7yo catches a double standard - ouch!

[JLCecilia]

I can really get caught up in verbal battles (arguing) w/ my 7yo. A couple weeks ago I sent him to his room b/c he wouldn’t quit griping about a situation and I realized how irrational my punishment was, given the situation. So I asked him if we could use the ‘time out’ sign as a way of signaling that we need to stop and take a breath. Previously, I talked to all 3 of my ‘big’ kids about using our ‘fire extinguishers’ to stop a ‘fire’ (‘shush’ yourself to stop from fighting w/ ea. other). I keep telling them the best way to stop an argument is to stop yourself first.

None of this is working. But in a quiet moment, and without being snarky (for a change), my 7yo says to me “How come we always have to listen to you, but you don’t have to listen to us?” He is so right on. My biggest trouble is w/ him b/c he just has to (name removed by moderator)ut on EVERYTHING. I saw a meme awhile back which read “It is not necessary to react to everything you notice.” So true. I think I pounce on him too much b/c I get tired of the snarkiness. I even have a Proverb punch for him: When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is prudent. I need this just as much as him.

I’m grateful for his candidness and that the HS allowed me to be humbled and really listen, for a change. Now, if He could just help me to make the necessary change in myself and hopefully see some change in DS’s and my relationship and inspire some change in his behavior.

 

[shainski]

I don’t know why the timeout was irrational, but I like your story.

What I like is that you realize that you need improvement, too (don’t we all?). So you teach your kids as best you can - and you also teach them that you make mistakes, too - and you teach them how to make amends when you do.

I have kids the same ages - and it’s amazing what they can say sometimes - good and bad. It’s great to recognize that they have their own minds and thoughts - and you do need to consider that.

But ultimately, your son will have to realize that you are the parent, and you must make final judgement on many things. You may consider his opinions - and he may even be able to change your initial thoughts - but you can’t have everything open to endless negotiations.

You sound like your doing a great job - keep it up!

(And I must be having a mental lapse- what does “HS” mean?)

 

[JLCecilia]

HS=Holy Spirit

The time out was irrational b/c I sent him there for complaining that I was being unfair in a judgement btwn him and his brother over a board game. DS was right, I was wrong. I just have a knee-jerk reaction to always call HIM out b/c he’s the most vocal and calls the most negative attn to himself. Mea culpa.

 

[My_Nose_My_Toes]

You pay the bills, that is why! You have to go back to old Bill Cosby episodes and do some research

 

[JLCecilia]

Nose/Toes, funny you should say that, I was just watching his reruns this weekend! Wise dude

 

[Miss_Felicity]

While the snarkiness needs to be dealt with, please consider from a different point of view that your son’s personality “problem” could be something like Aspergers or high functioning Autism so it may be a good idea to speak with his pedestrian. Outside of that I’ve been told by family that I was a very talkative and inquisitive although well behaved child. I’m sure it was difficult at times but those same personality traits are what has made me amazing in my career as an adult.