A Brand New Way to Worship

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Sharladiane

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Hello all!
I am new to this forum and VERY new to catholicism. My question needs background info…

I am a single (divorced) mom, with two children. I was raised in a very non-traditional Church of Christ. I have raised my 2 children in this kInd of church all of their lives, rather faithfully. As a matter of fact, my son chose last summer to be baptized, and was, in this Church of Christ. In the last year though, things have drastically gone downhill, the church lost its minister and we have known that we need to find another church. That is where my story really starts…

I met this wonderful Catholic man in October. Believe it or not, I nearly broke up with him in the beginning because he was Catholic and I wanted to be with someone I could worship with. His reply was, “We love the same Jesus. Get to know me, please and decide later.” Well, I did and I have very much fallen in love. I have also been going to mass with him on the weekends my kids are with their dad. This weekend (5 months later), my kids will meet Matt and I know they will love him. My next step is taking them to mass. Here’s my worry…

How do I prepare them? It is SO different from what they are used to. They are used to “children’s church,” where the kids are dismissed after songs and communion (15 minute process) and they play games, sing songs and have a child geared Bible story. I’m afraid they will be bored in mass, or scared, or both. Or self-conscious. I don’t quite know everything, and I’m not sure if I can explain it all. I have started saying “Our Fathers” with them. Tonight, I taught them the sign of the cross and we went through the first 4 stations of the cross. We are also observing Lent with the jellybean prayer and activities that go along with it.

I guess I just want the comfort of advice and prayers. I want this to be wonderful - not traumatic. My son is 8 and my daughter is 4.
 
Welcome! This is a huge change for you! First, the mass appears so much different from most other services, because it is not a service, but the sacrifice of Christ. It is the same sacrifice that Jesus offered in His Body and Blood at Calvary. It is outside of time. When you attend mass, you are being joined to the “once for all time” sacrifice of our Lord. It is not, as many claim, a re-sacrifice. It is the exact same sacrifice that endures until the end of time.

There is a book, entitled Catholicism for Dummies that is a simply excellent resource to help you understand Catholic teaching and practice. It is written by two extremely-well educated Priests, and in a style that is very casual and easily understood. I learn something about my faith each time I open my copy.

Now, there are some parishes that offer instruction to children during the mass - might call and check into that. Otherwise, it can be a bit of a struggle to keep them still for an hour! Many parishes have adjoining chapels so that you can still attend mass, but also attend to your children. They are sometimes called “crying rooms.”

I have no doubt that, once you know and come to appreciate what the mass actually is, you will have no desire to go anywhere else. When you know that you are in the Lord’s presence, you will be “home.” But, do not convert simply for him. Convert because you love the Lord Jesus Christ more than you love him, and because you are convicted that Christ is present.

May Christ’s peace be with you.
 
Sharladiane said:
Hello all!
I am new to this forum and VERY new to catholicism. My question needs background info…

I am a single (divorced) mom, with two children. I was raised in a very non-traditional Church of Christ. I have raised my 2 children in this kInd of church all of their lives, rather faithfully. As a matter of fact, my son chose last summer to be baptized, and was, in this Church of Christ. In the last year though, things have drastically gone downhill, the church lost its minister and we have known that we need to find another church. That is where my story really starts…

I met this wonderful Catholic man in October. Believe it or not, I nearly broke up with him in the beginning because he was Catholic and I wanted to be with someone I could worship with. His reply was, “We love the same Jesus. Get to know me, please and decide later.” Well, I did and I have very much fallen in love. I have also been going to mass with him on the weekends my kids are with their dad. This weekend (5 months later), my kids will meet Matt and I know they will love him. My next step is taking them to mass. Here’s my worry…

How do I prepare them? It is SO different from what they are used to. They are used to “children’s church,” where the kids are dismissed after songs and communion (15 minute process) and they play games, sing songs and have a child geared Bible story. I’m afraid they will be bored in mass, or scared, or both. Or self-conscious. I don’t quite know everything, and I’m not sure if I can explain it all. I have started saying “Our Fathers” with them. Tonight, I taught them the sign of the cross and we went through the first 4 stations of the cross. We are also observing Lent with the jellybean prayer and activities that go along with it.

I guess I just want the comfort of advice and prayers. I want this to be wonderful - not traumatic. My son is 8 and my daughter is 4.
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In my Church the kids are usually lead through to the back room where RCIA takes place. Maybe that will happen at your Church?
 
Sharladiane said:
Hello all!
I am new to this forum and VERY new to catholicism. My question needs background info…

I am a single (divorced) mom, with two children. I was raised in a very non-traditional Church of Christ. I have raised my 2 children in this kInd of church all of their lives, rather faithfully. As a matter of fact, my son chose last summer to be baptized, and was, in this Church of Christ. In the last year though, things have drastically gone downhill, the church lost its minister and we have known that we need to find another church. That is where my story really starts…

I met this wonderful Catholic man in October. Believe it or not, I nearly broke up with him in the beginning because he was Catholic and I wanted to be with someone I could worship with. His reply was, “We love the same Jesus. Get to know me, please and decide later.” Well, I did and I have very much fallen in love. I have also been going to mass with him on the weekends my kids are with their dad. This weekend (5 months later), my kids will meet Matt and I know they will love him. My next step is taking them to mass. Here’s my worry…

How do I prepare them? It is SO different from what they are used to. They are used to “children’s church,” where the kids are dismissed after songs and communion (15 minute process) and they play games, sing songs and have a child geared Bible story. I’m afraid they will be bored in mass, or scared, or both. Or self-conscious. I don’t quite know everything, and I’m not sure if I can explain it all. I have started saying “Our Fathers” with them. Tonight, I taught them the sign of the cross and we went through the first 4 stations of the cross. We are also observing Lent with the jellybean prayer and activities that go along with it.

I guess I just want the comfort of advice and prayers. I want this to be wonderful - not traumatic. My son is 8 and my daughter is 4.
Click to expand...
OK, you need to go to a Mass that has a Children’s Liturgy of the Word. They will leave just before the readings and return in time for the Liturgy of the Eucharist (our Communion). They will be taken out and they will hear the Gospel in a form closer to their understanding, usually sing a song or two. I think the Mass will seem a little more friendly to them if the structure is similar. Over time, they will come to grasp the significance of our service, especially if you teach them more and Matt shares his faith with them. Of course your 4 year old is young but she can learn without any obstacles of having already given her heart to another church. If you eventually convert, she will remember little else.

I hope that all goes well with the meeting, and that your life with Matt proceeds accordingly.
 
I think you shouldn’t take them to Mass yet. Their mother has entered a new relationship. If the divorce wasn’t hard enough to navigate for them, this will be.

Can’t they just be allowed to get used to the idea and reality of all this for a while? If they’re fearful and resentful of these huge changes, Catholicism will become guilty be association.

Honestly, tho you didn’t ask, I think a 5 month old relationship is too new to introduce to kids.

And if your Catholic man is divorced without annulment granted, he’s not really free to date.

I suspect this all comes across as insensitive to the point of your question. But I thin some BIGGER questions need to be raised.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
OK, you need to go to a Mass that has a Children’s Liturgy of the Word. They will leave just before the readings and return in time for the Liturgy of the Eucharist (our Communion). They will be taken out and they will hear the Gospel in a form closer to their understanding, usually sing a song or two. I think the Mass will seem a little more friendly to them if the structure is similar. Over time, they will come to grasp the significance of our service, especially if you teach them more and Matt shares his faith with them. Of course your 4 year old is young but she can learn without any obstacles of having already given her heart to another church. If you eventually convert, she will remember little else.

I hope that all goes well with the meeting, and that your life with Matt proceeds accordingly.
Click to expand...
This!

In fact I was going to type something very similar.
We take my Fiance’s God Daughter with us to Mass sometimes and we always go to the later Sunday one (mostly because I’m getting into the final weeks of my pregnancy and it’s really tough getting out of bed at 7 am for the early Mass). Her Mother and I don’t send her to the Children’s Liturgy only because she is only 4 and it’s just her. However, if your youngest is 4 there is no reason her older brother can’t take her hand and bring her along. Just get there early enough to find a seat right up front or wherever the door is for the Liturgy so she can spot you easily if she is let back out for a bathroom break or if she’s too scared.

Mass is great for 4 year olds. The ones I notice that are in that age bracket usually do very well if you sit right up front so they can see everything and will still do fine if you bring a children’s picture book/coloring book suitable for Mass. My Fiance’s God Daughter had almost no exposure to Mass until this year and she is interested and watching everything right up until the end of the Homily. Then she gets a little squirmy. A book usually solves that problem right after.
 
Sharladiane said:
I guess I just want the comfort of advice and prayers. I want this to be wonderful - not traumatic. My son is 8 and my daughter is 4.
Click to expand...
Slow, slow, slow, slow is the way to go here.

First, complete RCIA and enter the Church before you start bringing your children to Mass. They’ll make a much better transition if you can guide them rather than all three of you going through it together as newbies.

And I’m going to piggyback on Monicatholic. You need to make sure you are free to date before you continue in this relationship and especially before you introduce Matt to your children. My advice regarding this is the two of you sit down with a priest, who can ask the right questions of you and make a sound determination.

Luna
 
Luna’s advice is excellent.
But when you do start taking them to mass, if there is no children’s liturgy, take along some good children’s books that are related to the mass: stories of Jesus, the Mass Book for Children, etc. And you could emphasize the similarities between your previous church and the Catholic one – it is the same Jesus, as you say. They both have music, prayers, and a sermon.
God bless.
 
I would sit right up front where they can see well, and I think they will quite enjoy the service. Take along coloring books, etc. Explain beforehand that silence is necessary and then reward them with something special afterwards. Yes, it’s bribery but it works. At least, it worked for us and we had four. 😛
 
Interesting. I am an RCIA kind of Catholic. My kids were a bit older than yours when I started going to mass.

What you might want to do is take them to visit the church when there is nothing going on. Let them look around and ask questions when they can talk without worrying about disturbing others. Sit in the pews, let them experience kneeling and explain to them about how Jesus is in the tabernacle and so forth. Pray with them while there.

Maybe you can start with a First Saturday Mass, they are usually shorter than 1 hour, more like a daily mass, about 1/2 hour or 45 minutes tops.

I’m not of the mind that you bring things to keep the children entertained, they should sit quietly while in any church and yes, this is a learned behavior that you will have to work with them on. Since they’ve been to church before, they have some knowledge of how to behave I’m sure.

Getting them some age appropriate books is always a good idea as well. Read to them, and let them know how much you love the Mass and answer their questions and they too will come to learn to love it. Pray with them.

As far as your relationship with the gentleman goes, check it out with a priest and see if you are both free to date. I hope it works out for you and your family. I’ll say a prayer for you all.
 
gh4 said:
As far as your relationship with the gentleman goes, check it out with a priest and see if you are both free to date. I hope it works out for you and your family. I’ll say a prayer for you all.
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This is an EXTREMELY important point. You have fallen in love with him, but you may not be free to marry him if it comes it that. You are still considered married to your husband in the eyes of the Church, until it is proven that your marriage was invalid (or perhaps remains valid).

Just tread carefully, especially with children’s hearts (and your own) involved.

~Liza
 
As far as going to Mass and bringing your kids - that is wonderful. You have found the fullness of the Faith and it is the best gift you can give your children.

The wise thing is to keep the two things separate. Convert because God is calling you, not because you have romantic feelings for a Catholic man (because if the relationship does not work out, you would not want to walk away from the Church).

On the romance side of things, IF this man is free to date (simply ask if he has received a decree of nullity), then take it slow. Once you are ready for a commitment, you have discerned that marriage is happening, you are ready to meet with your priest and begin that counseling - then is the time to introduce the kids.

So, introduce the kids to the Church and the Sacraments tomorrow. Save the intro to Mr Wonderful until you know he is your future husband.
 
and there’s more about annulment–
The Catholic Church views most protestant, interfaith and civil marriages as valid too (unless entered into by a baptized catholic without dispensation.) Presumably, the Church would view OPs previous marriage as valid too. She’d need to apply to the Church for a degree of nullity in order to enter the Church or be married in the Church.

Bringing the kids into this so soon, and with so many unanswered questions seems imprudent and unwise.
 
Welcome to the Catholic faith! I wish you well on your journey. I like the idea of introducing your children to the church when no one is there. There is so much to look at; it will help the children understand what they are seeing.

But I do agree with other posters that you should tread slowly here. If you are interested in Catholicism, make sure it’s not just because this guy is Catholic. You should never convert for someone else.

Good luck!
 
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