8th grade daughter invited to "fence" in college tournament this weekend

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melensdad

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I’m really confused about what to do.

My daughter just turned 14 years old a couple weeks ago, she is in 8th grade. She is a member at our local fencing club and enjoys the sport.

She was invited to fence at a tournament at one of our state colleges, she will be the youngest fencer there. Many of the saber fencers are ranked fencers. Most are college level competitors.

It is very likely my daughter will come in last place. I understand that. I have no real problem with that because I am realistic.

She was invited so that she could gain experience. She, however is not thrilled about going. MOST of the reason she doesn’t want to go is because it will ruin her plans of staying home and playing with her friends. The tournament is several hours away from home so we’d leave early and get home late and that seems to be the biggest objection she has!

So do I push her so she gets the experience, perhaps with a bit of a bribe that we will go out to a nice dinner afterwards? Do I let her have the day off and maybe regret the honor of passing up on the invitation and the chance to fence against some nationally rated competitors?

Again, she is not good enough to win, she may or may not be good enough to beat some of the competitors, but it is most likely she will come in at the bottom of the pack. Still, this girl has some real potential for the future if she decides to stick with the sport and this could be an amazing opportunity.

🤷
 
What about asking if one of her friends wants to join her for the trip and to watch? 🤷 As long as she goes into it knowing that she won’t necessarily do well, still her friend may be impressed with her skills! 🙂 It may be a good compromise!
 
I would say to let her stay at home and enjoy being with her friends.

Peace

Tim
 
How important is fencing to her? If she wants to continue this into college than perhaps she’d be better off going. If not, then stay home and play.
 
I agree. If she’s really interested in this sport, she needs all the experience she can get. I think you let her choose, but she has to know that this choice will have consequences. She could gain valuable experience, she could get some recognition for her skills even at such a young age, and she might not ever get this opportunity again. If she’s okay with the consequences, let her decide.
 
This kind of thing can play up to a parent’s ego and isn’t always in the best interest of the child. Not saying you are like that, OP, but I’ve seen it so often. It’s annoying. And it’s stressful for the child who really might just need to ‘chill’ after a long hard week of school.

Obviously, each child is different. Some kids need to stay busy to stay out of trouble. If your daughter isn’t like that, I’d let her stay home and enjoy her friends.
 
melensdad said:
Still, this girl has some real potential for the future if she decides to stick with the sport and this could be an amazing opportunity.

🤷
Click to expand...
How much effort does she put into the sport normally? Is it something she expects the family to work around and support, something important in her life? If so, I’d say she should be encouraged to attend. It will be a good experience to see what the next stage of the sport is about and supportive of her team/instructors/school. If it is just something she does because you take her, someone teaches her, and it’s okay, then let her stay home.

Realistically, this isn’t going to be something that gets her scholarship money (no matter what they tell you; minor non-profitable athletes don’t get scholarships) or meets career goals (professional fencers?), so don’t add pressure of it being some kind of “future” activity. For an 8th grader, just the present is good enough.
 
Well I guess I asked the question for nothing, last night she announced that she wants to compete.
 
melensdad said:
I’m really confused about what to do.

My daughter just turned 14 years old a couple weeks ago, she is in 8th grade. She is a member at our local fencing club and enjoys the sport.

She was invited to fence at a tournament at one of our state colleges, she will be the youngest fencer there. Many of the saber fencers are ranked fencers. Most are college level competitors.

It is very likely my daughter will come in last place. I understand that. I have no real problem with that because I am realistic.

She was invited so that she could gain experience. She, however is not thrilled about going. MOST of the reason she doesn’t want to go is because it will ruin her plans of staying home and playing with her friends. The tournament is several hours away from home so we’d leave early and get home late and that seems to be the biggest objection she has!

So do I push her so she gets the experience, perhaps with a bit of a bribe that we will go out to a nice dinner afterwards? Do I let her have the day off and maybe regret the honor of passing up on the invitation and the chance to fence against some nationally rated competitors?

Again, she is not good enough to win, she may or may not be good enough to beat some of the competitors, but it is most likely she will come in at the bottom of the pack. Still, this girl has some real potential for the future if she decides to stick with the sport and this could be an amazing opportunity.

🤷
Click to expand...
Well, if you were in her shoes, what would you want?

Sometimes we forget we were once kids ourselves.
 
melensdad said:
Well I guess I asked the question for nothing, last night she announced that she wants to compete.
Click to expand...
Funny. Welcome to life with a teenage girl. First she wants to be with her friends, now she wants to compete. Either way, you seem like a good dad. Enjoy your time with her.
 
I think it sounds like a great expierience:thumbsup:
I am glad she chose to go…you can stay home and play with your friends any ole time!!!
 
you have discovered the golden rule, don’t push, don’t nag, just present the options and leave the decision to the teen. then let her stand and fall by the consequences of the decision, good job, mom.
 
puzzleannie said:
you have discovered the golden rule, don’t push, don’t nag, just present the options and leave the decision to the teen. then let her stand and fall by the consequences of the decision, good job, mom.
Click to expand...
Uh, I think MelensDad is the Dad.🙂
 
The tournament will be a valuable learning experience for her.

My Taekwondo instructor insists that participating in a tournament (and specially one where the player does not win!) is as valuable as six months of training.

Why? They measure themselves against players they have never met, perhaps some very good ones, and can get to know their own good points and where they need to improve.
 
Just out of curiosity, why did you put the word “fence” in quotes?

Would you have written Daughter invited to “play softball” in college tournament?

Fencing is an Olympic sport that takes not only physical skill but a great deal of mental acuity as well – it’s not always the practice of selling stolen goods you know! Just wondering why you wrote it like that… :confused:

I fenced foil in college and my father could never accept that it was a really-truly honest-to-God international sport that dates back hundreds of years, just because it wasn’t football, baseball, or basketball. To him women’s athletics = dancing around next to a football field in a short skirt with pom-poms.

Good on her for wanting to compete! Did you know that the American women’s fencing team did all kinds of fantastic in the last Olympics? Wouldn’t it be nice to see your daughter with a gold medal around her neck someday?

I say, let her go and cheer for her!
 
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