A agnostic boyfriend

[AggieCatholic22]

i have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years…and he is the sweetest guy in the world he really is=)…and he respects me…and wants NO-SEX till marriage…thats our ingrained rule in our relationship…and anyway…i am 19 so still young…and in my second year of college( almost third year)…i feel as though he is the right guy for me, i pray about it everyday…and i ask God that if he is the guy that he has picked out for me that our relationship gets stronger…i have been raised Catholic all my life and my family is very strict in the faith…and anyway he was also raised catholic but then he developed a science mind in a sense…and he says that he respects that i have a strong belief in Jesus Christ…and in God…and we have been talking about marriage…but trust me if that is the path for us he wont ask till i am out of school…and he is out as well…he is agnostic…there are these retreats i guess that have become a well known retreat across the US i guess…(they are called A.C.T.S retreats) and i asked him if he would think about maybe going on one…just think about it…anyway he told me he couldnt be swayed…he doesnt go to mass…and i really love this guy…alot…idk what to do…please help…thanks

God Bless-
Regan

 

[testamentum]

Well for one thing you can continue being the good example that you are and continue praying for his re-conversion,(echoes of St.Monica here)
Remember that it is often by our actions more than our words that others are influenced and we must be patient and wait on the Lord,many faithful Catholic parents agonize over the spiritual state of their children and so it is prudent to refrain from being too pushy.
In this realm of Gods love we are never alone in our efforts to bring souls to Christ and so we must place all our hope in Him.
I humbly suggest that you could make a novena to our Blessed Mother, and perhaps get others to do this with you(if at all possible)

 

[Barbkw]

If you marry, you would need to accept that you are alone in the practice of your faith, in your belief that Jesus is your Savior, and in the Sacraments. Your boyfriend can not share what he is unwilling to possess. (You can’t give away, what you ain’t got)

And that would be true of the relationship he has with your children.

As you may know, a Father’s attendance at Mass, is the number one predictor of whether children will attend Mass as adults.

 

[AggieCatholic22]

hey thanks! that is advice that i will most definitely take to heart!..thank you so much!!=)…he is a great guy…and i know that reconversion is there somewhere in his heart…i will continue to pray!..and not be pushy about that…i guess its all about Letting Go and Letting God…

 

[Yopperpo]

Aggie:
If you truly love your boyfriend, try to convert him to the Catholic Faith. If he in is heart sincerely does not want to, it is his choice, it is a choice you cannot make for him. Hope I helped,

 

[mdrummer5]

Aggie, please see the link in my signature you might find it relevant to your situation

 

[1ke]

there are these retreats i guess that have become a well known retreat across the US i guess…(they are called A.C.T.S retreats) and i asked him if he would think about maybe going on one…just think about it…anyway he told me he couldnt be swayed…he doesnt go to mass…and i really love this guy…alot…idk what to do…please help…thanks

I think that you are young and optimistic that you can overlook this serious issue and that somehow it will just “work out.”

St. Mary’s has excellent Catholic groups for college students, and you should take advantage of that. Get involved, meet people who are truly faithful Catholics-- men and women. Go to bible study, learn your faith more deeply. (your comment that he became “science minded” and therefore no longer believing leads me to believe you are not well grounded in your faith or you would know there is no conflict between faith and reason, science and faith).

I think if you grow in your own spirituality you will begin to see that this relationship is not suited to a long-term future and marriage.

Go on Aggie Awakening. Go to A.C.T.S. Live your faith life to the fullest. And, if you find that he is not moving in the same direction, and especially if he is holding you back in your own faith life, then it’s time to consider that God is not blessing this relationship and He has other plans for you.

Gig ‘Em. friendly advice from 1ke, fightin’ Texas Aggie class of '88.

 

[GratefulFred]

I’ve been happily married 46 years. Of the many things I have learned in life is knowing that each couple is different. What is the glue that binds one couple for their entire lives may be the ax that separates another couple.

I also know that people continue to grow in their outlook on life and what they are willing to add into or subtract from their personal life, their life as a couple, and as a family.

I also know that there is a huge difference between ‘romantic’ love that attracts and make all good things seem so very possible and that love that sees a couple through both the good and bad times that will occur in their life long marriage.

I also know that children expect their parents to be sane and sober and loving and together in how children are to be raised. We lovers need to keep in mind that our children will be affected by the choice we make for a spouse who will be asked to parent. We need two sets of eyes to really see who we want to marry. And a third set to see if we should want that marriage

I also know that our happy marriage is a blessing from God. We asked for that blessing in His Church when we promised to each other and to God to love each other all our lives. Before we were married I asked my fiance if she could see us together at age 85, married 65 years, and looking back on our lives and being grateful to God for the life toghether He gave us. She answered in a very positive and firm way. We continue to thank God for His Blessings every Sunday and then some.

As to your boyfriend’s current relationship with God. Yes, he does have a relationship with God because God does love him even if he doesn’t know it or accept it. You may be God’s way of bringing him back to God. But he may be the way the Devil is trying to pull you away from God. None of us on this web site can know. You and he may not know at this point.

My advice, for what it is worth, is that you pray sincerely and consistently for WISDOM - right knowledge and good judgment. Never miss Mass and pray every day for Wisdom. And talk, really talk, with your boyfriend. Finding the correct answer for you, and for him, will take time. But praying and talking about ALL the aspects of married life and sensing your own and his own real commitment to a lifelong marriage is vital.

 

[buffalo]

The science part - been there. Be a great faith example to him and encourage him to search for the truth always. It may take a little time.

 

[BigE]

I was an agnostic when I met my wife. In fact, I really didn’t step inside a Catholic Church until we got married (when I was 28 yrs old).

I didn’t have a problem going to church although I had no intention of converting. I kind of liked the “moral center” of the church and didn’t mind promising to raise the kids Catholic (I thought they could figure things out for themselves as they got older).

I ended up converting 10 years later. Ya just never know…

Sounds like you have a wonderful guy there.

 

[AggieCatholic22]

Aggie, please see the link in my signature you might find it relevant to your situation

wow!..that was amazing!!!=)…and definitely something i never thought about before!!..thank you so much!!

 

[PeaceSerenity]

From what you described he seems like a great guy, and though it is so much easier if both husband and wife are of the same faith, it doesn’t mean your relationship is futile. If you two really love each other, then there’s no way your relationship can be “unholy” because God is Love

My advice is don’t pressure him, don’t try to convert him. If it is God’s will, then his heart will be softened by seeing your love for God and your dedication. You don’t want to put him on the defensive, just let him know that you’ll love him no matter what he choses, and pray that God will soften his heart.

I have quoted a passage I recently saw on another forum written by an orthodox woman whose husband is an atheist. Her love and her patience are so inspiring to me, and I thought you might find it helpful (It’s not the same situation as yours, of course, but her reactions and her choices/patience may inspire you as well)

This weekend is a retreat for the women at my church. I asked if we could have one of the women stay here over night - (wow. . .that’s so out of the norm for us! Change is hard hard for him.) He immediately said NO. Absolutely NOT. Then all the things he was afraid of came falling out of his mouth. . . it would set a president, they would take advantage, things would disappear (see what I mean about fear?) I said, “OK” gave him a kiss and a hug, then went on about what I needed to do next.

Not twenty seconds later he chased me down in the house (old big house) and said, “She can come, we can have her here. . .after all, she’s coming from out of town, right? And this is just a once a year thing, right? And we won’t have to do it all the time, right?”

She’ll be here tonight.

God bless you in whatever you chose to do. Keep praying, God will hear you.

peaceserenity