8 yr old dreading first confession

[joclucsylv]

I admit it. She is like her Mama. She is dreading confession. (I don’t believe I have ever conveyed to her that I dislike confession)

What can I do to make her excited about it? We have visited the confessional. I explained to her how she will feel better. I think she is embarrassed about telling the priest we love so much her sins. I want her to embrace confession. Any suggestions?

 

[Gertabelle]

I’ve told my son for years that I both love and hate going to confession. I think that’s helped him tell me he is also nervous about his first confession (this coming Wednesday). So maybe just telling your daughter your own feelings could help her.

I also shared with my son my experience of going to confession every two weeks with the same priest five times in a row, confessing the same sins each time. This was a priest I talked with after mass each week, saw and spoke with at my son’s school, had been supported by when I severely injured my hand…and I went face-to-face for confession each time. The fifth time I went to confession, he started to give me some advice regarding my sins, and he suddenly stopped and looked me in the eye and said, “Have we talked about this before?” In other words, as certain as I was that he knew me and knew my sins, he didn’t remember a thing! Not a thing!! We confess to Christ, not the priest. And apparently, the priest really has heard it all before and truly isn’t interested in remembering each person’s list

And I now always go behind the screen instead of face-to-face for comfort sake

I’ve tried to make sure I go to confession at least once a month with my son waiting in the pew while I wait in line and receive the sacrament. So he sees that it’s both important and no big deal (except when we have to wait more than 10 minutes). No matter how serious my sins are, I can always confess them in 60 seconds or less. No explanations, no excuses – so he sees that the sacrament is quick and painless.

And he’s seen me meet his godparents before mass for confession, and seen his friends’ parents. Of course, that means you have to go to confession regularly, and bring your daughter with you so she can see the other people in line (call some of your friends to join you to make sure she sees people she knows). And make sure it just seems calm and natural, even if you’ve never taken her with you once before.

Oh, and we’ve been talking about the examination of conscience, and how we do that at the beginning of every mass (“let us call to mind our sins”).

Basically, we’ve been talking about the sacrament, attending the sacrament (me, with him in tow), and relating it to what he already knows.

And if it’s allowed, have your daughter confess behind the screen so she doesn’t have to worry about the priest knowing who she is. My son’s class has been told they have to go face-to-face the first time, probably so Father can help if they whisper or get confused.

Goodness, I do just go on and on when I stay up past my bedtime. Sorry

I’ll keep your daughter in my prayers. She’ll just be sooooo glad when it’s over! Take her out for ice cream :yup:

Gertie

 

[joclucsylv]

I’ve told my son for years that I both love and hate going to confession. I think that’s helped him tell me he is also nervous about his first confession (this coming Wednesday). So maybe just telling your daughter your own feelings could help her.

I also shared with my son my experience of going to confession every two weeks with the same priest five times in a row, confessing the same sins each time. This was a priest I talked with after mass each week, saw and spoke with at my son’s school, had been supported by when I severely injured my hand…and I went face-to-face for confession each time. The fifth time I went to confession, he started to give me some advice regarding my sins, and he suddenly stopped and looked me in the eye and said, “Have we talked about this before?” In other words, as certain as I was that he knew me and knew my sins, he didn’t remember a thing! Not a thing!! We confess to Christ, not the priest. And apparently, the priest really has heard it all before and truly isn’t interested in remembering each person’s list

And I now always go behind the screen instead of face-to-face for comfort sake

I’ve tried to make sure I go to confession at least once a month with my son waiting in the pew while I wait in line and receive the sacrament. So he sees that it’s both important and no big deal (except when we have to wait more than 10 minutes). No matter how serious my sins are, I can always confess them in 60 seconds or less. No explanations, no excuses – so he sees that the sacrament is quick and painless.

And he’s seen me meet his godparents before mass for confession, and seen his friends’ parents. Of course, that means you have to go to confession regularly, and bring your daughter with you so she can see the other people in line (call some of your friends to join you to make sure she sees people she knows). And make sure it just seems calm and natural, even if you’ve never taken her with you once before.

Oh, and we’ve been talking about the examination of conscience, and how we do that at the beginning of every mass (“let us call to mind our sins”).

Basically, we’ve been talking about the sacrament, attending the sacrament (me, with him in tow), and relating it to what he already knows.

And if it’s allowed, have your daughter confess behind the screen so she doesn’t have to worry about the priest knowing who she is. My son’s class has been told they have to go face-to-face the first time, probably so Father can help if they whisper or get confused.

Goodness, I do just go on and on when I stay up past my bedtime. Sorry

I’ll keep your daughter in my prayers. She’ll just be sooooo glad when it’s over! Take her out for ice cream :yup:

Gertie

Thank you for your advice. I think it would be easier for her if they would be doing confession as a class. She wants me to go in the confessional with her and I explained to her how that can’t be done and that it’s between her, Fr. and God! I have decided that we will stand in line as a family to make it easier for her. I have also decided that I will make confession a regular part of my life so she can see that it isn’t something to be fearful of. (Though I did witness my dad go to weekly confession and it still isn’t easy for me)

 

[Gertabelle]

Thank you for your advice. I think it would be easier for her if they would be doing confession as a class. She wants me to go in the confessional with her and I explained to her how that can’t be done and that it’s between her, Fr. and God! I have decided that we will stand in line as a family to make it easier for her. I have also decided that I will make confession a regular part of my life so she can see that it isn’t something to be fearful of. (Though I did witness my dad go to weekly confession and it still isn’t easy for me)

At one parish where I’ll often drop in for Saturday afternoon confession, the children make their first confession on the family’s schedule. I’m pretty sure those of us in line are praying for those wee ones as they get last-minute coaching and reassurance from their parents.

And are there any other children in her religious education class that you all know? Maybe you could arrange to meet another family on the same day so your daughter and another child would be making their first confession on the same day. Just a thought.

Hang in there. She’ll be all right. And maybe, by God’s grace, she may even grow to love the sacrament

Gertie

 

[joclucsylv]

At one parish where I’ll often drop in for Saturday afternoon confession, the children make their first confession on the family’s schedule. I’m pretty sure those of us in line are praying for those wee ones as they get last-minute coaching and reassurance from their parents.

And are there any other children in her religious education class that you all know? Maybe you could arrange to meet another family on the same day so your daughter and another child would be making their first confession on the same day. Just a thought.

Hang in there. She’ll be all right. And maybe, by God’s grace, she may even grow to love the sacrament

Gertie

Thank you.
With God’s grace may I grow to love the sacrament as well lol!!

 

[etmom]

Our 8yr old did her first confession a few weeks ago. My husband took her. When she came out, she enthusiastically said “Daddy, that was awesome!”. I was so happy that she had such a positive experience, and she has enthusiastically embraced this important sacrament.

As a former protestant, I’ve had my struggles with it in the past, but the past few years both my husband and I have made much more frequent use of it, and the kids all got used to sitting with us waiting for our turn, even though they were too young to go and we made sure to always portray it positively. Good luck!

 

[MissRose73]

I know I didn’t exactly look forward to my 1st Confession as an elementary aged kid but the priest was nice to us kids as we went into the room to make our Confessions. It was more of an emphasis on God’s love & forgiveness at that age.

Perhaps, pick up a small paperback book from a Catholic book store that is geared towards kids and this sacrament. My mother has them for my sister’s 2 kids and they take the books with them when they go for private confession. I’ve even read them and they were right to the point in a way that youngsters can understand (or even adults).

I am sure the priest can tell if a child is there vs an adult just by a voice. When I went for a private Confession a month ago, a parent walked her daughter (no older than 10 years old) into the Confessional, and then after a few words with the priest, the child made her Confession behind closed doors like everyone else without her mother in the room.

 

[englishredrose]

You are wise to say no about going in on her first confession because although with agreement the priest may be willing. She will only have to face her fear all over again the following time and you can’t be with her every time.

For me even though I go because I want to go as am Anglican and only go about 4 times a year approximately and been going for 25 years and nothing bad has ever happened in confession I still have that like that going to the dentist feeling and come out of confession like having been to the dentist feeling no matter how friendly/supportive the priest is, I can’t get rid of that feeling.

You have to reassure her that its natural to be scared, everyone is by the sounds of it. The priest will know she is scared because its her first one. You could encourage her to write in her own words a little list so that she can simply read from the paper. That is how I handle it. Or being a child she might prefer to draw - it don’t matter so long as she is able to know that picture is the sin that she to say to the priest. Just keep saying to her, he isn’t there to tell her off, but to encourage her back to God in a way a child of 8 understands.

Do you give her a reward crossed my mind but there again if you do then you have to stick to it almost for the rest of her life in a way so that be trapping and her not really facing confession for the right reason. You may not have deliberately put your own fear of confession onto her but children are intelligent and pick up far more than we can ever work out. Plus her class mates be all scaring each other with talk even at that age.

The biggest thing to reassure her that the priest does know its her first one

 

[englishredrose]

I know I didn’t exactly look forward to my 1st Confession as an elementary aged kid but the priest was nice to us kids as we went into the room to make our Confessions. It was more of an emphasis on God’s love & forgiveness at that age.
It is for an adult too or at least that is my experience - which may or may not be typically anglican. I just know whats said to me.

Perhaps, pick up a small paperback book from a Catholic book store that is geared towards kids and this sacrament. My mother has them for my sister’s 2 kids and they take the books with them when they go for private confession. I’ve even read them and they were right to the point in a way that youngsters can understand (or even adults).

I am sure the priest can tell if a child is there vs an adult just by a voice. When I went for a private Confession a month ago, a parent walked her daughter (no older than 10 years old) into the Confessional, and then after a few words with the priest, the child made her Confession behind closed doors like everyone else without her mother in the room.

and I think the priest knows just how nervous an adult is too and meets us with compassion he meets children.

The important thing to remember I think is that its not a punishment but love and priests know just how worked up we get about things and its a time for us to be with the priest and God to share what is really on our hearts the sins of our hearts.

 

[KCT]

Does she have to go to that particular priest? If so, will it be anonymous?

Going out for ice cream afterwards (vanilla to symbolize a pure soul!) is a good idea.

How about telling her God and the angels are so happy when we go to Confession? Or reminding her that her guardian angel will be with her?

 

[JimG]

There must always be the option for anonymous confession. It might be better to use a traditional confessional where neither party sees the other.

 

[jreilly]

@Joclucsylv, I will keep your daughter in my prayers (you too!).

@Gertabelle - I go to confession often; will you take me to get ice cream too? Please.

 

[Gertabelle]

How about telling her God and the angels are so happy when we go to Confession? Or reminding her that her guardian angel will be with her?

:clapping: I LOVE that! My son is already growning in his love of and reliance upon his guardian angel. I’ll be sure to remind him

@Gertabelle - I go to confession often; will you take me to get ice cream too? Please.

Absolutely. Let me know when you’ll be going to confession in the Denver area

Gertie

 

[Gertabelle]

So has your daughter had her first confession? Still keeping her and all the other wee ones in our prayers.

My son’s class had their first confessions on Wednesday morning, and I was in the church at the time. They each came out of the confessional positively giddy It was the sweetest thing I ever saw!

God bless you.

Gertie

 

[englishredrose]

@Joclucsylv, I will keep your daughter in my prayers (you too!).

@Gertabelle - I go to confession often; will you take me to get ice cream too? Please.

and me, and does that mean i get ice cream with a flake because at the last confession (before Ash Wednesday) I was given a book to read because he knows enough about me and on Wednesday had a full hour of spirtual guidence… which incorporated the book I’d did read and sort of thought I missed the point until he used other words and realised 100% grasp the point.

 

[englishredrose]

why do we all get worked up about going? We know nothing bad is going to happen but even me, I choose to go with being Anglican and got to psyc myself up a little bit to make that phone call to book, though I don’t like phones but even more is the dentist feeling of it all. Why do we do it to ourselves? But there again, if we didn’t would we experience the joy when we come out of confession?

 

[KCT]

I used to suggest to my kids that they pray for the person on front of them to make a good confession. If you or another sibling is behind your daughter, she’ll know someone is praying for her as she goes in.

 

[Gertabelle]

why do we all get worked up about going?

Simple. Pride.

That’s why it’s good to go to the sacrament frequently – increases humility and helps us see the work of God in our lives.

@KCT: I love this idea. Sounds like something we’ll be trying.

My son only made his first confession last Wednesday and is already asking if he can go again today before mass! Is he so aware of human imperfection that he already has something to confess? I think he just wants to add to his “confession count.” He asked me, “What confession are you on, mom?” – like I’ve been keeping track the past 37 years!

Gertie

 

[Kennywood]

I have a friend whose child was adamant about NOT going to make his First Confession out of abject fear. She called the parish office and explained the situation. The pastor made an appointment with the child and brought him and his mother into his office and talked to the boy about some of the things he saw each week on the altar (lectionary) and explained to his satisfaction what would happen. The boy was fine…and is an altar boy now.

When my daughter was anxious last year, I simply walked up to the same Priest with my daughter and explained that she was anxious. He knelt down right where we were (so that she was taller than him) and talked to her gently and kindly about how she would feel afterward. He was very reassuring to her (and to me).

BTW, he did suggest going out for ice cream or doing something special afterward to mark the occasion.

Congratulations to her and your family

 

[EasterJoy]

I admit it. She is like her Mama. She is dreading confession. (I don’t believe I have ever conveyed to her that I dislike confession)

What can I do to make her excited about it? We have visited the confessional. I explained to her how she will feel better. I think she is embarrassed about telling the priest we love so much her sins. I want her to embrace confession. Any suggestions?

I think I’d give up on the idea that all positive experiences are accompanied by positive emotions. If we really confront our sins and failures, it is not fun.

Let us say that one of us has a lump on our bodies or a cough that won’t go away or some other symptom of a dread disease. We have to go to the doctor to have it checked out, and when we go, we have to be honest about how we’ve been living our lives. For some people, that is worse than the prospect of having a dread disease!

I’d not give her the idea that the primary reason we go to confession is to feel better. That’s a nice side-effect, but the efficacy of the sacrament is not primarily in how are emotions react to the experience. Rather, I’d say that many people are distressed when they confront their sins, but they confess them and repent so that they can lay down their stubborn will to be changed by God and so they can experience the love of the Lord.

Explain the effects of confession to her. This is how it is explained in the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Notice that while you will see “peace, serenity of conscience and spiritual consolation” in the reasons the Church gives for the sacrament, emotional release is not given as the primary reason for the sacrament. After all, if one of us were to feel nothing after having confessed, that doesn’t mean the sacrament didn’t “work”!!

The explanation is written for adults, so you’ll have to translate, but the Compendium explains the faith at the most basic and straight-forward level. I find it is often an excellent place to get a “where the rubber meets the road” answer:

**297. Why is there a sacrament of Reconciliation after Baptism?

1425-1426
1484**

Since the new life of grace received in Baptism does not abolish the weakness of human nature nor the inclination to sin (that is, concupiscence), Christ instituted this sacrament for the conversion of the baptized who have been separated from him by sin.

**299. Do the baptized have need of conversion?

1427-1429**

The call of Christ to conversion continues to resound in the lives of the baptized. Conversion is a continuing obligation for the whole Church. She is holy but includes sinners in her midst.

**305. When is a person obliged to confess mortal sins?

1457**

Each of the faithful who has reached the age of discretion is bound to confess his or her mortal sins at least once a year and always before receiving Holy Communion.

**306. Why can venial sins also be the object of sacramental confession?

1458**

The confession of venial sins is strongly recommended by the Church, even if this is not strictly necessary, because it helps us to form a correct conscience and to fight against evil tendencies. It allows us to be healed by Christ and to progress in the life of the Spirit.

310. What are the effects of this sacrament?

**1468-1470
1496 **

The effects of the sacrament of Penance are: reconciliation with God and therefore the forgiveness of sins; reconciliation with the Church; recovery, if it has been lost, of the state of grace; remission of the eternal punishment merited by mortal sins, and remission, at least in part, of the temporal punishment which is the consequence of sin; peace, serenity of conscience and spiritual consolation; and an increase of spiritual strength for the struggle of Christian living.