8 months pregnant and feeling depressed

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blujazz25

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I am in need of prayers and reassurance. I know I should be happy about this life that I am about to bring into this world in a matter of 6 weeks plus change. I don’t know if its the hormones or the holidays or maybe a mixture of both. I have been feeling down for a couple days now and I could not even find solace on what my husband tells me.

Financially speaking, its been hard. I chose not to find a new job since we moved because I am already far along the pregnancy and I do not want to place extra stress on my body and on the baby. His parents have been kind enough to set us up with a loan with them just to get us by and pay our debt down. My husband is currently working full time as a contractor with a good company. But what has been eating me out is that I cannot even afford to get things in preparation for the baby without feeling guilty about it. I took our dog to the vet this morning to get her checked out making sure she is healthy before baby arrives, and I end up standing in the office trying to get a hold of my husband because our card got declined, had to turn down getting our dog her prescriptions because it was jacking the bill up. I felt extremely guilty after because it was my idea to get her a vet in the area. I cannot even think on what to get my dad for a gift because I start feeling guilty about it too, my mom is abroad with my grandma so its just the three of us this Christmas. I know money is something we cannot bring in heaven and its something fleeting, but feeling secure about everything is eating me. I feel helpless and a burden.

Christmas is supposed to be a season of joy and hope and I do not feel either of those right now, even if I just start thinking about it I just cry.
Hope everyone else is feeling better than I am.
 
Well congratulations of the impending arrival of your little one. It is your hormones taking control of you. Never feel guilty about getting things of need, do what you need to do to get ready for your baby. And remember everything will work out, maybe not the way you want, but it will work out. There is no such thing as a perfect situation, just focus on the good that is about to happen to you.

As far as gifts go, the ones from the heart mean the most. Does your dad have a favorite dessert he likes. You can make him that for Christmas, and if you want to add more, take a picture of you and hubby, make sure showing a side view of the little one to be, print it off and get a frame at the dollar store. He will appreciate the above more then anything you can buy at a store. I have two nieces who don’t have a pot to **** in, and their families just get by. But they figured out that we like certain baked goods, and I love updated family photos. And that is what we get from them every Christmas. At truth be told they are my favorite gifts because they come from the heart. They are much better then a $50.00 gift card you just go and buy at the store.

So quite stressing and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, it will all work out in the end.
 
I have no advice as I’ve never been remotely in your position.

I can pray though.

:gopray2:
 
blujazz25 said:
I am in need of prayers and reassurance. I know I should be happy about this life that I am about to bring into this world in a matter of 6 weeks plus change. I don’t know if its the hormones or the holidays or maybe a mixture of both. I have been feeling down for a couple days now and I could not even find solace on what my husband tells me.

Financially speaking, its been hard. I chose not to find a new job since we moved because I am already far along the pregnancy and I do not want to place extra stress on my body and on the baby. His parents have been kind enough to set us up with a loan with them just to get us by and pay our debt down. My husband is currently working full time as a contractor with a good company. But what has been eating me out is that I cannot even afford to get things in preparation for the baby without feeling guilty about it. I took our dog to the vet this morning to get her checked out making sure she is healthy before baby arrives, and I end up standing in the office trying to get a hold of my husband because our card got declined, had to turn down getting our dog her prescriptions because it was jacking the bill up. I felt extremely guilty after because it was my idea to get her a vet in the area. I cannot even think on what to get my dad for a gift because I start feeling guilty about it too, my mom is abroad with my grandma so its just the three of us this Christmas. I know money is something we cannot bring in heaven and its something fleeting, but feeling secure about everything is eating me. I feel helpless and a burden.

Christmas is supposed to be a season of joy and hope and I do not feel either of those right now, even if I just start thinking about it I just cry.
Hope everyone else is feeling better than I am.
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It’s very natural to feel sad if money is short and you are unemployed, pregnant, and in living in a new area. I had my first pregnancy while living in a new area and unemployed (laid off after 9/11) and I know how you feel. The first trimester, I didn’t miss not working, because I cherished the opportunity to just do nothing, but by the second trimester, I was terribly bored. I think I’ve probably told you the story before of how my only social interaction other than with my husband was at the OB’s office. I found the third trimester much better, though, because there are so many things to do and get ready before the big day. Look around and think about what you can do to get ready without spending money: find a new mother’s group (steer clear of anybody too doctrinaire), pick up some volunteering (I’ve done volunteer ESL tutoring out of my home), scour Craigslist for good used baby gear, get the baby space all set up, tour the hospital, set up an Amazon wish list, etc. If you could get a few paid tutoring gigs (if that would be applicable to your qualifications), you might find the financial pressure lifting a bit.

Is your financial problem a temporary blip, or is it going to be like this going forward? I believe I remember that you relocated from overseas, so I imagine that you might have had a lot of one-time expenses moving to the US. If that is the case, things will get better.

If you foresee this being a permanent situation, don’t take anymore loans from your in-laws, because if your difficulties are permanent, you have essentially no hope of paying them back anytime soon. If that is the case, thankfully refuse their offer of a loan, but explain that you don’t think you would be able to repay them any time soon and say that you would be happy to take a smaller cash gift. Having large debt to your in-laws is not going to make you feel less anxious.

If your dad is alone, maybe your gift to him could be several homemade dinners at your house while your mom is away? If he’s a normal later-middle aged guy, he doesn’t need stuff from you–he has lots of stuff. You can explain that things are very tight this year, so you can’t give the sort of normal gift you would like to. If he loves you, he will understand.

And definitely talk to your OB about your emotional symptoms and make sure you have very good postpartum support, because it sounds like you might be particularly at risk for postpartum depression.

Best wishes!
 
HopenHappiness said:
Well congratulations of the impending arrival of your little one. It is your hormones taking control of you. Never feel guilty about getting things of need, do what you need to do to get ready for your baby. And remember everything will work out, maybe not the way you want, but it will work out. There is no such thing as a perfect situation, just focus on the good that is about to happen to you.

As far as gifts go, the ones from the heart mean the most. Does your dad have a favorite dessert he likes. You can make him that for Christmas, and if you want to add more, take a picture of you and hubby, make sure showing a side view of the little one to be, print it off and get a frame at the dollar store. He will appreciate the above more then anything you can buy at a store. I have two nieces who don’t have a pot to **** in, and their families just get by. But they figured out that we like certain baked goods, and I love updated family photos. And that is what we get from them every Christmas. At truth be told they are my favorite gifts because they come from the heart. They are much better then a $50.00 gift card you just go and buy at the store.

So quite stressing and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, it will all work out in the end.
Click to expand...
Yes!
 
I can empathize. We moved when I was pregnant with our first. Also no money - tho that’s been an ongoing problem for the last 25 years. You’d think I’d be used to it, but it does get depressing.

And I can understand about your dog. It’s hard when you can’t afford health care for the pets you love.

For right now, remember that your hormones are very strong right now. Your body is getting ready to have that baby. If you feel like crying - go right ahead. :hug1:

Hopefully, your dog will do OK with his meds for a while.

As for presents, try homemade. I’m not crafty, but I cook, so my presents are usually edible.

Baby things - see if there is FreeCycle in your area - it’s a Yahoo group. Everything listed there is free, and you can ask for what you need. Is there a Catholic Charities near you? They can also help. Some towns/cities also have radio swap/sell programs. Does your parish (or diocese) have a St. Vincent de Paul group? They are especially helpful.

I’ll pray for you.
 
blujazz25 said:
I am in need of prayers and reassurance. I know I should be happy about this life that I am about to bring into this world in a matter of 6 weeks plus change. I don’t know if its the hormones or the holidays or maybe a mixture of both. I have been feeling down for a couple days now and I could not even find solace on what my husband tells me.

Financially speaking, its been hard. I chose not to find a new job since we moved because I am already far along the pregnancy and I do not want to place extra stress on my body and on the baby. His parents have been kind enough to set us up with a loan with them just to get us by and pay our debt down. My husband is currently working full time as a contractor with a good company. But what has been eating me out is that I cannot even afford to get things in preparation for the baby without feeling guilty about it. I took our dog to the vet this morning to get her checked out making sure she is healthy before baby arrives, and I end up standing in the office trying to get a hold of my husband because our card got declined, had to turn down getting our dog her prescriptions because it was jacking the bill up. I felt extremely guilty after because it was my idea to get her a vet in the area. I cannot even think on what to get my dad for a gift because I start feeling guilty about it too, my mom is abroad with my grandma so its just the three of us this Christmas. I know money is something we cannot bring in heaven and its something fleeting, but feeling secure about everything is eating me. I feel helpless and a burden.

Christmas is supposed to be a season of joy and hope and I do not feel either of those right now, even if I just start thinking about it I just cry.
Hope everyone else is feeling better than I am.
Click to expand...
praying for your peace of mind. If you can’t afford gifts for the different people that you mentioned, just send them something home made. If they get offended by this, I think they should understand. I think your post would have been better in prayer intentions.
 
Definitely talk to your obgyn if you’re feeling too overwhelmed–there IS such a thing as antenatal depression–but please realize it’s also completely normal to take a ride on the emotional crazy train when you’re pregnant, even when you don’t have the legitimate stressors that you do. (I’m about 8 months along with Number 2. A few weeks ago, my husband found me sobbing over a ruined recipe, and today I had a meltdown with my 17-month-old.)

Along with the practical advice you’ve been given, take your troubles to God; keep sharing struggles with your husband; and give yourself permission not to feel holly-jolly-ho ho ho. Babies are WONDERFUL, and it’s fantastic that you’re expecting a little sweetie. It is, however, totally normal and okay not to feel excited.

Watch out for that guilt–it is an occupational hazard of motherhood, whether the baby is inside or outside the womb. Acknowledge the feeling, name it and understand it and don’t beat yourself up for having it, but don’t think that your perception of guilt is an accurate lens through which to view the world. God thought you were the best possible person in the world to be this child’s mama, and any failures and inadequacies (of which there will be plenty, real and perceived) do not change this fact.

Hang in there!
 
Bonnie said:
I can empathize. We moved when I was pregnant with our first. Also no money - tho that’s been an ongoing problem for the last 25 years. You’d think I’d be used to it, but it does get depressing.

And I can understand about your dog. It’s hard when you can’t afford health care for the pets you love.

For right now, remember that your hormones are very strong right now. Your body is getting ready to have that baby. If you feel like crying - go right ahead. :hug1:

Hopefully, your dog will do OK with his meds for a while.

As for presents, try homemade. I’m not crafty, but I cook, so my presents are usually edible.

Baby things - see if there is FreeCycle in your area - it’s a Yahoo group. Everything listed there is free, and you can ask for what you need. Is there a Catholic Charities near you? They can also help. Some towns/cities also have radio swap/sell programs. Does your parish (or diocese) have a St. Vincent de Paul group? They are especially helpful.

I’ll pray for you.
Click to expand...
Yes.

There’s also a “free” category on Craigslist. It’s very popular, though, and things move FAST.
 
If you can get yourself out of the house (and I know that can be very difficult), there can be interesting free events.

I recently discovered that Guitar Center does a lot of free group lessons: intro ukulele, intro guitar, intro bass, some stuff on recording, all sorts of wonderful free stuff if you are musically inclined.

There are other similar things out there, if you keep your eyes open.

The library is also wonderful. Once my first baby was born, I listened to so many books on tape. A lot of tedium is lifted when you have a good book on tape to listen to when hanging out with the baby or doing chores. I listened to so many classics when my first was little. The audio Lord of the Rings is really good, by the way–50+ hours!!!

The radio is also good (also a lot of shows are available via internet). I like listening to Dave Ramsey, the personal finance guy, when my hands are busy.

Here are the archives:

daveramsey.com/show/archives/?snid=show.archives

He takes a lot of callers, many who are in more or less your position or worse, and he’s good at giving them hope.

Also, once the baby is born, think about some big walks you could take with a stroller. Babies usually love walks and so do mommies.

If you are going to be home with your baby full-time, consider doing some babysitting once your baby is big and can appreciate the company. That would also lighten your financial situation and broaden your social circle.

Good luck!
 
I am 7 months pregnant and can relate to what you are saying. Its likely pregnancy hormones but you can always have a chat with your midwife.

I’ve told people we are having a cheap christmas and only doing token gifts. Maybe make your dad something? Jam, cookies or a photo book! Pregnancy can be financially draining but things have a habit of working themselves out!

I’ve been having a feeling of dread lately for no apparant reason! I actually went to mass today even though I’m not catholic. I haven’t been to church in a while and it was nice just to be able to sit quietly at the back and enjoy the peace of God. It helped a great deal so remember to spend time with God and offer your problems to Him!

All the best!
 
Gracious and merciful Father, please come to their assistance.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.
Amen.
 
Allow me to explain a possible reason for your view. Our body’s chemistry can take a dip down, especially during pregnancy, winter months, stresses, etc.

You are going through a lot of stress. It is good to be resting but perhaps you are anxious. This might be hard to turn off. Anxiety can be like a smoke alarm, warning you to rest and slow down, yet, at the same time, the drop in serotonin and other body chemicals can make it difficult to rest and slow down, quite an internal struggle.

This is one of the reasons pregnant women crave strange foods–they are looking for nutrients that make them feel better–the ice cream that has calcium, the chocolate that brings up endorphins, not sure what the pickles do…but I hope you can see what I mean.

The thoughts you have are real: finances, baby prep, loans, the future…but the feelings are heightened and repeating in a kind of torrent, telling you over and over that something is not right.

I strongly suggest you talk with your doctor or a specialist. Ask for a good nutritionist who understands pregnancy issues. Look for gentle, safe therapies for you right now.

I also suggest telling yourself not to take your worries so seriously right now. Even if they are very real concerns, they are affecting your health. If you have a fever, you get your body to cool off, so If your brain is working overtime, you slow it down. Paint, knit, sew, write, talk to your baby, dream big, pray, sing, play beautiful music, look at art, read lovely sections of books and poems, soak your feet in a bucket of warm water. Put beloved photos and objects all around you. Begin a baby scrapbook or journal. Find a natural oil like rose, lavender, or mint–something that makes you feel good. Get fresh air, think of spring bulbs like daffodils, arrange flowers or evergreen branches. Do something silly with your husband: blow bubbles, toast marshmallows, buy a few gold fish. Watch cartoons. Prepare for the world of children. Our family once put on the Teletubbies show to prepare for our new baby and we laughed so hard we cried.

Do some impractical things! If ever there was a time to indulge in yourself, it would be now. Indulge in your physical and mental health. Think and dream big. Pray that all of the little steps will lead to something bigger and better. My mother raised ten children and used to say, "Always trust that God is taking care of you, even when there is no food in the kitchen and no money in the bank. "

allow “equal time” when you worry. Miracles do happen. If you can imagine a bad outcome, you can also imagine a good outcome–it’s only fair.

Be grateful for all help from your relatives. Some people have no or few people to help. Of all the times to help and loan or give money, now is the time. They are all waiting for the baby too and can’t wait to love it.

And if you struggle with your moods, know that next Christmas will have its own highs and lows so this christmas will be whatever it is. Keep things simple, peaceful and calm. Pay little attention to the panic. Eat. Keep your body nourished. Surround your senses with good, simple pleasures.

You are the most important part of your baby’s home so decorate and furnish your heart, body, mind, and soul. Everything else is extra…except for diapers.
 
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT AND PRAYERS.
I really appreciate it tons. Hearing other moms go through this and have gone through this make me think that I am still normal, thank God. Thank you for everyone’s understanding, I have been to some forums where people tend to be really judgmental and disregard God in the picture.

My husband actually got me a gift card for a massage and will definitely be using that soon. He has been helping around the house a lot, trying to make it baby-ready. Always makes it a point to remind me that I should not beat myself down as I am doing an amazing job on growing a human life in me for 8 straight months with a few more weeks to go.

I guess just the thought of things not getting done on time plus the financial issues is making me worried and anxious. I’m the type who doesn’t want to be unprepared when things happen.
I just learned crocheting so I have been trying to nudge through the feelings on just diverting it on making a sweater for our little one. I have already organized the nursery, and packed my hospital bag. Just a matter of doing a bit more of the laundry and putting on beddings for the crib.
 
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