8 yr old exposed to pornography in school

[merne9]

I am so angry. I can’t even think straight. My daughter, was telling us about a funny& gross book a kid had. I have 3 kids in this public school. They are new we moved and they started school 1 month ago. I’m not happy with the school already. They lost important paper work, they seem to be breathing down my neck after every little thing that doesn’t go perfect YET my child is exposed to pornography.
Might be obvious by my post but I’m not taking this lightly. I am so careful anout everything my kids see. Like, going the long way to avoid a billboard or going on the check out line that doesn’t have suggestive magazine covers facing out.
I just bought a Series of books about talking about our bodies, bad pictures, and easing into the topic of sexuality. I was gonna start this weekend
The devil beat me to it is how I feel.
Do I unleash my rath at the school? Teachers? The counselor? How do I go about this? I can’t see my self taking the kids to school tomorrow. Please help

 

[Catholic1954]

Since the book belonged to another child, maybe you should start with their parents; the teacher may have been unaware of what was being passed around. Then complain to the school. You will not be able to shield your kids from the real world much longer. Your best defense is to do as you propose and teach them, at the earliest possible age, how to deal with situations that will come up in the day to day lives and activities. Send your kids to school tomorrow and make sure they know that the book is off limits for them and why.

 

[1ke]

My daughter, was telling us about a funny& grosss book a kid had. I have 3 kids in this public school.

Have you seen this book or do you know what it actually was? How do you know it was “porn”?

I am so careful anout everything my kids see. Like, going the long way to avoid a billboard or going on the check out line that doesn’t have suggestive magazine covers facing out.

That actually seems a little excessive. You don’t mention how old your child is.

Do I unleash my rath at the school? Teachers? The counselor?

How is it the fault of any of these people?

How do I go about this?

Take a deep breath. Find out more facts. Talk to the parents. Talk calmly with the teacher about your concern about inappropriate books being passed around.

I can’t see my self taking the kids to school tomorrow. Please help

Why not? Again, that seems a rather extreme reaction.

 

[Elizium23]

I wouldn’t expect anything less from public school.

 

[AClaire11]

The title says the child was 8. I’ve worked in schools (granted, they were small schools) and it would have been very difficult for an elementary schooler to show around a magazine or a book without one of us noticing. It would be quite another thing, though still disturbing, if the students were teenagers and this happened in a gym locker room or a crowded hallway. OP, where and when did this happen that they were so unsupervised? Based on what you’ve told us, I would go over what happened with your child once again, to make sure you have the details right, and then talk to the parents AND the school.

 

[FractalFire]

I am so angry. I can’t even think straight.

I’m sorry to hear this. I wish you and you family the best through this difficult time. But first, make sure you are calm and collected before you taking any action. Righteousanger is okay. Taking out your anger unfairly is not. If you are still feeling badly, write the angry letter you want to send to the school and/or parents and then delete it without sending (don’t put in an email address so you don’t accidentally send it). I find this helps most people get rid of any excessive anger while allowing them to really think about the reasons their anger is actually justified.

My daughter, was telling us about a funny& gross book a kid had. I have 3 kids in this public school. They are new we moved and they started school 1 month ago. I’m not happy with the school already. They lost important paper work, they seem to be breathing down my neck after every little thing that doesn’t go perfect YET my child is exposed to pornography.

Unless the school allows this sort of thing, this is not their fault, any other issues aside. Schools cannot check every eight year old for any items against the school rules every day. As long as no one from the school observed this, they are not to blame. If any teachers did see this, however, you need to take it up with the principle, as this is very serious.

I’m sorry to inform you of this, but eight is the average age of porn exposure now. To quote Focus on the Family, a Christian-based pro-family charity:

No healthy parent wants to think about his child viewing pornography, but it often happens. Some researchers have stated that the average age of exposure to pornography is down to eight. Before the days of the Internet, children were typically between the ages of eleven to thirteen when they began by viewing soft-core pornography found in magazines like Playboy.

focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality/when-children-use-pornography/when-children-view-pornography <— Highly recommended resource.

It is nearly impossible (unless you homeschool or otherwise separate your child from the average student) to protect children from some form of exposure. Chances are, if you have older children, they have already been exposed as well, either through the internet or through their friends, as your daughter was. I would use this opportunity to talk separately with all your children (adjusting for their relative ages) about the importance of sexuality and its role in life. I would also use this moment to double-check to make sure they you have the appropriate safeguards on your children’s internet devices and your own. In addition, make sure they understand about standard internet safety. The web is a rather nefarious place, pornography-wise and unfortunately it’s very easy to circumvent all filters. Even the best ones cannot detect all pornographic images – it’s simply impossible from a computer’s standpoint (image recognition is one of the hardest problem’s computer scientists have ever faced).

be obvious by my post but I’m not taking this lightly. I am so careful anout everything my kids see. Like, going the long way to avoid a billboard or going on the check out line that doesn’t have suggestive magazine covers facing out.
I just bought a Series of books about talking about our bodies, bad pictures, and easing into the topic of sexuality. I was gonna start this weekend
The devil beat me to it is how I feel.
Do I unleash my rath at the school? Teachers? The counselor? How do I go about this? I can’t see my self taking the kids to school tomorrow. Please help

There is no reason to withhold your kids from school unless you have reason to believe they will be re-exposed. (You can try talking to a teacher beforehand to make sure this does not occur.)

Now, it’s only appropriate to look for ways to solve the situation. Who is to blame (if anyone) and how can this be fixed?

Firstly, be aware that if there is a significant age difference between your daughter and the “friend”, this may legally constitute abuse. From Focus:

Mental health professionals recognize the power differential that occurs as result of age, and if the person who introduced the pornography was older by three or four years, it constitutes a type of sex abuse. These incidents should be reported to local authorities.

 

[FractalFire]

PART 2

At this point, you *must *contact the school. You will probably have to meet with them to determine who exposed your daughter, whether it was intentional or accidental, and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Make sure you are firm and assertive, lest they cause resistance (bureaucracy can be finicky). Verify the identity of the individual responsible and arrange to contact their parents with the help of the school, to inform them of the unacceptability of their child’s behavior. The administration will have specific rules that they must work with when dealing with this situation; ask for them if you can. With luck, the school will be willing to work with you to prevent your other children from being re-exposed and to take any necessary disciplinary actions.

Once this is solved, or during the process, take the opportunity to have that talk with your kids. The books you have sound like an appropriate resource. Ask questions to determine if they’ve ever seen anything else inappropriate if needed. If they have, I recommend you follow the website’s advice and make sure to tell them that you love them and care for them, but because you love and care for them, you want them to be safe from porn and it’s destruction.

I would also recommend talking to a Christian counselor, pastor, or priest. In all likelihood, they will know of some resources to which they can direct you. Focus on the Family has more resources and counselors you can call. Covenant Eyes (another site, but geared mostly for adults) may also be able to help you here: covenanteyes.com/category/protect-your-kids/ (They have literally hundreds of articles on this issue; you should be able to find something that fits your needs.)

My own parents did a good job protecting me and preparing me for the struggle with porn and I believe you will be able to as well. In our modern corrupted society, it is nearly impossible to escape porn’s influence, but with help, you can allow your children to grow to have the strength to overcome and resist it’s effects. Whatever you do, though, make sure you act now! If your children aren’t taught by you, the internet (or their friends) will teach them and let me tell you – you do not want that. I know you can do this! I have faith in you and your family!

Prayers to you,

FractalFire

P.S. As a young male who has his own problems with lust, I applaud you and your family for the good you are doing in the world. We need more parents willing to care about these issues!

 

[FractalFire]

These links may also help:

covenanteyes.com/2015/04/02/10-amazing-resources-for-talking-to-children-about-porn/

covenanteyes.com/2015/03/09/child-sees-porn/

 

[Jon_S_1]

Have you seen this book or do you know what it actually was? How do you know it was “porn”?

That actually seems a little excessive. You don’t mention how old your child is.

How is it the fault of any of these people?

Take a deep breath. Find out more facts. Talk to the parents. Talk calmly with the teacher about your concern about inappropriate books being passed around.

Why not? Again, that seems a rather extreme reaction.

I agree with 1ke. I would say take a deep breath, and think about what action will best help your situation.

Keeping your kids from school and causing a scene in the office will not help.

I too have an 8 year old, and I know the day will come anytime now where he’s exposed to something. I think I was 11 when I was and I am sure stuff is happening way earlier these days.

I would think a discussion with the teacher to get more details/file a complaint for action against the other child would be the next move, along with educating your child about this stuff as you are planning.

 

[Jon_S_1]

I wouldn’t expect anything less from public school.

I went to private school…it’s no better…often the kids have more access to stuff (more smartphones per capita for sure.

 

[FractalFire]

I went to private school…it’s no better…often the kids have more access to stuff (more smartphones per capita for sure.

Though it depends on the school. I went to a charter school and I think any event like that would have been shocking. (Either that or I was completely out of the loop as a teen, which is completely plausible.)

Smartphones are probably the biggest problem. The things are *designed *to allow you to circumvent security – that’s what “Private mode” is for!

 

[Evania]

I went to private school…it’s no better…often the kids have more access to stuff (more smartphones per capita for sure.

That’s true. It doesn’t matter anymore if it’s a public or private school, which is why I suspect more and more people are looking at homeschooling.

 

[chris62]

It is a crime so you may feel the police should also get involed.

 

[Tarpeian_Rock]

It is a crime so you may feel the police should also get involed.

Woah there. All we know is that the material was described as “funny and gross.” Nothing has been established regarding what could rise to the legal definition of pornography. Since this parent self-described as driving out of her way to avoid billboards, it’s likely that her threshold for objectionable material is very different from the legal one. Making a criminal accusation against a child and involving the police is a very serious matter that could have devastating consequences for all involved, and especially for the person making the charge should it prove to be unfounded, as seems likely based on what was described. The “take a breath” here advice is the way to go.

 

[MomaMary8]

I wouldn’t expect anything less from public school.

My son was exposed to pornography at our very highly regarded Parish Catholic school.

Dear OP,

You and your child have been given a quick intro into the world we are living in. Take this opportunity to educate your child about the beauty of the body and why porn is grossly wrong. Your child is young, but obviously old enough for this lesson. Give your kids the tools and strength to look away, you won’t always be there to turn the corner for them, or to flip the magazine.

I do advocate (calmly) letting the school know what was brought to school. Teachers can’t see everything, but this should be brought to their attention so they can take appropriate measures. My son’s school was in denial over the ability of kids to view porn so no warning was given to other parents about what was circulating. No measures were taken. Now one of my son’s classmates is in jail on child sex abuse charges (exposed self via Internet to an underage girl) and the mom of the offender traces it back to Internet porn…all begun in 6th grade.

 

[AnnArbor]

Do you know what the title of the “funny and gross” book was? I’m not certain why you are so sure it is pornography.

 

[28562]

Most likely, revenge in a Jason Statham kinda way is warranted.

Only kidding, but I’d be beyond furious as well.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Do you know what the title of the “funny and gross” book was? I’m not certain why you are so sure it is pornography.

RTWY. Of course, the OP could just not have described it in detail to us the way that her kids might have, but “funny and gross” is the “in” trend in a lot of kids’ books right now without being offensive to anything except perhaps good taste. The “Walter the Farting Dog” series comes to mind…

 

[Allegra]

The OP didn’t really provide enough information to warrant concrete advice. For example, as other posters have pointed out, we don’t know if the book was actually porn or simply inappropriately oversexualized illustrations or advertisements. Second, we don’t know if the school is actually to blame. Were the students left unsupervised so that the book could be shown? Where did this take place? In the classroom where the teacher should have noticed? On the bus? In the hallway before school? At recess? Have the students who are responsible actually been caught and if so, how is the school handling it?

It should be obvious that if parents are going to allow their 3rd graders access to porn, and a child sneaks it into their backpack, there isn’t a whole lot the school can do about it until it comes through their door. The can’t control what the kids do before they even get there. I wouldn’t be unleashing my wrath on the school or the teacher unless there was reason to believe that the teacher was negligent or that they were not doing anything about the problem. That being said, the OP absolutely needs to inform the principal of what happened (Or at least her understanding of what happened) and give the school the chance to deal with the situation appropriately, if they haven’t already.

After that, I would turn my attention to talking to my child about what she saw and why it’s harmful.

 

[Sunbreak]

I don’t think it’s the school’s fault. The kid brought the book on his own. Schools don’t check every kid’s belongings for inappropriate reading material every single day they come to school. Talk to the teacher and the school about what happened. You can’t protect your children from the world 100%. If not a kid at school, it could have been a neighbor’s kid. These things are going to happen and the best you can do is try to deal with them as they arise.