God to change our orientation; it is not necessary for him to do so; we do not sin if we’re still attracted to the same sex. At the same time, we know he is a God of healing, that he comforts us, and that he will satisfy our hunger. Likely, when he does heal and begin to satisfy us in a process like that provided by these ministries, the symptom of homosexuality will dissipate or go away all together. But the goal must still be to seek God; not to get rid of annoying behavioral quirks, personality traits, or even same sex attraction. Yet we never have to give up the hope that God will meet the needs that have driven homosexuality and which we hunger to have satisfied and give our hearts peace and rest. I would finally like to apologize for my last post if I inappropriately judged any of those who have tried to change their orientation and haven’t; I do not know their specific circumstances. I still hold, however, that this journey is hard and that there are those who give up, but that God has and does reward those who are faithful to him and feed the hungry.

Your brother in Christ,
bennierja
 
bennierja said:
Concerning a few posts above, I would like to say that I do agree that there is no moral obligation to seek healing in the area of homosexuality; only to avoid sexual sin. However, homosexuality does not exist in a vacuum; it is a symptom of genuine, unmet, and even originally good needs that God wants to meet but which we have been unable to let him care for. Being moral will inevitably lead one closer to God, the one person who will soften our hearts and care for our needs. However, going through an issue-specific process of healing recognizes the impediments that have come between us and God and helps to remove them. In other words, the original sin, circumstances, and wounds that lead to homosexuality are areas which God wants to come into, heal, and satisfy anyways, so admitting brokeness emotionally psychologically, and spiritually and then submitting oneself to the care of the ultimate healer Jesus Christ is probably something which God wants us to do. I would also like to add something on this point which I did not say but should have said in my previous post; the goal of anybody seeking help from these ministries, and I have no doubt they will say the same thing, must be to have a deeper relationship with God. God gave me hope when he brought me to the realization that he might have a purpose for me in marriage and does at least have a purpose for me outside of homosexuality. However, we must not expect God to change our orientation; it is not necessary for him to do so; we do not sin if we’re still attracted to the same sex. At the same time, we know he is a God of healing, that he comforts us, and that he will satisfy our hunger. Likely, when he does heal and begin to satisfy us in a process like that provided by these ministries, the symptom of homosexuality will dissipate or go away all together. But the goal must still be to seek God; not to get rid of annoying behavioral quirks, personality traits, or even same sex attraction. Yet we never have to give up the hope that God will meet the needs that have driven homosexuality and which we hunger to have satisfied and give our hearts peace and rest. I would finally like to apologize for my last post if I inappropriately judged any of those who have tried to change their orientation and haven’t; I do not know their specific circumstances. I still hold, however, that this journey is hard and that there are those who give up, but that God has and does reward those who are faithful to him and feed the hungry.

Your brother in Christ,
bennierja
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Fortunately, despite the persistence of same sex attraction I feel as pscyhologically, emotionally and spiritually whole as the next guy. The only reason I have never gone to therapy to change the orientation is because those who tout that it works with everyone refuse to put their money where their mouth is. They take no insurance and require you to pay their fees which are too high for the majority of us. Now if they really want to help the socalled disadvantaged maybe they could take on a few free customers like myself. Otherwise I find that I am already serving God.
 
Ayeaiii:

You may have to accept what you have now. God may be telling you that you can handle the rest.

St. Paul asked God to remove the thorn in his side, a reference to his chronic temptations. He was told that the graces he was getting were sufficient. Also, you could still be in testing and that could last many years. Your insistance that you receive stimulus or evidence may be another.

Why don’t you simply give up looking for indications and focus on establishing a relationship by putting in your own effort?. Once established, maybe the rest will fall through as a matter of course. It is rare that a person will not come to the assistance of a true friend.

But don’t give up your trying. Better to be holding on to a thread than to fall.

AndyF
 
goofyjim said:
And to say that the 2/3s who didn’t make it just gave up is unfair. There is no moral requirement to change one’s orientation, just to avoid the behavior.
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Thanks for the post Jim.

Though Benniejpr’s post has heartfelt intentions for helping the OP, your perspective is a little more sound and much more realistic.

When one takes their sexuality and focuses on it as if it’s this horrible disease/affliction (one that needs to be extracted or cured), he may find a grand failure in trying to address it that way. In the process, he also may find that on a daily basis, he is correlating his sexuality to a negative. If this person struggles on and comes to the realization that they cannot change what they have now come to believe needs to be changed, I could only assume that the reality must be deeply depressing.

I struggled while in the closet. I knew that I was not being true to myself. But when I came out, I cannot tell you the weight that lifted off my shoulders. I not only came out to my family and friends but I realized that I was actually accepting myself more wholly. I felt like I was living a lie. When I came out, I felt like I was starting my life from the beginning again as I had been hiding a part of me, and pretending to be something I wasn’t.

I am not asking you to quit you course of action but to consider the alternative as well.

Rather than connecting your homosexuality to a “cross” or an aberration needing to be addressed, I challenge all of you to find solace and acceptance in your sexuality. Though your religion requires you to abstain (and that’s your choice), I would suggest that you attempt to also consider coming to grips with your sexuality in the event you realize that you cannot change it. I think that stating that the reasons why most homosexuals fail in changing to hetero is a result of their unwillingness to not try is a little off. I frankly find the whole process to be impossible. Also, if you accepted it, you would find no need to do so.

Again, when you get a little older, and if you find that Exodus and all these other things do not work for you, try sitting down and accepting how God made you. I have found a great deal of peace and joy in that mindset.
 
Rather than connecting your homosexuality to a “cross” or an aberration needing to be addressed, I challenge all of you to find solace and acceptance in your sexuality.
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Catholics are blessed in that we understand our sexuality to be a part of the whole person, united with Christ, and not apart from our spirit, faith, and religion. We accept our station in life, be it as a single chaste heterosexual, a married monogamous spouse, a religous living a chaste life according to thier vows, or an SSA individual living his faith through chastity.
 
I am a female who was born bisexual. I am attracted to both sexes. When I was young I jumped into the gay lifestyle. It brought me nothing but a sense of hopelessness. I was an activist, trying to get the world to accept that lesbianism is a fine alternative to the straight life.
I met my husband and he convinced me that it is possible to live a straight life. Despite worries, I married him and we have now been married 21 years and have four beautiful children. If I had not let go, as hard as it was, of the gay lifestyle, what blessings I would have missed!
I’m not saying there isn’t an occasional struggle but boy has it been worth it. I am living proof that a gay person CAN live a straight life and also enjoy sex in the marital embrace. There is nothing like giving your whole self, body and soul, to a member of the opposite sex. It is complete.
But my advice is to be honest with your future mate. They can help you through the rough times.
My prayers are with you and know that change is possible.
 
RWMorris said:
I am a female who was born bisexual. I am attracted to both sexes. When I was young I jumped into the gay lifestyle. It brought me nothing but a sense of hopelessness. I was an activist, trying to get the world to accept that lesbianism is a fine alternative to the straight life.
I met my husband and he convinced me that it is possible to live a straight life. Despite worries, I married him and we have now been married 21 years and have four beautiful children. If I had not let go, as hard as it was, of the gay lifestyle, what blessings I would have missed!
I’m not saying there isn’t an occasional struggle but boy has it been worth it. I am living proof that a gay person CAN live a straight life and also enjoy sex in the marital embrace. There is nothing like giving your whole self, body and soul, to a member of the opposite sex. It is complete.
But my advice is to be honest with your future mate. They can help you through the rough times.
My prayers are with you and know that change is possible.
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And that is what I would love to do. But every time I have broken the news to a girlfriend in the past she then drops the relationship. Where do I find a girl who will understand?
 
RWMorris said:
I am a female who was born bisexual. I am attracted to both sexes. When I was young I jumped into the gay lifestyle. It brought me nothing but a sense of hopelessness. I was an activist, trying to get the world to accept that lesbianism is a fine alternative to the straight life.
I met my husband and he convinced me that it is possible to live a straight life. Despite worries, I married him and we have now been married 21 years and have four beautiful children. If I had not let go, as hard as it was, of the gay lifestyle, what blessings I would have missed!
I’m not saying there isn’t an occasional struggle but boy has it been worth it. I am living proof that a gay person CAN live a straight life and also enjoy sex in the marital embrace. There is nothing like giving your whole self, body and soul, to a member of the opposite sex. It is complete.
But my advice is to be honest with your future mate. They can help you through the rough times.
My prayers are with you and know that change is possible.
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That’s so wonderful that you were able to find and love someone as great as your husband. God bless you in your marriage! 🙂

I share quite a different experience than yours though. Before coming out totally, I tried to be with women. I thought that my homosexual tendencies were fleeting or at the very least, I thought I was bisexual. WRONG! I can use the same words you used when describing your stint as a lesbian to describe my time exploring heterosexuality. I gradually became more miserable, lonely, depressed, angry and lost with every hetero relationship experience. With each woman that I dated I began to feel more and more phony…eventually I could not take it anymore. I had enough. This wasn’t me. I stopped dating all together. During this hiatus, I began to internally address and confront my homosexuality. It was a hard year. Lots of tears but incredible insight.

I sat down one day and realized the lie I had been telling; that I had been putting forth a false representation of whom I was. I came to a solid conclusion that I was not in the least bit attracted to women and I admitted to myself that I was a homosexual. That wasn’t an easy thing to do. It certainly isn’t the path of least resistance. I sometimes hear people say that homosexuals choose to be gay…I’d love to put them in my shoes back then. It was the hardest thing to realize and just as hard to admit to others. I lost some friends – believe it or not. I was also prepared to possibly lose some of my family as well. When I told them, my parents and some siblings weren’t too thrilled about it but they, like myself, just needed some time to accept it. They are fine with it now and I realize how lucky I am to have such a great family.

Fast-forward 9 years… I am now with a man that I have been with for 5 years. I cannot articulate the love and emotion that I have for him. We have had such a “for better and for worse” relationship but have weathered through it. Our life is good. We have lived together for 3 years and have enjoyed every minute of it. I am so fortunate to have found such a beautiful, compassionate and loving person to share my life with. So, my counter to you is that one can love and be in committed relationship with a person of the same sex. I am living proof of that!
 
dapper said:
Fast-forward 9 years… I am now with a man that I have been with for 5 years. I cannot articulate the love and emotion that I have for him. We have had such a “for better and for worse” relationship but have weathered through it. Our life is good. We have lived together for 3 years and have enjoyed every minute of it. I am so fortunate to have found such a beautiful, compassionate and loving person to share my life with. So, my counter to you is that one can love and be in committed relationship with a person of the same sex. I am living proof of that!
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Even if it is possible for a person to be in a committed same-sex relationship, we as Catholics still believe that such a relationship is not in God’s plan. There are many reasons why this is the case, some of them have been covered on this thread, and I do not believe you should be counciling Catholics to do something that is against their faith.

God bless you.
 
ElizabethAnne said:
Even if it is possible for a person to be in a committed same-sex relationship, we as Catholics still believe that such a relationship is not in God’s plan. There are many reasons why this is the case, some of them have been covered on this thread, and I do not believe you should be counciling Catholics to do something that is against their faith.

God bless you.
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Yet at the same time we should not impose our Catholic beliefs on a nonCatholic. Cease and desist. If they choose not to be Catholic and be in a homosexual relationship that is their perogative.
 
goofyjim said:
Yet at the same time we should not impose our Catholic beliefs on a nonCatholic. Cease and desist. If they choose not to be Catholic and be in a homosexual relationship that is their perogative.
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Yes, but it’s still objectively immoral.
 
ElizabethAnne said:
Even if it is possible for a person to be in a committed same-sex relationship, we as Catholics still believe that such a relationship is not in God’s plan. There are many reasons why this is the case, some of them have been covered on this thread, and I do not believe you should be counciling Catholics to do something that is against their faith.

God bless you.
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I was merely providing my experience regarding this topic as many have provided theirs. I know that there are many Catholics on this site but there are just as many Christians too…and in the end, we’re all people.

In my personal experience, I have been able to find happiness with my homosexuality and with my boyfriend. The Catholic church, you and anyone else may think otherwise of that possibility, but I am much happier having accepted my homosexuality and finding an incredible and loving man to be with. I merely suggest that rather than deny your sexuality, try accepting yourself for who you are, for how God made you. If your church’s rule says that you cannot have sex with another of the same sex, fine, but to lie to yourself and others and at the same time equate homosexuality with some kind of disease or aberration is just nonsense.

Though you don’t believe I should be counsiling Catholics on sexual orientation, some may find the idea of accepting yourself for who you are in terms of your sexuality quite refreshing after having read the contrary post after post after post.

God Bless
 
goofyjim said:
By our standards not theirs.
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If you believe that the Catholic church is the fullness of truth like I do (I assume you do) then God’s standards are the only objective standard regardless of what other people think subjectively.
 
I sometimes hear people say that homosexuals choose to be gay…
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It is irrelevent whether a person is “born” gay or “becomes” gay. The “choice” is to act on the impulse. Everyone, homosexual or heterosexual, has a choice about their behavior.
I merely suggest that rather than deny your sexuality, try accepting yourself for who you are, for how God made you.
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The imperfections in our human nature are the result of the Fall. God did not “make” me an alcoholic. God did not make my nephew blind. God did not make my best friend’s baby epiliptic. God made us all to love, worship, and obey Him. Christ told us to be perfect, as our heavenly Father is perfect. This suggests to me that we should always be striving, not settling

We do not isolate our “sexuality” from the rest of our spiritual identity. Just as I don’t isolate my “orientation” to drink massive quantities of alcohol from the whole of my being, nor do I feel it necessary to act upon this impulse or proclaim it to all.
some may find the idea of accepting yourself for who you are in terms of your sexuality quite refreshing after having read the contrary post after post after post.
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Catholics accept themselves for who they are - part of the Body of Christ. That is the only refreshment we need. The only posts that are contrary are those that obfuscate the truth.
 
Following God’s laws are not easy. I love to eat. But I should not over eat. I get hurt by my family and coworkers. But I should not say mean and hurtful things.I use my mind to think and dream. But I should not think or dream of impure things. I get angry with what people say. But I should not hit or kick people just because. I love to be touched and to touch. But I should not touch just anyone or let just anyone touch me.

I must learn to control my appetite. I must learn to control my mouth. I must learn to control my mind. I must learn to control my body. I must learn to control my urges and desires.

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean it is alright.
I can kill.I can break in someones house. I can steal. I can lie. I can run someone over. Just because you can do something doesn’t make it right.

Likewise just because it feels good doesn’t make it right. We can not let our bodies or our emotions rule us. We are not animals with no reasoning.

I was molested from the time I was 9 - 16 by different men. My body betrayed me, it felt good at times. I know now it was and is wrong.

I am adult.I am a human being.I am Christian. I know right from wrong. I choose to follow God. Not myself.

God loves me and He knows me better than anyone else. He would not place a burden heavier than I can bear on my shoulders. He measures my burdens and then places the amount that He knows I can bear on me. God loves me.
 
fellowChristian said:
Following God’s laws are not easy. I love to eat. But I should not over eat. I get hurt by my family and coworkers. But I should not say mean and hurtful things.I use my mind to think and dream. But I should not think or dream of impure things. I get angry with what people say. But I should not hit or kick people just because. I love to be touched and to touch. But I should not touch just anyone or let just anyone touch me.

I must learn to control my appetite. I must learn to control my mouth. I must learn to control my mind. I must learn to control my body. I must learn to control my urges and desires.

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean it is alright.
I can kill.I can break in someones house. I can steal. I can lie. I can run someone over. Just because you can do something doesn’t make it right.

Likewise just because it feels good doesn’t make it right. We can not let our bodies or our emotions rule us. We are not animals with no reasoning.

I was molested from the time I was 9 - 16 by different men. My body betrayed me, it felt good at times. I know now it was and is wrong.

I am adult.I am a human being.I am Christian. I know right from wrong. I choose to follow God. Not myself.

God loves me and He knows me better than anyone else. He would not place a burden heavier than I can bear on my shoulders. He measures my burdens and then places the amount that He knows I can bear on me. God loves me.
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts. God loves us all!

The difference being that what others view as a cross, I view as a blessing.
The difference being what others call an aberration or disease needing to be treated, I call a need to recognize one’s sexuality and to be at peace with it.
The difference being what one calls abomination, I call a deep and true love shared between two souls.
The difference being what some say God condemns, I and many Christians say that He does not.

God Bless
 
Some people see suffering as bad. I say it can not be. For when I look at a crucifix I see love.Good can come from suffering. Mary suffered.The holy ones who were martyred suffered. And they have their reward in heaven.If you are suffering look at a crucifix and know you are LOVED.
 
“6 months on, still feeling homosexual”

You might just be gay. There isn’t anything you can do about it. It’s ontological. The Church teaches that you can still be in good standing with God, as long as you don’t act on your desires. The rest is up to you. Accept who and what you are, without judgment. It’s life. You’re okay. 👍
 
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