A bit confused about RCIA

[Zosimus41]

NOT normal.

NOT right.

BUT, not completely unheard of either. What I mean is that, while the Catholic Church has tons of guidelines about who RCIA is to be conducted, all RCIA is actually carried out by individual parishes, and in many parishes it is conducted entirely or solely by lay people (not ministers, not nuns, not deacons) who may have very little or even no special training in doing RCIA.

I would immediately flee that parish, if I were you.

Ask around to try to learn what parishes in your area are seen as the parishes that really have their act together and which are really faithful to the teachings of the Church. I know, in theory, all parishes should have their act together and should be faithful to the teachings of the Church. But I think everyone in this Forum will agree that this isn’t so.

Don’t let a few callous, rude, or incompetent Catholics dishearten you!

Well said

However Ive never seen the whole forum agree on anything

 

[Zosimus41]

The answers you’ve gotten above sound mostly right to me. I also wanted to point out the very real possibility that this woman just happens to be an awkward, even brusque lady who’s not an especially smooth operator. Sometimes it happens and there’s nothing intentional or personal about it.

In general, I’d say that Catholic parishes are much worse at things like welcoming than your typical Protestant church might be. You might go to a Catholic church a hundred times without anybody ever making a point to come over and say, “Hi, I noticed you’re new here! Let me tell you about our…” At many Protestant churches, a new person could hardly make it up the front stairs without being singled out and helloed. I’m not sure why this is; perhaps it is that Catholic parishes are on average far larger than the local Protestant churches down the street, and also more likely to have people (Catholics) attend who are not regular members – because they are in town, or parish-shopping, or wanted to go to Mass at a specific time, or just for a change. It can sometimes be hard for people who move and join a new parish to get welcomed and meet people. I always suggest signing up for volunteer activities, joining the choir or a Bible study, and things like that – you aren’t likely to just get collared and dragged into a social group.

On the plus side of things, some non-Catholics who are interested in learning more about the Church and want to attend a Mass as a visitor occasionally worry about getting singled out, pressured and asked questions, or looked at funny because they do not know the responses or what to do. Nope, nothing to worry about! In all likelihood no one will pay special notice to them at all. We get visitors all the time.

At any rate, don’t take it personally. This is a long-standing (and increasingly recognized) weakness of ours – at least in this country; I don’t know about others. Another benefit though, if you’re curious, is that once somebody joins the Church nobody will think of him as “oh, that convert. Yeah, he used to be Jewish; he’s only been with us for a little while. Still stands out, though.” Once you are in, everyone will take you as being just as Catholic as anybody else.

Best of luck and many blessings on your journey.

I believe the difference is as Catholics we tend to parish hop. You get up late miss your usual mass,Your on vacation or just visiting family from out of town. My parents live four hours away and I visit atleast once a month and go to their church. Where prots tend to find a preacher they like and stick with him/her Im not sure if they go to church or not when out of town.

 

[creole54]

I was questioned to the nth degree when I inquired into RCIA classes also, but at least my Inquisitor was friendly and welcoming. The really funny part was that I was already Catholic! I had been baptized and received 1st Holy Communion and left the church before receiving confirmation.

I erroneously thought that being confirmed wouldn’t be that ‘big of a deal’. I thought I could just ask for it to be done and poof - I’d be a fully confirmed Catholic. Fortunately our pastoral associate recommended RCIA and I learned that the sacrament of Confirmation is indeed a very big deal. RCIA was a wonderful experience.

To the OP - I hope you can swallow your initial disappointment and give the parish another chance. Can you find out if the person you met with is also the person who would be teaching the RCIA class? Maybe she wasn’t feeling well or was stressed over family problems or something. If she is indeed a part of the RCIA class and if her unwelcoming attitude persists, then by all means look for a different parish. God bless!

 

[mozzarella]

Thanks for the replies everyone. It’s much appreciated.

I contacted another parish today and was absolutely AMAZED at how friendly the RCIA director was! I’m pretty sure I was just dealing with a bad apple at the other one – even if there were reasons for it.

And, yes, I realize converting is not an altar call. Try converting to Judaism. RCIA doesn’t even come close to that process. Thanks for the comments, though. I guess this just goes to show that there are bad attitudes everywhere, though I still can’t agree that any director/worker/secretary/parishioner should pretend to decide who can convert and who can’t. It seems that’s up to a higher power.

Now my attitude stinks.

J/K, have a great weekend all!

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Thanks for the replies everyone. It’s much appreciated.

I contacted another parish today and was absolutely AMAZED at how friendly the RCIA director was! I’m pretty sure I was just dealing with a bad apple at the other one – even if there were reasons for it.

And, yes, I realize converting is not an altar call. Try converting to Judaism. RCIA doesn’t even come close to that process. Thanks for the comments, though. I guess this just goes to show that there are bad attitudes everywhere, though I still can’t agree that any director/worker/secretary/parishioner should pretend to decide who can convert and who can’t. It seems that’s up to a higher power.

Now my attitude stinks.

J/K, have a great weekend all!

You will also get evaluated during the process to discern if you are ready to enter the church. A RCIA director and the priest are responsible for that.

Much like in Reconciliation a priest decides if you have contrition for your sins,…and can withhold absolution from you.

 

[jmcrae]

Hello all,

I am not Catholic. I’m Jewish, but raised Baptist (yes, quite a mix). I recently made an appointment with a local church to sign up for the upcoming RCIA class. I was met by a church worker (secretary, I suppose) that was anything but welcoming. She subjected me to a series of questions about why I wanted to convert, who I knew that was Catholic, what I expected and what was expected of me - all with periods of awkward silence as she sat across her desk staring. It was almost as if she were trying to decide if I were going to be ‘allowed’ into the program. To say the least, she made me VERY uncomfortable.

Is this normal? Being raised Baptist, I’m used to these types of meetings being ANYTHING but like this (not like I’m being tested, so to speak). I was just assuming that RCIA was something that they’d want many people to sign up for.

Just confused…

I would just write it off as she was having a bad day, or a bad week. I could speculate on what sort of candidates she might have been interviewing up to that point, to cause her to become so cautious and unwelcoming, but that wouldn’t be fair either.

In fairness to her, she didn’t come up with those questions on her own - her pastor is requiring her to ask them.

She can’t just make up her own interview questions - he tells her what he needs to know. If they’ve had a bad experience, they add a new question to the list in order to be able to deal with problems while they’re still small - it’s not about letting you in or not; it’s about knowing ahead of time what kind of support you’re going to need during the process. For example, if she finds out that you have no Catholic friends, she can get the leadership to start inviting you to events and introducing you to people right away. Whereas if you already know half the parish, and three people have already offered to sponsor you, then she can focus on other issues - that one’s dealt with.

She could certainly have been a lot friendlier, of course. I’m glad you found a more welcoming parish.

 

[novelista]

At my parish, the RCIA director has a brief interview with prospective converts/inquirers. When I was interviewed, some of the questions were things like, what is God to you? do you know any Catholics? why are you thinking of converting? what sort of faith did you grow up in?

Later when I asked her about these questions, she told me it was to see what sort of background I was coming from. Now that I volunteer on the RCIA team, I’ve learned that there are as many reasons for exploring Catholicism as there are people.

I am sorry you had a negative experience. Don’t let it turn you away.

 

[mozzarella]

These are good perspectives to hear. Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut, everyone!

 

[robertericleech]

Hi,

I’m glad that you tried another parish. Doesn’t sound like that first lady was very welcoming or encouraging, but like someone said maybe she was just having a bad day. When I wanted to sign up for RCIA I had to keep leaving messages for the Director of Religious Education, who didn’t call me back until my 3rd or 4th voicemail. However the first priest I met at the parish was an ebullient young priest from Haiti who gave me a bear hug, praised God, and told me to buy a copy of the Catechism, haha.

The RCIA program is designed to be a gentle, gradual process of learning and discernment, with several steps, and in my experience, anyone who is interested in the Catholic faith is welcomed with open arms, with no strings attached. May God bless you in your journey!

 

[iloveangels]

Hi,

The RCIA program is designed to be a gentle, gradual process of learning and discernment, with several steps, and in my experience, anyone who is interested in the Catholic faith is welcomed with open arms, with no strings attached. May God bless you in your journey!

This is certainly how it ought to be. I mean, the idea of auditioning for membership strikes me as whacky. Anybody ought to be able to join the Church designed to get everyone to heaven, right?

This is actually one of the things that bothers me about RCIA. I mean, there are people who have panic attacks or can’t wear nice clothes because they’re too poor, or people stare at them for some reason, or they’re very ill, or they can’t sit in long meetings for some reason. They’d ought to be able to become Catholics too. I think that a person can still “go around” RCIA if things like this are the case, at least I hope they can. The idea that the Church is some kind of country club, or social club for the fortunate, is the wrong idea.

That said…I understand that some people have problems that are nearly insurmountable obstacles, like multiple marriages and all that. But they should be allowed in the Church, even if they can’t do everything like receive Holy Communion until their practical stuff is fixed. People on all sides need to accept this. There is, after all, more to being Catholic than getting into the Holy Communion line.

And as for people with illnesses and stuff, well, really. I think they should be able to get around RCIA and come in anyway. We need them as much as they need us.

 

[stanczyk]

Anybody ought to be able to join the Church designed to get everyone to heaven, right?

No, not anybody. Those who do not truly believe, those who seek the sacraments for the wrong reasons, ought not to receive them.

 

[iloveangels]

No, not anybody. Those who do not truly believe, those who seek the sacraments for the wrong reasons, ought not to receive them.

I hate to tell you, but a lot of people that the Church currently considers “acceptable” come into the church just so that they can get married in the building and make grandma happy. Our dropout rates are absolutely MASSIVE after RCIA.

Meanwhile, many people who really would appreciate the faith and stick around, but who can’t come to the PTA-like RCIA meetings or pass the interview by the middle-class-cradle Catholic interviewer, go wanting.

 

[jmcrae]

I hate to tell you, but a lot of people that the Church currently considers “acceptable” come into the church just so that they can get married in the building and make grandma happy. Our dropout rates are absolutely MASSIVE after RCIA.

I know - with the thousands of people coming each year to be received by the Bishop, he should be building churches to contain them all; not closing them down for lack of attendance.

Meanwhile, many people who really would appreciate the faith and stick around, but who can’t come to the PTA-like RCIA meetings or pass the interview by the middle-class-cradle Catholic interviewer, go wanting.

Most RCIAs try to accommodate everyone. I have set up special sessions for people who couldn’t come on the regular night, and prepared for the same number of hours that I would prepare for a crowd of 20, only to be stood up because of their kid’s sporting event.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

I hate to tell you, but a lot of people that the Church currently considers “acceptable” come into the church just so that they can get married in the building and make grandma happy. Our dropout rates are absolutely MASSIVE after RCIA.

Meanwhile, many people who really would appreciate the faith and stick around, but who can’t come to the PTA-like RCIA meetings or pass the interview by the middle-class-cradle Catholic interviewer, go wanting.

But there are those that will go if nothing better is happening. If you are not serious enough about wanting to join the faith to attend…then what makes you think that they will be serious about attending Mass?

 

[thequeen]

But there are those that will go if nothing better is happening. If you are not serious enough about wanting to join the faith to attend…then what makes you think that they will be serious about attending Mass?

You said it just what I was thinking and I am a convert myself.

 

[iloveangels]

I know - with the thousands of people coming each year to be received by the Bishop, he should be building churches to contain them all; not closing them down for lack of attendance.

No, he shouldn’t be building churches. The Catholic population is shrinking, not growing. 10% of the current American population is ex-catholic. It’s the second largest religious denomination in the United States. Many of the converts you see come into the church every spring are gone by the end of the summer.

Most RCIAs try to accommodate everyone. I have set up special sessions for people who couldn’t come on the regular night, and prepared for the same number of hours that I would prepare for a crowd of 20, only to be stood up because of their kid’s sporting event.

Those aren’t the people I’m talking about.

 

[stanczyk]

I hate to tell you, but a lot of people that the Church currently considers “acceptable” come into the church just so that they can get married in the building and make grandma happy. Our dropout rates are absolutely MASSIVE after RCIA.

Meanwhile, many people who really would appreciate the faith and stick around, but who can’t come to the PTA-like RCIA meetings or pass the interview by the middle-class-cradle Catholic interviewer, go wanting.

I’m not particularly fond of this term “cradle Catholic,” myself. It sounds like something a Protestant might say to disparage infant baptism.

A prospective convert who, for whatever reason, can’t make it past the RCIA process really shouldn’t be receiving the sacraments. Perhaps there might be an exception if an RCIA director is deliberately making things difficult, this might be the rare exception, but I see no evidence that this is what is happening with OP. It sounds more like OP is just dealing with normal human beings trying their best. Bureaucracy can be frustrating, but Church bureaucracy is a necessary and vital part of the process.

If somebody is only receiving the sacraments to make their grandmother happy, and has no faith in their heart, they really shouldn’t be receiving the sacrament either.

Most RCIAs try to accommodate everyone. I have set up special sessions for people who couldn’t come on the regular night, and prepared for the same number of hours that I would prepare for a crowd of 20, only to be stood up because of their kid’s sporting event.

Great point. The RCIA program at almost any parish is going to go to great length to make necessary accommodations. The process is time consuming and arduous, but if it is being done for the right reasons, they will find a way to make it work.

 

[iloveangels]

I’m not particularly fond of this term “cradle Catholic,” myself. It sounds like something a Protestant might say to disparage infant baptism.

No, it has nothing to do with sacramental theology. It’s refers to people who’ve been Catholic all their lives and were automatically Catholics. Many of them don’t know their faith well at all and take it very much for granted.

A prospective convert who, for whatever reason, can’t make it past the RCIA process really shouldn’t be receiving the sacraments.

I heartily disagree. There are many people who cannot, for very good reasons, sit in a PTA-like meeting of upper middle class aspirants and listen to presentations for hours.

If somebody is only receiving the sacraments to make their grandmother happy, and has no faith in their heart, they really shouldn’t be receiving the sacrament either.

We agree on this one, and yet a good percentage of every RCIA class consists of these folks. A fair number of them are also seeking annulments concurrently, which are usually granted.

Great point. The RCIA program at almost any parish is going to go to great length to make necessary accommodations. The process is time consuming and arduous, but if it is being done for the right reasons, they will find a way to make it work.

This is actually not the case. The people who cannot sit in those tidy meetings never cross the Church’s radar. It’s like they’re invisible to the system. Those who operate the system prefer not to think about this. They really only want to attract a certain kind of convert.

 

[jmcrae]

This is actually not the case. The people who cannot sit in those tidy meetings never cross the Church’s radar. It’s like they’re invisible to the system. Those who operate the system prefer not to think about this. They really only want to attract a certain kind of convert.

You have no idea what accommodations are being made for people behind the scenes, or how many hours of overtime people are working in the office to help folks who want to become Catholic, but can’t do it in the regular way, whether it’s due to scheduling problems, or literacy issues, or what have you.

I’ve never met any of these upper-class PTA people, so I can’t speak to that - the regular weekly meetings we have are focused on the topic at hand, and geared towards helping people defend their fledgling Catholic faith, and helping them become ever-more Catholic as each week goes by. Everyone I’ve ever dealt with works for a living.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

You have no idea what accommodations are being made for people behind the scenes, or how many hours of overtime people are working in the office to help folks who want to become Catholic, but can’t do it in the regular way, whether it’s due to scheduling problems, or literacy issues, or what have you.

I’ve never met any of these upper-class PTA people, so I can’t speak to that - the regular weekly meetings we have are focused on the topic at hand, and geared towards helping people defend their fledgling Catholic faith, and helping them become ever-more Catholic as each week goes by. Everyone I’ve ever dealt with works for a living.

As often does the people “running” the system. Quite often it is volunteers who have a full time job. They make time to make it work…without pay. If they can make the time…why can’t the people who want to convert? My husband did…with a full time job as well. I know that there have been arrangements for those outside the system…but it really is hard for those trying to make it happen for those folks as well.