A bit discouraged

[rapunzel77]

Oh, I’m quite aware that the problems I’ve been complaining about are the sort of thing normal people, people with their heads on straight, tackle and don’t complain about at all. I’m aware that I am a dreadful bore and a blight on polite society.

I’m sure that you aren’t but I understand where you are coming from. I’m a pessimist myself and sometimes I think I am a bad wife, bad sister, bad daughter, bad friend, etc. I understand the stress. Its not fun.

I just don’t know whether there’s hope that I can ever cease being a bore, a blight, and generally a waste of oxygen. To say “I realize that I suffer from disgustingly maudlin and indulgent self-pity” and to have a plan to rescue oneself from that are two different things. Especially since it’s then very hard to tell which things are real problems one needs help with and which are products of self-pity.

It doesn’t sound like your fiance sees you as a bore, etc since he wants to marry you. Do you allow him to know how you are feeling? He sounds like he could help you. Let his know what you are feeling. You will probably never cease being a pessimist. It is probably a part of who you are. Marriage won’t change that necessarily. It sounds like you suffer from what I suffer from…an overactive imagination. We latch onto one thing and blow it up. So, hearing advice on marriage trials, etc blows up to be something insurmountable.

I had to deal with some of these issues before I got married too. Its not fun being discouraged but know that you are loved by your fiance, family, and that God loves you too. He will help you get through this. Do you have a patron Saint? If so, ask them for help too. Also, pray to Our Lady. I know she will help.

I’m sure it’s entirely possible that I could cooperate with God’s grace and muddle through. But I keep being attacked by such violent revulsion towards myself precisely for being a bore and a blight and a waste of oxygen that I can’t think of anything to do to make it better; I just want to do something to punish myself for being so horrible. I know this can’t be entirely a normal feeling, and it doesn’t happen all or even most of the time. But I don’t know what to do about it.

Yep, this sounds like me. I understand that you don’t want to go to counseling. That’s fine. However, have you talked to a priest about these feelings? He might help you or referring you to someone who can.

I also understand your concerns about money, etc. My husband and I are poor too. We figured we get married even though we aren’t entirely financially secure. I think its best to work together with God’s help and He will provide. He always does. I think its a silly mistake to believe in our society that one has to be financially secure (aka. with a career, etc) in order to be married. Being financially secure can mean many different things and if someone is in a high position, etc they won’t necessarily always be there, especially with this economy.

As I said before, I’m fairly sure this is what God wants me to do with my life and I really do want to be able to do it. I know it’s possible; God is always there, of course, and I have a wonderful family and a fiance who loves me, knows about my issues and is willing to go to considerable trouble to help me. But the more people I have trying to help me, the more afraid I am of failing them.

I wouldn’t say that you are failing them. We pessimists have the problem of being very, very hard on ourselves. When you say you are failing them, it really is yourself that you are referring too.

Don’t get to stressed about the wedding planning. I completely understand how stressful it can be, especially if you don’t have any help. Take one day at a time. I ended up having a 16 month engagement since I was still trying to get my BA. It worked out and I am glad that I got that out of the way first.

I hope this helps. If you want to discuss this some more, PM me. I know what you are going through. I’ve been there.